Whose Family Name Takes Precedence On Wedding Invites?

Deciding whose names to include on a wedding invitation can be a tricky task, especially when multiple sets of parents are involved. Traditionally, the bride's parents are listed first as they are seen as hosts of the wedding, but this is now often seen as outdated. Now, it is common to include both sets of parents to be more inclusive, which also acknowledges the rising costs of weddings and the likelihood of both sides contributing financially.

Include both sets of parents

Including both sets of parents on a wedding invite is a gracious option and has become more common as it credits all parents and is more inclusive. It is also common for both sets of parents to contribute to the wedding financially. Here are some ways to word invitations to include both sets of parents:

Traditional Wording

"Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents invite you to share in the joy of their children [Bride] and [Groom] on their wedding day, Saturday, the nineteenth of June, two thousand twenty-seven, at four o'clock in the afternoon, Elizabeth Town, Pennsylvania."

Modern Wording

"Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to celebrate their love and union on [date] at [time] at [venue]."

Including Deceased Parents

If you want to include the name of a deceased parent, you will need to rearrange the wording. Here is an example: "Ariana Smith, daughter of Mr Austin Smith and the late Kristen Smith, and [Groom], son of [Groom's parents], request the pleasure of your presence at their wedding."

Including Divorced Parents

If the couple's parents are divorced and you want to include all of them as hosts, include them all, keeping each parent on a separate line. If including the name of a stepparent, keep their name on the same line as their partner. Here is an example: "Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory, Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner, and Mr. Harold and Jane Hyland invite you to the wedding of their children Amy Abner and Charles Hyland, 01.06.18 | 4 p.m. Our Lady Queen of Angels Catholic Church, Newport, California. Reception immediately after."

Honouring mothers

Involve Her in the Wedding Planning Process

Involving the mother of the bride or groom in the wedding planning process is a great way to honour her. This could include inviting her to special wedding planning parties, such as a wine night with bridesmaids to stuff gift bags for guests. You could also ask for her help in choosing your wedding dress or planning the rehearsal dinner.

Include Her in the Wedding Ceremony

American wedding traditions offer more time for father-daughter interaction than mother-daughter. To honour your mother, you could create your own wedding traditions that focus on her. For example, you could invite her to light a unity candle or perform a special reading during the ceremony.

Walk Down the Aisle Together

While it is traditional for brides to have their fathers walk them down the aisle, you can break with tradition and include your mother. If your mother raised you alone, you could ask her to walk you down the aisle by herself. Or, you could have both your mother and father walk on either side of you.

Give Her a Special Wedding Day Gift

A thoughtful gift is always a lovely way to honour someone. It could be something sentimental, like a handwritten note or a framed picture of you both. You could also give her a piece of jewellery, perhaps something borrowed to wear on the day, or a special accessory to go with her outfit.

Make Time for Mother-Daughter Pictures

The moments spent getting ready on the morning of a wedding are intimate and special. You could ask your wedding photographer to capture these moments with a mother-daughter photoshoot, including the "big reveal" to your bridesmaids once you are all ready.

Incorporate Her Skills and Traditions

Think about your mother's talents and how you can showcase them on your wedding day. For example, if she is a musician, ask her to perform a song at the ceremony. If she is a crafter, create a photo table, gift card box, or signage together for the wedding. You could also incorporate any cultural traditions that are important to her, or ask her to help you with a few wedding tasks that play to her strengths.

Thank Her in a Speech

It's customary for brides to give a speech or toast at their reception. Be sure to thank your mother and shout out all she's done for you. If you prefer not to speak in front of a crowd, write her a note to slip into her hand during the day or give her a shout-out in the wedding programme.

Include a Photo Display at Your Reception

A photo display commemorating your relationship with your mother is a heartwarming way to honour her. Include pictures of you both from childhood through adulthood, showing how she has guided you into the person you are today.

Complete the Rose Ceremony

The Rose Ceremony is a sweet way to honour both the mother of the bride and groom. At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, before the vows, you and your partner present your respective mothers with a rose while the officiant says a prepared speech.

Dealing with divorced parents

If your parents are divorced, the basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly. You don't want to reopen old wounds or bring public attention to this fact, and you should try to spare the feelings of the unmarried parent. Your safest bet is to list your natural parents' names only and on separate lines. If one parent has been remarried for a significant amount of time and you had a relationship with your stepparent, it is appropriate to include that person's name on the same line as their spouse.

If you are faced with two to four sets of remarried parents hosting the wedding, either list each couple on their own line or use the fallback "Together with their families" to keep the invitation uncluttered.

If your mother is hosting the wedding, the invitation might read:

> Ms. Susan Smith (bride's mother) and Mr. and Mrs. James Green (bride's father and stepmother) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Nicole Elizabeth Smith to Michael John Harris, son of Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Harris (groom's mother and father).

If your father is hosting the wedding, the invitation might read:

> Mr. and Mrs. James Green (bride's father and stepmother) and Ms. Susan Smith (bride's mother) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Nicole Elizabeth Smith to Michael John Harris, son of Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Harris (groom's mother and father).

If both parents are hosting, the invitation might read:

> Ms. Susan Smith and Mr. and Mrs. James Green (bride's mother, father, and stepmother) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Nicole Elizabeth Smith to Michael John Harris, son of Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Harris (groom's mother and father).

If both parents are remarried and hosting, the invitation might read:

> Ms. Susan Smith and Mr. James Green (bride's mother and father) and Mrs. Jane Green and Mr. Robert White (bride's stepmother and stepfather) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Nicole Elizabeth Smith to Michael John Harris, son of Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Harris (groom's mother and father).

If you want to avoid listing your parents' marital status, you can use the wording "Together with their parents" to acknowledge them on the wedding invitation.

Including a deceased parent

Traditional and Formal Wording

If you are opting for a traditional and formal approach to your wedding invitation, you can include your deceased parent's name in the following way:

"Ariana Smith, daughter of Mr Austin Smith and the late Kristen Smith, requests the pleasure of your presence."

This example maintains the formal tone while also acknowledging the deceased parent. The phrase "requests the pleasure of your presence" is a common and respectful way to invite your guests to the wedding.

Modern and Inclusive Wording

If you prefer a more modern and inclusive style, you can adapt the wording to suit your needs. Here is an example:

"Fatima and the late Arjun Sharma, along with their families and friends, invite you to the celebration of their marriage."

This wording is less formal and more contemporary, using "celebration" and "invite" instead of more traditional phrases. It also includes friends and other family members, creating a sense of community.

Same-Sex Weddings

When it comes to same-sex weddings, you can easily adapt the wording to honour a deceased parent. Here is an example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Brady Aster and the late Mr. Jim Hanson, son of Mr. and Mrs. Brady Aster, request the honour of your presence."

In this example, the son's name is replaced with the parents' names, followed by "request the honour of your presence." This maintains the formal tone while being inclusive of same-sex couples.

Step-Parents and Deceased Parents

If you want to include both your step-parent and a deceased parent on your invitation, you can do so in a thoughtful way:

"Moira and Alistair Schiller request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her and the late Porter Blackman's daughter."

This example acknowledges both the step-parent and the deceased parent, honouring their roles in your life.

Honouring a Deceased Parent Without Including Their Name

If you prefer not to include your deceased parent's name on the invitation, there are alternative ways to honour their memory. Consider including a tribute to them in the ceremony program or having a memory table at the reception with their name and a photo. You can also mention them during the ceremony or reception, creating a special moment to remember them.

Remember, the most important thing is to follow your heart and do what feels right for you and your partner. Your guests will undoubtedly appreciate the thought and sentiment behind your decision.

Announcing without parents' names

If you would like to announce your wedding without mentioning your parents' names, you can use the following wording:

"Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to celebrate their love and union."

This phrasing is a proper and formal way to write a wedding invitation without mentioning parents' names and is becoming more common as it credits all parents rather than leaving some out. It is also a good option if both sets of parents are contributing financially to the wedding.

Another option is to begin the invitation by stating:

"The pleasure of your company is requested at the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]."

This phrasing does not mention parents at all and simply focuses on the couple.

If you are looking for a more casual tone, you could use wording such as:

"You are cordially invited to celebrate the union of [Bride] and [Groom]."

This phrasing is warm and friendly while still conveying the necessary information.

"Together with their families,

[Bride] and [Groom]

Invite you to celebrate their love.

[Date]

[Time]

[Venue address]

[Reception details if different from ceremony location]

[Dress code if desired]"

Remember, when crafting your wedding invitations, it is important to use your best judgment and consider what suits your unique situation.

Frequently asked questions