Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Mr. And Ms. Inclusion

Wedding invitations are a chance to set the tone for your big day, and the way you address your guests on their invites is an important part of this. Traditionally, the inner and outer envelopes follow different etiquette rules. The outer envelope is usually formal, with guests' full names and titles included. The inner envelope is more informal, giving you the option to leave out elements of the formal format.

Formal vs. Informal Wedding Invitations

When it comes to wedding invitations, the wording and format you choose can indicate how formal or informal your wedding will be. Here are some tips and examples to help you decide on the right style for your big day:

Formal Wedding Invitations

Formal wedding invitations are typically used for traditional or upscale weddings. They are often more elaborate and follow specific etiquette guidelines:

• Use full names and titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr.) but avoid professional titles like Esquire/Judge.
• Spell out everything, including dates and times (e.g., "Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four").
• Use British spellings (e.g., "honour" instead of "honor").
• Include the middle names of the individuals getting married.
• Omit the bride's last name if she shares it with her parents.
• Provide the city, state, and zip code of the wedding location.
• Use formal phrases like "the honour of your presence" for ceremonies in houses of worship, or "the pleasure of your company" for other venues.
• For a formal/black-tie wedding, you would usually use titles like Mr., Mrs., or Ms.
• Formal invitations are often handwritten and assembled with care.

Example of a Formal Wedding Invitation:

> Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son Jack Alexander to Mason Jacob Kim on Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow.

Informal Wedding Invitations

Informal wedding invitations are perfect for casual or non-traditional weddings. They are more relaxed in style and may include:

• Conversational language and modern wording layouts.
• Abbreviations and numerical figures for dates and times (e.g., "Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 p.m.").
• First names or a combination of first and last names (e.g., "Noah and Sara McCarthy").
• Omission of titles like Mr., Mrs., or Ms.
• Informal invitations may use digital fonts and designs.

Example of an Informal Wedding Invitation:

> Jack Alexander Smith & Mason Jacob Kim invite you to share in their joy. We're getting married on Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 p.m. at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow.

Ultimately, the choice of wording and format is up to you and should reflect the style and tone you want to set for your wedding.

Married Couple With Same Last Name

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with the same last name, there are a few options to consider. The outer envelope is typically more formal, and you can use titles and full names. For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope could be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". For a same-sex couple, either name can go first. If the couple is sensitive to the idea of the woman's name being left out or lumped in with her husband's, the outer envelope could be addressed as "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

The inner envelope is more informal, and you have more flexibility with how you address the couple. You could use titles and surnames, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Warren", or just their first names, such as "Thomas and Michelle".

If you are addressing a married couple with the same last name and one person has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, military rank, or judge, it is proper to use their title on the outer envelope. For example, for a couple where the husband is a doctor, the outer envelope could be addressed as "Doctor Michael Lee and Mrs. Sabrina Lee". For a couple where the wife is a doctor, the outer envelope could be "Doctor Sharon Sheffield and Mr. Erik Sheffield". If both partners are doctors, the outer envelope could be addressed as "The Doctors Alfonso" or "Drs. Sonia and Carlos Alfonso".

It is important to consider the preferences of the couple when addressing the invitations. Some modern women may prefer to have their names included with their husband's, rather than being left out or lumped in with their husband's name. Additionally, if one of the individuals has a gender-neutral or non-binary title, such as "Mx.", this should be respected and included in the address.

Married Couple With Different Last Names

When addressing wedding invitations to a married couple with different last names, it is recommended that you write their names on the same line with the woman's name first. If their combined names are too long to fit on one line, you can list them separately. Here is an example of how to address the outer envelope:

"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

For the inner envelope, you can use their first names only:

"Maria and David"

Alternatively, you can use their titles and last names:

"Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez"

It is important to note that modern etiquette suggests avoiding the use of "Mr." and "Mrs." or "Mr." and "Mrs." with the husband's first name and last name shared, as this can be seen as outdated and may offend some guests. Instead, it is more common to use "Mr." and "Ms." with both spouses' full names.

If you are addressing a married couple with children, you can include the children's names on the second line of the inner envelope. Here is an example:

Mr. Brian Freeman and Ms. Valerie Warrington

Anders and Sue

Gender-Neutral Titles

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few options for gender-neutral titles. While it is ultimately up to personal preference, here are some considerations to help you decide:

Formality of the Wedding

The formality of your wedding can dictate the format of your invitations. If you're having a formal wedding, such as a black-tie event or a ceremony in a place of worship, you may want to use more traditional titles and formats. On the other hand, if your wedding is more casual or laid-back, such as a backyard barbecue, you may opt for a more modern and informal approach.

Gender Fluidity and Non-Binary Guests

If you have guests who are non-binary or prefer gender-neutral language, you can use the title "Mx." (pronounced "mix"). This title is appropriate for anyone who uses they/them pronouns or prefers a gender-neutral option. Be sure to check with your guests ahead of time to respect their preferred titles.

Traditional Titles

If you choose to include titles, the traditional options for men are "Mr." regardless of age or marital status, while for women, the title depends on age and marital status. "Mrs." is used for married women, "Miss" for unmarried women under a certain age, and "Ms." for those who are unsure of marital status, prefer not to disclose it, or are divorced/separated.

Modern Alternatives

To make your invitations more modern and inclusive, you can forgo titles altogether and simply use first and last names. This approach is especially useful if you have guests who do not identify with traditional titles like Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. Another option is to use professional titles such as "Doctor," "Captain," or "The Honorable" if they apply to your guests.

Inner and Outer Envelopes

Traditionally, the inner and outer envelopes of wedding invitations follow different etiquette rules. The outer envelope is typically more formal, including the recipient's full name and title. The inner envelope is more informal, allowing for flexibility in including last names, first names, or a combination of both.

In conclusion, the decision to include gender-specific titles like Mr. and Ms. on your wedding invitations depends on your personal preferences, the formality of your wedding, and the comfort and preferences of your guests. Remember to be mindful of gender-neutral options for those who prefer them, and don't be afraid to mix and match formats to suit your unique guest list!

Single Male Guest

When addressing a wedding invitation to a single male guest, the guest's preferred title should be used. If you are unsure, it is best to leave out the title altogether. For guests over the age of 18, "Mr." is the appropriate title. If the guest is younger than 18, no title is necessary.

On the outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

On the inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

If the single male guest has been offered a plus-one, do not indicate this on the outer envelope. Instead, reserve "and guest" language for the inner envelope only.

On the outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

On the inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery and guest" or "James and guest"

It is worth noting that if you are having a casual wedding, such as a backyard barbecue or brunch in the park, you may be able to get away with addressing your envelopes less formally, such as leaving out titles or using only first names. However, if you are unsure, it is generally better to err on the side of formality, especially if you have older or more conservative guests on your guest list.

Frequently asked questions