Planning A Wedding Without Parents: A Guide

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and deciding whether to invite your parents is a difficult decision. Many people choose not to invite their parents for various reasons, including abuse, death, loss, or a strained relationship. If you're unsure about whether to invite your parents to your wedding, it's important to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision that's best for you and your partner. It's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want.

If you decide not to invite your parents, it's essential to be compassionate and considerate of their feelings. It's also crucial to stand your ground and not cave to emotional blackmail. You can choose to surround yourself with loved ones and focus on the people who support you. If you're worried about how to break the news to your parents, consider being honest and gentle while setting clear boundaries. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you can celebrate it with the people who matter to you.

Walking down the aisle alone or with your partner

Walking down the aisle is a pivotal part of your wedding ceremony. It is your debut as a bride and the first time your guests will see you on your special day. While it is a moment for you to shine, the person who escorts you down the aisle makes the experience even more meaningful.

If you are not inviting your parents to your wedding, you may want to walk down the aisle alone or with your partner. Here are some ideas for how to do this:

Walking Down the Aisle Alone

Walking down the aisle by yourself can be a powerful declaration of your independence and self-reliance. It is a way to showcase your autonomy and that you never needed to be "given away". If you have accomplished many milestones in your life on your own, walking down the aisle solo can be an affirmation of your strength and ability to rely on yourself.

However, walking down the aisle alone can be daunting, and you may feel lonely or nervous. One way to combat this is to keep a friend back to squeeze your hand or provide support before you start your walk. Alternatively, you could have your partner turn and meet you halfway, so you walk the rest of the way together.

Walking Down the Aisle with Your Partner

Walking down the aisle with your partner is a symbolic way to commence the service and your shared life together. It is a statement that you are equals entering the marriage, and a modern alternative to traditional practices.

If you choose to walk with your partner, you can still find ways to include your parents in the ceremony. For example, you could have your parents light a unity candle, hold your bouquet or the rings, or give you away with a simple hug or kiss at the end of the aisle.

Honouring absent parents through mementos

• Wear a memento: You could wear a piece of jewellery or accessory that has been passed down to you by your parent, or a gift that they gave you. Alternatively, you could incorporate fabric from their favourite item of clothing into your wedding attire, or get something embroidered into the lining of your outfit.
• Carry a memento in your bouquet: Add a charm to your bouquet so that your parent can symbolically walk down the aisle with you. You could opt for a locket with their photo, or a symbol of something that reminds you of them, such as a feather or an angel wing.
• Wear their favourite scent: Wearing your parent's favourite perfume or aftershave is a unique way to keep them close throughout your wedding day. Only you will know the significance, but you'll be able to cherish the happy memories whenever you spritz it on in the future.
• Set up a memory table: Create a special space at your reception with framed photos, sentimental objects and keepsakes of your parent. You can make this as big or small as you like, and it can be kept low-key or filled with mementos. You could also include a guest book or box for guests to leave handwritten notes and messages.
• Play their favourite song: Playing your parent's favourite song is a great way to feel their presence on the dance floor. You could have it playing when you greet guests, or save it for later in the evening when you can share your favourite memories of them with your new spouse.
• Incorporate their favourite flowers: Honour your parent by including their favourite flowers in your bouquet or buttonhole. Speak to your florist about how to incorporate the blooms in a meaningful way, whether it's their birth month flower or another special variety.

Adapting traditions like parent dances

The parent dance is a wedding event where the bride dances with her father, and the groom dances with his mother. These dances are commonly called the father-daughter dance and the mother-son dance. However, if you're not inviting your parents to your wedding, there are several ways to adapt this tradition.

You could choose to skip the parent dances altogether. This is a very common and perfectly acceptable option, especially if you want to keep the mood light and happy, and don't want to draw attention to their absence.

Alternatively, you could dance with another relative, such as a sibling, grandparent, or step-parent. You could also invite everyone to the dance floor in honour of your parent, choosing an upbeat song that has special meaning to you or your parent.

If you have a step-parent or other important people you'd like to honour, you can switch partners and songs midway through, or play two short songs, one for each person.

For LGBTQIA+ couples, you can choose how you'd like to handle parent dances. You could have a father-son or mother-daughter dance, or dance with both parents if you have two mothers or two fathers.

If you do choose to include a parent dance, it usually takes place after the married couple's first dance, but it can also take place after the toasts or cake-cutting. It's recommended to keep the dance between 2 and 3 minutes long, and you can choreograph it or take dance lessons if you want to make it extra special.

Choosing vendors who understand your situation

• Figure out your wedding basics and budget: Before you start looking for vendors, it's essential to have a clear understanding of your wedding budget, venue, guest list, style, and priorities. This will help you narrow down your vendor options and ensure that you're on the same page with your chosen vendors.
• Nail down your wedding vision and values: Define your wedding vision and values to effectively communicate your needs and expectations to potential vendors. Consider creating a wedding inspiration board that you can share with vendors to give them a clear idea of your style and theme.
• Prioritize your wedding must-haves: Identify your non-negotiables and focus on vendors who can deliver those. This will help you streamline your vendor search and ensure that your wedding reflects your priorities.
• Start your vendor search early: Begin your vendor search as early as possible, especially for in-demand vendors. Reach out to vendors you're interested in and schedule consultations to discuss your vision and requirements.
• Consider hiring a wedding planner: A wedding planner can be a valuable asset, especially if you're planning a non-traditional wedding. They can help you navigate the vendor selection process, provide valuable insights, and connect you with their trusted network of vendors.
• Lean on your wedding venue: Your wedding venue may have preferred vendor lists or in-house coordinators who can provide recommendations and ensure that your chosen vendors are familiar with the venue's policies and logistics.
• Schedule consultations: Meet with potential vendors to discuss your vision, budget, and specific requirements. This will help you gauge their understanding of your situation and their ability to deliver what you need.
• Review vendor contracts: Carefully review vendor contracts to ensure that you understand the services provided, pricing, cancellation policies, and other important details. Don't be afraid to ask questions or negotiate certain terms if needed.
• Consider wedding insurance: Protect yourself and your vendors by considering wedding insurance to cover any unforeseen issues, such as vendor no-shows, damage to property, or other unexpected events.
• Get everything in writing: Always get your agreements with vendors in writing to avoid any misunderstandings or surprises. A well-written contract will protect both you and the vendor and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Eloping or creating new traditions

Eloping is a great option for couples who are not into traditional weddings, want to enjoy the moment of saying "I do" without family expectations, or find that planning a larger event is too painful. The beauty of elopements is that you control what is happening and who is involved in your adventure, so it can be easier to create space for your own feelings and needs.

• Invite guests and make your elopement a family adventure. You can still achieve an intimate, natural elopement while being surrounded by your closest family and friends.
• Break the day into two parts: have an epic location for something more private and intimate with just you and your partner, and then meet back up with friends and family later for another ceremony or just family photos.
• Give your family an epic toast: pop some champagne and celebrate with your family.
• Have a family member officiate your elopement: ask a parent or sibling to be your officiant and include them in a meaningful way.
• Have a family member help you get ready: enlist your nearest and dearest to help you get ready for your big day and be there to tackle any wedding jitters.
• Go on a hike with a private first look and private vows, followed by a secluded photoshoot.
• Climb a park trail in a wedding dress and say "I do" with the music of nature.
• Dance around a campfire or spray champagne by a waterfall.
• Come back to a bar where all your favourite people await to celebrate with beer and tacos, or go camping for a few days with them.

Frequently asked questions