Declining Gifts Gracefully: Wedding Invitation Etiquette

When it comes to declining a wedding invitation, it's important to do so promptly and politely. While it's not rude to decline, it's essential to express your regrets in a thoughtful and respectful manner. Here are some guidelines on how to decline gracefully and address the topic of gifts:

- Respond promptly: As soon as you know you can't attend, let the couple know. Don't delay your response, as the couple needs to finalize their guest list and arrangements.

- Be honest and compassionate: Provide a sincere reason for your decline without going into unnecessary details. Be considerate of the couple's feelings and express your disappointment at not being able to attend.

- Choose the appropriate communication channel: If you're close to the couple, a phone call or email in addition to declining by invitation is appropriate. For less familiar relationships, a written response or RSVP card may suffice.

- Send a gift or card: While not mandatory, sending a gift or card is a thoughtful gesture, especially if you have a close relationship with the couple. It shows your support and gratitude for the invitation.

- Follow up after the wedding: If you're close with the couple, reach out after the wedding to check in and express your well-wishes. It's a kind way to show you care and were thinking of them.

When to send a gift

There are a few different opinions on when is the best time to send a wedding gift. According to traditional etiquette, wedding guests have up to a year after the wedding ceremony to send a gift. However, it is best to send the gift as soon as possible, and within three months of the wedding date. The goal is to have the gift arrive before the wedding day.

If you are buying a gift from the couple's wedding registry, it is recommended to purchase the gift about four to six weeks before the wedding date. This way, you can send back the RSVP card and browse for potential outfits at the same time. According to a WeddingWire study, 31% of wedding guests purchased their gift a month or more before the wedding.

If you are giving cash, it is best to do so a few weeks to a month before the wedding. You can also bring an envelope with you to the wedding and give it directly to the couple, or place it in a card box if there is one. However, there is a slight risk that the gift could get lost or stolen during the event.

If you are sending a physical gift, it is best to avoid delivery dates over the honeymoon period, unless you know someone will be at home to receive the package. It is also important to leave time for unexpected shipping delays.

If you are unable to attend the wedding, it is still polite to send a gift, unless it is not within your budget or ability to do so. In this case, an online congratulations card can be a lovely way to share your well wishes.

How much to spend on a gift

How Much to Spend on a Wedding Gift

The amount you spend on a wedding gift will depend on your relationship with the couple, your budget, and whether you are attending with a plus one. According to wedding etiquette and registry expert Allison Cullman, here is a breakdown of how much to spend based on your relationship with the couple:

• Coworkers and distant relatives: $50 to $75, on average
• Friends: $75 to $100, on average
• Close family, best friends, and the wedding party: $100 to $150+, on average

If you are attending with a plus one, it is customary to double the gift amount. However, these numbers are not set in stone, and you should only spend what you can afford. If you are unable to find a gift within your budget, consider purchasing a few smaller items or contributing to a group gift.

It is also important to note that gifts are not required if you are unable to attend the wedding, although guests who are close to the couple may want to send a small gift or card. For destination weddings, a small token gift, such as a card, a bottle of wine, or something handmade, is appreciated but not required, especially if you are paying for flights and accommodations.

Whether to send a card

Whether or not to send a card when declining a wedding invitation is a tricky question and depends on a few factors. Firstly, it is important to consider your relationship with the couple. If you are very close to the couple, it is generally considered more thoughtful to decline the invitation over a phone call or in person, and a card may be appreciated as a follow-up to express your regrets and well wishes. This can be a nice way to show your interest and support for the couple, especially if you include a thoughtful, personalised message.

On the other hand, if you are not very close to the couple, a simple RSVP card with a brief note may be sufficient. In this case, a card is not necessary, but it can still be a polite gesture, especially if you include a warm message.

Another factor to consider is your reason for declining the invitation. If you have a valid reason, such as financial constraints or a scheduling conflict, it may be appropriate to mention this in your card. This can help to convey that you are not declining the invitation lightly and that you have put thought into your decision. However, if your reason is more complicated or personal, you may want to keep the card more general and concise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to send a card when declining a wedding invitation is a matter of personal judgment. While it is not required, sending a card can be a thoughtful way to express your regrets and well wishes, especially if you are unable to connect with the couple in person or over the phone.

How to decline if you've already accepted

So, you've already accepted a wedding invitation, but now you can no longer attend. How do you decline without causing offence?

Firstly, don't panic. It's not rude to decline a wedding invitation, even if you've already accepted. Life happens, and a good friend will understand if you can no longer make it. That said, it's important to let the couple know as soon as possible. This will allow them to plan accordingly and perhaps invite someone else.

If you're close to the couple, it's best to call them and explain the situation. Express your disappointment and let them know you care. You could also send a gift or flowers with your RSVP card, or take the couple out for a meal after the wedding to celebrate their union.

If you're not close to the couple, a phone call or an RSVP card might be enough, but it's still a good idea to follow up with a call or message to show you're genuinely disappointed. You could also send a small gift, or a card with a personal note.

"I'm so sorry, but I can no longer attend your wedding. I'm so disappointed and I hope you understand."

"I'm gutted that I have to miss your wedding, but I know it will be amazing. Congratulations to you both!"

"I'm so happy for you both, but unfortunately, I can no longer attend your wedding. I hope we can celebrate together when you return from your honeymoon."

Remember, it's important to be honest, firm, and thoughtful when declining a wedding invitation, even if you've already accepted. Be mindful of the couple's feelings, but don't feel obliged to go into too much detail if you don't want to.

How to decline via phone call

A phone call is the most personal way to decline a wedding invitation. If you're close to the couple or think they'll be hurt that you can't attend, it's best to call them. Give a brief explanation of why you can't attend and apologise. You might say something like:

> "Hi, I just got your wedding invitation, and it was so exciting to see in person! Unfortunately, though, I'm not going to be able to make it. My niece is getting married that same weekend in a city across the country, and I'm committed there. I was so sad when I realised! I know you will host such a beautiful ceremony and reception, and I was really looking forward to celebrating with you."

If your reason for not attending is more complicated, plan in advance how much detail you want to share. You should aim to convey the category of the reason—prior engagement, budget constraints, work commitments, travel, etc.—so the couple understands you haven't been cavalier about the invitation. However, you don't want to burden them with unnecessary details.

If you're not very close to the couple, you can be less emotional and simply explain that you have a work commitment that you can't miss or that you "would love to attend, but can't swing the budget this year".

Remember to decline as soon as you know you can't attend. It's also a good idea to follow up your phone call with a formal decline by invitation, or on their wedding website.

Frequently asked questions