Big, Bold, And Bridal: Navigating The Social Norms Of Third Weddings

There are many schools of thought on whether it is tacky to have a big third wedding. Some people believe that it is unnecessary to have a large celebration if it is not your first wedding, whereas others argue that every couple deserves to celebrate their love and commitment, no matter how many times they have been married before. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what kind of wedding they want, and they should choose whatever makes them happy and comfortable.

Guest attendance and expectations

Planning a third wedding comes with its own set of considerations when it comes to guest attendance and expectations. It is natural to encounter challenges with guest attendance, as some guests may decline the invitation, especially if they attended your previous weddings. It is important to understand that guests' availability may be more limited compared to your first wedding due to various factors such as family commitments, careers, and financial constraints.

When it comes to guest expectations, it is essential to recognize that some guests may have certain preconceived notions about third weddings. They may have less availability or be less inclined to attend, especially if the weddings are in quick succession. It is crucial to respect their decisions and focus on those who are excited to celebrate with you.

Creating a guest list for a third wedding gives you the opportunity to curate an intimate gathering of your closest loved ones. You can choose to have a smaller wedding with only your nearest and dearest, or you may opt for a larger celebration, depending on your preferences. It is entirely up to you and your partner to decide who to invite, and you are not obligated to please anyone else.

When it comes to gift-giving, it is less expected for guests to bring gifts to a third wedding, especially if the couple already owns essential items from their previous marriages. However, guests may still choose to give gifts, and it is essential to respect their choices. If you prefer not to receive gifts, you can politely indicate this on your invitation, or you can suggest a charity donation instead.

In conclusion, guest attendance and expectations for a third wedding may vary. It is important to be understanding of your guests' circumstances and respect their decisions. Focus on creating a guest list that aligns with your vision for the wedding, whether it is an intimate gathering or a grand celebration.

Wedding attire

When it comes to wedding attire, there are no rules. It's your day, so wear whatever makes you feel beautiful and confident. If you want to wear a white wedding dress, go for it. If you want to wear a red dress, that's your choice. It's about what you and your partner want.

That said, there are some traditions and expectations that you may want to consider. For example, some people believe that only first-time brides should wear veils, especially blusher veils, and that trains are not appropriate for second or third weddings. However, this is becoming less common, and many people now believe that it is perfectly acceptable to wear a veil or a train, regardless of whether it is your first wedding or not.

If you are having a small wedding, especially at a courthouse, you may want to avoid a very large, puffy gown, simply for practical reasons. You could consider a shorter dress, a suit, or even a wedding jumpsuit.

There are also some considerations to make regarding your age and the location of your wedding. For example, if you are having a summer beach wedding, you might want to choose a lightweight, casual dress made from breezy, lightweight fabrics. For an older bride, you may want to choose a more conservative gown or a non-traditional colour.

At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and you should wear what you feel is right.

Pre-wedding events

There are many pre-wedding events that you can choose to include in your celebrations. Here are some of the most common ones:

Engagement Party

An engagement party is a celebration of your upcoming nuptials and is usually held a few months after the proposal, though it can also be held on the night of the proposal as a "surprise" engagement party. This event is typically hosted by either set of parents or the couple's friends, but some couples choose to host their own. It is often an intimate gathering held at the host's home, a favourite restaurant, or a special venue. It is considered proper etiquette to celebrate with family first if you are having two separate engagement parties.

Bridal Shower/Wedding Shower

A bridal shower is a traditional women-only celebration, whereas a wedding shower is an event for the couple. Wedding showers are also known as "couple's showers" or "Jack and Jill parties". These events are hosted by a close friend, family member, wedding party member, or a combination of these, and usually take place one to three months before the wedding. They often involve eating, drinking, playing games, and opening gifts.

Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

Bachelor and bachelorette parties are traditionally wild nights out, but nowadays they reflect the personality and style of the guest of honour and can range from spa visits to cooking classes, outdoor adventures, or bar hopping. They are hosted by the wedding party members and usually take place about one to four months before the wedding.

Bridesmaids' Luncheon

Also known as a bridal luncheon, this event is a popular Southern tradition hosted by the bride (or jointly by the couple) a few days before the wedding. It is an opportunity for the bride to express gratitude and gather with members of her bridal party. It is usually a casual event, held in backyards, restaurants, or on the wedding property.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner takes place the night before the wedding, though it can also be held two nights before to give family and friends a chance to recuperate. It is traditionally hosted and paid for by the groom's family, but nowadays it is common for both sets of parents to contribute, or for the couple to host and pay for it themselves. The entire wedding party is invited, along with their plus-ones, very close relatives or friends, and sometimes the officiant. The dinner usually involves short speeches and toasts.

Wedding Welcome Party

A welcome party is a great way to kick off the wedding celebrations, especially if it is a destination wedding or there are a lot of guests travelling from out of town. It usually takes place after the rehearsal dinner, and all guests are invited (including plus-ones). It can be a casual event, such as drinks at a bar or on a patio, or something more fun and themed, like a boat tour or wine tasting.

Wedding After-Party

The after-party begins shortly after the reception ends and can take place at the same venue or a nearby location. It doesn't necessarily have a host, but it should be open to everyone invited to the wedding.

Post-Wedding Brunch

A post-wedding brunch is a casual event that takes place during the late morning or early afternoon on the day after the wedding. Invitations are extended to all wedding guests, but you can expect a smaller guest count as people may be travelling home.

Other Cultural Events

There are also several cultural events that are commonly included as pre-wedding celebrations, such as henna and mehndi parties, Aufruf (a Jewish ceremony), and Sangeet (a pre-wedding celebration in Indian culture).

Gift-giving and registry

There are differing opinions on the appropriateness of gift-giving for a third wedding. Some sources suggest that it is not required to give a gift for a third wedding, but it is still a nice gesture. Others suggest that, while it is not expected, it is customary to give a gift for a third wedding, especially if it is within your budget. Ultimately, it is up to the giver to decide what to give as a gift, and you should not feel pressured to give more than you can afford.

If you are attending the wedding, it is generally considered good etiquette to give a gift. However, if you are not attending, you are not obligated to send a gift, especially if you are not close to the couple. In this case, a small gift or contribution to a group gift or honeymoon fund is sufficient.

The amount of money given as a wedding gift varies depending on the relationship to the couple and your budget. It is generally recommended to give between $20 and $150 for acquaintances, colleagues, and distant cousins, with higher amounts for closer friends and family. For a third wedding, it may be appropriate to give a smaller amount, especially if the couple already has a lot of possessions from previous marriages.

When choosing a gift, it is a good idea to check the couple's wedding registry, as this will help you select something they truly want or need. It is also acceptable to give cash or a cheque as a wedding gift, especially if you are attending a destination wedding. If you are giving a physical gift, it is considered more convenient to send it to the couple's home before the wedding rather than bringing it to the event.

There are several online services that can help you create a wedding registry, such as MyRegistry.com, which allows you to add gifts from any store in the world and sync existing registries. Other popular options include Zola, Amazon, and Target, each offering its own unique perks and discounts.

Wedding costs

While there are no hard and fast rules on what's appropriate for a third wedding, some people may consider it tacky to have a big celebration. However, others argue that everyone deserves a chance to celebrate their love, whether it's their first, second, or third marriage. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide how they want to celebrate their wedding.

Now, let's talk about wedding costs. Planning a wedding can be expensive, and the costs can add up quickly. According to The Knot's data, the national average cost of a wedding in 2023 was $35,000, which is a $5,000 increase from the previous year. This amount typically covers the ceremony and reception, but it's important to note that there are many factors that can affect the final cost.

Here's a breakdown of some of the major expenses to consider when planning a wedding:

• Venue: The venue is usually the biggest expense, taking up about 37% of the overall budget. The location, time of year, and day of the week can impact the cost.
• Catering: Catering is another significant expense, accounting for about 29% of the budget. This includes the cost-per-head for food and may or may not include alcohol and cake.
• Live entertainment: Couples who choose to have a live band allocate around 12% of their budget to performers. A DJ is a more affordable option, typically costing around 5% of the budget.
• Wedding rings: Excluding the engagement ring, couples typically spend about 9% of their budget on wedding bands.
• Photography: Great photos can last a lifetime, so it's worth investing in a good photographer. On average, couples spend about 8% of their budget on photography.
• Alcohol: If your venue package doesn't include alcohol, you'll need to budget for it separately. Alcohol typically accounts for about 8% of the total wedding budget.
• Flowers: Flowers can enhance the look of your wedding and are usually included in bouquets and boutonnieres. On average, couples spend around 8% of their budget on florals.
• Videography: While not always considered essential, a wedding videographer can capture your special day in a unique way. Couples typically set aside about 7% of their budget for this.
• Couples' attire: The wedding dress, suit, shoes, and accessories can add up quickly. On average, couples allocate 7% of their budget to attire.
• Wedding planner: A wedding planner can ensure your day goes smoothly. It's recommended to save about 6% of your budget for a professional planner.
• Event rentals: Tables, chairs, dishes, silverware, and glassware are often overlooked expenses. Depending on your venue and catering package, you may need to hire a separate rental company, typically costing around 6% of your budget.
• Lighting and decor: In addition to flowers, lighting and decor can personalize your wedding. Candles, statement lighting, signage, and centerpieces usually make up about 5% of the total budget.
• Guest entertainment: Unique entertainment options like live painters, dancers, or interactive food servers can enhance your guests' experience. It's recommended to set aside 3% of your budget for guest entertainment.
• Transportation: Transportation ensures your guests get to the right venue on time. This may include a bus, shuttle, limo, or getaway car, typically costing at least 3% of the wedding budget.
• Ceremony musicians: Live musicians for the ceremony, such as a string ensemble or guitarist, can create a memorable ambiance. Couples typically spend around 3% of their budget on ceremony musicians.
• Hair and makeup: It's important to look and feel your best on your wedding day. Earmark at least 3% of your budget for hair and makeup services.
• Wedding stationery: Save-the-date cards, invitations, programs, menus, and thank-you cards are essential details. Allocate around 2% of your budget for stationery.
• Wedding cake: Whether you opt for a traditional cake or alternative sweets, plan to spend about 2% of your budget on desserts.
• Wedding favors and gifts: Small gifts or favours for your guests are a nice way to show your appreciation. Set aside about 1% of your budget for these items.
• Officiant: If you're hiring an officiant to legally marry you, expect to pay around 1% of your budget for their services.

Keep in mind that these percentages are just a guide, and your actual budget may vary depending on your priorities and circumstances. It's essential to be realistic about your expectations and have honest conversations with your partner and anyone else financially contributing to the wedding.

Frequently asked questions