Franklin Dean
Wedding vows are a meaningful, heartfelt, and personal part of a wedding ceremony. They are a couple's expression of their love and devotion to one another and their shared vision for their future life together. While some couples write their own vows, many rely on traditional vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion. Traditional vows vary according to the specific religion, with some ceremonies, such as Muslim weddings, not including vows. However, there are several core principles and beliefs that transcend both culture and faith, such as lifelong commitment, partnership, love, companionship, kindness, honesty, and patience.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Vows are recited only when the ring is given | "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel" |
| Vows are exchanged during the ceremony | "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." |
| Vows are a declaration of love | "My partner and best friend for life" |
| Vows are a promise | "I promise to love and cherish you" |
| Vows are a sign of commitment | "I promise to spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make you happy, encourage you, honor you, protect you, provide for you, and assist you" |
| Vows are a blend of two hearts | "Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth to the other" |
| Vows are a union of two lives | "Now there is no more loneliness for you, because now you are no longer lonely. Now you are two bodies, yet there is only one life set before you" |
| Vows are a symbol of companionship | "Let us take the fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust" |
| Vows are a symbol of lifelong partnership | "Let us take the seventh step and be true companions and remain lifelong partners by this wedlock" |
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What You'll Learn
Vows in religious ceremonies
Vows are the beating heart of a wedding ceremony, and they are especially significant in religious ceremonies. Many traditional vows are determined by the religion underpinning the ceremony, and they can be recited or used as a template for personalisation.
Episcopal Wedding Vows
The Episcopal Church is known for its inclusive support of the LGBTQ+ community, and its traditional wedding vows are:
> " [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/ till death do us part."
Pagan Wedding Vows
Pagan wedding vows do not contain references to God, but they may include references to entities like Mother Earth or Father Sky. An example of Pagan wedding vows is:
> I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself."
Jewish Wedding Vows
In a traditional Jewish ceremony, there are no spoken wedding vows. Instead, the marriage contract is represented by the ring exchange and seven blessings (Sheva B'rachot). However, modern Jewish couples may choose to include self-penned vows in their ceremonies.
Interfaith Wedding Vows
Interfaith wedding vows are designed by the couple and their officiant to accommodate any type or number of religions. The couple decides on the text accompanying the ring exchange. An example of interfaith wedding vows is:
> " [Name], I now take you to be my wedded [wife/husband/partner], to live together after God's ordinance in the holy relationship of marriage. I promise to love and comfort you, honour and keep you, and forsaking all others, I will be yours alone as long as we both shall live."
Monologue-style Wedding Vows
These are vows that one partner speaks while placing the ring on the other's finger:
> "With this ring, I wed you and pledge you my love now and forever."
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
> "In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."
> " [Name], I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honour you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
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The ring exchange
The specifics of the ring exchange vary across different cultures and religions. Here are some examples:
Jewish Weddings
In Jewish weddings, the key moments of the marriage union include the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings, often recited in Hebrew. During the ring exchange, the couple may say:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride and groom exchange rings, with the bride saying:
> Harey at mekuddeshet li B'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe V'israel,
Which translates to:
> Behold, thou are consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
Hindu Weddings
In Hindu weddings, the exchange of vows is known as the saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. The couple walks around a ring of fire to honor Agni, the Hindu god of fire, and recites seven vows. Some modern Hindu weddings also include a ring exchange after the exchange of floral garlands.
Muslim Weddings
Ring-exchange rituals vary among different Muslim cultures. For instance, Arab Muslims move their wedding rings from their right hand to their left during the grand entrance of the reception. In contrast, South Asian Muslims may present the wedding ring before the wedding during the dowry reveal. More contemporary ceremonies include a ring exchange during the wedding nuptials.
Non-Denominational Weddings
In non-denominational weddings, the ring exchange may be accompanied by traditional vows, such as:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.
Alternatively, couples may choose to write their own vows or incorporate modern elements, such as referring to their partner as their "best friend for life."
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Honouring children
Wedding vows are a symbolic moment in which a couple officially becomes one. The vows are often followed by the exchange of rings to seal those promises. While generic wedding vows are usually directed towards one's partner, some couples may want to include their children in their vows to symbolise the formation of a new family.
Recognising the Children
It is important to recognise the children that are coming into the marriage. This can be done by mentioning their names during the ceremony or stating that not only is a marriage being formed but also a family. This can be done through a prayer or by giving the children a gift, such as a ring or a necklace, as a symbol of the new family.
Vows to the Children
If the children are excited about the wedding, they can also make vows to the new parents. These vows can be written by the children themselves, or the couple can write vows to the children, expressing their love and commitment to them. For example, the couple can vow to "love, guide, and respect" the children and promise to always be there for them.
Simple Vow Response
Instead of having the children write their own vows, the officiant can read similar vows to the children, and the children can respond with their own "I do". This is a simple way to include the children in the vow exchange without putting too much pressure on them.
Involving Children in the Ceremony
In addition to including the children in the vows, they can also be involved in other ways during the ceremony. For example, they can be given the role of giving away the bride or taking photos with a one-time-use camera. However, it is important to consider the child's feelings and comfort level with the marriage when assigning these roles.
Honoring Former Families
In the case of blended families, it is important to be mindful of the children's former parents. The couple should avoid mentioning becoming a new mother or father in the vows unless the children themselves bring it up. Instead, the couple can honour the creation and joining of families by incorporating symbols or items from the former families into the ceremony.
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Vows for second marriages
Wedding vows are a symbolic moment when a couple officially becomes one. While traditional vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions.
Sample Vow 1
"[Partner's name], I marry you with my eyes wide open. You have helped me let go of the past, and I embrace the future. Thank you for making me laugh again. Bless you for taking my hand as we begin anew.
I offer myself to you as a partner in life. I vow to love you in sickness and in health. I commit myself to encourage you in good times and in bad. I will cherish and respect you all the days of our life together. Starting anew once again, I give thanks that I have found you. May our marriage be a gift to the world and our families, as your love is a gift to me."
Sample Vow 2
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawful [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish... for all eternity.
I, [name], take you now, in the presence of God and these witnesses, to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to love you, to hold you, and to honor you, in good times and in bad. I will give thanks for you each and every day, and cherish you with all of my heart until our time together on earth has ended."
Sample Vow 3
"I, [name], promise to be a good and faithful [husband/wife] to you, and also a patient, loving [parent] to [children's names], caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart forever.
I offer you the autumn of my life, brisk and vibrant. I promise to be a companion worthy of your precious friendship. I pledge to you compassion in good times and bad, encouragement in sickness and health. It is my intent that our life together includes our large circle of friends and loving families."
Sample Vow 4
"I decree my love for you. I never thought I would find true love, but I know that is what I have with you. I don't want you ever to doubt my faithfulness because there will never be another. I will never allow anyone or anything to turn me against you or come between us.
I am honored that you have chosen to spend your life with me, and I will make sure you do not regret it. Your family is my family. Your children are my children. Your mother and father are now my mother and father. I promise to love, support, and encourage you through the good times and the bad. I promise this before God, friends, and family for the rest of my life."
Sample Vow 5
"What a miracle it is to find each other now and merge our lives together. We have suffered much in this life, been through upheavals, and now finally come together to be each other’s support and companions.
[Partner's name], I came here today to join my life with yours before this company. In their presence, I pledge to be true to you, to respect you, and to grow with you through the years. Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may come; no matter what we may encounter together, I vow that this love will be my only love. I will make my home in your heart from this day forward."
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Non-denominational vows
Non-denominational wedding vows are an expression of the couple's love and devotion to one another. There are no rules on what to include in these vows, as each marriage is unique. Some couples use vows to promise lifelong faithfulness and devotion, while others simply promise their love in front of witnesses.
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I promise to love and cherish you."
Some couples may prefer to include additional sentiments, such as:
"I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph. Together, we will dream and live as one, respecting one another. We will stumble but restore each other and share all things. I will cherish, comfort, and encourage you, be open with you, and stay with you as long as I shall live."
"I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you."
"Anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."
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Frequently asked questions
Generic wedding vows are those that are not specific to a particular religion or culture. They typically include a declaration of love, lifelong commitment, partnership, companionship, and an exchange of rings.
Some examples of generic wedding vows include:
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health , until death do us part."
- "I promise to love and cherish you all the days of my life."
- "I promise to be your partner and best friend for life."
While generic wedding vows are not specific to a particular religion or culture, some traditions are often incorporated into the ceremony. For example, the exchange of rings is a common tradition that symbolizes the unbroken circle of love. In some cultures, the couple may also jump over a broom or walk around a fire to honour the elements.
