Wedding Invite Etiquette: A Step-By-Step Guide For Couples

Wedding invitation etiquette can be a tricky business, and it's important to get it right. The M on a wedding RSVP card is intended to be the beginning of the person's title—Mr., Miss, Mrs. or Ms.—followed by their full name. It's also important to check the invitation envelope to see who was officially invited, and to respond promptly and legibly.

Who is invited?

When it comes to wedding invites, it's important to be clear about who is invited. This is because the number of guests affects the couple's budget, and the venue may have capacity constraints.

If you are a family of five but your three children were not addressed on the outer envelope of the invitation by name or "and family", and they weren’t addressed on the inner envelope, then only the parents are invited to the wedding. The same goes for a plus one—if “and guest” is not listed on the outer or inner envelope, only the person addressed is invited.

If you are unsure, check over every piece of the invitation suite to make sure there’s nothing that indicates an adults-only wedding. Sometimes, the number of people invited from your household will be written on the RSVP card.

If you are inviting guests with plus ones who are dating or invited together, it is traditional to send one invitation to the couple. If you know who the guest is bringing as their date, their full name can be included on the envelope. If you don't know who the plus one is, the invitation can be addressed " [Your Name] and Guest".

If you are inviting guests with children, you can indicate this by writing the children's names on the invitation or including "and family". If you don't want children at your wedding, make this clear on any wedding websites you have, for example, by stating "Children only over the age of 12, please".

How to address the envelope

There are a few things to consider when addressing the envelopes for your wedding invitations. Firstly, it is important to know whether you are following a formal or informal invitation style. This will dictate the tone and level of detail to include in the addressing.

Formal Addressing

For a formal wedding, it is customary to use titles and full names. For example, for a single person with a plus one, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Ms. Lillie Ellis", with the inner envelope saying "Ms. Ellis and Guest" or "Lillie and Guest".

If you are inviting a married couple with the same surname, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Carlos Hamilton", with the inner envelope saying "Mr. & Mrs. Hamilton" or "C&M".

When inviting a family with children, the outer envelope would typically include only the parents' names: "Mr. and Mrs. Underwood". The inner envelope would then list the children: "Mr. and Mrs. Simon Underwood, Lola, Charles and Eva".

Informal Addressing

For a more casual wedding, it is common to use first names only, and you may choose to omit titles altogether. So, for a single person with a plus one, you could address the outer envelope to "Lillie Ellis", and the inner envelope to "Lillie and Guest".

For a married couple with the same surname, you could address the outer envelope to "Carlos and Maria Hamilton", and the inner envelope to "Carlos & Maria".

When inviting a family with children, you might address the outer envelope to "Anthony and Sara James", and the inner envelope to "Anthony, Sara, Lola, Charles and Eva".

Other Considerations

• When inviting unmarried couples living at the same address, it is customary to list their names on two separate lines, indicating that they are not married.
• If you are inviting children of friends or family who are over 18 and no longer live with their parents, they should receive their own invitation.
• When addressing guests with distinguished titles, such as doctors or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to use these titles on the invitation envelope.
• If you are inviting a whole family, you can address the outer envelope to "The Armstrong Family", implying that all family members are invited.

Practical Considerations

Now that you know how to address your wedding invitation envelopes, here are some practical tips:

• Give yourself enough time to get the address list in order and double-check any details before sending out the invitations.
• You can individually address your wedding invitations by hand, print guest address labels at home, buy pre-printed envelopes, or hire a local calligrapher.
• If you are only using one envelope, list all invited parties on the front, including guests that would typically only be listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones and children.

What to write on the card

When filling out a wedding invite, it's important to follow the correct etiquette. Here's a detailed guide on what to write on the card:

Understanding the "M"

The "M" on a wedding RSVP card is the first letter of the guest's title, such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. While this tradition might seem confusing or outdated, it's still used in formal invitations. If you're filling out the card, write the prefix of your name after the "M." For example, "Mr. Joe Smith" or "Miss Angelina Jolie." You can also use "Ms." as a neutral alternative to "Miss."

Married Couples

For married couples with the same last name, you can write "Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]" or "Mr. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]." For couples with different last names, write both full names, such as "Mr. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]."

Same-Sex Married Couples

For same-sex married couples with the same last name, write "Mr. and Mr. [Last Name]" or "Mrs. and Mrs. [Last Name]." For couples with different last names, include both full names, such as "Mr. [Name] and Mr. [Name]" or "Mrs. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]."

Unmarried Couples

For unmarried couples of the opposite sex, write the full names of both individuals. For example, "Miss [Name] and Mr. [Name]." For unmarried couples of the same sex, the format is similar: "Mr. [Name] and Mr. [Name]" or "Miss [Name] and Miss [Name]."

Plus-One Guests

If you've been given a plus-one on the RSVP, include that person's full name. If you don't know their name yet, simply write "and guest." Don't use the name line to invite someone else who wasn't included on the original invitation.

Filling Out the Card

After writing the names, indicate the number of guests attending in the accept or decline section. If there are food options, initial your choices so the host knows each guest's preference. It's also a nice touch to write a short congratulatory message to the couple.

Remember to send the RSVP card back even if you're not attending, and always try to respond before the deadline. Your response helps the host with planning, including seating arrangements and food quantities.

RSVP deadline

The RSVP deadline is an important part of the wedding invitation process. It allows the couple to confirm the final headcount for their big day and coordinate last-minute details with vendors, such as the caterer.

For a destination wedding, it is recommended to set the RSVP deadline at least 4-6 weeks before the wedding date. This is because there are often special arrangements that need to be made for travel and accommodation, and the couple may need to confirm a final headcount with their travel agent or venue.

For a traditional wedding, the general rule of thumb is to set the RSVP deadline at least two to three weeks before the wedding date. This allows enough time for the couple to finalise the seating chart and provide a final headcount to the caterer. However, 55% of couples prefer to request RSVPs three to six weeks in advance, giving them extra time to coordinate details.

It is also important to consider any additional steps you may have, such as ordering place cards with printed names. In such cases, an earlier RSVP deadline may be necessary to ensure you have enough time to gather all the required information.

To ensure guests respond by the deadline, it is recommended to send a reminder a week or so before. This can be done in person, over the phone, or online.

What to do if you can't attend

If you can't attend a wedding, it is important to let the couple know as soon as soon as possible. Here are some steps and tips to help you navigate this situation gracefully:

• Respond promptly: As soon as you know you can't attend, inform the couple by the deadline indicated on the invitation. It is important to be respectful of their time and wedding planning process.
• Be honest but considerate: When conveying your regrets, be honest about your reasons for not being able to attend. However, it is also important to be considerate of the couple's feelings. You can keep your explanation vague, especially if you don't know them well. A simple "I have prior commitments" or "I have a scheduling conflict" is often enough.
• Express gratitude and well wishes: Thank the couple for inviting you and express your disappointment in not being able to attend. Wish them congratulations and send your best wishes. This shows that you care and are happy for them, even if you can't be there.
• Follow up with a call or message: Even if you don't know the couple well, consider following up with a phone call, email, or text. This extra step shows that you are genuinely disappointed about your absence and helps to diffuse any potential awkwardness.
• Consider sending a gift: Sending a gift is not mandatory, especially if you are not close to the couple. However, if you are unable to attend due to a last-minute emergency or if they are close friends or family, you may want to send a gift to show your support. A card with a personalized note is also a thoughtful gesture.
• Offer alternative ways to celebrate: If possible, suggest alternative ways to celebrate with the couple before or after their wedding. Offer to take them out for dinner, drinks, or any activity they enjoy. This shows your willingness to make time for them and celebrate their union, even if you can't be there on their wedding day.
• Remember the golden rule: If you haven't sent your RSVP card back, do not attend the wedding. It is important to respect the couple's wishes and the logistics of their wedding planning.

Frequently asked questions