Involving Friends In Your Wedding: Creative Ways To Ask

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who will be in your bridal party. If you're struggling to include friends who aren't bridesmaids, there are numerous ways to involve them in your special day. From pre-wedding celebrations to meaningful tasks on the big day, your friends can play a variety of roles and feel appreciated. Here are some ideas to include friends who aren't part of the bridal party, ensuring they still feel valued and celebrated.

Invite them to pre-wedding parties

There are many pre-wedding parties and events that you can invite your friends to if they are not bridesmaids. Here are some ideas:

Bridal Shower or Wedding Shower

A bridal shower is traditionally an all-female celebration to honour the bride. Guests play games, enjoy food, and bring gifts for the bride to open. A wedding shower is co-ed, with both the bride and groom being fêted by guests of all genders. These showers are a nice way to gather with a more intimate group of loved ones as you approach your wedding day. Wedding showers usually take place one to three months before the wedding.

Bachelorette Party

The bachelorette party is a fun way for the bride to celebrate with her bridesmaids and other close friends. It can be a ""last hoorah"" before the wedding or simply a chance to celebrate and bond with friends. It usually takes place about a month or two before the wedding.

Bridal Brunch or Bridesmaids Luncheon

The bridal brunch or bridesmaids luncheon is a small gathering for the bridal party, mothers of the bride and/or groom, and other close female relatives. It is usually hosted by the bride a few days before the wedding as a way to thank the women in her life for their help with wedding planning. It is also an opportunity for the bride to give gifts to her bridesmaids.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding party held immediately after the wedding rehearsal, usually the night before the wedding. It can be an intimate celebration or a larger event for all guests. It is often more laid-back than the actual wedding, and it is common for speeches to be given in honour of the couple.

Engagement Party

An engagement party is one of the first pre-wedding parties held in a couple's honour. It is a way to formally announce your impending marriage to loved ones. Engagement parties are usually hosted by one of the families, but they can also be hosted by other relatives or friends. They typically take place about three months after the engagement.

Ask them to do a reading

Asking a friend to do a reading at your wedding is a great way to include them in the ceremony if they are not a bridesmaid. It is a huge honour to be asked to do a reading, and it is a meaningful way to show your friend how much you value their friendship.

If you are unsure how to ask your friend to do a reading, there are a few ways to go about it. You could ask them in person, over the phone, or via a message. If you want to ask them in person but won't see them until closer to the wedding, you could send a letter or card. Some people like to make a big gesture of asking, similar to a bridesmaid proposal, but this is not necessary, and a straightforward question will do. You could say something like, "You mean a lot to me, and I would be honoured if you would do a reading at my wedding."

Once your friend has agreed to do a reading, you can work with them to choose the text. It could be a poem, a quote, song lyrics, or even something they write themselves. It doesn't have to be formal or religious. Think about what you like and what reflects your and your partner's personalities, sense of humour, and the style or tone of your wedding. You could also give them a theme to work with, such as 'poem for dog lovers' or 'quotes from their favourite film'.

On the day of the wedding, your friend is likely to be nervous about doing the reading, so it is a good idea to make sure they are prepared. They should practise the reading out loud several times beforehand and make sure they are clear on where they will be standing and whether they will be using a microphone. They can also try visualisation techniques to help them feel calm and grounded on the day.

Include them in the wedding photos

One of the best ways to include friends in your wedding, even if they aren't bridesmaids, is to involve them in your wedding photos. This can be done in a variety of ways to ensure your friends feel loved and appreciated.

Firstly, you could arrange a separate photoshoot with them. This could be a fun, creative way to honour your friendship and ensure they feel valued. You could choose a location that is meaningful to your friendship and perhaps even wear outfits that complement your wedding colour palette.

Secondly, you can make sure to get some special photos with them at the wedding itself. Group photos with your friends will ensure they feel included, especially if they may have expected to be in the wedding party. You could also take individual shots with each friend, perhaps in a designated 'photo area' with a fun backdrop, or even just on the dance floor.

Additionally, you could invite your friends to get ready with you on the morning of the wedding and capture some candid, behind-the-scenes photos. These could include shots of you all enjoying mimosas, doing your hair and makeup, and getting into your outfits. These photos will be a wonderful way to remember the excitement and joy of the day, and your friends will feel involved in the build-up to the ceremony.

Finally, if you are planning a bachelorette party or a bridal shower, be sure to include your friends in these celebrations and get some fun photos together. These pre-wedding events are a great opportunity to create lasting memories and strengthen your bond before the big day.

Get ready together

Getting ready together is a great way to include friends in your wedding day without making them bridesmaids. Here are some ideas to make this happen:

Invite Them to Get Ready with You

Even if your friends are not part of the bridal party, you can still invite them to join you while you get ready for the big day. This can be a special moment for you and your closest friends, as you enjoy some mimosas and tunes and get glammed up. If you're feeling generous, you can even offer to spring for their hair and makeup, just like you would for bridesmaids. This is a fun way to make your friends feel included and create some lasting memories together.

Plan a Pre-Wedding Get-Together

If your friends are able to join you in person before the wedding, consider planning a get-together or a girls' night. This could be a spa weekend, a trip to your favorite club, or even a co-ed celebration with your groom and his friends. It's a great opportunity to relax and bond with your friends before the big day.

Include Them in Wedding Prep

Your friends can also be involved in the wedding preparation process. This could include inviting them to help you with wedding dress shopping, planning your bachelorette party, or simply offering their opinions and advice on any wedding-related matters. They may be happy to lend a helping hand and be a part of the excitement leading up to your special day.

Create a Group Chat or Facebook Group

If your friends are spread out across different locations, you can still bring them together virtually. Create a group chat, email thread, or a private Facebook group specifically for your wedding. This can be a fun way for everyone to catch up, get to know each other better, and stay updated on all the wedding details. It's also a great platform for sharing ideas, advice, and excitement in the lead-up to your big day.

Host a Bridal Party Activity

If some of your friends are local, try to organize an in-person get-together with a fun activity. This could be a cooking class, a winery tour, a group surfing lesson, or even a signature cocktail-making session. These shared experiences will help your friends bond and create lasting memories together before your wedding.

Assign them a special ceremony role

If you want to include friends in your wedding but don't want them to be bridesmaids, you can give them a special role during the ceremony. Here are some ideas to make them feel valued and involved:

Readings or Speeches

If your friends are comfortable with public speaking, you could ask them to do a reading during the ceremony. This could be a meaningful poem, a non-religious reading, or even a personalised message directed at the couple and guests. If they would prefer not to be in the spotlight during the ceremony, they could also give a speech or toast at the rehearsal dinner or reception.

Music

If your friends are musically inclined, they could perform during the ceremony or as prelude music while guests arrive and take their seats. This could be a vocal or instrumental performance and is a wonderful way to celebrate their talents and involve them in your special day.

Candle Lighting

If you plan to have candles at the altar or a unity candle ceremony, you can ask your friends to be candle lighters. They will ceremonially light the candles just before the ceremony begins, creating a warm and intimate atmosphere.

Ring Bearer or Flower Person

Who says the ring bearer has to be a child? You can ask a close friend to hold your wedding bands and approach the altar when it's time for the ring exchange. Similarly, you can have an adult friend be your flower person, sprinkling petals down the aisle.

Greeters or Ushers

Your friends can play an important role in welcoming and guiding guests as they arrive. They can distribute programs, show people to their seats, and ensure everyone feels comfortable and knows where to go. This is a great option for outgoing friends who will enjoy meeting and greeting all the guests.

Cultural or Symbolic Roles

If you want to incorporate cultural traditions into your wedding, your friends can play a vital role in this. For example, they could carry a handmade banner or flag representing your shared culture or family traditions. They could also be involved in special cultural moments, such as the laying down of the broom in a "jumping the broom" ritual or the glass-breaking ceremony in a Jewish wedding.

By assigning your friends special ceremony roles, you can ensure they feel loved and appreciated while also contributing to the magic of your wedding day.

Frequently asked questions