A Wedding Planner's Guide To Mother-Of-The-Bride Duties

Wedding planners have a lot of different names for the mother of the bride, including mother-of-the-bride, mother, mom, and mother-in-charge. The mother of the bride is expected to perform a variety of duties before and during the wedding. In the planning process, she may help select the venue, create the guest list, and coordinate with vendors. On the day of the wedding, she typically assists the bride with dressing and acts as a hostess by greeting guests and guiding them to their seats.

Wedding dress shopping

Timeline:

It is recommended to start wedding dress shopping as early as possible, ideally at least a year before the wedding. Made-to-order dresses can take up to six months to be ready, and you will also need time for alterations and accessory shopping.

Research:

Before you start shopping, it is helpful to have an idea of what you are looking for. Browse bridal Pinterest boards, trend reports, Instagram, and wedding dress websites for inspiration. Compile a collection of your favorite dresses, and look for common themes—do you prefer embellished, lacy, or voluminous styles? Do you like open backs? This will help you communicate your vision to your bridal consultant.

Budget:

Figure out your budget for the gown, as well as who will be paying for it. This will help you choose which bridal shops to visit and avoid falling in love with a dress that is out of your price range. Remember to factor in costs for alterations, accessories, and cleaning and preservation of the gown after the wedding.

Bridal Shops:

Visit bridal shops that match your style, budget, and desired experience. The shop should carry designers and dress types you want to try, and the staff should make you feel welcomed and excited. You can get referrals from married friends and check online reviews to find shops with solid reputations. Call ahead to ensure they have your desired price range and styles in stock.

What to Bring:

Wear nude-colored undergarments such as a nude thong, a strapless bra, and Spanx to your appointments. Bring heels similar in height to what you plan to wear on your wedding day, so you can get a better sense of how the dresses will look. You may also want to bring a family heirloom, such as a veil or piece of jewelry, if you plan to incorporate it into your look.

Who to Bring:

Choose your shopping crew wisely—too many opinions can be overwhelming. Narrow it down to two or three people whose opinions matter most to you.

Appointment Tips:

Be open-minded when trying on dresses. You may fall in love with a style you never considered. Remember that bridal sizing often runs one to two sizes larger than your regular clothes, so don't be surprised if your dress size is higher than expected. Shop for dresses in your current size, rather than a smaller size you hope to fit into by the wedding day—it is easier to take a dress in than to work with one that is too snug.

Silhouette:

Consider the shape of the gown that will flatter your body type and suit the venue and mood of your wedding. A fit-and-flare style works for many body types, while a simple sheath is best for tall, willowy brides. A ball gown can be dramatic but may overwhelm a petite frame, and a mermaid style shows off curves.

Fabric:

The fabric of your gown will affect how it looks and feels. Heavier, more structured materials like silk shantung, taffeta, or guipure lace will hold their shape and smooth your figure, while unstructured silk and filmy chiffon are less flattering for curvy brides.

Alterations:

Even if your dress is made to your measurements, it will likely need some alterations. Factor this into your timeline and budget.

Mother of the Bride:

Traditionally, the mother of the bride accompanies her daughter on wedding dress shopping appointments, offering an honest opinion and sharing in the joy of finding the right dress. The mother of the bride should also find a dress she loves for the wedding, coordinating with the mother of the groom to ensure their ensembles complement each other.

Happy wedding dress shopping!

Bridal shower

A bridal shower is a party thrown in honour of the bride-to-be, usually held a few weeks or months before the wedding. It's an opportunity for the bride's female friends and family to gather and celebrate, offering gifts, advice, and well-wishes for married life.

Planning a Bridal Shower

Traditionally, the bridal shower was hosted and paid for by the maid of honour and bridesmaids, but nowadays, anyone close to the bride can host, including the bride's mother. The host will usually consult the bride on themes, guest lists, dates, and locations, and may ask the bridal party to help with planning and games.

A bridal shower usually involves food, drinks, and games, and the bride may open gifts from guests. Games can include bridal-themed bingo, designing wedding dresses out of toilet paper, or guessing what the bride's wedding dress will look like.

Gifts are typically items the couple will need for their new home, such as dishes, appliances, or decor. Small, personalised gifts are often appreciated, such as a handkerchief with the bride's new monogram, a trinket box, or a hand-painted champagne flute.

The guest list is usually limited to people who are also invited to the wedding, including the bridal party, family, and close friends.

Venue scouting

A wedding planner may refer to the mother of the bride as the "mother of the bride" or "mom". Mothers of the bride are usually extremely involved in helping to plan their daughter's wedding day.

• Budget: Meeting rooms, conference venues, and party spaces offer different price points. They will all calculate space prices differently, with hire fees, cost per person, and minimum spend being common price models. It is important to do your homework before your first meeting with any venue manager and to read up on venue market prices.
• Location: The venue should be in a convenient location with easy access. Consider public transport links, airport access, and whether there is onsite parking or a valet service.
• Timing: The time of year and day of the week can affect the cost and availability of a venue. For example, certain days of the week are usually cheaper, and peak seasons will require booking in advance.
• Number of Guests: The number of guests is a crucial aspect of event planning as it will help you quickly eliminate venues based on their capacity.
• Event Style: Choosing a venue that fits the theme or style of your event can save money.
• Seating Layout: Depending on the kind of interactions you want your guests to have, you can choose a boardroom, lecture space, dining layout, or cabaret-style.
• Space: Ensure the venue has space for all aspects of your event, such as a ceremony and reception area for a wedding, or a stage and dressing room for a live performance.
• Catering: If the venue provides catering, communicate any specific requirements, such as vegan, halal, or kosher options. If you want to take charge of catering yourself, ask the venue about your options for food and drinks, including whether you can bring your own alcohol.
• Services and Facilities: Venues provide different levels of service and facilities. Make a list of your special needs and compare it with the list provided by the venue. This may include parking, equipment (e.g., AV equipment), extra space (like a cloakroom or breakout room), licenses (e.g., alcohol or wedding license), restrictions (such as noise or photography restrictions), and extra fees (like a corkage fee, overtime fee, or cancellation fee).

Guest list and seating chart

Creating a guest list and seating chart for a wedding can be a daunting task, but with some careful planning, it can be a breeze. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Start Early

It's essential to begin working on your guest list and seating chart early in the planning process. This will give you time to gather information, such as RSVPs, dietary requirements, and special requests. It's also a good idea to use a digital tool or spreadsheet to keep track of your guest list and seating arrangements.

Consider Family Dynamics

When creating your seating chart, consider different family dynamics and relationships between your guests. For example, if the mother of the bride has divorced parents, you may need to create separate tables or seating arrangements to avoid any tension. It's important to discuss these dynamics with the couple beforehand to ensure everyone is comfortable.

Seat VIPs First

The parents of the couple, along with grandparents and other immediate family members, are considered VIP guests. They should be seated at the best tables with a clear view of the happy couple. You can seat both sets of parents together or give each set their own table to host their close family members and friends.

Group Guests by Categories

Divide your guests into relevant categories, such as childhood friends, cousins, mutual friends, and colleagues. This will help you identify guests who already know each other and get along. You can then disperse them across the tables, considering their ages, interests, and personalities. Try to offer a mix of familiar and new faces at each table to encourage mingling.

Seat Children Appropriately

If children are attending the wedding, consider their ages when creating the seating chart. Older kids might prefer a dedicated kids' table, while younger toddlers and infants should sit with their parents. Be sure to seat parents with young children at the heads of tables to allow room for high chairs or prams.

Be Mindful of Special Accommodations

When creating your seating chart, consider the needs of elderly guests, guests with mobility issues, and guests with sensory issues. Elderly guests should be seated away from loud music, and guests with mobility issues should have clear and easy access to the dance floor and exit. Try to accommodate any special requests, such as dietary requirements, to ensure the comfort of all your guests.

Display Your Seating Chart Clearly

When displaying your seating chart, arrange the guests' names in alphabetical order or by table to make it easier for guests to find their seats. You can also use place cards at each table to designate assigned seats. A well-organized seating chart will help your guests find their places quickly and reduce any anxiety about where to sit.

Traditions and heirlooms

The mother of the bride is often responsible for sharing any special family traditions with her daughter in the lead-up to the wedding. This includes helping the bride find any heirlooms that can be incorporated into the ceremony, such as a "something old" or "something borrowed". The mother of the bride is also usually involved in researching and incorporating religious or cultural traditions into the ceremony.

The mother of the bride is also expected to help with the guest list, drawing on her knowledge of the family to help the couple decide who to invite. She may also be involved in creating the seating chart, especially for the bride's family members.

In addition, the mother of the bride often assists with the planning and hosting of pre-wedding events, such as the bridal shower. She may also be involved in scouting wedding venues and helping the bride choose her dress.

On the day of the wedding, the mother of the bride often plays a role in the processional, either escorting the bride down the aisle or taking her seat before the ceremony. She also acts as a hostess during the reception, greeting guests and making sure they feel welcome.

Frequently asked questions