Creating A Wedding Guest List: A Step-By-Step Guide

Planning a wedding can be stressful, but deciding on your wedding party doesn't have to be. Your wedding party is made up of your nearest and dearest, and it's an opportunity to celebrate and honour those who are an integral part of your big day. When it comes to your wedding website, you may be unsure about how to list your bridal party. Traditionally, the order of listing starts with the maid of honour and best man, followed by bridesmaids and groomsmen. However, modern weddings often deviate from this, allowing for more flexibility and personalisation. You can list your bridal party alphabetically, or based on their connection to you and your partner. If you prefer a less formal approach, you can opt for a mixed order, arranging them in a way that feels balanced and visually appealing. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to list your bridal party—it's your special day, and the decision should reflect your personal preferences.

Write down everyone you'd consider inviting

When it comes to making a wedding guest list, it's important to remember that you don't have to invite everyone. The people you choose to invite should be those who are closest to you and your partner. Here are some tips to help you write down everyone you'd consider inviting to your wedding:

• Start with immediate family and close friends: Begin by listing your parents, siblings, grandparents, and best friends. These are the people you couldn't imagine getting married without.
• Work outwards: After listing your inner circle, start thinking about other people you'd like to invite, such as extended family members, colleagues, school friends, and distant relatives. Don't forget to include their partners and children if you want them there.
• Create a master list: Write down everyone you can think of, no matter how distant your relationship is. This master list will be the starting point for narrowing down your guest list.
• Prioritize your VIPs: Go through your master list and highlight the people who are most important to you. These are the non-negotiables, the must-haves. Make sure they are at the top of your guest list and that they receive invitations.
• Consider your budget and venue: The number of people you can invite will depend on your budget and the size of your venue. Be realistic about how many people you can afford to host and how many people your dream venue can accommodate.
• Be mindful of family dynamics: If you're inviting some cousins, try to invite all of them to avoid hurt feelings. The same goes for grandparents and other extended family members.
• Don't feel obligated: You don't have to invite people you've lost touch with or those you only invite out of guilt. It's your day, so only invite the people who bring you joy and who you genuinely want to celebrate with.
• Remember plus-ones: Decide on a policy for plus-ones early on. You might want to offer plus-ones to guests in long-term relationships or those travelling from out of town.
• Keep it private: The more people who know about your guest list, the more pressure you'll feel to invite others. Keep the list between you and your partner, and let others know that the list is final.

Prioritise your top-tier guests

Prioritising your top-tier guests is a crucial step in wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you decide who makes the cut:

Create a Master List

Start by writing down the names of everyone you would invite to your wedding if there were no limitations. Begin with immediate family and close friends, and work outwards to include colleagues, distant relatives, and acquaintances. This master list will serve as the foundation for narrowing down your top-tier guests.

Separate Out Your Top-Tier Guests

Identify your non-negotiables, the guests you simply can't imagine getting married without. These are the people who hold a special place in your life and must be present on your big day. Highlight them on your list, ensuring they remain on it regardless of space or budget constraints.

Consider Your Must-Haves

When identifying your top-tier guests, think about the people you truly want by your side on your wedding day. This could include parents, siblings, close friends, and grandparents. Focus on those who are essential to you and your partner, ensuring they are given priority.

Be Mindful of Budget and Space Constraints

Keep in mind that the number of guests will impact your wedding budget and venue choice. A good rule of thumb is to trim your guest list to stay within your financial means. Consider the size of your venue and whether it can accommodate all your desired guests. If you're planning an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, it may only be feasible to invite your top-tier guests.

Use a Tier System

A helpful approach is to categorise your guest list into tiers. Tier 1 includes people who must be invited, Tier 2 comprises those you would really like to invite, and Tier 3 consists of individuals you feel you 'should' invite but may not have a strong personal connection with. This system aids in prioritisation, especially when dealing with space or budget limitations.

Remember, creating a wedding guest list is about honouring the people who are most important to you and your partner. By following these steps, you can effectively identify and prioritise your top-tier guests, ensuring they share in your special day.

Work out how many guests you can afford

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the first jobs on your checklist is often creating your guest list. This can be a source of stress for many couples, but it's important to keep a cool head and be realistic.

The number of guests you can afford to invite will depend on your budget, and it's crucial to set this first. Be sure to have a detailed, realistic budget in place before you start planning how many people to invite. Consider how much you can afford to spend per head on your venue, food, drinks, and so on. Remember that the more guests you invite, the more you'll be spending on things like chairs, dinner, cake, and favours.

The size of your guest list will also depend on the venue you choose. If you have your heart set on an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, you may only be able to afford to invite your A-list guests – the non-negotiables, the must-haves. If you're planning a larger celebration, you'll need to ensure your venue can accommodate all your guests comfortably.

It's also worth noting that, on average, 75-85% of invited guests will actually attend the wedding. This percentage varies depending on whether your guests are local, out-of-town, or attending a destination wedding. Local guests are the most likely to attend, with around 85% turning up, while you can expect around 55% of out-of-town guests and 35% of destination wedding invitees.

If you're worried about costs, there are ways to save money. For example, you could limit the number of plus-ones you allow, especially for guests with new partners whom you haven't met. You could also choose to have a child-free wedding, although this may cause some parents to decline your invitation.

Remember, it's your special day, and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite anyone you don't want to. Be mindful of family politics, and try to treat different family members equally to avoid hurt feelings.

Consider your parents' input

Involving your parents in your wedding ceremony is a great way to honour them and make them feel special. Here are some tips to consider when making your wedding party list, keeping in mind your parents' input:

Be Open to Their Suggestions

Traditionally, both sets of parents get a say on who is invited to a wedding, especially if they are contributing financially. While the final decision is yours, looping your parents in early on can help avoid unnecessary friction. Be upfront and respectful when discussing the guest list with them, and try to address any concerns they may have. You could even reserve a portion of the guest list for them to allocate, as long as it fits your venue and budget constraints.

Involve Them in the Ceremony

If your parents are keen to be involved, there are numerous ways to include them in the wedding ceremony itself. They can join the processional, share a greeting with you at the start of the ceremony, or be seated in a reserved VIP area at the front. You can also highlight their role in the ceremony script, ask them to recite readings or prayers, or include them in unity ceremonies like handfasting or lighting a unity candle.

Be Mindful of Their Feelings

When deciding on the guest list, be mindful of your parents' feelings, especially if they have certain expectations or cultural traditions they want to uphold. For example, in Asian weddings, it is common to invite distant relatives or friends who were important to your parents, even if you haven't seen them in a while. Communicate openly with your parents, and try to reach a compromise that respects their wishes while also staying true to your vision for the wedding.

Discuss Expectations

Have an honest conversation with your parents about their expectations for the wedding. Be clear about your plans, and give them time to adjust. Prepare for the possibility of hurt feelings, and try to find ways to involve them in other aspects of the wedding if they are unable to contribute to the guest list as much as they would like.

Consider Practicalities

When deciding whether to invite your wedding party members' parents, consider your relationship with them. If you have a personal connection and the budget and space to accommodate them, it may be appropriate to extend an invitation. However, if you don't have a close relationship or are working with venue or budget restrictions, it is perfectly acceptable not to invite them. Ultimately, the guest list is up to you and your partner.

Be fair with family

If you invite four of your cousins, it's likely that the fifth will be upset if they're left out. Similarly, if your partner's great-grandmother gets a front-row seat for the vows, your great-grandmother might be miffed if she's not on the guest list at all.

To avoid hurt feelings, it's a good idea to treat members of different families equally. Even if they're disappointed, they're more likely to understand an all-or-nothing approach. For example, "sadly, we haven't had space to invite any of the aunts and uncles" is easier than explaining how you're closer to one side of the family than the other.

If you have a big family and your partner's family is small, consider allowing them to invite more friends and acquaintances so that the wedding doesn't feel overwhelmingly one-sided.

Keep in mind that it's ultimately your decision on who to invite, but be willing to compromise a little to keep everyone happy.

When it comes to taking formal family photos on your wedding day, it's a good idea to prepare a list of different family photo combinations you want your photographer to capture. This helps move things along and ensures your photographer has clear instructions to work with.

Frequently asked questions