Involving Children In Your Wedding: A Selective Guide

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky topic. Some people believe that kids add a certain magic to the atmosphere, while others feel that they can be distracting and rowdy. If you want to invite certain kids to your wedding, it's important to be direct and honest in your communication with guests. State your wishes clearly on the wedding invitation and include an adults-only announcement on your wedding website if necessary. Be consistent in your approach, and make exceptions only for children of immediate family members or those in the wedding party. It's also a good idea to address wedding invitations to specific individuals rather than using vague terms like and family.

Address envelopes properly

When it comes to addressing envelopes for wedding invitations, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure that your guests feel welcome and that your invitations are properly delivered. Here are some tips to help you address envelopes properly:

Outer Envelope

The outer envelope is the one that will be stamped and addressed to the recipients. When addressing a married couple with the same last name, the traditional format is to use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the full last name. For a less formal approach, you can include both first names and the joint last name. If the married couple has different last names, list their full names with "and" between them.

When inviting a single person, use the appropriate prefix such as "Mr." for males, "Ms." for females, and "Mx." for non-binary guests. For a single guest with a plus-one, include the guest's name and "and Guest" or "& Guest".

If you are inviting an unmarried couple living together, list their full names on one or two lines, including the appropriate titles. For couples who do not live together and are not married, send separate invitations.

Inner Envelope

The inner envelope is optional and is used to indicate the names of the invitees. It is more informal, and you can choose to include titles, last names, or just first names. If you are inviting a family, the outer envelope should include the names of the parents, while the inner envelope can list the names of the children.

Formatting and Other Tips:

• Use the guest's preferred title, and if unsure, forgo the title altogether.
• For children under 18, you can use "Miss" for girls and "Mr." for boys over 16.
• If you are only using an outer envelope, include the names of all invited guests, including plus-ones and children.
• Avoid abbreviations for a more formal invitation, but you can use standard abbreviations for street names and states if desired.
• Give yourself enough time to organise your address list and double-check the details before sending out the invitations.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can adapt them to fit your preferences and the style of your wedding.

Be direct and honest

Being direct and honest is the best way to communicate your wedding plans to your guests. It's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want! However, it's important to be sensitive to the fact that some parents may be upset if their children are not included. Here are some tips on how to directly and honestly invite certain kids to your wedding while being mindful of your guests' feelings:

Be Clear and Consistent

It's important to be clear about who is and isn't invited. The best way to do this is to list the names of those invited on the wedding invitation. If you're only inviting certain children, include their names along with their parents' names. This makes it clear that only those children are invited. Be consistent with your rule—it will be less confusing for your guests if the rule applies to every guest.

Give a Reason

It's a good idea to provide a reason why you're not inviting certain children. This can help your guests understand your decision and reduce the chance of hurt feelings. Some common reasons include venue restrictions, limited space, and budget constraints. For example, you could say, "Due to space constraints, we are only able to invite the children of immediate family to our wedding."

Make it About the Children

Another approach is to frame the decision as being in the best interest of the children. For example, you could say something like, "We know it's a lot for young children, so we kindly request no kids under 12." This way, you're not singling out specific children, and you're showing that you have their best interests at heart.

Have a Conversation

If you're worried about how your guests will react, consider giving them a call before sending out the invitations. This can be a good opportunity to explain your decision and address any concerns they may have. It also allows you to deliver the news in a more personal and empathetic way.

Be Prepared for Declines

Keep in mind that some guests may choose not to attend if their children are not invited, especially if they can't find alternative childcare arrangements. It's their choice to make, and you should respect their decision. Don't let this deter you from sticking to your plans—you can't please everyone!

Be Mindful of Destination Weddings

If you're having a destination wedding, it may be more challenging for parents to travel without their children or find childcare in another country. In this case, you may want to reconsider your no-kids policy or provide information about local babysitting services.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want. Be direct and honest with your guests, and they will understand and respect your decision. Good luck with your wedding plans!

Make a rule and stick to it

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue. While some people believe that children add a certain magic to the atmosphere, others feel that kids can be distracting and rowdy. If you're footing the bill, it's your wedding and your rules, so don't be afraid to tell your loved ones that there will be no kids at your wedding.

If you're only inviting certain children, it's best to make a rule and stick to it. Here are some suggestions for how to do this:

• Be clear about your expectations: Let your guests know what you've decided as early as possible. Include a separate page about children on your wedding website or address it within your wedding invitations. State whether or not children are invited, and if you're making compromises, which specific children are allowed to come. Be aware that some guests may not take the news well, so it's best to explain that you have a guest limit.
• Address your envelopes explicitly: According to wedding etiquette, the traditional way to indicate whether a child is invited is to include their name on the invitation. If you're using an inner and outer envelope, the child's parents' names should go on the outer envelope, and the child's name should be written beneath the parents' names on the inner envelope. If you're only using an outer envelope, the child's name should be included. If the child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation.
• Call your guests with children: After sending your invitations, consider calling your friends and family with children to explain whether your wedding is child-friendly or not. This is especially effective if you're worried about a stubborn friend or relative bringing children against your wishes. It's also a great way to let parents know that their children will be well taken care of if you're arranging childcare services.
• Stick to your rule: If you've decided to only invite immediate family, don't make exceptions for godchildren or other relatives. If you're inviting the children of immediate family members, extend this rule to include all families in that category, including the immediate families of both the bride and groom.
• Be prepared for declines: Understand that some guests may decline your invitation if they are unable or unwilling to find alternative arrangements for their children. This is especially true for destination weddings, where guests are away from their regular childcare resources.
• Consider the age of the children: If you're inviting older children, be mindful of splitting up families. For example, if you invite a 13-year-old, their 11-year-old sibling may feel left out.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you choose. Be clear and direct in your communications, and don't be afraid to set boundaries. Good luck with your wedding planning!

Be consistent

Being consistent is one of the most important things to keep in mind when deciding whether to invite certain kids to your wedding. It will go down better if the rule applies to every guest. You can make clear exceptions for the children of immediate family members and/or your bridesmaids and ushers, and/or any page boys and flower girls, as long as you let other guests know that's the case.

If you're going to invite some children, but not others, it's best to choose a clear rule and stick to it. For example, you could draw the line at immediate family, as most children who have wedding duties are close relatives, such as nieces or stepchildren. You could also set an age limit, as older kids are more likely to behave. However, be aware that the more children you invite, the more their behaviour will change. If you're inviting a lot of children, they may end up playing together and this might not be ideal.

If you're inviting children, it's also important to consider how you will keep them entertained. You could set up a separate kids' room with easy-to-coordinate activities, including board games, kid-appropriate movies, and simple art projects. You could also create a "Kids' Club" and hire insured childcare providers to act as counsellors who set up themed activities. During a beach wedding, for instance, they could paint shells and read stories about sea creatures.

Another option is to designate an area off to the side that both feeds kids and keeps them busy. You could have mini-tables, small buffets, and kid-friendly décor, like tables peppered with colouring books and crayons. If it's in your budget, you could also hire a babysitter.

Remember, it's up to you how you organise your wedding guest list. If you want to have a child-free wedding, that's perfectly justified, even if it means some parents can't attend. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you about your adults-only policy.

Make your adults-only policy clear

Making your adults-only policy clear from the outset is essential to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Here are some tips to ensure your guests are aware of your wedding's age restrictions:

Be Direct and Consistent

It is important to be clear and consistent in your communication about the adults-only policy. This includes being direct and specific about which age groups are unable to attend. For example, you could state "no children under 16" or specify an age limit such as "over 18s only". This ensures that parents are aware of the restrictions and can plan accordingly.

Address Invitations Properly

When addressing your wedding invitations, only include the names of those who are invited. Avoid addressing the invitation to "The [Last Name] Family", as this may imply that children are also welcome. Instead, use the parents' names only, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez". If you are using inner envelopes, you can include the names of the invited guests on these, providing further clarity.

Provide an FAQ on Your Wedding Website

A comprehensive wedding website is a great way to provide additional information and address any frequently asked questions. Include a clear statement about the adults-only policy, such as "We are unable to accommodate children at our wedding. We hope that the advance notice means you are still able to attend." You could also add a light-hearted message, such as "We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under 18."

Spread the Word Through Family and Friends

Word-of-mouth can be an effective way to inform guests about your adults-only policy. Ask your immediate family, wedding party members, and close friends to help spread the word. This ensures that guests are aware of the policy and can make the necessary childcare arrangements.

Be Prepared for Pushback

Even with clear communication, you may still encounter some guests who are upset or confused about the adults-only policy. It is important to be sensitive to their concerns but remain firm in your decision. If you are worried about upsetting certain guests, you could include a personal note with their invitation, expressing your apologies for not being able to include their children.

Remember, it is your wedding day, and you are entitled to decide who is invited. By being clear and consistent in your communication, you can ensure that your guests are aware of the adults-only policy and can plan accordingly.

Frequently asked questions