The Mystique Of Gypsy Weddings: Exploring Rituals, Traditions, And Culture

The term gypsy wedding refers to the marriage customs of Romani people, specifically the Romanichal clans. The term gained popularity from the British documentary series Big Fat Gypsy Weddings and its American spin-off My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. These shows featured lavish weddings with teenage brides and grooms, elaborate dresses, and extravagant celebrations. However, they have been criticised for misrepresenting the Romani and Traveller communities, perpetuating stereotypes, and lacking cultural context.

In reality, the traditions of a gypsy wedding are steeped in cultural significance. When a young couple falls in love, the man seeks permission from the woman's father, and they are given a year's courtship with chaperones. After this period, they appear before the Gypsy council, and if all goes well, the man is expected to save money for a vada (caravan) to live in. The elder's great book records all marriages, and the couple does not live together or sleep together until they are officially married.

The role of the elder in a Gypsy wedding

Gypsy weddings are vibrant and unique celebrations that hold significant cultural importance. They are known for their rich traditions, elaborate costumes, extravagant decorations, and extended festivities. The elders in a Gypsy wedding play a crucial role in facilitating and guiding the wedding rituals.

Elders are highly respected figures in the Gypsy community, and their presence and participation in wedding ceremonies are essential. They are often sought for their wisdom and knowledge of traditions, ensuring that the wedding adheres to the customs and values of the community. One of the key roles of elders is to oversee the courtship process. When a young couple falls in love, the man approaches the woman's father to express his intention to marry. The father then directs the couple to meet with an elder, who establishes the rules for their courtship. The elder informs the couple that they will have a year-long courtship, during which they must be chaperoned by a family member wherever they go.

After the first year, the couple appears before the Gypsy council, which includes elders, to assess their relationship. If the couple is doing well, the man is instructed to start saving money to purchase a "vada" (caravan) for them to live in. At the end of the second year, the elder advises them to make a final decision about their future together, emphasizing the permanence of marriage in Gypsy culture. The elder's guidance during this period helps the couple navigate the expectations and traditions of Gypsy courtship.

In the third year, the elder assists in setting a date for the wedding. On the wedding day, the elder is present to officiate the ceremony and document the marriage in the "great book," a record of all marriages within the community. The elder's presence lends legitimacy and sanctity to the union, ensuring that the wedding is conducted according to Gypsy traditions.

Elders also play a crucial role in addressing unique circumstances within the community. In the case of John Lee, an elder facilitated his marriage to Ruth, despite the non-traditional nature of their union. John, who had a mixed heritage, was considered an outcast by the Gypsy community. Ruth, on the other hand, was frail and had a limited time to live. Understanding their situation, the elder helped orchestrate their wedding, explaining to the community that there would be no children, and thus, no bloodline lost. This example highlights the elders' ability to navigate complex social dynamics and ensure that individuals within the community have the opportunity to experience the joy of a Gypsy wedding.

In summary, the role of elders in a Gypsy wedding is multifaceted and vital. They guide the couple through the courtship process, provide wisdom and support, officiate the wedding ceremony, and ensure that the traditions are upheld. Their presence brings legitimacy to the union and reinforces the cultural identity of the Gypsy community.

The importance of a pure bloodline

The preservation of a pure bloodline is so important to the Gypsy community that children born of mixed heritage are shunned and considered outcasts. In Lee's case, he was raised by his grandparents, who were respected members of the community, but their status was diminished due to his mother's actions. Lee was forbidden from playing with other Gypsy children and was called a "Pikey boy", which is a Gypsy term for a non-Gypsy. This treatment continued into adulthood, where he was told he could not marry a Gypsy woman or live on a Gypsy site due to his mixed heritage.

The Gypsy community's emphasis on a pure bloodline is further demonstrated in the TV series "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and its spin-offs, which showcase the marriage customs of Romani-Americans and British Gypsies. One episode features a couple who face opposition from the bride's mother due to the groom being a non-Gypsy. In another episode, two best friends planning their double wedding encounter resistance from one of the mothers, who is against her son marrying outside the Gypsy bloodline.

The preservation of a pure bloodline is a deeply rooted tradition in the Gypsy community, and those who deviate from this custom face severe consequences, including ostracization, shame, and a loss of respect within the community.

Virginity before marriage

Gypsy culture places a strong emphasis on purity and virginity, particularly for brides, considering it a prerequisite for marriage. To ensure this, a ritual known as the "kerchief test" or "handkerchief ceremony" is performed on the wedding day. The bride is taken to a separate room, where a "gatherer", a specialist in this tradition, examines the bride's hymen for virginity. If the handkerchief becomes stained with blood, indicating an intact hymen, the bride is considered a virgin and the wedding proceeds. The stained handkerchief is then displayed with pride to all wedding attendees. On the other hand, if the test indicates a loss of virginity, the groom's family can annul the marriage, resulting in public dishonor for the bride and her family.

The practice of virginity testing is not unique to the Gypsy community. Similar traditions exist in various cultures around the world, including Macedonia, Armenia, Georgia, Tonga, and Kiribati. In these cultures, the presence of bloodstains on the bedsheets after the wedding night serves as proof of the bride's virginity. However, it's important to note that virginity testing has been criticized and deemed inaccurate, as an intact hymen is not always a reliable indicator of virginity.

While the practice of virginity testing may vary in its specifics across different cultures, it often stems from a societal value placed on female purity and a way to exert control over women's sexuality.

The role of the girl's family

Gypsy weddings are steeped in tradition, with rituals that have been passed down from generation to generation. The role of the girl's family in a gypsy wedding is significant and multifaceted. Here is a detailed description of their role:

Arranging the Marriage

The girl's family plays a crucial role in arranging the marriage. In traditional gypsy culture, marriages are often arranged by the parents, with the matchmaking usually initiated by the groom's family. The groom's relatives approach the girl's family to propose the union, bringing with them a bottle of wine or a branch adorned with scarves and money, and a wedding cake baked by the groom's relatives. If the girl's family accepts, it signifies their approval of the match. During this process, the bride's family also stipulates the ransom amount, which the groom's family must pay as compensation for the loss of their daughter's assistance in the household.

Chaperoning the Couple

Once the match is agreed upon, the girl's family becomes responsible for chaperoning the couple during their courtship. The couple is given a year's time to get to know each other, but they must always be accompanied by a member of the girl's family, even if they go out for a simple walk. This period allows the families to travel together so that the young couple can spend time together and get to know each other better.

Negotiating the Bride Price

The girl's family also plays a vital role in negotiating the bride price, also known as the ransom. The ransom is paid by the groom's family to the girl's family as compensation for giving away their daughter. The amount of ransom is stipulated during the matchmaking process and is based on the merits of the bride. If the groom's family cannot pay the required amount, the groom may resort to abducting the bride and taking her away without the consent of her family.

Preparing the Dowry

The girl's family provides a dowry, which contributes to the newlyweds' household. The dowry typically includes items such as pillows, blankets, and jewelry. This tradition reflects the strong classical patriarchal order within gypsy families, where the daughter respects her father's decisions, even in matters as important as her own marriage.

Participating in Wedding Rituals

On the wedding day, the girl's family actively participates in various rituals and ceremonies. They barricade their home during the mock abduction of the bride by the groom's family. They also join the festivities, which include dancing, singing, and abundant food. The girl's family presents their daughter with a rich dowry during the wedding celebrations. Additionally, in some traditions, the girl's family may participate in the "Honor" ceremony, where the bride's shirt or a sheet with traces of blood are presented to the guests as proof of her virginity.

The role of the 'Gypsy council'

The Gypsy Council plays a crucial role in preserving and promoting the culture, traditions, and civil rights of the Roma, Gypsy, and Traveller communities. It is a world-famous organisation with a long history of advocacy and activism.

The Gypsy Council was established in the United Kingdom in 1966, with Grattan Puxon serving as its first secretary. One of its early significant campaigns was the passive resistance to the police and local authorities' efforts to move caravans. This campaign was instrumental in prompting the government to address the issue of caravan sites, leading to the enactment of the Caravan Sites Act of 1968.

In 1973, the Gypsy Council joined forces with the Romany Guild to form the National Gypsy Council. However, the Romany Guild later withdrew from the merger and re-established itself as an independent entity. As a result, the National Gypsy Council continued under the original name, "Gypsy Council."

The Gypsy Council has undergone restructuring and, at present, functions as a non-profit company limited by guarantee. It is led by an elected committee that advises on policy, with Roger Lee serving as the Chair, Joseph Jones as Vice-Chair, and Virgil Bitu as the 2nd Vice-Chair. The organisation is committed to lobbying on matters related to planning and education. Additionally, it takes direct action on accommodation issues through its associated entity, the Gypsy Council Co-operative.

The Gypsy Council's AGM, held at their temporary headquarters in Kent, emphasised their support for democratic transition and the representation of Roma, Gypsies, and Travellers in Holocaust Memorial planning in the UK. They also acknowledged the significance of preserving the history of the Roma Civil Rights movement.

The Gypsy Council, through its various iterations and restructuring, has been a pivotal force in advocating for the rights and representation of Gypsy, Roma, and Traveller communities. They have faced controversies and criticisms, as depicted in the documentary series "Big Fat Gypsy Weddings" and its spin-offs, which allegedly misrepresented the communities' traditions and fuelled racist stereotypes.

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