Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Children, Include Or Not?

When it comes to wedding planning, there are many decisions to be made, and one of the most important is whether or not to include children on the guest list. This can be a tricky decision, as it can be a divisive topic, with some people believing that all guests should be able to bring their children, while others prefer an adults-only celebration. There are several factors to consider when making this decision, such as the potential for unpredictable behaviour from children, the increased costs associated with child guests, and the possibility of upsetting family members with a blanket ban on child guests.

How to address wedding invitations to families with children

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations to families with children, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to decide early on whether your wedding will be "family-friendly" or "adults-only". This is a sensitive topic that tends to divide people, so it is essential to communicate your decision clearly to your guests.

If you are inviting a family with young children (under 18), the traditional way to address the invitation is to include the parents' names on the outer envelope and list each child by name on the inner envelope. For example:

Outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham

Inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly

If you are inviting a family with children over the age of 18, each child should receive their own invitation, unless they are living at home with their parents. In this case, you can follow the same format as above, omitting the inner envelope.

It is important to note that if you do not include each child's name on the invitation, you are implying that children are not invited. However, some guests may still assume that their children are welcome, so it is a good idea to spread the word through your immediate family and wedding party that the wedding will be adults-only. You can also add this information to your wedding website.

When addressing the invitations, it is recommended to use formal titles on the outer envelope, such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Mx. On the inner envelope, you can be more informal and use first names only if you prefer.

If you are inviting a family with children, it is also a good idea to consider their needs during the wedding. This may include providing a children's menu, hiring a children's entertainer, or setting up a separate table or room for them to keep them occupied during the reception.

How to communicate that children are not invited

Deciding not to invite children to your wedding is a perfectly valid choice, but it can be a sensitive topic. Here are some ways to communicate this to your guests:

Be Direct and Honest

It is best to be clear and direct about your intentions. Address your wedding invitations to the specific people who are invited, and consider partially filling out the response card with the names of the invitees. You could also include a line on the response card, such as "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception." This helps to avoid any confusion and gives guests enough time to find childcare.

Use Careful Wording

While it is important to be direct, certain phrasing should be avoided. Steer clear of statements like "We thought you'd appreciate a night off!" or "To give you the opportunity to really let your hair down...". Instead, try something more neutral and polite, such as "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding" or "We respectfully advise this is an adult-only event."

Provide Additional Information

Consider including more details about your decision to exclude children. For example, you could mention venue restrictions, budget limitations, or space constraints. You could say something like "Due to safety reasons at our venue, we are unable to extend this invitation to children" or "Due to budget limitations, we are unable to accommodate children under the age of 16."

Offer Alternatives

If you are concerned about the impact on guests with children, you could suggest alternatives or provide helpful resources. For instance, you could offer on-site babysitting services or a designated room for children with babysitters, movies, and snacks. You could also recommend trusted babysitters or local nanny agencies, or suggest kid-friendly hotels or activities for children.

Be Consistent

It is important to maintain consistency with your no-children policy. Avoid making exceptions for certain families, as this could create tension. If you do decide to include children in the wedding party or immediate family, be sure to clearly communicate this to your guests to manage expectations.

Use Other Forms of Communication

In addition to the wedding invitations, you can utilise other channels to convey your intentions. Include a clear adults-only announcement on your wedding website, or make personal phone calls to guests with children to explain the situation. This ensures that your message is conveyed respectfully and effectively.

How to address wedding invitations to children over 18

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to consider the age of the children you are inviting. If you are inviting a family with children who are 18 or older, each child should receive their own invitation, unless they live at home with their parents. In this case, you can follow the same format as you would for a family with children under 18.

For children under the age of 18, the traditional way to address the invitations is to list the children's names on the inner envelope but not the outer one. The outer envelope should be reserved for the name(s) of the parent(s) or guardian(s). On the inner envelope, list each child by name. Boys under 16 do not need a title, while girls under 18 can be addressed as "Miss".

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly"

If you are inviting children who are 18 or older and they do not live with their parents, each child should receive their own invitation. You do not need to use titles, but you can if you wish. Be sure to use the correct identifiers, such as "Mr." for males and "Ms." for females.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Audrey Abraham"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Abraham"

It is important to note that wedding invitation etiquette is not set in stone, and you can choose to address your invitations in a more casual way if that better suits your wedding style. However, using formal titles and following traditional etiquette is a good way to ensure that your guests feel respected and valued.

How to include children in the wedding ceremony

If you have children, or your partner does, you may want to include them in your wedding ceremony. Here are some ways to do this:

• Give them a role in the wedding party: Depending on their age, children can be attendants in the ceremony, such as flower girls, page boys, best men, or bridesmaids. They can also escort their parent down the aisle or be in charge of tasks such as ring warming or handing out confetti.
• Incorporate them into the ceremony: Include the children's names in the ceremony, especially if there is a prayer. This reassures them that they are a significant part of the family and the occasion. You can also involve them in rituals such as a sand ceremony, unity candle lighting, or handfasting.
• Give them a gift: If the parents are exchanging rings, consider giving each child a special gift, such as a ring, necklace, or medallion, along with written promises.
• Write them into the wedding certificate: Create a family wedding certificate that includes the children's names and allows them to sign or make their mark. This makes them feel important and included in the new family framework.
• Coordinate outfits: Have the children's attire match or complement the couple's outfits. This could be done through colour coordination or by including matching accessories, such as hair accessories, boutonnieres, or ribbon sashes.
• Exchange vows with them: If your partner has children, you are also committing to them. You can exchange vows with them during the ceremony, promising to cherish, love, and protect them.
• Incorporate a family blessing: Include a blessing or prayer that symbolises the unity and love of the new family. This can be read during the ceremony or displayed on a sign at the reception.

How to keep children entertained during the wedding

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, it is generally advised to list the names of children on the inner envelope but not the outer one. However, if you are inviting a family, it is recommended to include "and family" on the outer envelope.

Now, onto the fun part—keeping children entertained during the wedding! Here are some ideas to make your special day enjoyable for your little guests:

Set up a colouring competition:

Keep it simple with colouring books and crafts. You can find many wedding-themed printables online. Add colouring pads and pots of coloured pencils, and don't forget to have a prize for the best masterpiece!

Outdoor games:

Kids love giant garden games like Connect 4, Hook-A-Duck, and giant Jenga. These games will be a hit during the drinks reception, and adults can join in on the fun too!

Kids-only area:

Create a cosy escape for the little ones with a tent, cushions, games, and books. They'll appreciate having their own space during reception drinks when adults are mingling and standing.

Treasure hunt:

Organise a treasure hunt with clues leading to items hidden around the venue. It's an exciting way to keep kids engaged and active during the wedding.

Disposable cameras:

Provide disposable cameras and a list of photo ideas, such as capturing the cake-cutting or the newlyweds sharing a kiss. It's a fun way to involve children in capturing unique perspectives of your special day.

Entertainment packs:

Sitting still during the wedding breakfast can be challenging for kids. Provide entertainment packs with quizzes, books, stickers, or even small toys like Lego or cuddly toys to keep them happily engaged at the table.

Hire an entertainer:

If your budget allows, consider hiring an entertainer. They come prepared with various activities, ensuring hours of fun and giving you one less thing to organise!

Kids' dance floor:

Before the adults take over, give kids their own time on the dance floor with a child-friendly playlist. It will be a blast for them, and you'll have adorable photos to cherish!

Indoor activities:

For indoor weddings, set up a craft table with a wedding theme. Children can make wedding cards, design wedding dresses, decorate cupcakes, or create photobooth props.

Kids-only photobooth:

A photobooth filled with dressing-up costumes, masks, and fun props will provide endless entertainment for children and adults alike.

Outdoor cinema:

Upgrade the kids-only area by setting up an outdoor cinema after dinner. Gather cushions, add bowls of popcorn, and play family-favourite movies for a relaxing wind-down.

Remember, the key to a harmonious atmosphere is ensuring that children are entertained and that their parents can relax and enjoy your special day.

Frequently asked questions