Big, Bold, And Bridal: Navigating The Second Wedding

There's a common adage that you only get married once, but in reality, many people have second (or third, or fourth!) weddings. While some people may feel uneasy about planning another wedding, there's no reason to feel that a second wedding can't be just as big a celebration as a first. In fact, second weddings can be even more special, as couples tend to be more focused on creating a unique event that truly reflects their personalities and values.

Guest list do-overs

If you're planning a second wedding, you have the opportunity to create a guest list that truly reflects who you are and who is important to you. There are no rules about the number of people you should invite, so feel free to make it as intimate or grand as you like. Here are some tips for crafting the perfect guest list for your second wedding:

• Be thoughtful about who you invite: Consider the people who are truly important to you and your partner. This is your chance to surround yourself with those who matter most and who will support your union.
• Respect guests' availability: Understand that your guests may have busier schedules than they did during your first wedding. They may have kids, demanding careers, or limited vacation time. Make sure to give them a heads-up about your wedding date as early as possible so they can plan accordingly.
• Create the guest list you want: Your second wedding is a chance to start fresh. You can invite whoever you like without feeling obligated to please others. Include those who bring you joy and celebrate your love story.
• Be mindful of exes: While it's your personal choice to invite an ex-spouse, especially if you share a cordial relationship, it's generally recommended to avoid inviting exes to your wedding. This can help prevent potential discomfort, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings on your special day.
• Include your children: If you have children, involve them in your wedding celebration. Ask them about their preferences and how they envision participating. They can be flower girls, ring bearers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, or even escort you down the aisle.
• Consider a separate list for family and close friends: To maintain consistency and avoid any potential hurt feelings, create a separate list for family and close friends. This helps ensure that your guests don't feel like they are on a "B-list" and adds a personal touch to your guest list management.
• Be considerate about plus-ones: When it comes to plus-ones, set a clear and consistent rule. For example, you could invite only those partners who have been in a relationship with your guest for a certain period, such as six months or more. Communicate this rule to your guests to avoid any confusion.
• Keep it adults-only: If you want a more intimate and relaxed atmosphere, consider making your wedding adults-only. Gently break the news to the parents in your crew, and they may even welcome the opportunity to enjoy a kid-free celebration.
• Skip the B-list: Avoid creating a B-list for your guest list. It can be tricky to manage, and your friends may feel hurt if they realize they are on a second-tier list. Instead, focus on creating an intentional and thoughtful guest list that reflects your closest loved ones.
• Communicate early: Send out your invitations early, especially if you're concerned about RSVP deadlines. This gives your guests ample time to check their calendars and respond. It also helps you manage your guest list and plan other wedding details more effectively.

Wedding attire

There are no rules when it comes to wedding attire for second marriages. You can wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident. If that's a traditional white wedding gown and veil, go for it. If you want to wear something completely different, like a coloured wedding dress or a jumpsuit, that's fine too.

• A playful minidress can still feel bridal but can better capture the vibe of a big party.
• A simple, elegant slip dress is classic, comfortable, and has an elegant ease to it.
• A long-sleeve dress offers more coverage and is an elegant option for something a bit more mature.
• A hint of colour—soft pastel options still have a bridal feel to them, but they don’t have the formality of a crisp white gown.
• A playful jumpsuit—you won't be fussing with a long train or oversized skirt, and you’ll be able to move around the party with ease.

If you're an older bride, you might not want all the pomp and circumstance of a first wedding. Long gowns and allover beading can be uncomfortable. Many older brides tone things down, opting for simple tea-length dresses paired with matching jackets, or elegant pantsuits. On the other hand, a flowy frock with spaghetti straps might be perfect.

For grooms, the same principles apply. You can wear a tux, or something completely different. It's your day, too, so listen to your preferences. Think of it this way: you don't want to miss out on anything or, worse, have regrets.

Wedding traditions

There are many traditions associated with weddings, and while some are still widely practised, others are considered outdated. Here are some of the most common wedding traditions and their origins:

• "Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue": This tradition stems from an Old English rhyme, where the four objects are meant to bring good luck to the bride on her wedding day. "Something old" represents the couple's past, while "something new" symbolises their future together. "Something borrowed" is usually an item from someone happily married, for good fortune, and the colour blue represents fidelity and love.
• Carrying a Bridal Bouquet: In ancient Greece and Rome, brides carried aromatic bouquets of herbs and spices to ward off evil spirits. This evolved over time, with brides carrying their favourite blooms, a tradition that began with Queen Victoria, who carried a bouquet of snowdrops, Prince Albert's favourite flower.
• Bridesmaids in Matching Dresses: In Roman times, bridesmaids dressed identically to the bride to confuse evil spirits and protect the bride.
• Wearing a Wedding Veil: The veil also has roots in ancient Rome, where brides would disguise themselves from evil spirits. Today, veils come in various styles, such as the blusher, mantilla, fingertip, and cathedral.
• Wearing the Ring on the "Ring Finger": This tradition comes from the Romans, who believed that a vein in the fourth finger on the left hand was directly connected to the heart.
• Mailing Printed Wedding Invitations: Before the invention of the printing press, weddings were announced by town criers. With the advent of printing, only the aristocracy used written invitations. The double envelope tradition stems from this, as outer envelopes would become damaged during delivery.
• "The Honour of Your Presence": This phrase on wedding invitations indicates that the ceremony will be held in a place of worship.
• "Giving" the Bride Away: This tradition has evolved from its origins in arranged marriages, where the father "gave away" his daughter as a transfer of ownership. Today, it is a loving moment where the father escorts his daughter down the aisle.
• "Tying the Knot": In many cultures, the couple's hands are physically tied together to symbolise their commitment and new bond.
• Tossing Rice at the Newlyweds: Rice symbolises fertility and prosperity, and tossing it at the end of the ceremony conveys best wishes for the couple's future.
• The Wedding Cake: In ancient Rome, guests broke bread over the bride's head for fertility. In medieval England, the couple had to kiss over stacked spiced buns and cookies, a precursor to tiered cakes.
• Saving the Top Tier of the Cake: Traditionally, the top tier was saved and frozen for the couple to enjoy at their child's christening, as it was assumed a baby would arrive within a year.
• Candy Wedding Favours: In the 16th century, couples gave guests bombonieres, small trinket boxes filled with candy, as a display of wealth. Over time, these evolved into sugar-coated almonds, symbolising good luck and love.

While some of these traditions are still practised today, others have been adapted or replaced to reflect modern values and beliefs. Ultimately, a couple can choose which traditions to incorporate into their wedding, creating a unique celebration that reflects their culture, heritage, and personal style.

Pre-wedding events

Engagement Party

The engagement party is often the first pre-wedding celebration, where you officially announce your upcoming marriage to relatives and friends. It is usually hosted by the bride's parents or any relative or friend of the couple. It is typically held at the host's home, a favourite restaurant, or a special venue. While gifts are not mandatory, guests may bring some. It is proper etiquette to celebrate with family first if you are having two separate engagement parties for family and friends.

Bridal Shower or Wedding Shower

A bridal shower is a traditional women-only celebration, while a wedding shower includes the couple and their friends and family. These usually take place around two months to two weeks before the wedding and are hosted by close friends and family of the couple. Wedding showers usually involve eating, drinking, playing games, and conversations with guests. Gifts are also given to the couple during the event.

Bachelorette and Bachelor Parties

The bachelorette and bachelor parties are a chance for the bride and groom to celebrate with their friends separately. These can be wild nights out or a relaxing spa visit, depending on the couple's preferences. They usually take place about one to four months before the wedding.

Bridesmaids Luncheon

The bridesmaids luncheon is a small gathering hosted by the bride to thank the bridal party for their help and to give them gifts. It is usually held in the afternoon the day before the ceremony.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a chance for both families to spend time together in a relaxed setting. It usually takes place the night before the wedding, though some couples opt for two nights before to give everyone a chance to rest before the big day. The entire wedding party is invited, along with their significant others and sometimes the officiant. This event is usually hosted by the groom's parents, but it is becoming more common for both sets of parents to contribute.

Welcome Party

The welcome party is a separate event that usually takes place after the rehearsal dinner, especially for destination weddings or when many guests are travelling from out of town. It is a great way for everyone to connect and kick off the wedding celebrations. All guests are invited, but attendance is not mandatory.

Gift etiquette

• It is customary to bring a gift to a second wedding, but it is not obligatory.
• Guests are not expected to bring as extravagant a gift as they might for a first wedding.
• Couples should not expect to receive a gift from every guest.
• It is acceptable for second-time couples to create a registry, but they may prefer to spread it by word of mouth or only provide the link if asked.
• If you don't want gifts, it's best to spread this by word of mouth rather than including it on the invitation. You could also suggest donations to a charity instead.
• If there is no registry, guests could give something more personal, or something the couple would truly appreciate.
• If the couple has children, it is up to the gift-giver's discretion to give them something too.
• If the couple has chosen to have a registry, it is important to respect their wishes and consider purchasing a gift from it.
• It is appropriate to give cash as a gift for a second wedding.

Frequently asked questions