Wedding Vows: Promises Of Love

Wedding vows are promises made between two people during a wedding ceremony. They are a public declaration of love and commitment to one's partner. The vows are usually recited in front of an assembled gathering of loved ones who act as witnesses.

The ceremony is typically officiated by a priest or other clergy member, but can also be performed by a friend or relative. The vows can be traditional, modern, religious, or personalised. They are often considered the most memorable part of a wedding.

The history of wedding vows

The wedding vows as we know them today can be traced back to the Medieval Church in England. The oldest traditional wedding vows come from the manuals of the medieval church, specifically the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, included various marriage vow examples that inspired the traditional phrases many couples still use today.

The Book of Common Prayer was written by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury, during the reign of Edward VI. It was the first Protestant service in English, and the basis for how weddings are celebrated today. The original vows, as printed in The Book of Common Prayer, were:

> "Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

> Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."

The "obey" portion was only used by women, while men promised to cherish their wives. The final wording of being parted by death has changed over time, but the passage has remained mostly intact.

While the Book of Common Prayer is the first place wedding vows were recorded, the sentiments were drawn from earlier Catholic medieval rites, such as the Sarum ritual. The Sarum Rite was a process followed for celebrating any kind of Christian public worship. The entire sermon, apart from the actual vows, was in Latin.

The format of wedding vows has been modified and changed over time, and some couples now choose to write their own vows instead of using the traditional set. However, the traditional vows are still used in many Catholic and Christian weddings, as well as non-denominational ceremonies, with very few changes.

The structure of wedding vows

Wedding vows are a public declaration of one's love and commitment to their partner. They are usually recited during the wedding ceremony, in front of an officiant and the couple's loved ones. The vows can be traditional, modern, religious, or personalised.

• Start with a statement about who this person is to you:
• "You are my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime, my everything."
• Communicate what you love about your partner:
• "I love your kind heart and your ability to always make me smile."
• Share a story or anecdote to bring your love to life:
• "I knew I was in love with you when we first met and I still feel the same way today."
• Make specific promises:
• "I vow to always support and encourage you."
• "I promise to be there for you through thick and thin and to love and care for you always."
• Mention specific things you will do together:
• "I will always make time for our adventures and be your partner in crime."
• Reassure your partner of your commitment through good and bad times:
• "I will be there for you through sickness and health, for richer or poorer."
• Wrap up with a loving last line:
• "You are my soulmate, my best friend, and I will love you forever."

The meaning of to have and to hold

"To have and to hold" is a phrase that is often included in traditional wedding vows. The phrase is a declaration of lifelong commitment and signifies a new beginning.

"To have" is a promise of exclusivity and pure, undiluted commitment in wedlock. It is about enjoying a sexual relationship and also about understanding and knowing your partner inside out. According to the Bible, sex is about knowing your partner completely and sharing every aspect of life with them—emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

"To hold" is about providing physical and mental support to your partner. It is a commitment to be there for each other in affection and tenderness. The historical meaning of the verb "to hold" is "to keep, tend, and watch over." It means to take care of and protect your spouse from harm.

Together, "to have and to hold" signifies a close marital bond that cannot be broken. It is a promise of a deep and exclusive intimacy between spouses.

The meaning of forsaking all others

The phrase "forsaking all others" is a part of the traditional wedding vows, found in The Book of Common Prayer (BCP). It is a promise of lifelong love and commitment, even when the flames of passion have died down.

The interpretation of this phrase is a subject of debate. On the one hand, it could be understood as a promise of monogamous fidelity, renouncing any other romantic interests or sexual partners. On the other hand, it may refer to God's command for a man to leave his family and unite with his wife (as seen in Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31).

However, the phrase "all others" broadens the scope of this vow, suggesting that it entails more than just romantic or sexual exclusivity. It implies that the spouse takes precedence over all other relationships, including those with parents, friends, and even children. This interpretation raises questions about the potential negative impact on other meaningful relationships in one's life.

Some argue that the vow "forsaking all others" should not be understood as a call to neglect all other relationships but rather as a commitment to always prioritise one's spouse. It is about ensuring that the marital relationship remains the primary and most cherished connection.

Ultimately, the meaning of "forsaking all others" in wedding vows is open to interpretation and may vary depending on cultural, religious, and personal beliefs. It is a solemn promise that underscores the exclusivity and devotion of the marital bond.

The benefits of writing your own vows

Writing your own wedding vows is a beautiful way to celebrate your unique relationship and affirm your "happily ever after" to your partner and loved ones. Here are some benefits of writing your own wedding vows:

Personalisation:

Writing your own vows allows you to tailor your promises and declarations of love to reflect your relationship. Whether you choose to include romantic, funny, or traditional elements, personalising your vows makes your ceremony more meaningful, intimate, and compelling.

Creative Freedom:

By writing your own vows, you have the freedom to include anything that captures your relationship and future intentions. You can incorporate sentimental stories, inside jokes, humorous anecdotes, or quotes that are special to you as a couple.

Authenticity:

Composing your own vows gives you the opportunity to express your love and commitment in your own words. Speaking from the heart adds authenticity and emotion to your ceremony, making it more memorable for you and your guests.

Surprise Element:

While it's a good idea to discuss the general theme, tone, and length of your vows with your partner, keeping the specifics a surprise adds to the excitement and impact of your wedding day. Delivering your vows "on the spot" allows them to feel natural and spontaneous.

Collaborative Process:

Writing your own vows can be a fun and romantic experience for you and your partner. It gives you an excuse to book a romantic date, ask each other meaningful questions, and learn more about each other. It also provides an opportunity to savor the excitement of your engagement and the journey towards your wedding day.

Flexibility:

Writing your own vows offers flexibility in terms of structure, format, and content. You can choose to include religious elements, modern twists, or a combination of both. You can make your vows as short or long, lighthearted or serious, as you prefer.

Writing your own wedding vows is a wonderful way to showcase your love and commitment. It allows you to personalise your ceremony, express your individuality, and create lasting memories for you and your guests.

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