Wedding Attendants 101: Understanding Their Roles And Responsibilities

Wedding attendants are members of the bridal party, including bridesmaids, groomsmen, the flower girl, page boy, and even pets. They are chosen to be a loving and supportive witness to the couple's marriage, and their duties will vary based on the size and style of the event. While the maid or matron of honor and the best man are also known as honor attendants, the bride and groom may also opt for a personal attendant, a paid professional who takes care of their personal needs on the morning of their wedding.

Wedding Attendants: Who Are They?

A wedding attendant is a person in your bridal party. They are there to 'attend' to you on your wedding day and can include bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, page boys, and even your dog!

The maid or matron of honour and the best man are also known as the honour attendants. The bride usually chooses her sister or a close friend, cousin, or aunt to be her maid of honour. The groom typically asks his brother or a close friend, cousin, or uncle to be his best man.

The bride and groom can also include each other's siblings in their wedding parties. It is also thoughtful to invite future sisters- and brothers-in-law to participate in special roles, such as performing a reading or holding a pole of the huppa.

Children can also be included as attendants. A girl between 3 and 7 years old may be chosen as a flower girl, and a boy of the same age as a ring bearer. Children ages 8 to 15 may serve as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen. At a formal wedding, two young children may act as pages, holding the bride's train as she walks down the aisle. And children between 9 and 12 may serve as candlelighters.

There is no limit to the number of young attendants, but these roles are usually reserved for relatives and the children of close friends. For an intimate gathering, one or two attendants on each side may be suitable. For a larger, more elaborate celebration, the couple may be surrounded by a big group, with four to six attendants on each side.

A personal attendant is a paid professional hired to take care of a bride or groom's personal needs on the morning of their wedding. They do not assist in event or vendor coordination. A personal attendant is focused on the personal care and happiness of the person who has hired them. Their duties may include bringing drinks and snacks, steaming outfits, preparing accessories for photos, running errands, and providing an emergency kit.

While a bridesmaid or groomsman may be referred to as an attendant, it is important to note that they are not expected to carry out your every request. They are there to savour the moment and support you throughout your engagement and on your wedding day.

Wedding Attendants' Responsibilities

Wedding attendants, also known as bridesmaids and groomsmen, are chosen to be supportive witnesses to the couple's marriage. Their duties will vary depending on the size and style of the wedding, but there are some common responsibilities that most attendants will be expected to carry out.

Typical Responsibilities of Attendants

Attendants are usually expected to pay for their wedding attire and accessories (excluding flowers) and arrange and pay for their transportation (although wedding hosts should provide accommodation). They should be timely and communicative about travel arrangements and acquiring attire, and arrive at specified times for all wedding-related events. Attendants should also give a gift to the couple, either individually or as a group. It is their duty to assist the couple whenever possible and be attentive to other guests at the wedding and reception.

Maid or Matron of Honor

The maid or matron of honor is the bride's right-hand person and is usually a sibling or best friend. They help the bride select the bridesmaids' attire, organise gifts, and ensure bridesmaids have their outfits. They hold the groom's ring and the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and stand in the receiving line if there is one. They help the bride during the reception, with things like the cake cutting, dancing, and bouquet toss, and help the bride change into her going-away clothes, taking care of her wedding dress and accessories. They may also help with addressing invitations and place cards, and supervising flower girls and ring bearers.

Best Man

The best man has similar duties to the maid of honor but supports the groom. They are usually a sibling or best friend. They plan the bachelor party, write a speech, and help with wedding arrangements. They may also hold the rings until the ceremony and ensure the groomsmen arrive on time and are properly attired. They instruct ushers on seating arrangements and drive the couple to the reception if there is no hired driver. They offer a toast to the couple and dance with the bride, mothers, maid of honor, and other single female guests.

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are close friends or relatives of the bride and groom. They take an active role in planning the wedding and may help plan bridal showers. On the wedding day, bridesmaids walk down the aisle ahead of the bride and may show guests to their seats or hand out favors. Groomsmen support the groom in any way he needs and, if there are no ushers, they welcome guests and show them to their seats. They stand next to the groom during the ceremony and may decorate the getaway car.

Flower Girls and Ring Bearers

Flower girls and ring bearers are usually young children, although this role is not limited to them. They walk down the aisle with the bridesmaids, dropping petals, and may wear flower crowns. The ring bearer carries the rings down the aisle.

Ushers

Ushers greet guests and show them to their seats. They know the seating order and review special seating arrangements. They hand out programs, if provided, and tidy up after the ceremony, retrieving any items left behind. They help guests who need directions and assist any guests who are infirm or disabled.

Personal Attendants: Paid Professionals

A personal attendant, also referred to as a bridal concierge, personal concierge, bridal assistant, or lady in waiting, is a paid professional hired to take care of a bride or groom's personal needs on the morning of their wedding. They do not assist in event or vendor coordination.

Personal attendants are typically on hand for four to five hours on the morning of the wedding, arriving at 9 or 10 a.m. and finishing just before cocktail hour. Their main purpose is to take care of the bride and sometimes the rest of the bridal party. They ensure the couple and bridal party are well-fed, bringing drinks and snacks while they get ready, and can even pick up food orders. They can also run last-minute errands, such as a coffee run or picking up extra bobby pins.

Personal attendants can also be called upon to help the bride get dressed, and ensure she looks her best for photos. They can steam the wedding dress, veil, and bridesmaid dresses, and hang the wedding dress in a visually appealing place for photographs. They can also help the bride put on her dress, and travel with her to the first look, ensuring her dress and veil are styled for photos. They can also provide minor touch-ups to hair and makeup.

Personal attendants can also be asked to carry the bride's essentials, such as her phone, purse, and tissues, and even take photos and videos on her phone. They can also help set up and tear down wedding decor, and act as a messenger for the couple on the day.

Personal attendants can also be relied upon to come prepared with an emergency kit, including common medicines, breath mints, first aid supplies, straws, a sewing kit, and more. They can also handle fashion emergencies, such as broken dress straps or missing buttons. They can also distribute tips to other vendors.

While a friend or family member can be asked to be a personal attendant, a hired professional will be paid to focus solely on helping the couple and will not be a part of the festivities.

Honor Attendants: Best Man and Maid of Honor

The maid or matron of honor and the best man are also known as the honor attendants. The honor attendants are there to offer the bride and groom support and assistance throughout their engagement and on their wedding day.

Traditionally, the sister closest in age to the bride serves as the maid or matron of honor. If the bride has more than one sister, she may ask them all to be honor attendants. If the bride does not have a sister, she may ask a close friend, cousin, aunt, mother, stepmother, or grandmother. Similarly, the groom typically asks the brother closest to him in age to serve as his best man, but he can also ask a close friend, cousin, uncle, or father, stepfather, or grandfather.

The maid of honor and the best man have a range of responsibilities, including but not limited to:

• Helping the bride select the bridesmaids' attire
• Organising the bridesmaids' gift to the bride
• Making sure bridesmaids have their attire
• Holding the groom's wedding ring and the bride's bouquet during the ceremony
• Witnessing the signing of the marriage certificate
• Standing in the receiving line, if there is one
• Helping the bride during the reception (gathering guests for the cake-cutting, dancing, the bouquet toss)
• Helping the bride change into her going-away clothes, and taking care of the bride's wedding dress and accessories after the reception
• Helping address invitations and place cards
• Assisting in hosting or organizing a pre-wedding party
• Supervising flower girls and ring bearers if asked
• Assisting the bride at the reception as requested
• Participating in activities such as a receiving line and a bouquet toss
• Contributing to the bridesmaids' gift to the bride
• Hosting a shower, bridesmaids' luncheon, bachelorette, or other pre-wedding party or get-together
• Coordinating the groomsmen and ushers' gift to the groom
• Organising the bachelor party for the groom, if there is one
• Making sure that the groom's wedding-related payments are prepared; delivering pre-arranged payments to officiants, assistants, musicians, and singers at the ceremony
• Ensuring the groomsmen and ushers arrive on time and are properly attired
• Instructing the ushers in the correct seating of guests
• Keeping the bride's wedding ring during the ceremony
• Driving the bride and groom to the reception if there's no hired driver; having the car ready for the couple to leave after the reception and driving them to their next destination
• Offering a toast to the bride and groom at the reception; dancing with the bride, the mothers, the maid of honor, and other single female guests
• Gathering and taking care of the groom's wedding clothes (returning rental items on the next business day)

Choosing Wedding Attendants: How Many and Who?

The number of wedding attendants you choose to have is entirely up to you. Some couples opt for an intimate gathering with just one or two attendants on each side, while others prefer a larger celebration with a bigger group of attendants. The important thing is to choose a number that feels comfortable for you and that fits the scale of your wedding.

When it comes to selecting your wedding attendants, it's essential to choose people who are close to you and who you can rely on for support and assistance throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Traditionally, the maid or matron of honor is the sister closest in age to the bride, while the best man is the groom's closest brother. However, you can also choose to ask a close friend, cousin, aunt, uncle, or even a parent or grandparent to be your honor attendant. It's also a nice gesture to include your future siblings-in-law in your wedding party or give them a special role, such as performing a reading.

If you're having young attendants, a girl between 3 and 7 years old can be chosen as a flower girl, and a boy of the same age can be a ring bearer. Children ages 8 to 15 can serve as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, and children between 9 and 12 can serve as candlelighters. These roles are typically reserved for close relatives and the children of close friends.

It's important to remember that your wedding attendants will have responsibilities beyond just looking good on your wedding day. They will be expected to assist you in the weeks leading up to the wedding and on the day itself. This includes helping with pre-wedding events, attending the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and providing support and assistance to the bride and groom whenever possible. Wedding attendants may also be asked to pay for their wedding attire and accessories, as well as their transportation to the wedding.

In addition to the traditional wedding party, some couples also choose to hire a personal attendant, also known as a bridal concierge or personal concierge. This is a paid professional who takes care of the bride or groom's personal needs on the morning of the wedding. They can help with tasks such as steaming the wedding dress, running errands, facilitating the wedding-day gift exchange, and providing an emergency kit for any last-minute touch-ups.

When choosing your wedding attendants, it's important to select people who you trust and who will be dedicated to supporting you throughout the wedding process. Whether you have a small or large group of attendants, they will play an essential role in making your wedding day memorable and stress-free.

Frequently asked questions