In-Law Bridesmaids: Should Sisters-In-Law Be Included?

There are many opinions on whether or not you should include your sister-in-law in your bridal party. Some people believe that it is only polite to include your future spouse's sister in your bridal party, especially if you are close or want to build a good rapport with her. On the other hand, others argue that it is not an obligation and that the decision should be based on your authentic relationship with her. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and you should do what feels most comfortable and genuine to you.

Should you include your future sister-in-law if you're not close?

Including your future sister-in-law in your bridal party is a nice gesture and can help create a warm and inviting start to your new family bond. However, it is not an etiquette requirement. If you are not close to your future sister-in-law, there are several factors to consider before deciding whether or not to include her in your bridal party.

Firstly, assess your relationship with her. Are the two of you close? Did she ask you to be a part of her bridal party? If you are not close and she did not include you in her bridal party, it may be appropriate to gently decline her from yours.

Secondly, consider whether she has children who will be in the wedding, such as flower girls or ring bearers. If so, it may be best to exclude her from the bridal party to allow her to focus on managing her children throughout the day.

Thirdly, think about the size of your bridal party. A large bridal party can be challenging to manage and more expensive, so you may want to keep it small and intimate with your nearest and dearest friends and family members.

If you decide not to include your future sister-in-law in your bridal party, it is important to communicate this decision gently and considerately. Explain your reasons, whether it is because you are keeping the bridal party small or due to budget constraints. It is also a good idea to emphasise the importance of her other roles in the wedding, such as being a point of contact for vendors or creating the out-of-town guest welcome bags. You could also invite her to be part of the wedding house party, a lesser but still honourable role.

On the other hand, if you choose to include your future sister-in-law in your bridal party, there are creative ways to pop the question. You could plan a lunch proposal for all your bridesmaids, including your sister-in-law, and give them a heartfelt speech and a gift box. If you don't live close to her, you could send flowers with a personal note expressing your love for her brother and the honour you would feel to have her as a bridesmaid.

Ultimately, the decision is a personal one, and the ball is in the bride's court. However, it is important to consider the potential impact on your relationship with your future spouse's family and whether excluding her is worth the potential drama.

What if your wedding party is already large?

If you're already planning a large wedding party, you might be hesitant to add more people to the mix, especially if you don't know your future sister-in-law very well. It's important to remember that your wedding party is made up of your nearest and dearest, and there is no requirement to include your sister-in-law.

If you're concerned about keeping your wedding party small, you can explain this to your future sister-in-law gently. Let her know that you've chosen your closest friends and family members, and you understand that she may want to spend the morning of the wedding as she pleases. You can also mention budget constraints, as a large bridal party can be more expensive.

If you're worried about offending your future sister-in-law or creating family drama, consider giving her another role in the wedding. For example, you can ask her to deliver a reading or speech, get her hair and makeup done with you, or have her children participate as flower girls or ring bearers. This way, she still feels included and special without being a bridesmaid.

Additionally, you can suggest that your future sister-in-law stands on your fiancé's side of the wedding party. This way, she still gets to be involved in the ceremony and feels included in the family, but you can keep your own bridal party to your closest friends.

Remember, the decision is ultimately up to you and your fiancé, and you should choose whoever you want by your side on your special day. If you don't feel comfortable adding your future sister-in-law as a bridesmaid, there are other ways to include her and make her feel welcomed into the family.

What if you don't want to include her?

If you don't want to include your sister-in-law in your bridal party, that's a valid choice. There's no tradition or requirement that says you must, and it's not rude to choose not to. However, it's important to consider your relationship with her and how leaving her out might affect your future spouse's family dynamics.

If you're not close to your sister-in-law, or if including her would make you feel more on edge than relaxed, it's understandable that you might not want her as a bridesmaid. In this case, you could offer her another role in the wedding, such as doing a reading or having her children be flower girls or ring bearers. This way, she still feels included and important without being in the bridal party.

If you do decide to leave her out, communication is key. Be honest and direct, but also sensitive and kind. Explain that you're keeping the bridal party small or that you're including your nearest and dearest friends, or even reference budget constraints. You could also suggest that you want her to be able to spend the morning as she pleases and wear what she wants. If you're worried about how she'll react, it might be a good idea for your fiancé or your sibling to lead the conversation.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should ultimately choose the people who will stand by your side. However, be prepared for potential drama or hurt feelings, especially if you include some sisters-in-law but not others. It might be a tricky conversation, but honesty and sensitivity can help smooth things over.

What if you have multiple future sisters-in-law?

When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, you might be wondering what to do if you have multiple future sisters-in-law. While it is a nice gesture to include them, it is not an etiquette requirement. The decision is ultimately a personal one and depends on various factors.

Firstly, consider your relationship with each of your future sisters-in-law. Are you close with all of them? If you only have a strong relationship with some, including only those sisters-in-law in your bridal party could create drama or hurt feelings. In this case, it may be best to either include all or none of them. However, if you have a large number of future sisters-in-law, it may be impractical to include them all, especially if you also have close friends and siblings you would like to ask.

Another factor to consider is whether your future sisters-in-law have children who will be involved in the wedding, such as ring bearers or flower girls. In this case, it may be more practical to give them a different role in the wedding, such as usher or reader, so that they can focus on their children's needs. Additionally, if you anticipate that having a particular sister-in-law as a bridesmaid would make you feel more stressed rather than relaxed on your wedding day, it may be best to give her a different role.

If you decide not to include all or any of your future sisters-in-law as bridesmaids, it is important to communicate this decision sensitively. Not asking a future sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid could be seen as a slight, leading to potential drama or gossip. Be honest and explain your reasons, whether it is because you want to keep the bridal party small, are trying to stick to a modest budget, or have other roles in mind for them. You could also invite them to be part of a wedding house party, a less formal way to include them in the wedding festivities.

What if you're not close but want to get closer?

If you're not close to your sister-in-law but want to get closer, asking her to be a bridesmaid can be a great way to bond and get to know her better. It can also be a nice gesture to start things off on a positive note and create a warm and inviting dynamic within the new family you're joining. However, it's important to consider the potential challenges, especially if you have a large bridal party or don't get along with her.

If you decide to ask your sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid, be mindful of her feelings and comfort level. It might be worth having a honest conversation with her beforehand to gauge her interest and ensure she doesn't feel pressured or obligated. You can also explore other ways to include her in the wedding, such as assigning her specific tasks or including her in pre-wedding events like the bridal shower.

On the other hand, if you choose not to include your sister-in-law as a bridesmaid, it's crucial to communicate your decision sensitively. Be transparent about your reasons, whether it's because you're keeping the bridal party small or want to avoid any potential discomfort due to lack of closeness. Remember that ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should feel empowered to design your bridal party in a way that feels most authentic and joyful to you.

• Explain your desire to keep the bridal party small and intimate, consisting of your nearest and dearest friends whom you've known for a long time.
• Highlight budget constraints, as larger bridal parties can be more expensive due to additional costs like flowers, hair, gifts, and bridal party responsibilities.
• If she has children who will be involved in the wedding, emphasise the importance of her role in managing them and explain that you don't want to distract her from such a critical task.
• Offer her an alternative role, such as being part of a wedding house party or assigning her a special task like creating out-of-town guest welcome bags or assembling favours.

Frequently asked questions