Wedding Planning: A Stressful Career Choice?

Planning a wedding is a stressful process. There are many details and decisions to be made, which can cause people to get overwhelmed. A 2023 Zola survey of more than 4,000 engaged couples found that 52% described wedding planning as stressful, while 59% found it overwhelming. From creating the guest list and managing the budget to coordinating with multiple vendors, it's no wonder that many couples feel the pressure. The expense of a wedding can also be a significant burden, with the cost of raw materials and labour shortages driving up prices. Add to that the desire for everything to be perfect and the mix of everyone's opinions and expectations, and it's easy to see why wedding planning can be a nerve-wracking experience.

Managing expectations

Understand the source of stress

Wedding planning is stressful. There are many details and decisions to be made, and it is a major life decision with many moving parts. It is a significant time and energy commitment, and there are infinite choices to be made. It is important to accept how much effort organizing a wedding entails.

Understand the financial pressure

The expense of arranging a wedding brings another layer of pressure. It is important to prepare a precise budget and be open and honest with suppliers about your budget. It is also beneficial to be able to speak about money with your partner.

Understand the emotions involved

You are not alone in having high expectations for your wedding day. People close to you may have different views about who should be present, where the wedding should take place, and what role they should play. It is important to understand that no matter how flexible you are, you will never be able to satisfy everyone. Establish boundaries so that your wedding day feels like yours.

Understand the impact on your relationship

The constant choices, financial difficulties, and strong emotions may take a toll on your relationship. Feeling like your spouse isn’t contributing enough can make an already stressful situation much worse. It is important to speak to your spouse about how you’re feeling and ask if there’s anything particular they can do to assist.

Understand pre-wedding jitters

Worries about your wedding day may be just as stressful as the preparation. It is important to concentrate on the things you can do to relax and enjoy the day. Create a morning ritual that will set the tone for the rest of the day. Pay attention to the things that are essential to you and that make you happy.

Budgeting

Setting a Budget

The first step in budgeting for a wedding is to set a realistic budget. This involves having an honest conversation with your partner, and anyone else who may be financially contributing, about how much money is available to spend. It's important to be clear about expectations and priorities, and to allocate funds accordingly. This might involve compromising in some areas to get what you want in others.

Tracking Expenses

Once you have set your budget, it's crucial to keep track of your expenses to avoid overspending. There are various free online tools and apps, such as WeddingWire and The Knot Wedding Budget Planner, which can help you manage your budget and track your spending. These tools allow you to customize and track expenses, schedule payments, and view breakdowns of your spending.

Common Costs

When creating your budget, it's helpful to use a sample wedding budget breakdown as a guide. The biggest expenses are typically the venue, which takes up about 37% of the overall budget, and catering, which takes up about 29%. Other significant costs include live entertainment (12%), wedding bands (9%), photography (8%), alcohol (8%), flowers (8%), videography (7%), and couples' attire (7%). It's also important to budget for hidden costs, such as service fees, extra decorations, gratuities, and vendor tips.

Saving Money

There are several ways to save money when planning a wedding. One effective way is to reduce the number of guests, as there is usually a per-head cost for food and liquor, which are often the biggest expenses. Choosing local vendors, in-season flowers, and alternative days or times for the wedding, such as a weekday or brunch reception, can also help reduce costs.

Timing

It's recommended to start planning your budget at least 12 months before the wedding date. This gives you enough time to learn about potential costs, get organized, and find ways to save money.

Communication

Open and honest communication with your partner, family, and vendors is crucial when creating and managing your budget. Discussing priorities and expectations can help prevent arguments and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Pleasing families

One of the main stresses couples face post-engagement is pleasing their families. Both sides of the family will have their own styles, budgets, guest lists, tastes, and conflicting opinions on how the big day should come together. Planner Jove Meyer suggests that while couples can't control others, they can control how they react to them. Meyer encourages couples to be upfront about their expectations from the start by giving each family parameters to follow.

• Understand that everyone has different relationships with their parents and family members. Watching your partner deal with their family can be a stressor, so it's important to respect their familial relationships while also setting boundaries.
• Be open and honest about your vision, expectations, and priorities from the start. Have an open and honest conversation with both families, discuss your vision for the day using "I" statements, and ask them to share their priorities. Then, find ways to compromise and come to an agreement.
• Use the "`broken record` technique" to handle unwanted input and advice from in-laws and family members. This technique involves stating an assertive statement in different ways, such as "Wow, that sounds really cool, but that's not in our budget. I'm so glad you shared, though." This takes the burden off of having to defend your decisions each time and helps to set boundaries.
• If family members are contributing financially to the wedding, it's important to involve them in the planning process and consider their input. However, remember that it's ultimately your wedding, and you can't please everyone.
• A wedding planner can act as a mediator and advocate for the couple, helping to manage family dynamics and communicate expectations and boundaries effectively.
• If family dynamics become too stressful, it's okay to "`lovingly disengage`" from any person or situation causing overwhelming stress.
• Clear and organized communication is key. Use email chains or shared documents to keep everyone on the same page and divvy up some of the work.
• Remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, and it's important to stay true to yourselves and your values. Don't feel pressured to follow what others have done or what you see on social media.
• If planning becomes overwhelming, take a break from it for a while. Focus on your relationship and do something fun together that's unrelated to wedding planning.

Choosing a venue

Choosing a wedding venue is one of the most important parts of wedding planning. It can be fun to tour different venues with your fiancé, but it's essential to stay organised and remember your priorities. Here are some tips for choosing the right venue while keeping your sanity intact:

Know Your Budget and Guest List

Before you start looking at venues, it's crucial to have a clear idea of your budget and expected guest list size. The cost of renting a venue will vary depending on the number of guests and the amenities included. Knowing your budget and guest list in advance will help you choose a venue that fits your needs and avoid the headache of trying to accommodate more guests than the venue can handle.

Select the General Location

Deciding on the general location of your wedding will help narrow down your venue options. If you're planning a destination wedding, working with a local wedding planner can be a great way to streamline the process and find the ideal venue. They will be more familiar with the area and able to coordinate with local vendors.

Start Searching Early

It's recommended to start searching for venues at least a year in advance. This will give you enough time to explore different options, compare prices, and make an informed decision.

Consider the Type of Venue

The type of venue you choose will depend on your personal preferences and the style of your wedding. Popular options include hotels or resorts, country clubs, barns or farms, vineyards, historical sites, religious settings, beaches, and unique venues like sports stadiums or warehouses. Consider what type of venue will best reflect your personality and the theme of your wedding.

Evaluate Amenities and Services

When evaluating potential venues, consider the amenities and services they offer. Some venues provide all-inclusive packages with catering, wedding planning, and floral design services, which can simplify the planning process and reduce stress. In-house catering, in particular, is a convenient option, but be sure to inquire about food quality and quantity.

Ask Lots of Questions

Don't be afraid to ask questions during your venue tours. Create a list of questions in advance to ensure you don't forget anything important. Some essential questions to ask include:

• Are there any limitations on decorations or rearranging the space?
• How far in advance can I book?
• Are there any hidden costs, overtime charges, or cancellation policies I should be aware of?
• What catering options are available? Are there any food and beverage minimums?
• Can I bring my own alcohol? Are there bartenders on staff?
• Are there any noise restrictions or policies for live bands or DJs?
• Are there adequate parking and seating arrangements for guests with unique needs?

Read Reviews and Ask for Recommendations

Before making your final decision, take the time to read reviews of the venues you're considering. Websites like WeddingWire and The Knot offer valuable insights from other couples who have used these venues. Additionally, don't hesitate to reach out to friends and family who have planned weddings for recommendations and insights.

Be Flexible with Your Date

If you have a specific venue in mind, it's worth being flexible with your wedding date. Venues often have limited availability, so having a few preferred dates in mind will increase your chances of securing your dream venue.

Trust Your Instincts and Stay True to Yourselves

With the abundance of wedding inspiration available online, it's easy to get caught up in trying to recreate someone else's wedding. Remember to choose a venue that feels authentic to you and your partner. Trust your instincts and select a space that aligns with your vision and values.

Choosing a wedding venue can be a challenging but exciting part of the planning process. By staying organised, asking the right questions, and trusting your instincts, you'll be well on your way to finding the perfect venue for your special day.

Creating a guest list

Start with a Realistic Budget

The number of guests you invite will have a significant impact on your wedding budget. From catering costs to venue capacity, the length of your guest list will influence many aspects of your wedding. Therefore, it is essential to set a budget and decide how many people you can afford to invite before finalising your guest list.

Prioritize Close Loved Ones

Start by listing the people who are closest to you and your partner, such as parents, siblings, grandparents, and close friends. These are the VIPs who you absolutely want to be there on your special day. This list should be based on your priorities and who you want to celebrate with, rather than external pressures or obligations.

Consider Logistics and Practicalities

When creating your guest list, it is important to consider the practical aspects of your wedding. For example, will your venue be able to accommodate all the guests you want to invite? Are there any travel requirements or visa rules that guests will need to consider? Thinking about these logistical details will help you refine your guest list and ensure that your chosen venue can comfortably host all your guests.

Decide on a Policy for Plus-Ones

Another important consideration is whether to allow plus-ones for single guests. On the one hand, you may want to give your single friends the option to bring a date so they have a familiar face to spend time with. On the other hand, this will increase your guest count and costs, and you may end up with a lot of strangers at your wedding. There are no hard and fast rules here, but it is important to decide early on what your policy will be to avoid last-minute changes.

Be Mindful of B-Lists

Creating a B-list of guests is a common practice in wedding planning. These are people you would like to invite if your budget and venue capacity allow. However, it is important to handle B-lists with care. If you do create a B-list, send out invitations early enough that you can invite B-list guests in a timely and considerate manner if spaces become available. It is also a good idea to group guests within the B-list to ensure that you don't invite only part of a group of friends, which could cause hurt feelings.

Don't Rush the Process

Utilise a Guest List Manager

To make the process easier, consider using a guest list manager tool, such as The Knot Guest List Manager or WeddingWire's Guest List tool. These tools can help you keep track of guest names, contact information, RSVPs, meal choices, and other important details all in one place. They can also assist with seating charts and managing multiple events, making the planning process more organised and efficient.

Frequently asked questions