The Best Man Dilemma: Bestman Or Best Man?

The best man is the principal groomsman at a wedding. He is the groom's right-hand man and the leader of the groomsmen. The groom usually chooses a close friend or relative to be his best man. The best man has several duties, including planning the bachelor party, handling the formalwear process, keeping the rings safe, signing the marriage license, and giving a speech at the reception. The best man also serves as the groom's emotional support on the wedding day, calming the groom's nerves and delivering messages from the bride.

Best man vs groomsman

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and the leader of the pack. He is usually a close friend or relative of the groom, standing by his side to support and assist in any way possible before and during the wedding. The best man is also in charge of the groomsmen, leading all communication and spearheading most of their activities and duties.

The best man is the principal groomsman and has more responsibility than the other groomsmen. He is the go-to confidante, personal valet, and logistics guru for pre-wedding events and day-of details. The best man is responsible for planning the bachelor party, choosing the groomsmen's attire, and giving the best man's speech at the reception. He also has the important duty of keeping the wedding rings safe before and during the ceremony.

Groomsmen are other important people to the groom without the same duties as the best man. They are participants in the wedding rather than leaders or point persons. Groomsmen may give a group toast at the rehearsal dinner or reception, but this is less common.

While the best man is usually a man, this role can be taken on by anyone the couple feels comfortable with, including a woman, the groom's father, grandpa, or son. Similarly, groomsmen can be referred to as bridesmen if they are women.

Best man duties

The role of the best man is typically assigned to the groom's closest friend or family member. However, there are no set rules, and the couple may choose whoever they feel comfortable with, such as a grandparent or child. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante, supporting him throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself.

Before the Wedding

• Help choose the suits for the bridal party.
• Arrange to meet the ushers and other groomsmen.
• Liaise with the maid of honour.
• Help the groom with planning and administrative tasks.
• Plan an awesome bachelor/stag party.
• Write your best man speech.
• Organise a groomsmen's gift for the groom.
• Finalise fittings for the groom and groomsmen.
• Check in with the groom.
• Help with the pre-wedding set-up.
• Stay over with the groom the night before the wedding.

On the Wedding Day

• Help the groom get ready.
• Organise the ushers.
• Keep the rings safe.
• Greet the guests with the groom.
• Stand at the altar with the groom.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony.
• Stand in the receiving line.
• Help organise wedding photographs.
• Be the master of ceremonies.
• Deliver your speech.
• Get the party started.

After the Wedding

• Return and clean suits.
• Take care of wedding gifts.
• Decorate the getaway car.
• Tie up loose ends, such as tipping vendors and transporting gifts.

Choosing the best man

Family vs Friends

If you have a male sibling, this decision may be simple—your brother is likely to know you well, have a good relationship with your fiancé, and be aware of the type of bachelor party you would enjoy. However, if you have two brothers, you may face a difficult choice. In this case, you could consider having two best men, or even include your brother(s) as groomsmen without designating a best man.

Long-time Friends

Another option is to choose a long-time friend, someone who has known you for many years and has been with you through different stages of your life. This person is likely to be trustworthy and able to help with any scenario that arises on your wedding day.

Proximity

You could also consider choosing a friend who lives close by. This has the added benefit of making it easier to communicate about your wedding plans and to meet up to discuss any decisions or opinions.

Relationship with your Fiancé

If you have a friend who has a great relationship with your fiancé and knows about your relationship, this could be a deciding factor. During the wedding toast, this friend will be qualified to speak about your relationship, and it will feel more genuine.

Practicality

If you are torn between two friends, consider which one has the most time to commit to your wedding. Which friend would always be available to help plan the bachelor party and take on wedding tasks? If one of your friends has recently had a new baby or received a big promotion at work, they may not have the time to take on the additional responsibility.

Other Traits to Consider

• Organisation and Trustworthiness: The best man has many responsibilities, from planning the bachelor party to ensuring the wedding rings are in order on the day. Choose someone who is well-organised, calm, and task-oriented.
• Sociability: The best man will need to relate to vendors, guests, in-laws, and other event professionals. Pick someone who is confident and can handle these interactions with ease and in the best of manners.
• Discretion: If you are worried that a potential best man may say something embarrassing or tasteless during their speech, it may be best to choose someone else.

Remember, there is no rule that forbids having more than one best man, and ultimately, the decision is yours. You can also forgo the tradition and have all the groomsmen as equals, or even have a "best woman".

Best man speech

Being the best man at a wedding is an honour that comes with great responsibility, including giving a memorable speech. The best man's speech is an important part of the wedding reception, and it's a chance to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show support for the happy couple. Here are some tips to help you craft a standout best man speech:

Planning and Preparation:

• Start by writing down your thoughts, feelings, and memories about the groom. This free-writing exercise will help you gather your ideas and remember specific details.
• Consider using a template as a guide, especially if you're unsure where to start. Templates provide a structure and ensure you include all the necessary elements, while still allowing you to add your personality and experiences.
• Practice your speech as much as possible. Rehearse in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend to refine your delivery and build your confidence.
• Keep your speech focused on the groom and your relationship with him. While you can include stories and anecdotes, avoid making it solely about yourself.
• Aim for a speech duration of around 4 to 7 minutes. Wedding guests tend to appreciate brevity, and a shorter speech will also help you feel less nervous.

Content and Delivery:

• Begin your speech by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship with the groom. This helps establish a connection with the audience and sets the tone for your speech.
• Share stories, funny anecdotes, and heartwarming experiences that showcase the groom's personality and your unique bond. People are wired for stories, and this will keep your audience engaged.
• Compliment the couple and talk about the positive impact they have had on each other. You can share how the bride has influenced the groom, making him a better person.
• Include a toast at the end of your speech. Raise your glass and wish the couple a happy future and life together.
• Connect with your audience by maintaining eye contact, speaking clearly, and using hand gestures. Ensure your delivery is confident and genuine to make your speech memorable.

Remember, your best man speech is a chance to celebrate your friend's special day. Keep it light-hearted, entertaining, and focused on the happy couple. With careful planning and practice, you'll deliver a speech that everyone will remember and cherish.

Best man's attire

The best man's attire is an important aspect of the wedding ceremony. While the specific dress code may vary depending on the wedding theme and the couple's preferences, here are some tips for the best man to look his best:

• Suit or Tuxedo: The best man should ideally wear a suit or tuxedo that complements the groom's outfit. It is a good idea to discuss the colour and style of the suit with the groom beforehand to ensure a cohesive look.
• Colour Coordination: When selecting a suit colour, consider shades that complement the wedding colour palette. Neutral colours such as navy, grey, or black are classic choices and can be easily matched with the bridal party.
• Accessories: Accessories can elevate the best man's attire. A stylish pair of shoes, a pocket square, a tie or bow tie, and cufflinks can add a touch of elegance to the overall ensemble.
• Seasonality: Consider the season and weather conditions when choosing the fabric and weight of the suit. Lighter fabrics such as linen or cotton are suitable for warmer months, while heavier wool or tweed suits are ideal for colder seasons.
• Fit and Comfort: Ensure that the suit fits well and allows for comfort throughout the day. The best man will be busy with duties, so a well-fitting suit that isn't too tight or restrictive is essential.
• Grooming: Pay attention to personal grooming. A well-groomed hairstyle, a fresh shave or neat beard, and manicured nails will enhance the overall appearance.

It is always a good idea for the best man to be involved in the wedding planning process, especially when it comes to attire. Communicating with the groom and other groomsmen will ensure that everyone is coordinated and dressed appropriately for the special day.

Frequently asked questions