Writing Your Wedding Vows: A Guide To Crafting Memorable Promises

Writing your own wedding vows is undeniably touching, but it can also be a tremendous undertaking. You might feel the pressure to perfectly and authentically capture your love, hopes, and promises—a feat that may seem impossible. Here are some tips to help you write killer wedding vows:

- Start early.

- Discuss your expectations with your partner.

- Jot down your thoughts.

- Write no more than three drafts.

- Add only the important details.

- Avoid absolute words.

- Embrace sentimentality.

- Seek inspiration from pop culture.

- Make a fresh copy for the ceremony.

- Stash them in a safe place.

Make it personal

Writing your own wedding vows is a beautiful way to express your love and commitment to your partner. Here are some tips to make your vows personal and meaningful:

Start with a statement about who this person is to you

Begin your vows by expressing what your partner means to you. Are they your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime, or your everything? Setting the tone with a statement like this will let your partner and your guests know just how much this person has impacted your life.

Share what you love about your partner

Think about the qualities that make your partner so special to you. What about them led you to promise forever? When did you realize you were in love? What do you miss when you're not together? Jot down all the things that come to mind, and then choose a few items that stand out to include in your vows.

Use a story or anecdote to bring your love to life

A personal story or anecdote will make your vows memorable and give your guests an intimate look into your relationship. It can be a romantic story about how you knew your partner was "the one", a funny account of a date gone wrong, or a narrative about overcoming challenging times together.

Make specific promises

In addition to sharing your love and admiration, it's important to make concrete promises that you plan to uphold throughout your marriage. These pledges can be serious or lighthearted. For example, you can vow to always support your partner or to be the one to kill spiders when they creep into your home.

Reassure your partner that you'll be there through thick and thin

Let your partner know that your commitment is for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. This is a traditional element of wedding vows for a reason—it acknowledges that marriage has its ups and downs, and you're in it for the long haul.

Wrap up your vows with a look towards the future

Think about how your love will shape your future together. Will your love help you through life's challenges? How will it influence the way you raise a family or pursue your dreams? Including a vision for the future in your vows will inspire both your partner and your guests.

Some final tips:

• Start writing your vows early to give yourself plenty of time to find inspiration and refine your words.
• Discuss the style, format, and tone of your vows with your partner beforehand to ensure you're on the same page.
• Surround yourself with memories, such as old photographs or love notes, to remind you of the moments you've shared.
• If you get stuck, answer some questions about your relationship, such as why you decided to get married, what you thought when you first met, and how your partner has changed your life.
• Look for inspiration from different sources, such as poetry, books, movies, or even your favourite poets and authors.
• Avoid anything too personal or embarrassing that may make your partner or guests feel uncomfortable.
• Take breaks and come back to your vows with fresh eyes if needed.

Include a story

Sharing stories in your wedding vows is a great way to make your ceremony more interesting and moving for everyone in attendance. Here are some tips for including stories in your wedding vows:

Choose a story that illustrates your partnership

Pick a story that wedding guests will be able to resonate with, even if they weren't present when the events of the story first took place. It could be a romantic story about how you knew your significant other was "the one", a laugh-out-loud account of how your first date went horribly wrong, or an inspiring narrative about overcoming challenging times.

Include an anecdote in the middle of your vows

Alexis Dent, founder of XO Juliet, a company that offers services to assist clients with writing wedding vows, recommends including an anecdote or quote to start your vows, at least one anecdote in the middle, and a clear declaration of vows towards the end.

Keep your story concise

While you want to include a story in your vows, it's important to keep your vows concise. Aim for your vows to be around one minute or less per person. Pick the most important details to include in your story, such as the first time you met or when you said "I love you".

Make your story relatable

Your wedding guests want to feel included in your vows, so try to avoid inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes, obscure nicknames, or code words that might be confusing or embarrassing.

Practice telling your story

Before your wedding day, practice telling your story out loud, either in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. This will help you to refine the tone of your story and ensure that it flows well.

Make promises

Making promises is an integral part of wedding vows. Here are some ideas for what to include:

Reaffirm Your Unwavering Support

Most wedding vows touch on the idea of standing by one another through good times and bad. You could say something like: "I promise to be your shoulder to cry on and to wipe away your tears." Or "I vow to be your best friend, your constant companion, and your partner."

Share Personal Stories

Recounting romantic stories about how you knew your significant other was "the one," or laugh-out-loud accounts of how your first date went horribly wrong, will make your ceremony more interesting and moving for everyone in attendance. You could say: "I knew it was you from the moment we met." Or "I vow to never stop kissing you every time we stop at a red light."

Include Real Promises

Vows are a serious, lifelong commitment that you’re making in front of many witnesses. Make sure to share concrete promises that you'll continuously uphold throughout your marriage. These pledges can be lighthearted, such as: "I vow to split my cuddle time equally between you and our dog." Or more serious, like: "I promise to be your navigator, best friend, and wife."

Acknowledge and Request Additional Support

You can acknowledge the role that your loved ones have played in enhancing your relationship and call on them for additional support in the future. For example: "I vow to return to be by your side as wife, partner, lover, companion, and friend."

Add humour

Adding humour to your wedding vows is a great way to show off your personality and dial down the seriousness of the moment. It can also help ease the tension of the big moment and show your guests what a witty, original couple you are. Here are some tips for adding humour to your wedding vows:

• Don't swim in the shallow end: Avoid gimmicky one-liners that will likely fall flat. Instead, stick to more meaningful promises and sprinkle humour into your vows with more depth. For example, you might talk about how your partner has always supported you and add humour by noting a funny memory of when they did so.
• Embrace humour as a theme: Choose clear and intentional themes for your vows, such as your partner's thoughtfulness, sense of humour, or dreams for the future. When you touch on these themes, you can naturally weave in humour. For example, if you're talking about your partner's sense of humour, you can add a bit of your own.
• Include cute nicknames: Using nicknames is a cute way to add light-hearted meaning to your vows. Just be sure to stick with names that you wouldn't be embarrassed to say in front of your guests and future grandchildren!
• Be true to your personality: If you're usually the entertainer in your family or the one who's always making people laugh, embrace that in your vows. You can capture your personality by recording yourself talking about your relationship, transcribing it, and using it as material for your vows.
• Include family jokes: Family jokes are a great way to add humour to your vows and get your guests laughing along. Just be sure to stick to light-hearted, playful points and avoid anything that might cause tension or confusion.
• Strike the right balance: Remember that your wedding vows are a serious business and should be thoughtful, heartfelt, and intimate. Adding humour is a great way to lighten the mood, but it should be done in a way that doesn't resemble a stand-up routine.
• "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover."
• "I promise to never watch the next episode on Netflix without you, no matter how much I want to."
• "I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."
• "I promise to thrill you each day—to amaze and astonish you—did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning?"
• "I promise to love you, honour you, but not obey, because that's a little creepy."
• "I promise to listen when you’re talking to me about sports, beer, or whatever you talk about, and not just look at my phone saying, 'Hmm, yes, dear.'"

Keep it concise

Keeping your wedding vows concise is a great way to ensure that your message is clear, meaningful, and memorable. Here are some tips to help you write concise wedding vows:

Keep Them Short and Sweet

Aim for your vows to last about one minute or less per person. This will help ensure that your message is concise and that your guests remain engaged. Focus on the most important promises and moments that you want to share.

Start with a Template

Using a template can help you structure your vows and ensure that you don't ramble. Include the most important elements, such as expressing your love, reaffirming your support, sharing personal stories, and making concrete promises.

Discuss Expectations with Your Partner

Before writing your vows, talk to your partner about what you both expect. Agree on the length, tone, level of detail, and whether you will share them with each other beforehand. This will help ensure that your vows complement each other and create a cohesive ceremony.

Write Multiple Drafts

Writing multiple drafts will help you refine your message. However, avoid writing too many drafts, as this can lead to overthinking and losing sight of the bigger picture. Give yourself some time between edits to gain clarity and perspective.

Focus on Important Details

Instead of including every moment and experience you've shared, focus on the most important and meaningful details. Highlight the first time you met, significant milestones, or when you first said "I love you."

Avoid Absolute Words

When making promises, avoid using absolute words like "always" and "never." Instead of vowing to do something all the time or never at all, focus on more achievable and flexible commitments.

Practice Delivery

Practicing your vows aloud will help you refine your message and improve your delivery. It will also help you identify any areas that need clarification or adjustment.

Seek Inspiration

If you need inspiration, look to traditional vows, poetry, books, movies, or songs. You can borrow freely from these sources to capture the feelings you want to express.

Remember, your wedding vows are a reflection of your love and commitment. By keeping them concise, you can deliver a clear and meaningful message that resonates with your partner and guests.

Frequently asked questions