A Guide To Making The Perfect Bengali Wedding Totto

A Bengali wedding is incomplete without the exchange of gifts, known as 'totto', between the bride and groom and their families. Totto is a symbol of love, respect and bonding as both families embark on a new journey together. The gifts are usually packed in beautifully decorated trays and include a variety of items such as sweets, snacks, clothes, accessories, cosmetics, fruits and vegetables, and sometimes even a whole dressed-up fish! The totto is an important part of Bengali wedding rituals, believed to bring good luck and harmony to the couple and their families.

Gifts for the bride and groom

Gifts are a crucial part of the Bengali wedding ritual known as 'totto' or 'tatta'. They are exchanged between the two families as a symbol of love, respect, and bonding. The gifts are usually packed in trays of various shapes and sizes, decorated with transparent or coloured cellophane papers and ribbons. Here are some ideas for gifts that can be given to the bride and groom:

Gifts for the Bride:

• A decorative index of wedding gifts, known as the 'tatta suchi' or 'totto suchi', is an important element. It is an index or list of all the wedding gifts sent to the bride, available in various sizes and designs.
• A tray of delicious Bengali sweets is a must-have item. These sweets are often moulded into different shapes and figures, such as a bride and groom, and are presented in beautifully decorated trays.
• A fresh Rohu or Katla fish is another significant gift, often decorated like a bride in a saree or with a red dupatta.
• The bridal saree is a crucial element, with the groom's family sending a luxurious saree or a wedding lehenga for the bride to wear during the rituals.
• A tray of auspicious items, including earthern lamps, betel leaves, mustard oil, Dubbo, dhan, and dry turmeric, is believed to bring good luck to the couple.
• Bridal jewellery, often made of gold, is a precious gift that may include ancestral pieces from the groom's family.
• Cosmetics or a 'solah shringaar' are also given to the bride, ensuring she has everything she needs for her bridal makeup.
• Bridal shoes, usually decorated and presented in a gift pack, are another essential item.
• A stylish handbag is included in the bride's gifts, allowing her to carry her essentials on her wedding day.
• Dry fruits are a traditional gift, symbolising goodwill and prosperity.
• Scented perfumes are a popular choice, wishing the bride a pleasant and happy married life.
• Fruits are often presented alongside sweets, reflecting the love and affection of the groom's family.

Gifts for the Groom:

• The groom's family also receives gifts, known as 'Bou-Bhater tatta' or 'Phul Shojjyar totto'.
• The gifts for the groom include outfits and accessories, such as shoes and bags, for the wedding and other occasions.
• Sweets and savouries are also part of the gifts exchanged, with items like Kheer, Mishti Doi, and Rosogolla being popular choices.
• Religious items, such as earthern lamps, betel leaves, dried turmeric, incense sticks, and sacred essential oils, are included in the exchange.

The exchange of gifts is not just about the material items but also about strengthening the bond between the two families and showcasing their artistic sensibilities.

Gifts for family members

In a Bengali wedding, gifts are exchanged not only between the bride and groom but also between their families. This exchange of gifts is called 'totto' and is done as a symbol of love, respect, and bonding.

The gifts exchanged between the families are called 'Gaaye Holud er totto' and 'Phul Shojjyar totto'. The former is sent from the groom's family to the bride's family, while the latter is sent in the opposite direction.

Gold Jewellery and Coins

Gold is considered a precious gift and is often given by close relatives of the bride or groom. Gold ornaments, gold coins, or a gift card from a reputable jewellery store are common choices. Gold jewellery is believed to bring prosperity to the house, and it can also be passed down as an heirloom.

Outfits

Clothing items such as sarees, salwar suit sets, shirts, and pant pieces are typically exchanged between the families for the close relatives, including the parents and siblings of the bride and groom. These outfits are meant to be worn during the wedding ceremonies or later.

Accessories

A wide range of accessories, including shoes, bags, makeup, and perfume, are often exchanged between the families. These items add to the glamour and excitement of the wedding festivities.

Turmeric Paste

The 'Gaaye Holud er totto' from the groom's family includes a bowl of turmeric paste ('holud') that is applied to the bride. This paste is also applied to the groom, symbolising their shared protection.

Fish

A whole fish, typically a rui maachh or rohu fish, is decorated and sent to the bride's house by the groom's family. The fish is dressed up like a bride, with a saree draped around it or painted decorations. This is considered an auspicious gift in Bengali culture.

Religious and Auspicious Items

Items such as betel leaves, areca nuts, dried turmeric, incense sticks, earthen lamps, and mustard oil are considered sacred and auspicious in Bengali weddings. These items are usually presented separately on an earthen plate or in clay bowls.

Sweets and Snacks

A variety of sweets and snacks are packed into decorative trays. These treats are not only delicious but also visually appealing, often moulded into unique shapes like butterflies, elephants, or fish.

Fruits and Vegetables

Trays laden with seasonal fruits and vegetables are exchanged between the families. Fruits such as apples, oranges, and bananas symbolise prosperity and fortune for the couple.

Household Items

Useful household items such as utensils, cutlery, dinner sets, tea sets, and electronic appliances can be gifted to the couple or their families. These practical gifts are meant to be used and appreciated in the new home.

Personalised Gifts

Personalised items such as coffee mugs, t-shirts, bracelets, or handkerchiefs add a special touch and are likely to be cherished by the recipient.

Honeymoon Package

A honeymoon package or travel voucher is a wonderful gift for the couple, allowing them to create memorable experiences together after their marriage.

Sweets and snacks

A Bengali wedding is incomplete without sweets and snacks. Here are some ideas for what to include:

Sweets

Bengalis are known for their love of sweets, so a delectable tray of Bengali sweets is a must-have item in the Bengali wedding totto. These mouth-watering sweets are usually decorated beautifully on trays to make them more appealing. Some examples of sweets that can be included are Kheer moulded into figures representing the bride and groom, Mishti Doi in beautifully painted Matkas, and earthen pots filled with Rosogolla.

Snacks

Snacks such as chips or chocolates can also be added to the totto to bring happiness and make the relationship between the families sweeter. These unique and delightful treats are liked by everyone and can be decorated in a unique way to add a twist to their design and shape.

Fish

Aiburobhaat

The ceremony of 'aiburobhaat' or 'aiburo bhaat' is the final feast arranged by the families of the bride and groom a day before the wedding. It includes several delicacies, and fish preparations are a must for this ritual. From 'maacher jhol' to 'doi maach', the fish dishes are carefully selected and cooked for a memorable feast.

Gaye Holud and the Tattva/Tattvo ceremony

On the wedding day, the families perform the Gaye Holud or Haldi ceremony, where they apply turmeric to the bride and groom. For the bride's ceremony, the groom's family visits her house with the wedding outfit, turmeric paste, sweets, and gifts. They also bring a large Rohu fish, which is decorated as a bride, draped in a saree, and adorned with jewellery, sindoor, paan, and turmeric. This ritual is called Tattva or Tattvo.

Motifs and Gifts

The motif of a fish is significant during the exchange of gifts and sweetmeats between the families. The bridal saree is wrapped to resemble a fish, and sweets are often decorated in the shape of a fish when sent as gifts.

Bride's Welcome Rituals

When the bride first enters her in-law's house, she is shown a decorated fish. This ritual symbolises her auspicious start in the new household and marks her first steps as a new member of the family.

Cuisine

Clothing and accessories

Clothing

The clothing exchanged between the families includes sarees, salwar suit sets, shirt and/or pant pieces, and other garments. The groom's family sends a wedding saree for the bride, known as "lojja bostro," which is used as a veil after the Sindoor Daan ceremony. The bride's family also sends the clothes to be worn by the "neet-bor" on the day of the reception.

Accessories

Accessories include a wide range of items, such as:

• Handbags, clutches, wallets, backpacks, and other baggage
• Belts and cufflinks
• Bridal shoes and footwear for post-wedding rituals
• Gold jewellery, including necklaces,section-wise bangles, and bracelets
• Bridal makeup and cosmetics, often presented in round or triangular trays
• Perfume

Frequently asked questions