Understanding Wedding Invitation Etiquette: 'Bet' And 'Hey' Explained

Wedding invitations are a crucial aspect of wedding planning, as they set the tone for the event and offer guests essential details. While the style and format of invitations vary, certain elements are standard, such as the host line, attendance request, couple's names, date, time, and location. One unique aspect that may be included is bet the wedding, where guests can place bets on various aspects of the wedding, adding an element of fun and interaction. Another abbreviation that may be seen on Jewish wedding invitations is ayin, bet, gimmel, which stands for Im Bat Gilo, meaning with a woman suited to his nature.

The meaning of 'bet' and 'hey' in Jewish tradition

The letters bet and hey are an acronym for the Hebrew phrase B'ezrat Hashem, which means "with the help of God". This phrase is often written at the top of documents by observant Jews as a reminder that everything they do is done with God's aid. The practice is not mandated or codified by Jewish law but is rather a custom.

The more popular Aramaic version of the phrase is Besiyata Dishmaya, which carries the same meaning. Rabbinic authorities have debated whether the letter hey, which symbolises the name of God, should be written at the top of any document that might be destroyed or disrespected. As a result, some observant Jews opt for the Aramaic version or substitute the letter daled for hey.

The custom of invoking God's name at the beginning of documents is centuries old, dating back to at least the 15th century when it was mentioned by Rabbi Yitzhak Karo, a Spaniard who headed a yeshiva in Toledo. Rabbi Karo connected the practice to a verse in the Book of Proverbs: "In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths smooth" (3:6).

The meaning of 'bet' and 'hey' in other contexts

The acronym B'ezrat Hashem, which translates to "with the help of God" in Hebrew, is represented by the letters bet and hey. The longer version of this phrase is Besiyata Dishmaya, which is Aramaic and has the same meaning. The letters are written at the top of documents by observant Jews as a reminder that God is helping them with everything they do.

The bet and hey acronym is also used by some observant Jews in their emails or on their websites, and the longer Aramaic version is preferred by some rabbinic authorities because they believe the letter hey should not be written at the top of any document that might be destroyed or disrespected.

In other contexts, the word "bet" is often used as a noun or verb to refer to the act of wagering or staking something on the outcome of a contest or an uncertain issue. "Bet" is also used as an interjection, especially by Gen Z, to express enthusiastic agreement.

"Hey" is used as an interjection to call attention, express interrogation, surprise, joy, or anger. It can also be used to indicate that something is unimportant or that one is not upset about something.

How to address wedding invitations

When addressing wedding invitations, there are a few guidelines to follow, but ultimately, you can choose the style that best suits your wedding. Traditionally, the inner and outer envelopes follow different etiquette rules. The outer envelope is formal, with the recipient's full name and title. This works for couples of all genders, whether or not they share a surname. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" or "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez".

However, if personal titles feel restrictive, you can use first and last names only. If you plan to include titles, always double-check each attendee's preferred title. For instance, Mx. may be how a non-binary guest identifies. For unmarried couples living at the same address, both names are included on one line, with the person you are closest to listed first. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".

When addressing a single female, use "Ms." if she is over 18, and "Miss" if she is younger. For a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18; otherwise, no title is necessary. If a plus-one is included, reserve "and guest" for the inner envelope only.

For married couples where one person is a doctor, spell out "doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate it on the inner envelope. For married couples who are both doctors, it is proper to use "The Doctors". If one person has a distinguished title, such as a military rank, this should be included on the envelope and take precedence when ordering names.

When inviting a family with children under 18, the outer envelope is reserved for the parent(s) or guardian(s), and each child is listed by name on the inner envelope. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss". Boys don't need a title until they're 16, when they can be addressed as "Mr.". If you don't include each child's name, it implies that children are not invited.

If you're only sending one envelope, all invited parties should be listed, including guests usually only listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones and children.

What to include on a wedding invitation

The purpose of a wedding invitation is to deliver important details to your guests. Here is a list of what to include in your wedding invitations:

• The request to come to the wedding: This is the invitational line, which lists the names of the hosts (traditionally the bride's parents, but can also be both sets of parents, or the couple themselves).
• The names of the couple: For heterosexual couples, the woman's name typically goes first, but you can order the names however feels right. LGBTQIA+ couples can order their names alphabetically, by age, or however else they prefer.
• Reception information: Include the name and location of the venue, and whether the ceremony and reception are in the same place or different venues. If they are in the same location, you can include a line like "Reception to follow".
• Date and time of the ceremony: Write out the time of day in full, for example, "four o'clock in the afternoon".
• RSVP information: Include an RSVP card with a specific deadline for guests to respond by, and a place for them to write their names.
• Dress code: This is optional, but it can be helpful for guests.
• Extra information about the venue: If your wedding is in a unique venue or somewhere guests may be unfamiliar with, include an insert with extra information, such as instructions for parking or a custom map of the area.
• Your return address: Include your return address on the back flap of the outer envelope and on the front of the reply card envelope.

Examples of wedding invitation wording

The letters "bet" and "hey" are Hebrew characters that stand for "B'ezrat Hashem", a phrase that means "with the help of God". This is a common feature on Jewish wedding invitations.

Formal Wedding Invitation

The biggest hallmark of a formal wedding invitation is that everything is spelled out. Specifically, the date and time are written out in full, and the full names of the hosts, including middle names, are included.

> Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son Jack Alexander to Mason Jacob Kim on Saturday, the seventeenth of August, two thousand twenty-four, at half after four at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow.

Fun Wedding Invitation

A fun wedding invitation should reflect the couple's playful side. Here's an example:

> Kenzie Smith and Jennifer Smith Mark Franklin and Mary Reyes hope you'll join them on the dance floor to celebrate the marriage of their children Olivia Rose and John Michael on Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 in the afternoon at [venue name and address]. Merriment to follow.

Casual Wedding Invitation

A casual wedding invitation can be more conversational in tone, and it is appropriate to use numerals for the date and time.

> Jack Alexander Smith & Mason Jacob Kim invite you to share in their joy at their wedding on Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 in the afternoon at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow.

Creative Wedding Invitation

Feel free to get creative with the wording and add a quirky request to attend.

> Good food, good drinks, good friends. Jack Smith & Mason Kim request you to celebrate with them as they get hitched on Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 in the afternoon at [venue name and address]. Party to follow.

Modern Wedding Invitation

Modern wedding invitations can shake up the order of details and include lines that feel more like a text message.

> Jack Smith & Mason Kim would love to eat wedding cake with you on Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 in the afternoon at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow.

Frequently asked questions