Big Family, Small Wedding: Making It Work

Planning a small wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to managing the guest list and the potential for offending people who don't make the cut. However, small weddings are becoming increasingly popular due to the benefits they offer, such as increased personalisation, a more eco-friendly event, and reduced planning stress.

To have a small wedding with a big family, it's crucial to communicate effectively with your partner and ensure you're on the same page regarding the size of the wedding and the guest list. Be selective about who you invite, focusing on immediate family members, close friends, and those you can't imagine celebrating without. Consider limiting plus-ones to keep the numbers manageable.

Be transparent with your family about your plans for an intimate wedding, and don't be afraid to set boundaries and manage expectations. You can also explore creative solutions, such as hosting a larger reception after the wedding or live-streaming the ceremony for those who can't attend.

Remember, it's your special day, and it's essential to stay true to what you and your partner want.

Communicate with your partner about your shared vision for the wedding

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding on the guest list. It's important to communicate with your partner about your shared vision for the wedding, including the size of the event and the guest list. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

• Get on the same page: Talk with your partner and ensure that you both want a small wedding. Discuss your reasons for wanting an intimate celebration and work on defending your decision together, especially when speaking to important people like your parents.
• Decide on the guest list together: Create the guest list together and set a limit on the number of guests you want to invite. This ensures that the people you both want to be present will be there.
• Be intentional with your guest list: Invite only those you can't imagine celebrating without. Consider the relationships you have with each person and whether you would want them to be part of this special day.
• Manage expectations: Start spreading the word early about your plans for a small wedding. This sets expectations for your family and friends, so they are not surprised or hurt when they don't receive an invitation.
• Consider a destination wedding: A destination wedding is a simple way to limit your guest list as it requires a time and financial commitment from your guests. Only those closest to you will be able to attend.
• Plan a larger reception: You can reserve the wedding ceremony for your closest family and friends and then host a larger reception a few days later or after your honeymoon. This allows your extended family and those who didn't attend the ceremony to celebrate with you.
• Livestream the ceremony: If you have family and friends who can't attend due to the small guest list, consider livestreaming your ceremony so they can still be a part of your special day.
• Be prepared for disappointment: Understand that some people may not understand your decision for a small wedding. They may try to convince you otherwise or give unsolicited advice. Remind them that this is your wedding, and you would appreciate their support.
• Set boundaries: While you may face pushback, it's important to stand firm in your decision. Set boundaries and communicate your wishes clearly to your family and friends. Let them know that you would prefer their support rather than criticism.

Be selective with your guest list, only inviting those closest to you

Deciding on your guest list is often the most challenging part of planning a small wedding with a big family. The key is to be selective and only invite those closest to you. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Be Clear About Your Priorities

Before finalising your guest list, it's essential to have a heart-to-heart with your partner. Discuss what you both envision for your wedding day and the maximum number of guests you're comfortable with. This will ensure you're on the same page and provide a sense of unity when facing potential pushback from family members.

Immediate Family and Close Friends

A good rule of thumb for a small wedding is to focus on inviting immediate family members and close friends. This typically includes parents, grandparents, siblings, and those friends you can't imagine celebrating without. By keeping the guest list limited to your inner circle, you create a more intimate atmosphere and avoid the obligations associated with larger weddings.

Manage Expectations

To avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, it's crucial to set expectations early on. Be transparent with your family about your plans for an intimate wedding. This way, they won't be surprised when they don't receive an invitation. You can also hint at your plans during conversations, gently suggesting that you're leaning towards a small celebration.

Consider a Destination Wedding

A destination wedding is an effective way to naturally reduce your guest list. The time commitment and financial burden of travelling for a wedding will likely deter those who aren't extremely close to you. This option also provides a valid reason for not inviting extended family, as you can explain that you understand their challenges with attending.

Plan a Separate Celebration

If you're concerned about excluding extended family, consider hosting a separate, larger reception after your intimate wedding ceremony. This could be a few days later or even after your honeymoon. This approach allows you to share your joy with a broader group while still maintaining the small, personal ceremony you desire.

Be Mindful of Plus-Ones

When it comes to plus-ones, it's essential to set clear guidelines to manage expectations. Traditionally, plus-ones are reserved for significant partners, such as those who are engaged or married. If your budget allows, you can offer plus-ones to all guests, but be mindful that this will quickly increase your headcount.

Plan a larger reception after the wedding so extended family can celebrate with you

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when you have a big family. If you want to have a small wedding but still want to celebrate with your extended family, you can always reserve your wedding ceremony for just your closest family and friends, followed by a larger reception later so that everyone can attend. This gives your extended family the chance to congratulate you and your partner, and it allows your whole family to celebrate together.

Guest List

Take time to think about who you want at the ceremony, who will attend the reception, and who will attend both. It's important to clearly communicate the format of your wedding to your guests so they understand the plan and know which events they're invited to. You can do this through your invitations or wedding website. Be mindful of how you communicate this to avoid making people feel excluded or hurt. You can mention reasons such as budget constraints, wanting a more intimate ceremony, or venue capacity.

Venue Selection

When deciding on venues, consider the logistics for guests attending both events. It can be frustrating for guests if there is a long distance between the ceremony and reception locations. Ensure that your guests are informed about any time gaps and logistical details to minimize confusion. Depending on the size of your ceremony, you could choose to have it at your house, a community church, or the courthouse. For the reception, you may want to rent a hall or a larger space, especially if you're inviting many people.

Timing

You don't have to stick to the tradition of hosting your ceremony and reception on the same day or even in the same month. You can put some distance between the two events so that your reception guests understand that the ceremony was a more private and intimate affair. This can also give you more time to plan and prepare for each event.

Event Design

If one of your goals in having a small ceremony is to create a more intimate experience, you may want to design the two events differently. You can create an intimate and personal ambiance for the ceremony and then transform the reception into a lively and festive celebration. The reception could be centred around your culture, a favourite sport, or have a fun theme. You may also want to have minimal decorations at the ceremony but go all out with more elaborate themes at the reception.

Destination Ceremony

If you're keeping the guest list small because you only want your closest loved ones present, consider a destination ceremony. This gives you a built-in excuse for inviting only certain people to the entire celebration. A destination wedding is an effective way to slim down your guest list as it requires a greater time commitment and financial investment from your guests.

Livestream the ceremony so those not invited can still watch

Livestream the Ceremony

If you're planning a small wedding with a big family, you may be looking for ways to include those who can't attend. One great option is to livestream the ceremony so that those not invited can still watch. Here are some tips to make your livestream a success:

Choose a Platform

There are many platforms available for livestreaming, including Facebook Live, Instagram TV, YouTube Live, Twitter Periscope, Amazon Twitch, Zoom, and dedicated streaming services for weddings such as Wedfuly. Consider which platform your guests are most likely to have access to and whether you want to livestream for free or invest in a professional service.

Prepare Your Equipment

To livestream your wedding, you'll need a device with a camera, such as a smartphone, tablet, or laptop, and a stable internet connection. You may also want to invest in a tripod to stabilize your device and an external microphone to improve audio quality. Test your equipment and internet connection beforehand to ensure everything works smoothly on the day.

Designate a Livestream Manager

Ask a trusted guest or hire a professional to manage the livestream. They can set up the equipment, troubleshoot any issues, and update online guests of any changes. This will allow you to focus on enjoying your special day.

Create a Schedule

Don't just stream the ceremony—consider livestreaming other parts of the wedding, such as the toasts, first dance, and cake cutting! Create and share a schedule with your online guests so they know when to tune in.

Interact with Virtual Guests

Make your virtual guests feel included by interacting with them throughout the event. You can have a member of your wedding party read out their chat messages, create a virtual shout-out session, or simply look directly at the camera and wave at them during the ceremony.

Save the Livestream

Most streaming services offer the option to save your livestream, so be sure to select this feature if you want to rewatch the ceremony or share it with others later.

Choose a small, non-traditional venue to create a relaxed, intimate vibe

When it comes to choosing a venue for a small wedding, you have a lot of options to consider. Here are some ideas to help you create a relaxed, intimate vibe for your big day:

• Restaurants: Opt for a special restaurant that you and your partner love to frequent. This option often includes everything you need in one place, such as food, drinks, and a unique atmosphere. Just be sure to choose a restaurant whose interior décor and style resonate with you, especially if they have restrictions on decorations.
• Backyards: Your own backyard, or that of a family member or friend, can be the perfect setting for a cozy and intimate wedding. With the right décor, you can create a magical atmosphere. If your guest list is closer to 60, consider renting bathrooms to ensure everyone's comfort.
• Airbnb: Beautiful private homes rented through Airbnb can be a cost-efficient option for small weddings. They offer flexibility to move between spaces and often have unique features that will make your day memorable. Just be sure to check with the host beforehand, as some properties don't allow gatherings or weddings.
• Unique locations with special meaning: Selecting a venue that holds a unique meaning to you and your partner can add extra sentiment to your day. This could be the place where you first met, a family member's property, or even your own home.
• Non-traditional venues: Think beyond ballrooms and meeting halls. Art studios, galleries, private clubs, golf courses, theaters, historic buildings, zoos, aquariums, and many other locations can be transformed into unique wedding venues. These spaces often provide interesting backdrops for your photos and can sometimes save you money compared to traditional venues. However, you may need to arrange vendors and décor yourself and consider additional costs for items like furnishings, electricity, lighting, and sound systems.
• Small spaces in large venues: If you're considering a more traditional venue like a ballroom or industrial loft, look for unexpected spaces within the site that are ideal for small weddings. This could include libraries, courtyards, theaters, or smaller galleries.

Frequently asked questions