Bridesmaids' Guide: Me Too Etiquette For Supportive Sisters

Bridesmaids are an integral part of many weddings, providing practical and emotional support to the bride. The number of bridesmaids in a wedding party depends on various factors, including the bride's preferences, family size, and the number of attendants desired by the couple. In modern times, the bride typically chooses her bridesmaids from among her close friends or relatives, with the principal bridesmaid, or maid of honour, being the bride's closest friend or sister. The role of the bridesmaid extends beyond the wedding day, as they often participate in planning wedding-related events such as bridal showers and bachelorette parties. The film Bridesmaids, a 2011 American comedy, explores the dynamics of a group of bridesmaids and the competition that arises between the maid of honour and another bridesmaid, both vying to be the bride's best friend.

Choosing your bridesmaids

Number of Bridesmaids

The number of bridesmaids you choose is entirely up to you and there is no "correct" number. While most brides typically choose between four to six bridesmaids, you can have as few or as many as you want. Consider the size of your wedding, the venue, the number of guests, and the atmosphere you want to create. Remember, your bridal party should be made up of people you want by your side as you get married, so choose the number that feels right for you.

Who to Choose

When deciding on your bridesmaids, select your closest friends or family members. These are the people you want to depend on and share laughs and tears with throughout the wedding planning process. Don't feel pressured to choose someone just because they asked you to be their bridesmaid or because you feel obligated. Choose the people you truly want standing by your side. It's also important to consider the dynamics between your bridesmaids; you want to ensure everyone gets along to avoid any unnecessary drama.

Duties and Costs

Being a bridesmaid comes with responsibilities and financial commitments. While the duties of a bridesmaid are limited, they typically include attending the wedding and providing practical and emotional support to the bride. They may also be involved in planning pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Discuss the expectations and costs upfront, so your bridesmaids know what is required of them. It has become customary for the bride to present her bridesmaids with gifts as a token of appreciation for their support and financial commitment.

Timing

It is recommended to choose your bridesmaids about six months before the wedding. This will give your bridesmaids enough time to plan and prepare, especially if they need to arrange travel or purchase their dresses.

Dresses

Speaking of dresses, the bridesmaids' dresses are an important consideration. Traditionally, the bride chooses the dresses, and the bridesmaids cover the cost. However, some brides may offer to chip in or cover the cost as a gift to their bridesmaids. When selecting dresses, consider the wedding theme, colour palette, and the comfort and preferences of your bridesmaids.

Planning the bridal shower

Planning a bridal shower can be a fun and exciting experience, but it can also be a little overwhelming, especially if it's your first time. Here are some tips to help you plan an unforgettable bridal shower:

Choose a Planning Squad:

It's important to assemble a team of people who can help you with the planning. This could include the bridesmaids, close friends, and family members. Be sure to choose people who are reliable and enthusiastic about helping out.

Establish Clear Communication:

As the person in charge of planning, it's crucial to set clear expectations and maintain open communication with your planning squad. Create a group chat to facilitate easy communication and establish ground rules and deadlines to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Delegate Tasks:

Assign roles to each member of your planning squad based on their strengths and interests. For example, if someone is great at decorating, put them in charge of the bridal shower decor. If someone else is good at planning games and activities, let them handle that aspect.

Set a Budget:

Discuss and decide on a budget for the bridal shower as early as possible. This will help guide your decision-making when it comes to choosing a venue, food, decorations, and other expenses. Be sure to get contributions from the bridesmaids and anyone else who is willing to chip in.

Choose a Date and Time:

Pick a date and time for the bridal shower that works for the bride and the most important guests. It's usually held a few weeks to a few months before the wedding. Avoid planning it too close to the wedding to prevent added stress for the bride.

Create a Guest List:

Work with the bride to create a guest list that includes the bridal party, close friends, and family members. It's important to limit the guest list to people who are also invited to the wedding. Once you have the final list, send out invitations 4-6 weeks in advance.

Pick a Venue:

The venue for the bridal shower can be a home, a park, a restaurant, an event space, or anywhere that fits your budget and theme. If the bride has a large number of guests, you may need to rent a space to accommodate everyone comfortably.

Choose a Theme:

Selecting a theme for the bridal shower is a fun way to add a personal touch. It could be as simple as a colour palette or something more specific like a beach or Parisian theme. The theme will guide your decisions on decorations, food, and activities.

Plan the Menu:

Food and drinks are essential for a bridal shower. You can choose to have a full meal, finger foods, or a themed menu like a brunch or tea party spread. Be sure to accommodate any dietary restrictions that your guests may have.

Decorations and Entertainment:

Think about how you want to decorate the venue to create a festive and memorable atmosphere. You can go all out with floral arrangements, balloons, and personalised signage, or keep it simple with some pretty centrepieces and fairy lights. Plan some games or activities to keep guests entertained, such as bridal shower bingo or a DIY flower crown station.

Remember, the most important thing is to create a celebration that the bride will love and cherish. Don't be afraid to ask for help and delegate tasks to make the planning process more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Bachelorette party planning

Planning a bachelorette party can be an overwhelming task, but with some organisation and forethought, it can be a fun and memorable experience for all involved. Here is a step-by-step guide to planning a bachelorette party:

Choose a Guest List

The guest list should start with the bridal party, including the maid of honour and bridesmaids, and any other close friends or family members the bride wants to invite. It is important to remember that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the bachelorette party. A good rule of thumb is that guests should be from the bride's closest circle of friends and people she would be comfortable having around for most of the activities.

Select a Location

Decide whether the bachelorette party will be local or a destination celebration. Consider the types of activities that can be done depending on the location and the time of year. Local bachelorette parties tend to be less expensive and more convenient for guests, whereas destination parties can be an opportunity to treat yourselves and visit a new place.

Set a Budget

Before consulting the guests, research the major group costs such as accommodations, travel, meals, and activities. This will help the invitees plan and contribute accordingly. The national average for bachelorette parties is around $500, but there are ways to plan a fun and affordable event. For example, opting for a local party, asking for payments along the way, and considering AirBnBs instead of individual hotel rooms can help reduce costs.

Book Accommodations

Once you have set a date and have RSVPs, book your accommodations. AirBnBs or VRBOs are recommended over individual hotel rooms as they provide a shared space for the group to gather and spend time together. If someone from the bridal party is offering their home as accommodation, be courteous and respectful of their space, especially if you plan on having a wild celebration.

Choose a Theme (Optional)

Themes are not necessary but can be a fun addition to the party. The theme can be as simple as including the bride's interests or her name, or it can be something more playful and cheeky. The theme can help guide your choices for decor and activities.

Plan the Activities

For a weekend bachelorette, aim for a mix of high-energy and low-energy activities, with some downtime in between. Start with the bride's hobbies, personality traits, and interests when brainstorming activities. Some ideas include dancing, a theme park visit, a spa day, outdoor activities, private classes, or a night out on the town.

Get a Gift for the Bride

Traditionally, each bachelorette brings a small gift for the bride, often lingerie. However, the bride or host may request something different or suggest going in together on a larger gift. A budget-friendly option is a "panty drop", where each guest brings a different piece of underwear.

Decorations and Swag

When it comes to decorations, less is more. A few cheeky pieces of decor, a photo wall, swag, and a themed banner are usually enough to create a festive atmosphere. Choose items that the guests will actually use and appreciate, rather than cheap swag that will likely be thrown away.

Finalise the Itinerary and Confirm Attendance

About one month before the party, finalise and share the itinerary with the group, including important information such as the address, transportation details, and any specific items they need to pack. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page and aware of the schedule.

Pack and Travel

As the host, aim to arrive at the party location a few hours before the bride and the rest of the guests to set up any decorations and check that everything is in order.

Celebrate!

Last but not least, enjoy the festivities and celebrate the bride-to-be!

Wedding-day duties

Being a bridesmaid comes with a lot of responsibilities and duties, especially on the wedding day. Here are some of the key wedding-day duties for bridesmaids:

Get Ready with the Bride

Bridesmaids should plan to arrive at the designated getting-ready location on time and with all their gear, including attire, shoes, jewellery, makeup, and undergarments. They should do whatever they can to assist the bride, such as keeping her calm, happy, and collected; answering any incoming texts, calls, or logistical questions; and making sure she eats something and stays hydrated.

Assist the Maid of Honour

The maid of honour often has a lot on her plate, so bridesmaids should serve as her right-hand ladies, helping out with any tasks that are needed. This could include making last-minute runs, coordinating with the photographer or wedding planner, or providing and keeping track of a wedding day emergency kit.

Provide Getting-Ready Snacks

Bridesmaids should take it upon themselves to provide snacks and drinks for the bride, her mother, and even the photographer and beauty stylists. This will ensure that everyone has the energy to get through the busy day.

Be the "Bride Tribe"

Bridesmaids are the bride's support crew, so they should be on hand to help with any tasks or requests. This could include ensuring that all members of the wedding party have their personal flowers, helping guests navigate the venue, or standing near the gift table to facilitate guest participation.

Participate in the Ceremony

Bridesmaids should be in place at the ceremony venue on time and ready for their cues to walk down the aisle. During the ceremony, they should hit their rehearsed marks and fulfil any assigned roles. After the ceremony, they should stick around for group photographs, as these are usually taken right after.

Be Model Guests

Bridesmaids should mingle with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, sit at their assigned dinner table, and participate in guest-related activities like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth. They should also listen to and applaud any speeches and witness the special dances.

Maintain a Stress-Free Send-Off

Bridesmaids should help the maid of honour, coordinator, or the couple's parents assemble any items that need to be transported out of the reception venue at the end of the night. This could include getting-ready clothing, decor, the bride's bouquet, wedding cards and gifts, and special toasting flutes or cake servers. They should also ensure that all guests make it safely out of the venue and that the bride and groom's overnight bags reach their wedding night hotel room.

The bridesmaid's dress

The bridesmaid dress is an important element of the wedding, with the right dress elevating the whole event. There are many options to choose from, and the dresses can be mixed and matched to honour both the bride's and bridesmaids' wishes.

The style of the dress can be chosen to match the wedding theme. For example, a bohemian bash may call for lace or tulle, while a romantic garden wedding suits soft pinks and light fabrics. Earth tones are perfect for a rustic chic wedding, and flowing fabrics are ideal for a breezy beach ceremony. Velvet and deep jewel tones are a sophisticated choice for a winter wonderland wedding.

The neckline or straps of the dress can also be customised. Cap sleeves and off-the-shoulder sleeves are popular, but spaghetti straps are the most common choice. The length of the dress should be considered, with floor-length gowns being a classic option, but shorter styles can also be chosen, especially for outdoor weddings.

The colour of the dress is another important decision. Wine, cinnamon, juniper, dusty sage, and black are all popular choices, with green being a trendy option, including shades like martini olive and eucalyptus.

It is important to consider the comfort and preferences of the bridesmaids when choosing a dress style. A-line dresses, for example, are a flattering option for a range of body types. The fabric of the dress is also key; smooth satin, romantic lace, and whimsical tulle are all popular choices.

Finally, it is worth noting that traditionally, bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. However, the bride may choose to contribute or cover the cost.

Frequently asked questions