Attending A Wedding: To Go Or Not To Go?

Receiving a wedding invitation can be thrilling, but it can also be stressful. There are many reasons why you might not want to attend a wedding, and it's important to remember that you are not obligated to accept every invitation. Factors such as the cost of travel and accommodation, the number of guests invited, and the strength of your relationship with the couple can all influence your decision. Ultimately, it's essential to consider your own finances, time, and well-being when deciding whether or not to attend a wedding.

You can't afford it

It is completely understandable if you can't afford to go to a wedding you've been invited to. Attending a wedding can be expensive, with costs including travel, accommodation, clothing, and gifts. According to a 2018 survey, the average cost of attending a wedding as a friend is $372, and this number climbs to $628 if you are a close friend or relative. With these high costs, it is no surprise that nearly 20% of Americans have turned down a wedding invite due to financial constraints.

If you can't afford to go to a wedding, it is better to decline the invitation than to put yourself in debt. While your priority should be your financial health, it is also important to consider the relationship. You don't want to risk offending the couple or straining your friendship with them. Being transparent and explaining your situation to the couple is a good approach. They may be understanding, but it is also possible that they may not be as forgiving, and this could negatively affect your relationship. It is a difficult conversation to have, but it is better to be honest than to go into debt or lie about your financial situation.

Even if you don't attend the wedding, it is good etiquette to send a gift. You could send a heartfelt card with a message expressing your well wishes, and if you are able, you could include a monetary gift or a cheque. According to wedding etiquette, you have up to a year to send a gift, so you could also wait until you are in a better financial position. If you are close to the couple, you could also offer your moral support and let them know that you are there for them if they need to vent about wedding-related stress.

Remember, your expenses should be dictated by your financial situation, not the couple's budget. It is not worth going into debt to attend a wedding, and if the couple is understanding, they will value your presence over presents.

You haven't spoken to the couple in over a year

If you've received a wedding invitation from a couple you haven't spoken to in over a year, it's natural to feel conflicted about whether or not to attend. Here are some factors to consider to help you make a decision:

The Nature of Your Relationship

Take a moment to reflect on the nature of your relationship with the couple. Are they close friends or family members with whom you were once very close but have drifted apart due to life circumstances? Or were they more like acquaintances or colleagues whose paths rarely crossed with yours? If they fall into the former category, it might be worth considering attending the wedding, especially if you have a history of shared experiences and memories. On the other hand, if they were never a significant part of your life, it may be reasonable to decline the invitation.

The Size of the Wedding

Consider the scale of the wedding. Is it an intimate gathering of the couple's closest loved ones, or a grand celebration with hundreds of guests? If the wedding is small and exclusive, it could indicate that you are still considered part of the couple's inner circle, even if you haven't been in touch recently. In this case, your presence might be particularly meaningful to them. However, if the wedding is a large affair with many invitees, it's less likely that your absence will be noticed, and you may feel more comfortable declining the invitation.

Your Current Circumstances

Evaluate your own circumstances and how feasible it is for you to attend the wedding. Are you facing financial constraints or time constraints that would make attending the wedding challenging? Weddings can be expensive for guests, especially if they involve travel or taking time off work. If attending would cause a significant strain on your resources, it's perfectly acceptable to decline gracefully. Alternatively, if you have the means and the desire to attend, it could be an opportunity to reconnect with the couple and rekindle your friendship.

Your Intentions and Expectations

Examine your intentions and expectations for attending the wedding. Are you genuinely interested in celebrating this milestone with the couple, or do you feel obligated out of guilt or fear of offending them? If you're excited about the prospect of reconnecting and wish them well, your presence at the wedding could be a positive experience for all. However, if you're only considering going because you feel pressured or don't want to cause tension, it might be better to politely decline and explore other ways to express your congratulations.

Reconnecting Before the Wedding

If you're unsure about your decision, consider reaching out to the couple before the wedding. A simple phone call or message expressing your happiness for them and inquiring about their wedding plans can help you gauge the current state of your relationship. It might also provide an opportunity to catch up and see if you still feel connected to them. If the conversation goes well and you feel a sense of warmth and friendship, you may be more inclined to attend the wedding. However, if the interaction feels strained or awkward, it might be a sign that it's best to decline the invitation gracefully.

Remember, the decision to attend or decline a wedding invitation is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Weigh your relationship with the couple, your current circumstances, and your own feelings to make a choice that feels right for you.

You've never met the couple's partner

If you've received a wedding invitation from a couple, one half of whom you've never met, you may be unsure about whether to attend. Here are some things to consider that might help you decide:

Your Relationship with the Couple

Take stock of your relationship with the couple. If you are close friends or family, it might be worth attending, even if you don't know the partner of the person you're close to. Weddings are a great way to reconnect with people and meet new people. However, if you're not that close anymore and haven't communicated in over a year, it might be better to decline the invitation.

Size of the Wedding

Consider the size of the wedding. If it's a small, intimate gathering, the couple may only want their nearest and dearest there. If you don't know one half of the couple, you might feel out of place. On the other hand, if it's a large wedding with hundreds of guests, your presence may be less noticeable, and you might feel more comfortable going, even if you don't know one of the partners.

Your Budget

Weddings can be expensive, especially if they require travel or a stay in a hotel. If you're close to the person you know in the couple, it might be worth the expense, even if you don't know their partner. However, if it's a financial strain, it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation and send a gift and a thoughtful card instead.

The Couple's Budget

If the couple is paying for the wedding, it might not be reasonable to add the financial burden of paying for additional guests they don't know. In this case, it might be better to decline the invitation, especially if you're not close to the person you know in the couple.

Your Interest in Meeting New People

Some people enjoy meeting new people, while others find it uncomfortable. If you're open to the idea of getting to know the partner of the person you know, attending the wedding could be a great opportunity to do so. However, if you're not interested in expanding your social circle, it might be better to decline the invitation.

Remember, just because you receive a wedding invitation doesn't mean you have to accept. It's essential to weigh your relationship with the couple, the size of the wedding, your budget, the couple's budget, and your interest in meeting new people before making a decision.

You're not close to the couple anymore

If you're not close to the couple anymore, you may be wondering if it's worth attending their wedding. Here are some things to consider:

The State of Your Friendship

It's natural for friendships to fade over time, and it's okay to acknowledge that you may not be as close to the couple as you once were. If it's been a while since you last spoke or met, and you don't foresee this changing, it might be a sign that you don't need to attend the wedding. Sending a thoughtful gift and card to express your happiness for them can be a good alternative.

Size of the Wedding

If the wedding is a large event with hundreds of invitees, it's likely that your presence or absence won't be as noticeable. In such cases, it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation, especially if attending would be a financial burden or require taking time off work.

Reconnecting Your Friendship

On the other hand, weddings can be great occasions for reconnecting with old friends. If you're open to the idea of rekindling your friendship and there aren't any negative feelings between you, attending the wedding could be a positive step towards rebuilding that connection.

Your Own Comfort and Preferences

Ultimately, the decision to attend or not comes down to your own comfort and preferences. If you're invited but don't feel excited about going, it's perfectly acceptable to politely decline. You can simply respond to the invitation with a gracious note expressing your regrets, and perhaps send a gift if you wish.

You're not explicitly invited

It is generally considered rude to attend a wedding without a formal invitation. If you are not explicitly invited, it is best to assume that you are not invited and politely decline the offer.

There are several reasons why you may not have received a formal invitation. The couple may be trying to stick to a budget or keep the wedding small and intimate. They may also be dealing with vendor capacity limits or requests from their parents, who are paying for the wedding. It is important to remember that this decision likely has very little to do with how much the couple wants you there and is probably a matter of logistics.

If you are close to the couple and feel comfortable doing so, you can reach out to them to express your well wishes for their wedding and ask if there has been a mistake with the invitations. However, it is essential to be understanding if they confirm that you are not invited.

In some cases, a couple may verbally invite you to their wedding without sending a formal invitation. If this happens, it is important to ask them to provide you with a physical invitation so that you can formally RSVP. This ensures that the couple can properly account for your attendance and avoid any last-minute surprises on their big day.

If you are not explicitly invited to a wedding, it is best to politely decline the offer and send a thoughtful card and gift to the couple instead. This way, you can still show your support for their union without overstepping any boundaries.

Frequently asked questions