How To Handle Wedding Guest List Additions Post-Invites

Wedding planning can be a stressful affair, and one of the most challenging parts is finalising the guest list. It's important to send out invitations with enough time for guests to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements. But what happens when you want to add guests after the invitations have been sent? Is it okay to do so, and what is the proper etiquette? This is a tricky situation, and it's essential to handle it delicately to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Plus-ones for married, engaged, and cohabiting guests

It is generally considered good etiquette to extend a plus-one to guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting with their partner. This is the case even if you have never met their other half, or are not particularly fond of them.

If you are happy for guests to bring a plus-one, it is important to address the invitation to both parties. This can be done by including "and guest" on the envelope, or by writing out the plus-one's name if you know it.

If you are unable to accommodate plus-ones for all guests, it is advisable to be consistent. For example, you could decide that only members of the wedding party will be offered a plus-one. This avoids any accusations of favouritism.

If you are unsure about whether a guest's relationship status qualifies them for a plus-one, it is best not to include their partner's name on the invitation. Instead, use "invited guest" to indicate that they are welcome to bring someone.

It is also worth noting that plus-ones don't have to be romantic partners. They could also be a family member escorting an older guest, or a close friend attending with a single person.

Plus-ones for bridal parties

While it is not necessary to give every guest a plus-one, it is generally expected that everyone in the bridal party should receive one. This is a courteous move that the bridal party will appreciate, especially if they have spent a lot of money on the wedding. It can be awkward for bridal party members to attend a wedding without a plus-one, especially if they are the only ones who are unaccompanied.

However, it is not necessary to force each member of the bridal party to bring a date if they do not want to. It is also not necessary to offer plus-ones to guests who are casually dating or who will know other guests at the wedding.

If you are inviting guests with a plus-one, it is important to include this information on the invitation. Traditionally, this is done by including an outer and inner envelope, with the outer envelope addressing the recipient and the inner envelope listing the names of those invited, such as children or plus-ones. If using a single envelope or sending an online invitation, be sure to clearly address all invitees. If the couple is invited, list both guests by their full names. If a guest is allowed to bring a plus-one, write their name and then "and guest".

Clear criteria for additional guests

• Budget and venue: The number of additional guests you can invite will depend on your budget and venue capacity. If you have a limited budget and a small venue, you may not be able to accommodate many extra guests.
• Social dynamics: Consider how additional guests will impact the social dynamics of your wedding. Will they create a comfortable and positive atmosphere, or will they cause tension or discomfort?
• Consistency: Be consistent in offering plus-ones. For example, if you offer a plus-one to one member of the wedding party, you should offer it to all members. This will avoid any appearance of favouritism.
• Serious relationships: Give priority to guests who are in serious, long-term relationships. This includes married couples, engaged couples, and those who have been dating for over a year.
• Case-by-case basis: Assess each request for an additional guest on a case-by-case basis. Consider the individual circumstances and your relationship with the guest.
• Communication: Be clear and consistent in your communication about additional guests. Explain your criteria and be prepared to answer any questions or concerns.
• Seating arrangements: When creating your seating plan, try to seat single guests with outgoing and friendly couples or other singles they may get along with. Avoid creating a "singles-only" table, as this may give the impression of corralling your single guests.

How to notify guests about plus-ones

The first step in notifying your guests about plus-ones is to decide who will receive them. Traditionally, plus-ones are offered to guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partner. It is also common courtesy to extend a plus-one to members of the wedding party and out-of-town guests who won't know many other attendees.

If you are working with a limited budget or venue capacity, you may need to be more selective with your plus-ones. In this case, create an "A" list of guests who will definitely receive a plus-one, and a "B" list of guests who you will offer a plus-one to if your budget allows.

Once you have decided who will receive a plus-one, it's important to clearly communicate this to your guests. The best way to do this is on the wedding invitation itself. If you are using a traditional invitation with an outer and inner envelope, the outer envelope should be addressed to the guest, and the inner envelope should list the names of any additional guests. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods". If you are using a more modern invitation with only one envelope, be sure to clearly address all invitees, for example, "Mr. James R. Smith and guest".

If you are inviting a couple but do not know the name of the plus-one, it is acceptable to write "and guest" on the invitation. However, it is important to try to find out the name of the plus-one so that you can include it on the save-the-date, invitation, and escort card. This shows that you have made an effort to include them and spells their name correctly.

If you are inviting a single guest and would like them to bring a plus-one, it is best to address the invitation to the primary guest's name and "invited guest". Alternatively, you can address the invitation to the primary guest only and include a plus-one note inside with the RSVP card.

It is also important to be prepared for guests who may ask to bring a plus-one, even if they have not been offered one. Have a kind but firm explanation ready, such as "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding and really hope to see you there!".

Finally, don't forget to consider the seating arrangements for your guests with plus-ones. Try to seat them with other guests they will get along with to create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Seating plans for couples and singles

Seating plans can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips for creating a seating plan for couples and singles:

A seating chart is recommended for weddings with more than 50 guests and can also be useful for smaller weddings. It helps to prevent bottlenecks, reduces guest anxiety about where to sit, and minimises your involvement in mediating issues on the day. If you don't want to assign seats, you can at least designate who sits at the head table with place cards and allow other guests to seat themselves.

How to Assign Seats

When assigning seats, consider your guests' relationships and the venue's layout. Seat guests who know each other together, and put those who don't know many people with strong conversationalists. Seat older guests away from loud music and give them a place to rest. Ensure guests with mobility issues have clear and easy access to the dance floor and exit, and consider their needs if they have sensory issues. Seat immediate family and the wedding party closest to the dance floor so they can easily participate in toasts, speeches, and special dances.

Where to Seat Couples

Traditionally, the newlyweds sit at a head table or a sweetheart table. The head table can include the wedding party and their plus-ones, creating a fun atmosphere. A sweetheart table, on the other hand, is more romantic and gives the couple some time alone. Seat married or long-term couples together, and avoid separating them with obstructive centerpieces.

Where to Seat Singles

Avoid a "singles" table, as this may embarrass or make guests uncomfortable. Instead, seat singles with married or coupled friends to give them a sense of comfort. If you have guests who don't know anyone, seat them near guests with similar interests.

Where to Seat Children

If there are several children attending, a kids' table with activities can be a good idea, as long as it's located near their parents. If there are only a couple of children, such as a flower girl and ring bearer, seat them with their parents.

Conveying Table Assignments

When telling guests where to sit, arrange names alphabetically so they can find their seats faster. If you're having long tables, provide a diagram with numbered seats and an alphabetical list of names and seat numbers. Use a font that's easy to read.

Assigning Tables vs Seats

If you don't want to assign specific seats, you can assign tables instead. This gives guests some direction while allowing them to make their own choices. However, put thought into who you group together, and ensure elderly guests always have a designated place to sit.

Frequently asked questions