Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding vows are the most meaningful, heartfelt, and personal part of any wedding ceremony. They are the reason couples gather their friends and family to celebrate their union. While some couples opt to write their own vows, many turn to traditional wedding vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion. Traditional vows are often determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions. For example, in Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour the Hindu god of fire, Agni. In Jewish ceremonies, vows are usually only recited during the ring exchange, with the phrase, Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel, often being included.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Recited promises | "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life." |
| Religious undertones | "In the presence of God/ name of God, I take you to be my wedded wife/ faithful husband for all the days of our lives." |
| Commitment | "I promise to love and cherish you." |
| Love | "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." |
| Longevity | "Until death do us part." |
| Support | "When you need a friend, I will be your best friend. When you need help, I will be there for you. When you need care, I will support you." |
| Gratitude | "Return home at evening with gratitude." |
| Selflessness | "True love gives nothing of itself and takes nothing but from itself." |
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What You'll Learn
Vows in religious ceremonies
Vows are at the heart of a wedding ceremony, and many couples choose to honour their heritage and religion through their wedding vows. While some couples write their own vows, traditional vows are often used in religious ceremonies. These vows are usually determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions.
Episcopal Wedding Vows
The Episcopal Church is known for its inclusive support of the LGBTQ+ community. Episcopal wedding vows are taken from the Church's Book of Common Prayer. An example of these vows is:
> " [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live?"
Pagan and Wiccan Wedding Vows
Pagan and Wiccan wedding vows do not contain references to God, unlike many religious wedding vows. Instead, they may contain references to entities like Mother Earth or Father Sky. An example of a Pagan vow is:
> "I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself."
Christian Wedding Vows
In a Christian wedding ceremony, the vows are spoken before God and in front of family and friends. The official vows are legally binding and cannot be changed, though couples may add additional readings, poems, or extracts. An example of a Christian wedding vow is:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/till death do us part."
Jewish Wedding Vows
In a traditional Jewish ceremony, there are no spoken wedding vows. Instead, the marriage contract is represented by the exchange of rings and seven blessings (Sheva B'rachot). However, modern Jewish couples may choose to include self-penned promises in their nuptials.
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Vows in non-religious ceremonies
Wedding vows are a crucial aspect of the wedding ceremony, representing the promises and commitments that form the heart of the union between two people. While many couples opt for traditional or religious vows, those seeking a non-religious ceremony can also craft meaningful and personalised vows that reflect their beliefs and values. Here are some ideas and considerations for creating non-religious wedding vows:
Format and Delivery
The format and delivery of non-religious wedding vows can vary according to personal preferences. Couples can choose to write their vows separately or collaborate on them together. It is essential to discuss the desired length, tone, and inclusion of traditional or cultural elements. Vows can be memorised or read during the ceremony, with many couples opting to have their vows written down as a cherished keepsake.
Sample Vows and Phrases
When crafting non-religious wedding vows, couples can incorporate various phrases and sentiments. Some popular choices include:
- "I choose you over all others. I choose you to share happiness with, to care for, to have a family with, to grow with, and to love forever."
- "You are my best friend. I love you with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to share my future with you—our triumphs, challenges, joys, and sorrows."
- "I promise to love and cherish you, to be your friend and companion, and to share my life and my love with you."
- "To make my accomplishments ours and your challenges mine."
- "To never take your actions, words, and kindness for granted."
Inclusion of Traditions
Even in a non-religious ceremony, couples may choose to incorporate traditional elements. For example, the exchange of rings is a common tradition that symbolises the unbroken circle of love. Couples can also include traditional phrases or adapt them to suit their beliefs.
Personalisation and Authenticity
The most important aspect of non-religious wedding vows is ensuring they reflect the couple's unique relationship. Couples can include personal stories, favourite lines from books or movies, or inside jokes. The sincerity of the words takes precedence over strict adherence to any format or structure.
Timeline and Practice
Creating non-religious wedding vows requires careful planning. Couples should aim to finalise their vows at least three weeks before the wedding day and organise practice sessions to ensure they feel comfortable with the delivery. It is also essential to have backup copies of the vows in multiple safe places.
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The structure of vows
The structure of wedding vows varies according to the specific religion and the preferences of the couple. Many traditional vows are determined by the religion underpinning the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions.
In many religions, the declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one. For example, in Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps, as they walk around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire. In Jewish ceremonies, on the other hand, vows are typically only recited during the ring exchange.
At most wedding ceremonies, the exchange of rings immediately follows the recitation of vows and serves to seal those promises. The ring symbolises the unbroken circle of love. While some couples opt to write their own vows, many turn to traditional wedding vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion.
Traditional wedding vows often include phrases such as:
- "I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
- "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
- "Marriage is the clasping of hands, the blending of two hearts, the union of two lives into one, and your marriage must stand [...] by the strength and power of the faith and love you have for one another."
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The content of vows
The content of wedding vows varies depending on the couple's preferences, cultural background, and religious beliefs. While some couples opt for traditional vows, others choose to write their own, incorporating humour, romantic quotes, or religious elements. Here is some content you may consider for your wedding vows:
Expressions of Love and Devotion
Vows are a declaration of love and devotion. You may express your commitment to loving, honouring, and cherishing your partner all the days of your life. For instance, you can say, "I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
Promises of Support and Care
In your vows, you can outline how you plan to support your partner through various situations in your marriage. For example, "When you need a friend, I will be your best friend. When you need help, I will be there for you. When you need care, I will support you."
Lifelong Commitment
Traditional vows often include phrases like "till death do us part," emphasising the lifelong commitment between the couple. You may also express this commitment by saying, "I take thee to be my wedded wife/husband," which signifies choosing your partner as your lifelong teammate.
Better or Worse, Richer or Poorer, in Sickness and in Health
This phrase is a common element of wedding vows, acknowledging that marriage includes both good and challenging times. By including this, you recognise your willingness to stand by your partner through all life's ups and downs.
Religious Elements
If you wish to incorporate your faith into your vows, you can include phrases like "in the presence of God/name of God" or "before God, I take you as my lawful husband/wife." In Jewish ceremonies, the groom may say, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," while in Hindu weddings, couples recite the Saptapadi or Seven Steps, honouring the Hindu god of fire, Agni.
Remember, these are just suggestions. You can personalise your vows to make them unique and meaningful to you and your partner.
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The delivery of vows
The delivery of wedding vows is a crucial aspect of the ceremony, often regarded as the most meaningful and heartfelt moment. While some couples opt to write their own vows, incorporating humour, romantic movie quotes, or traditional religious elements, others prefer to rely on well-known traditional vows. Here is a guide to help you navigate the delivery of your wedding vows.
Choosing Your Vows
The first step is to decide whether you want to write personalised vows or use traditional ones. If you opt for traditional vows, you can choose those that align with your religious or cultural beliefs. For instance, Jewish wedding vows are often recited during the ring exchange, while Hindu weddings involve the exchange of floral garlands and the reciting of the "seven steps" or "seven vows."
Structure and Format
The structure and format of your vows can vary. You can choose to memorise your vows beforehand, recite them spontaneously, or repeat after the officiant. Some couples prefer to take turns reading their vows, while others have the officiant recite them in the form of questions, prompting responses such as "I do" or "I will."
Sample Vows
If you're unsure where to start, here are some traditional wedding vows to inspire you:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
> "Marriage is the clasping of hands, the blending of two hearts, the union of two lives into one... I [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you."
You can also include more modern elements, such as:
> "To make my accomplishments ours, and your challenges mine."
> "To never take your actions, words, and kindness for granted."
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