The Bride's Name: First On The Wedding Invite?

There are many traditions and considerations to take into account when it comes to wedding invitation wording. One of the most common questions asked by couples is whether the bride or groom's name should come first. While there is no definitive right or wrong answer, tradition dictates that the bride's full name (first, middle, and last) is followed by the groom's full name. This is because weddings were historically hosted and paid for by the bride's parents. However, modern couples often prefer to break with tradition and may choose to place the groom's name first, use only first and last names, or structure the invitation in a way that sounds best to them. For same-sex couples, names can be listed in alphabetical order or based on personal preference.

Bride's name first: tradition and etiquette

Brides Name First: Tradition and Etiquette

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are a few key considerations. While there is no definitive right or wrong way to word your invitations, tradition usually dictates that the bride's name comes before the groom's. This is because, historically, the bride's family would host and pay for the wedding. However, this tradition is not set in stone, and modern couples often have more flexibility when it comes to invitation wording.

Tradition

The tradition of placing the bride's name first on the wedding invitation stems from the custom of the bride's family hosting and financing the wedding celebrations. This practice is less common today, as many couples choose to contribute to or host their own weddings. However, if the bride's parents are the sole hosts of the wedding, it is still customary to follow this tradition and list their daughter's name first on the invitation.

Etiquette

When deciding whose name to put first on a wedding invitation, it's essential to consider who is hosting and paying for the wedding. If the bride's parents are hosting, it is standard etiquette to list their daughter's name first, followed by the groom's full name and title. However, if both sets of parents are hosting, it is polite to include both names at the beginning of the invitation. For example: "Mrs Mary Anne & Mr Daniel John Smith and Mrs Jane Rose & Mr Matthew Robert Jones invite you to celebrate Julia Anne Smith & Mark Robert Jones on their wedding day."

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, they can choose to include their names only, with the bride's name first, or mention both sets of parents, followed by their own names. An example of this would be: "Together with their families, Miranda Taylor Joy & Stephen Matthew Potter invite you to celebrate their love."

Same-sex couples

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of listing the woman's name first does not apply. Instead, they can choose to list their names alphabetically or simply go with what sounds better. It is also essential to consider how the couple is usually known by friends and family and choose a name order that feels comfortable and familiar.

After the wedding

It is worth noting that the name order on wedding invitations may differ from that used after the wedding. Traditionally, a woman would take her husband's last name, and on post-wedding stationery, the groom's name would precede the bride's. However, with more couples choosing to keep their original surnames or create new shared surnames, this tradition is also evolving.

Groom's name first: post-wedding

Grooms name first: post-wedding

There are differing opinions on whose name should come first on wedding stationery, and it can depend on the type of stationery in question. Some sources suggest that the bride's name should precede the groom's before the wedding day (on save-the-dates, invitations, etc.), and that the groom's name should precede the bride's after the wedding day (on thank-you cards, address labels, etc.). However, others state that the bride's name always comes first.

One reason for the bride's name being first is that traditionally, the bride's parents would host and pay for the wedding, so the invitation would come from them. If this is the case and you want to stick with tradition, the bride's name should be first.

However, if you don't want to be traditional, it is really up to you. If the invitations are coming from either set of parents, it makes sense that their child's name should go first, but it's not a hard and fast rule. If the couple is hosting, they can go with whatever order they prefer.

For same-sex couples, it's a matter of personal preference. If one set of parents is hosting, it makes sense to put their child's name first. Otherwise, alphabetical order is a good way to decide, or simply choosing whichever order sounds better.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order

When it comes to wedding invitations, the bride's name typically comes first, followed by the groom's full name. This tradition stems from the bride's parents usually hosting and paying for the wedding. However, same-sex couples often choose to forgo such traditions and have more flexibility in how they word their invitations.

For same-sex couples, there are two main options for ordering names: alphabetical order or personal preference. Alphabetical order provides a clear structure and a neutral way to write the invitation, avoiding any potential arguments about whose name comes first. This is especially helpful when addressing invitations to unmarried same-sex couples, where the order of names doesn't typically matter but can be arranged alphabetically to provide a consistent format.

If the couple is married and has different last names, both names can be written on the same line, separated by "and". For example, "Mr. Charles Adams and Mr. John Green". If they have the same last name, the French plural forms "Messrs." and "Mmes." can be used, such as "Messrs. Charles and John Green" or "Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews".

When in doubt, it is always best to ask the couple about their preferred greeting. There are no strict rules for same-sex wedding invitation wording, but it is essential to convey the important information clearly and concisely.

Who's hosting/paying: the bride's family

When the bride's family is hosting and paying for the wedding, the bride's name typically comes first on the invitation. This is a holdover from the tradition of the bride's parents hosting and financing the wedding. In this case, the invitation might begin with something like:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter, [Bride's name], to [Groom's name]...

The bride's name is usually followed by her first and middle names without the surname, while the groom's full name, including his last name, is used. This is because the bride's surname is inferred from that of her parents, who have just been mentioned.

However, it is not a hard and fast rule that the bride's name must come first. If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves and neither set of parents is mentioned on the invitation, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name listed first. This may indicate that he is the head of the family or the primary financier of the wedding, inviting the guests.

If the bride's family is hosting and paying but you would prefer to avoid the traditional naming format, you could use a more modern approach. For example:

> Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...

Here, the bride's name still comes first, but the wording is more contemporary and inclusive of both families.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to ensure your invitation reflects your own style and relationship. Discuss your ideas with everyone involved to avoid disagreements and ensure everyone feels valued and included.

Personal preference: what sounds and looks best

Ultimately, the order of the names on a wedding invitation is a matter of personal preference. If you feel strongly about how your name should appear, or you want to break with tradition, there's nothing stopping you from putting your name first.

Some couples choose the order because their initials sit better one way than the other, especially if they are using a monogram in their invitation design. Others might feel that their names simply sound better one way around than the other.

If you're a same-sex couple, you might want to go with alphabetical order, or you might already be known by your friends and family in a certain order, and it would feel strange to switch that up.

The most important rule is to create a beautiful wedding invitation that represents you, your love, and the big day to come.

Frequently asked questions