Declining Wedding Invites Amidst Covid-19: Navigating Difficult Decisions

The COVID-19 pandemic has made it difficult to attend weddings and other large events. If you're unable to attend a wedding due to coronavirus concerns, it's important to handle the situation with civility and compassion. Etiquette experts recommend responding to the invitation promptly and explaining your reasons for not attending while emphasising your delight at being invited. It's also a good idea to send a handwritten note or email, depending on the formality of the invitation. Be honest and compassionate in your explanation, and remember that most people are aware of the unique challenges posed by the pandemic. It's also a thoughtful gesture to send flowers, a card, or a gift to show your support and celebrate the occasion remotely.

Explain your decision face-to-face or via a phone call if you're close to the couple

If you are close to the couple, it is best to explain your decision to decline their wedding invitation over dinner, a phone call, or in person. This shows that you care and are interested in their lives. It is also an opportunity to express your disappointment and let them know you wish them happiness.

When explaining your decision, be honest about your reasons for declining. You can expect a more positive response from the couple if you are upfront about your situation. For example, it may be difficult for them to react badly if you explain that you are struggling financially or that you are uncomfortable about attending because your ex is in the wedding party. However, if you are not comfortable disclosing the full details, it is perfectly acceptable to keep your explanation vague, especially if you are not close with the couple. A simple "I have a prior commitment" or "I have work commitments" is sufficient.

Remember to thank the couple for inviting you. This is a crucial step, regardless of your relationship with the couple. You can also follow up with a call or message after explaining your decision to show that you are genuinely disappointed about not being able to attend and to diffuse any potential awkwardness.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you can figure out a way to be present in spirit on their wedding day. Depending on your relationship with the couple, you may want to arrange for a bottle of champagne to be sent to them, send a video message, or write a few words of support to be read during the speeches.

RSVP promptly and don't leave it until the last minute

When it comes to RSVPing to a wedding invitation, it's best not to leave it until the last minute. Here are some reasons why you should respond promptly:

Respect the Couple's Time

The couple will be busy with all the wedding planning and preparations, so it's only fair that you respect their time by responding promptly. They will have a lot on their plate, from finalising the guest list to making travel arrangements, and your timely response will help them immensely.

Allow for Alternative Plans

By RSVPing promptly, you give the couple the opportunity to invite someone else if you decline. This is especially important if the wedding has a limited guest list due to venue capacity or budget constraints. Your timely response allows them to offer your spot to someone else, ensuring that no invitation goes to waste.

Help with Planning and Logistics

Your prompt response helps the couple with their planning and logistics. Weddings involve a lot of coordination, from catering to seating arrangements. Knowing the final guest count is crucial for the couple to finalise these details. A timely RSVP ensures that the couple can plan effectively and create a smooth and enjoyable experience for their guests.

Avoid Unnecessary Reminders

If you delay your response, the couple may need to send reminders, which can be time-consuming and frustrating for them. Respect their time and effort by responding before they need to chase you for an answer. This also shows your enthusiasm for their special day and avoids any potential awkwardness.

Plan Your Own Schedule

Responding promptly to a wedding invitation allows you to plan your own schedule accordingly. If you know you will be attending, you can make any necessary travel arrangements, book accommodations, and request time off work. This is especially important if the wedding requires travel or if you have other commitments around the same time.

In conclusion, it's essential to RSVP promptly when declining a wedding invitation. Your timely response shows respect for the couple's time and efforts, allows them to invite others, and helps with their planning and logistics. It also saves them from sending unnecessary reminders and gives you the opportunity to plan your own schedule effectively. Remember, a timely response is not only polite but also ensures a smoother experience for both you and the happy couple.

Be honest about your reasons for not attending

Being honest about your reasons for not attending a wedding is a good approach, but it can be tricky. If you have a good reason, such as being pregnant, but haven't yet shared the news, you might feel compelled to tell a little white lie. However, being honest and upfront about your situation will likely result in a more positive response from the couple. It can be hard for them to react badly if you are honest and transparent. For example, it's challenging for them to be upset if you explain that you are struggling financially or are uncomfortable attending because your ex is in the wedding party.

That being said, you don't need to go into too much detail. If you can't sum up your reasons for declining the invitation in a sentence or two, it's best to reframe your response. You want to provide just enough information for the couple to understand your position without causing unnecessary guilt or awkwardness. Remember, a simple phrase like "work commitments" can be just as effective as a lengthy explanation.

If you are very close to the couple, it's a good idea to break the news personally, such as over dinner or a phone call. Express your disappointment and assure them that you gave it a lot of thought. Thank them for inviting you and emphasise how honoured you are to have been included. You can also offer to celebrate with them at a later date or send a gift to show your support.

If you don't know the couple well, a brief RSVP response is usually sufficient. You can still express your gratitude for the invitation and your disappointment about not being able to attend. Remember to respond promptly and follow the RSVP instructions provided.

Thank the couple for inviting you

Thanking the couple for inviting you is an essential part of declining a wedding invitation. Even if you don't know the couple well, it's good etiquette to express your gratitude for being invited to share in their special day. Here are some ways you can do this:

"Thank you for thinking of me. I regret to tell you that I won't be able to attend, but please accept my warmest congratulations."

"Thank you so much for the invitation, I really appreciate it and it means a great deal."

"We would love to celebrate with you but unfortunately, we can't make it work."

"Thank you both so much for including us in your wedding. Sadly, we won't be able to attend, but we will be thinking of you on your big day and sending our love and best wishes."

"Thank you so much for inviting me. I was really looking forward to celebrating, but unfortunately, I can't make it. Thank you again, and I send my warmest congratulations."

If you are particularly close to the couple, you may want to add a more personal touch to your message. For example:

"I was so excited to see your beautiful invitation arrive in the mail. Regrettably, I'm not going to be able to attend. I know it's going to be such a beautiful and magical wedding, and I wish I could be there to celebrate with you."

"I just got your wedding invitation, and it was so exciting to see in person! Unfortunately, though, I’m not going to be able to be there. I was so sad when I realized! I know you will host such a wonderful celebration, and I was really looking forward to being a part of it."

Remember, it's important to be compassionate and express your disappointment that you can't attend while also being clear that this is your final decision.

Send a gift or card to show your support

If you are unable to attend a wedding due to the coronavirus pandemic, you can still show your support for the couple by sending a gift or card. This is a great way to make your friend feel special during this stressful yet exciting time. Here are some tips on how to do this:

Send a Card

Sending a card is a thoughtful way to show your support for the couple. You can include a personal note briefly explaining your reasons for not being able to attend while also emphasising how delighted you are to have been invited. If you are not close to the couple, a simple RSVP will usually suffice. However, if you are very close to the couple, you may want to break the news over dinner or via a phone call. Remember to thank the couple for inviting you and, if possible, include a message of congratulations.

Send a Gift

If you are not attending the wedding, sending a gift is a thoughtful gesture that will be appreciated by the couple. You can send a gift from the couple's wedding list or choose something else that you think they would like. If you are unsure about what to send, you could consider sending flowers or sweet treats. This is a great way to make the couple feel loved and supported during the lead-up to the wedding.

Send a Video Message

Another way to show your support is to send a video message to the couple, which they can choose to play at the reception or view in private. This is a great way to deliver your well wishes and congratulations in a more personal way.

Maintain Communication

Even if you are not attending the wedding, you can still show your support by maintaining warm communication with the couple in the lead-up to the big day. Send them messages of encouragement and affection, and offer practical help wherever possible. Planning a wedding is stressful, and your support will be invaluable to the couple.

Remember, choosing not to attend a wedding due to the coronavirus pandemic does not make you a bad friend. It is important to stand firm on your sound decision not to attend, while also offering sympathy and support for your friend.

Frequently asked questions