Guide To Inviting Friends To A Us Wedding

Creating a guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. Wedding planners and experts recommend several steps to help you decide who to invite. First, consider your budget and venue capacity to determine the maximum number of guests you can invite. Next, make a list of family, friends, and colleagues, dividing them into three categories: most important, so-so, and not important. This will help you trim down the list as needed. It's also essential to involve your partner and other stakeholders, such as parents or partners' families, in the decision-making process, especially if they are contributing financially.

When deciding who to invite, start with your inner circle, including immediate family, best friends, and chosen family. Then, consider close family, such as aunts, uncles, and first cousins, and friends you are still in touch with. You can also invite family friends and relatives you enjoy spending time with. However, it's not necessary to invite acquaintances, coworkers who aren't friends, or people you have lost touch with, even if they invited you to their wedding years ago.

Finally, consider plus-ones and children. Inviting plus-ones is generally recommended for guests in serious relationships, and it's your choice whether to allow single guests to bring a date. Regarding children, you can decide whether to include them based on your vision for the wedding and the venue's suitability for kids.

Evaluate the friendship

When deciding whether or not to invite a friend to your wedding, it's important to evaluate the friendship. Here are some factors to consider:

Investment in the Friendship

A healthy friendship is typically characterised by both individuals investing equally in the relationship. Consider whether you and your friend take turns to call each other and make invitations to spend time together. If you're doing all the work to maintain the friendship, it could be a sign that the relationship is unbalanced.

Quality of Conversations

Healthy friendships involve conversations where both individuals share their joys, frustrations, and stories. If your friend only talks about their problems and rarely asks about your life, it might be a sign that the friendship is one-sided.

Individual Interests

In a healthy friendship, both people have individual hobbies, lifestyles, and interests that may not necessarily align with those of the other person. It's important to maintain individuality and not adopt the other person's views and interests.

How the Friendship Makes You Feel

Spending time with friends should bring positivity to your day, elevate your mood, and make you feel good about yourself. If hanging out with a friend makes you feel negative, agitated, or bad about yourself, it could be a sign that the friendship is unhealthy.

Criticism and Support

In a healthy friendship, both people support each other. While it's normal to provide feedback and criticism, this should not be a defining feature of the relationship. Constant criticism that is rooted in jealousy and cruelty could be a red flag.

Honesty and Trustworthiness

Honesty and trustworthiness are important components of a healthy friendship. A good friend should be genuine, honest, and comfortable being their true self in the relationship. They should also keep your secrets and be reliable.

Mutual Support

In a healthy friendship, both people are equally invested in supporting one another. This could involve being an active listener during conversations or helping each other through tough times.

Ability to Connect

When evaluating a friendship, consider whether you can connect and communicate easily with your friend. Conversations should flow effortlessly, with a sense of mutual understanding. If you consistently have to force dialogue or fill awkward silences, it might be a sign that the friendship is lacking depth.

Value of the Friendship

Finally, ask yourself if your friend is valuable to you and if you would be devastated to lose them. This can help you determine whether the friendship is worth investing in and how to move forward.

Remember, when deciding whether or not to invite a friend to your wedding, it's important to consider your relationship and how it has evolved over time. Don't feel obligated to invite someone out of a sense of reciprocity if the friendship is no longer meaningful to you.

Consider the guest list size

When it comes to your wedding, one of the most challenging aspects is deciding on the guest list. The size of your guest list will influence everything from your venue to your budget, so it's important to give it careful thought. Here are some considerations to keep in mind when deciding on the size of your guest list:

Budget Constraints

It's no secret that weddings can be expensive, and the number of guests you invite will have a significant impact on your budget. On average, couples spend around $216 per wedding guest, so a large guest list can quickly increase your overall costs. If you're working with a tight budget, consider keeping your guest list small to avoid financial strain. This is also a useful argument if you're facing pressure from parents or in-laws to invite more people—simply ask if it's feasible within your budget.

Venue Capacity

The venue you choose for your wedding will have a maximum capacity for safety and comfort reasons. This capacity limit can be a helpful tool when negotiating with parents or others who are pushing for a larger guest list. Simply explain that you cannot exceed the venue's capacity and must stay within the agreed-upon number of guests.

Intimacy and Comfort

Some couples prefer a more intimate wedding, with only their closest friends and family in attendance. If this is your vision, it's perfectly acceptable to keep your guest list small. Explain to those who may be disappointed that you're aiming for an intimate celebration with only your dearest loved ones.

Reciprocity

If a friend invited you to their wedding, you might feel obligated to return the favour. However, this is not always necessary. Consider the scale of their wedding and the nature of your current relationship. If their wedding was large and yours is small, or if your friendship has faded since their nuptials, it is appropriate to leave them off your guest list. Be cautious if you have mutual friends, as you wouldn't want them to inadvertently cause hurt feelings by discussing your wedding in front of those not invited.

Family Dynamics

When it comes to inviting relatives, it's generally advisable to group them together to avoid hurt feelings. Either invite all of your aunts, uncles, and cousins, or none at all. This can be tricky when it comes to your partner's family, as you may not know them as well. In this case, it's best to address each family according to their closeness to you and your partner. If anyone questions why certain relatives were excluded, simply explain that your partner's family is much closer than yours.

Work Colleagues

Including work colleagues in your guest list can be tricky. If you invite one co-worker, you may risk offending others who are left out. The best approach is to either invite your entire department or none at all. An exception could be made for colleagues who you socialise with outside of work, as they could be considered genuine friends. If you work in a small organisation or have a close working relationship with your boss, it may be polite to include them, especially if your wedding is on the larger side.

Plus-Ones

Deciding whether to allow plus-ones is another common dilemma. On one hand, you don't want single guests to feel left out. On the other hand, inviting strangers to your wedding can be uncomfortable, especially if you're footing the bill for their meal. A good rule of thumb is to only include truly significant others, such as long-term or live-in partners. This can be upsetting for unmarried guests, so be prepared to have thoughtful conversations about why you've made this decision.

Children

It is perfectly acceptable to leave children off your guest list, especially if you're planning a formal or local wedding. If you do choose to include children, set clear rules and stick to them. You could set an age threshold or restrict it to immediate family. Be sure to communicate your decision clearly to guests, perhaps with a polite note on the invitation or a quick phone call in advance.

Teenagers

There are no clear guidelines for inviting teenagers to your wedding. Using the "old enough to receive their own invitation" rule (typically 18) could hurt the feelings of younger teens. If you do invite teenagers, be mindful that they may resent being treated like children, so consider their feelings when making seating arrangements or planning activities.

B-List Guests

Creating a B-list of guests is a practical way to manage your numbers. These are people you would like to invite but may not be able to due to capacity or budget constraints. If you receive declines from your A-list guests, you can then fill those spots with your B-list. This way, you avoid the potential awkwardness of people finding out they were on your B-list.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment. While it's important to be considerate of others' feelings, ultimately, the guest list is yours to decide. Choose a size that feels comfortable for you and your partner, and don't be afraid to set boundaries to ensure your special day aligns with your vision.

Think about your relationship with them

When deciding whether to invite a friend to your wedding, it's important to think about your relationship with them. Here are some things to consider:

The most important factor is how close you are to your friend. If they are one of your best friends, then of course, you would want them to be there to celebrate with you. On the other hand, if you are not very close and only hang out occasionally, you may not feel the need to invite them. Consider how often you talk and spend time together, and how much they know about your relationship with your partner.

The length of your friendship can also play a role in your decision. If you have a friend from childhood or college who you are still close with, they may be more likely to make the cut. However, if you have drifted apart and haven't spoken in years, you might not feel obligated to invite them, even if you were invited to their wedding.

Have you lost touch?

It's normal to lose touch with friends over time, and that's okay. If you haven't spoken to a friend in a while and your relationship has changed, you don't have to feel bad about not inviting them. Weddings are intimate occasions, and you want to be surrounded by people who bring you joy and are excited to celebrate with you.

Will they be in your life long-term?

When deciding whether to invite a friend, consider whether this person is likely to be in your life for the long haul. If you see them as a lifelong friend, then it makes sense to include them in your special day. However, if you think your friendship may fizzle out or you're not sure how long it will last, you might reconsider their spot on the guest list.

Think about the potential impact on your friendship and other social connections if you don't invite this person. If leaving them off the guest list would cause significant tension or hurt feelings, you may want to reconsider. On the other hand, if your friendship has already drifted apart and you don't anticipate any negative consequences, it might be a sign that they are not a priority invite.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. Trust your instincts, and don't feel pressured to invite anyone out of obligation.

Account for plus-ones

When it comes to wedding plus-ones, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to evaluate your relationship with the guest in question. If they are a close friend or family member, it is generally considered good etiquette to offer them a plus-one, especially if they are married, engaged, or cohabitating with a partner. This is also a considerate option for single guests who may not know many people at the wedding.

Another factor to keep in mind is the dynamics of your friend groups. If you have a group of friends that includes several couples and one single person, it might be a good idea to offer that single friend a plus-one so they don't feel left out. Similarly, if you have a group of single friends who will be attending together, you may not need to offer plus-ones to each individual, as they will already have a built-in support system.

It's also worth considering the size of your wedding and your budget constraints. If you have a large wedding with a generous budget, you may be able to offer plus-ones to all single guests. However, if you are having a more intimate wedding or are on a tight budget, you may need to be more selective about who receives a plus-one.

• Be consistent with your plus-one offerings. If you offer a plus-one to one person in a certain category (e.g., bridal party, coworkers), try to extend the same courtesy to others in that category.
• Be mindful of seating arrangements. Try to avoid placing single guests between couples, as this can create an awkward dynamic. Instead, seat them with outgoing and friendly couples or groups they are likely to get along with.
• Be prepared for guests to ask about plus-ones. Have a polite and consistent response ready, and consider their requests on a case-by-case basis.
• Put plus-one information on your wedding website. Let guests know if they are allowed to bring a plus-one, and provide clear guidelines on how to RSVP with their guest's information.
• Address invitations properly. On the outer envelope, write the guest's name and their plus-one's name if you have it. If not, write the guest's name on the outer envelope and include "and Guest" on the inner envelope.

Don't feel obliged to invite children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky conversation. Here are some ways to politely let your guests know that you are not inviting children:

Be Subtle

One simple way of indicating that children are not invited is by addressing the wedding invitation to adults only. You can further reinforce this by including the names or number of those invited on the RSVP card. However, this method is subtle, and some guests may assume that they and their children are a package deal. It may be necessary to confirm verbally with these guests that you are not expecting children.

Be Direct

Being direct is simple and will ensure there is no confusion. You can indicate that children are not invited on your invitation or RSVP card with statements like:

• "Strictly no children please"
• "Adult wedding and reception"
• "Please respect our wishes for a child-free reception"
• "This invitation is extended to adults only"

Be Delicate

If you want to approach the situation delicately, you can use cute and thoughtful wording such as:

• "In order to allow all guests, including parents, an evening of relaxation we have chosen for our wedding day to be an adult-only occasion. We hope this advance notice means you are still able to share our big day and will enjoy having the evening off!"
• "To give all our guests the opportunity to let their hair down and have a good time without having to worry about little eyes and ears we politely request no children."
• "While we love to watch the children run and play, this is an adults-only kind of day."

Blame Someone Else

If you choose a venue that specifies no children, you can include statements like these on your invitation:

• "Due to restrictions at our venue, children are not invited."
• "Management requests no children under 16."
• "By request of management, no children."
• "Regrettably, children are unable to attend."

Be Clear

It is important to be clear about your request. Simply saying "no kids" or "no children" won't cut it. Be specific about which age groups cannot attend. If you prefer an 18+ or 21+ affair, state that clearly in your wedding details.

Frequently asked questions