Lyla Dejesus
Flower girls and ring bearers are a fun tradition and a great way to involve children in your wedding. Typically, they prep the aisle with flower petals and carry the wedding rings down the aisle. When choosing your flower girl and ring bearer, it's important to consider the age of the child and their relationship to you. While the general age range for these roles is between three and eight years old, you can choose someone younger or older, or even an adult. The child's parents should also be consulted and given proper notice, and it's a good idea to include the children in the rehearsal to help them feel comfortable. On the day, a small gift or card can make the experience more fun and memorable for them.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Age | Between 3 and 8 years old, but can be older or younger depending on maturity. |
| Number | Can have more than one flower girl or ring bearer. |
| Clothing | Flower girls should wear a dress that mimics the bride's style. Ring bearers should wear a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, but can be dressed more casually. |
| Rings | Ring bearers can carry fake rings, with the best man holding the real ones. |
| Parents | The parents of the flower girl and ring bearer should be consulted and kept involved. |
What You'll Learn
Age range for flower girls and ring bearers
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually children between the ages of three and ten years old. However, this doesn't mean you can't give these roles to someone younger or older, or even to an adult. If you're set on having a flower girl or ring bearer, but don't have anyone in that age range, there are still plenty of options to include children or adults in your wedding.
Ages 0-3
If you're choosing a flower girl or ring bearer this young, you'll need to provide close assistance to them throughout the ceremony. If they're too young to walk, a parent or older child can escort them down the aisle and stay with them for the duration of the ceremony. It's a good idea to have toys available to distract any noisy children. Typically, the ring bearer or flower girl will sit with their families during the ceremony.
Ages 4-6
Flower girls or ring bearers in this age range are still young enough to be adorable, yet mature enough to understand their roles in the wedding. You may want to have multiple flower girls or ring bearers, rather than just one of each. This makes the wedding more fun for the children, as grouping them together can be less intimidating. They may still be a little rambunctious, so grouping them by gender might help avoid hyperactivity while still allowing each child to have their moment in the spotlight.
Ages 7-9
This is a great age range to pick flower girls and ring bearers because they're mature enough to understand a wedding and can happily look forward to the big day. They should be able to escort themselves down the aisle and perform their duties. You can give a flower girl a full bouquet of flower petals to spread as she walks down the aisle, and a ring bearer may be mature enough to carry the real wedding rings.
Ages 10-12
Flower girls and ring bearers in this age range are preteens, so they're old and responsible enough to assist with younger flower girls or ring bearers. They can still be dressed similarly to the bridesmaids or ushers, but instead of giving the flower girl a basket of petals, you can trust her with a full bouquet of real flowers that she can fold into petals herself.
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Who to choose for the roles
Choosing a flower girl and ring bearer for your wedding can be a fun and straightforward process, but it can also be challenging if you have many special children in your life. Here are some tips to help you decide who to choose for these roles:
Start with your own children
If you and/or your partner have children, they could be your flower girl and ring bearer. This is a great way to include them in your wedding as a family, and the photos will be precious!
Siblings' children or children of the wedding party
If you don't have any children, you can ask your siblings' children or the children of your maid of honour or best man to fill these roles. It is also common to choose a child you have a special relationship with, such as a niece or nephew.
Multiple flower girls and ring bearers
If you have multiple candidates for these roles, it is perfectly fine to have more than one flower girl and ring bearer. You can also assign other special roles to children who are not flower girls or ring bearers, such as junior bridesmaids, groomsmen, miniature photographers, or dancers at the reception.
Age range
Traditionally, flower girls and ring bearers are between the ages of three and eight years old. Younger children may be more likely to get nervous, while older children may be better included as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen. However, you can break tradition and choose someone younger or older if you prefer.
Adults and pets
If you don't want to include children in your wedding, you can assign the roles of flower girl and ring bearer to adults or even well-behaved pets! This is a great way to include adult loved ones or your furry friends in your wedding party.
Breaking gender roles
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually assigned by gender, but you can break tradition and have a girl as a ring bearer or a boy as a flower girl.
Remember, choosing your flower girl and ring bearer is about what suits you and your partner best. Don't be afraid to get creative and make these roles your own!
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What they should wear
The flower girl and ring bearer's attire should somewhat match the bridal party's outfits in terms of formality and style. Flower girls will look adorable in poofy dresses that mimic the bride's gown in terms of lace detailing, a flowy skirt, or delicate beading. Alternatively, opt for a dress in a matching colour to the bridesmaids' dresses or a textured fabric.
For the ring bearer, a kid-sized tuxedo or suit is traditional, but you can also have fun with suspenders, a classic bow tie, a hat, or a patterned jacket. Keep the formality of the wedding in mind and coordinate with the groom or groomsmen's attire.
If you want to break tradition, feel free to dress the flower girl and ring bearer in whatever you want, especially if your wedding theme is less formal.
Remember that the child's parents will likely pay for the outfit, so be sure to give them options at various price points. However, it can be a generous gesture to purchase the outfit yourself and set your own budget.
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Whether they should carry the rings
The ring bearer's role is a functional one: delivering the rings to the altar. However, this role is not necessary to get the couple formally hitched. The best man can carry the rings as a precaution, especially if your ring bearer is very young.
If you are feeling trusting of your ring bearer, you can have them carry the real rings. If you are worried about the rings getting lost, you can have your ring bearer carry a sign, banner, basket, or a set of backup rings instead. Fake rings can be tied to a ribbon on the pillow for the full effect. If your ring bearer is a teenager, the best man can hand him the rings right before he walks down the aisle.
If your ring bearer is a toddler, tie the wedding rings to a pillow so that they do not drop them. You could also attach fake rings to the pillow and have the best man or maid of honour hold the real wedding rings. If your ring bearer is between the ages of 7 and 9, they are likely mature enough to carry the real rings. To avoid having the rings slip off the pillow, place them in a heart-shaped box or another unique object.
If your ring bearer is an infant, they will be too young to understand the tradition of carrying the rings on a pillow. It is more so the thought and act of walking down the aisle that matters.
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How to ask them to be in the wedding
Asking your flower girl and ring bearer to be a part of your wedding is a beautiful and heartwarming gesture. Here are some tips and ideas to make their invitation memorable and to emphasize the importance of their roles:
Ask the Parents First
It is important to get consent from the child's parents before you invite them to be a part of your wedding. Discuss with them the expectations and responsibilities, including attire, to ensure they are comfortable with the time and financial commitments involved. It is also a good idea to inform the parents about the other flower girls or ring bearers, if any, to avoid any jealousy.
Personalized Invitations
Create personalized invitations tailored specifically for your flower girl and ring bearer. You can include their names, photos, or even hand-drawn illustrations. Incorporate flowers, rings, or playful graphics to make the invitations appealing and exciting.
Surprise Gift Boxes
Prepare small, decorated boxes filled with goodies and a special invitation. Tie the boxes with ribbons or twine, and fill them with items like a handwritten note, a piece of jewelry or a bow tie, their favorite treats, small toys, or other age-appropriate gifts. You can also include items related to your wedding, such as a tote bag or a ring bearer-themed gift.
Message in a Balloon
Inflate a colorful balloon and slip a small message or invitation inside. Attach a string to the balloon and leave it in a place where the child can easily find it, such as their bedroom. Include a note like, "Will you be our flower girl?" or "We need a special ring bearer!" The surprise of popping the balloon will bring excitement and joy.
Cute Sibling Proposal
If the flower girl or ring bearer has an older sibling or cousin participating in the wedding, involve them in the invitation. Ask the older child to present the invitation or wear a t-shirt with a message like, "Will you be my flower girl/ring bearer?" This adds an adorable twist to the proposal.
Other Ideas
- Personalized treats: Bake or order custom cookies, cupcakes, or chocolates with messages asking them to be a part of your special day.
- Cute cards: Offer proposal cards with fun wedding-themed illustrations, your wedding date, and the big question.
- Bonding activities: Plan fun activities as gifts, such as a spa day for older flower girls or a sports game for older ring bearers.
- Practical gifts: Consider gifts that can be used during the wedding, such as a flower girl basket or a ring bearer pillow.
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Frequently asked questions
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually between the ages of three and eight years old. However, don't let that stop you from giving those roles to someone younger or older, or even to adults.
If you and/or your partner have kids of your own of the appropriate age, they could fill these roles. If not, the role typically goes to a niece or nephew, the child of the maid of honour or best man, or another child you have a special relationship with.
The flower girl should wear a dress that mimics the style of the bride's gown. For the ring bearer, they traditionally wear a kid-sized tuxedo or suit. However, it is okay to break tradition and have them wear whatever you want!
