Should You Invite Ex Family To Your Wedding?

Deciding whether to invite an ex to your wedding can be a tricky and awkward situation. It's important to consider the context of your previous relationship and whether you and your ex have truly moved on. If you're still in contact with your ex's family, it may be appropriate to invite them to your wedding, especially if you have a child together. However, it's crucial to respect your future spouse's wishes and ensure they are comfortable with the idea. If inviting an ex creates any discomfort for you, your partner, or anyone else, it's best to avoid it. Ultimately, the decision depends on the specific circumstances and the relationships involved.

If you're still friends with your ex

Your Relationship with Your Ex

If you're truly in a good place with your ex and are friends who catch up regularly, it can be appropriate to invite them to your wedding. After all, they were once a significant part of your life and helped shape you into the person you are today. However, it's essential to be honest with yourself about your feelings towards them. If you still feel a magnetic pull or sense that something doesn't feel right, it's best to leave them off the guest list.

Your Friend Group

If your ex is part of your friend group, and you feel comfortable and on good terms with them, there's no need to exclude them from your wedding. Your mutual friends can also help keep your ex in line during the festivities! However, if there are lingering tensions or your friends might feel uncomfortable, it might be best to leave your ex off the guest list.

Your Future Spouse's Comfort

It is crucial to consider how your future spouse feels about inviting your ex. If they are not 100% on board, it's best to respect their wishes and not invite your ex. Open and honest communication between you and your future spouse is essential to making this decision. Additionally, if your ex is in a new relationship, consider whether their partner is invited and how comfortable they would be attending a wedding together.

Your Ex's Intentions

If your ex has a history of boundary issues or using your children to manipulate, it might be best not to invite them. Trust your instincts and maintain healthy boundaries. If you're unsure of your ex's intentions, it might be a sign that they shouldn't be included.

Your Child's Well-being

If you share a child with your ex, consider their feelings and needs. Explain to your child that your ex is not invited because you want to focus on your new family unit and that it doesn't mean they are excluded from your life. Offer alternatives, such as having your ex spend time with your child before or after the wedding or sending photos of them all dressed up.

The Type of Ex

Consider the nature of your relationship with your ex. Was it a long-term, serious relationship, or something more casual? A blast from the past, especially an almost-spouse, can be jarring for your future spouse and family. If it was a more casual relationship, simply explain the details to your partner and reassure them that they are the one you chose to marry.

Ultimately, the decision to invite an ex to your wedding depends on your unique situation and the comfort level of all parties involved. It's essential to be mindful of everyone's feelings and maintain healthy boundaries.

If you share a child with your ex

The Comfort Level of All Parties

It is crucial to ensure that everyone involved is comfortable with the idea of your ex attending the wedding. This includes your current partner, your ex, yourself, and any other family members or guests who may be affected. If anyone has strong objections or feels uneasy about the situation, it may be best to respect their wishes and not invite your ex.

The Nature of the Relationship with Your Ex

Consider the nature of your current relationship with your ex. If you have both moved on, stayed friends, and there are no romantic feelings involved, then inviting them may be appropriate. However, if the relationship ended recently or there are still unresolved feelings, it might be better to avoid inviting them to avoid any potential awkwardness or drama.

The Impact on Your Child

If you and your ex have a child together, consider the impact of the decision on them. In some cases, having both parents present at the wedding may provide a sense of stability and show of friendliness, making the transition to having a step-parent easier for the child. However, if there is any potential for drama or upset, it might be best to avoid inviting your ex to protect your child's happiness and well-being.

Communication and Compromise

Brainstorm and communicate openly with your current partner, your ex, and your child (if they are old enough) to come to a mutual decision. Be honest about your feelings and try to find a solution that considers everyone's needs and comfort levels. Remember that the happiness of your current partner should be a top priority, but also be mindful of your child's best interests.

The Social Circle and Guest Dynamics

Consider the social dynamics of your guest list. If your ex is part of your joint social circle and your partner knows and accepts them, it may be more natural to include them. However, if they are not part of your current life and you've never mentioned them to your partner, it might be strange to suddenly invite them to your wedding.

Potential for Drama or Awkwardness

Be mindful of the potential for drama or awkwardness at the wedding. If your ex's presence is likely to distract from the celebration, stir up old feelings, or cause discomfort for any of the guests, it might be best to avoid inviting them.

Remember, the decision is a personal one and should be made based on the unique dynamics of your situation. Prioritize the comfort and happiness of those involved, especially your current partner and child, to ensure that your wedding day is a positive and memorable experience for everyone.

If your ex is a plus-one of a friend

Firstly, assess the nature of your friendship with your ex. If you were friends before you dated, and there are no romantic feelings lingering, you are likely genuine friends. However, if they are randomly reaching out to you after months or years of no communication, their intentions may be more suspicious. If you are not truly friends, it may be best to cut ties and not invite them to your wedding.

Secondly, consider your social situation. If you have many mutual friends, or regularly run into each other, it may be more trouble than it's worth to have bad blood between you. In this case, it may be worth inviting them to your wedding to avoid future social awkwardness.

Thirdly, be transparent with your partner. If you do have a friendship with your ex, be honest with your partner about it, and consult them on how you should move forward. Your partner's feelings should be taken into consideration, and if they are uncomfortable with your ex's presence, it may be best to uninvite them. However, if your partner is very threatened by your friendship with your ex, this could be a red flag, and they should be able to respect that this person is a part of your life.

Lastly, remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment to your partner. If inviting your ex will cause unnecessary drama or stress, it may be best to leave them off the guest list. Focus on your future together, and only invite your ex if you are certain it won't cause issues.

If you're doing it to make your ex jealous

If you're inviting an ex to your wedding to make them jealous, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Your wedding day is about you and your partner, not about making your ex feel a certain way.

If you're still hung up on your ex, it might be worth considering if you're really ready to be getting married. Marriage is a big step, and it's important to be sure that you're emotionally ready for it. If you're still holding a torch for someone else, it's not fair to your partner or yourself to go through with the wedding.

Even if you're certain that you want to marry your partner, inviting an ex to make them jealous can still cause problems. For example, your ex might try to one-up you during the reception, or your partner might feel uncomfortable having your ex there. It's important to consider everyone's feelings before making a decision.

If you're set on inviting your ex, be prepared for any potential fallout. Talk to your partner and make sure they're comfortable with the situation. Be honest about your feelings and try to compromise if they're not on board. Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you can invite (or not invite) whoever you choose. Just be prepared to deal with any consequences that may arise.

If you're not over the breakup

• Your wedding is about you and your partner, not your ex or their family. Inviting them could create unnecessary tension and take away from your special day.
• If you're not over the breakup, seeing your ex's family members at the wedding may bring up difficult emotions and cause you distress. It's important to prioritise your own emotional well-being during this time.
• Your wedding should be a celebration of your future with your partner, not a reminder of your past with your ex. Inviting their family could shift the focus away from your new marriage.
• If your ex's family members are still close to your ex, they may not be supportive of your marriage. This could create an uncomfortable dynamic at your wedding, which is supposed to be a joyful occasion.
• Inviting your ex's family members could give the impression that you're not ready to move on, which may be hurtful to your new partner. It's important to consider their feelings and respect their boundaries.
• Weddings can be emotionally charged events, and the presence of your ex's family members could lead to potential drama or conflict. It's best to avoid any potential disruptions to your big day.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should do what feels right for you. However, if you're not over the breakup, it may be wise to leave your ex's family members off the guest list to ensure your wedding is a positive and happy experience for both you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions