Japanese Wedding Invitations: What Do They Say?

Japanese wedding invitations are usually sent as self-addressed postcards, with an RSVP postcard for guests to fill out and send back. The response should be written in black ink, without punctuation, and with certain respectful words crossed out with a double line. Guests are expected to respond within a week, even if they are unsure about their attendance, and it is considered rude to respond by phone or email only. The invitation will include details such as the location and time, and guests are expected to arrive early, dress formally, and bring a cash gift.

Format and content of the invitation

Japanese wedding invitations are typically sent as self-addressed postcards. The invitation will include an RSVP postcard, which you need to send back within a week of receiving it, whether you plan to attend or not. If you are unable to decide, explain your situation to the sender. The address you need to send it back to is usually already written on the invitation.

On the front side of the postcard (the side with the stamp), put two lines through the '行 (to)' or '宛 (for)' under the name of the sender and add '様 (an honorific suffix)'. Circle 'will attend' and put a double line through the '御 (honoric suffix)' before '御出席 (will attend)、御欠席 (will not attend)、御住所 (address)、御芳名 (name)'. You can also add a cheerful message, such as 'Congratulations', 'I will definitely attend' or 'Looking forward to your wedding'. Don't forget to add your address and name as well.

If you are not attending, it is considered polite to respond immediately by telephone or email. The front side is filled out in the same way as when you will be in attendance, but you put a circle around 'will not attend' and write in the reason for not attending, along with a congratulatory message. It is also considered impolite to respond only by telephone or email, so be sure to mail the invitation back.

On the back of the postcard, there will be an attendance confirmation with two options: 'ご出席' (goshusseki, meaning attending) and 'ご欠席' (gokesseki, meaning not attending). If you will be attending, double-cross the 'ご' in front of 'ご出席' and 'ご欠席'. Then, circle '出席'. If you are not attending, do the opposite. Next, fill out your name and address. Don't forget to cross out the honorific 'ご'.

There is an unspoken rule that you should add a message to the couple if there is some space left on the invitation. It is also considered polite to reply within one week of receiving the invitation. If you are unable to attend, it is considered polite to wait between one and two weeks to respond, to show that you tried hard to make arrangements but were ultimately unable to attend.

How to respond to an invitation

When responding to a Japanese wedding invitation, it is important to follow certain etiquette and traditions to ensure your reply is respectful and appreciated. Here is a guide on how to respond gracefully and appropriately:

Respond Promptly: It is considered polite to respond to a wedding invitation as soon as possible. Traditionally, Japanese culture values punctuality and respect for others' time. Aim to send your response within a week of receiving the invitation, or by the reply-by date indicated on the invitation card.

Accept or Decline Formally: Your response should be clear and explicit, whether you are accepting or declining the invitation. If you are accepting, express your gratitude and honor at being invited. You can write a simple message conveying your happiness and excitement to attend their wedding. If you need to decline, offer a sincere apology and a brief explanation if you're comfortable doing so. It is considered thoughtful to express your best wishes for the couple and their upcoming celebration.

Follow the Response Instructions: Pay attention to any specific instructions provided by the couple on the invitation. They might include a reply card with an envelope, requesting your response in a particular format. If no specific instructions are given, a handwritten response card or a carefully worded email are both acceptable ways to reply.

Dress Code and Gift Considerations: Take note of any dress code mentioned on the invitation and plan your attire accordingly. If you are attending, consider the couple's preferences and cultural traditions when choosing a gift. Monetary gifts are common and often preferred at Japanese weddings, presented in a special envelope called "shugi-bukuro." The amount should be in odd numbers and avoid the number four, as it is considered unlucky in Japanese culture.

Cultural Sensitivity: Be mindful of cultural differences and try to adhere to any traditions or customs mentioned in the invitation. For example, if the couple requests guests to wear traditional Japanese attire, make an effort to do so or incorporate elements of it into your outfit. Respecting these traditions will be appreciated by the couple and their families.

Sample Response: If you're unsure about how to word your response, here is a sample that you can use as a guide:

"Dear [Couple's Names],

Thank you for the honor of inviting me to your wedding. I am delighted to accept your invitation and celebrate this special occasion with you. I look forward to witnessing the beautiful traditions and rituals of your Japanese wedding. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist in the lead-up to your big day. Congratulations and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness together.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]"

Remember to adapt the response to your relationship with the couple and always express your gratitude and well wishes.

What to wear to a Japanese wedding

If you're wondering what to wear to a Japanese wedding, you're in the right place. Here's a guide to help you navigate the do's and don'ts of wedding attire in Japan.

For Men:

Men usually wear a suit and tie with black shoes to Japanese weddings. A black suit is a common choice to contrast with the bride's white dress. A white shirt is also typical, and any colour tie is fine, except for black, which is considered bad luck as it is worn to funerals. A vest is optional, and don't forget to bring a handkerchief!

For Women:

Women often wear dresses that cover the knees and shoulders, with subdued heels. Avoid revealing your knees, shoulders, or toes, and don't wear large heels. Flats are also not commonly worn. If you want to stand out, a kimono is a great option, but be sure to know how to wear it properly. Avoid wearing all black, as it reminds people of Buddhist memorial services. If you're attending a wedding during the winter months and the venue is indoors, bring a big coat to store in the cloakroom.

General Tips:

• Avoid wearing white, as it is the bride's exclusive right.
• Avoid black ties, as they are reserved for funerals.
• Avoid flashy or casual outfits.
• Avoid revealing clothes—modesty is key.
• If you have long hair, consider pinning it up to look more formal.
• Bring a small bag for your essentials, like a clutch.
• Don't forget to bring pressed/loose powder and lip gloss for touch-ups!

Gifts and money

Japanese weddings have a rich set of customs and manners surrounding gifts and money. It is customary to give money, called 'goshuugi' or 'goshugi', to the newlywed couple. This is usually placed in a special envelope known as a 'shugi-bukuro' or 'noshi-bukuro', which can be purchased at stationery stores or convenience stores. The envelope is often decorated with a 'noshi' (an auspicious lucky sign) and a 'mizuhiki' (a ceremonial paper cord in red, white, or gold and silver). The amount of money given depends on the relationship with the couple. For instance, a student may give 10,000 yen, a friend or coworker around 30,000 yen, a close friend or relative between 30,000 to 100,000 yen, and immediate family over 100,000 yen. It is considered polite to use new bills, and odd-numbered amounts are preferred over even-numbered ones, especially avoiding the numbers 4 and 9 which are associated with death and suffering, respectively.

The 'shugi-bukuro' is typically handed over at a reception table, wrapped in a special silk cloth called a 'fukusa' to prevent it from getting dirty or bent. Guests are expected to register their names and present the envelope to the receptionist before entering the wedding hall. It is customary to write your name, the amount of money enclosed, and your address on the envelope. Additionally, there is a specific way to fold the envelope, with the bottom fold on the backside going over the top, symbolizing the hope that happiness will be stored up and not lost.

In addition to 'goshuugi', guests may also bring a small gift for the couple, especially if they are unable to attend the wedding. However, it is important to note that gifts are not expected and the monetary gift is the primary way to congratulate the couple.

At Japanese weddings, it is also common for the couple to give gifts to their guests, known as 'hikidemono'. These gifts are given as a token of appreciation for attending the wedding and offering congratulations. 'Hikidemono' can vary widely and may include items such as towels, small household goods, regional specialties, or gift catalogs.

The wedding ceremony and reception

The Ceremony

Japanese weddings can be either western-style, called 'youshiki', or traditional Shinto weddings, called 'washiki'. The former usually takes place in a chapel or hotel, with the bride wearing a white dress, while the latter is held at a shrine, where the bride wears a white kimono.

The Reception

The reception is a formal occasion, and guests are expected to dress accordingly. Men typically wear dark suits with a tie (not black, as this is associated with funerals). Women often opt for elegant, subdued-colour dresses, with their hair worn up, and knees, shoulders, heels, and toes covered.

Gifts

Every guest is expected to register their name and give wedding congratulatory money ('goshugi') to the receptionist before entering the hall. This is usually placed in a specific type of envelope called a 'shugi-bukuro' or 'noshi-bukuro'. The amount given is usually around 30,000 JPY, and it is customary to use new bills obtained from the bank. It is considered good luck to give an odd-numbered amount and avoid even numbers, especially the number four, which is associated with death.

Food and Drink

If you have any dietary requirements or allergies, it is polite to let the host know in advance. Most wedding receptions held at hotels will offer a set course menu.

Timing

It is considered rude to be late to weddings in Japan, so be sure to arrive at the venue 20-30 minutes in advance.

Socialising

When you see people at the wedding, congratulate them by saying "omedeto gozaimasu". This includes not just the couple but also people at the reception table and relatives of the couple. There is usually an after-party or 'nijikai' which is a less formal gathering for close friends to celebrate.

Frequently asked questions