Deborah Chan
Choosing a flower girl and ring bearer for your wedding can be a fun and easy decision, but it's not always straightforward. There are several factors to consider, from the age of the children to their relationship with the couple. Here's a guide to help you pick the perfect flower girl and ring bearer for your special day:
Age: Traditionally, flower girls and ring bearers are between the ages of three and eight years old. Younger children may get nervous, while older children can be included as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen. However, don't let this stop you from choosing someone younger or older if you prefer.
Relationship: Start by considering your own children, if you have any. If not, look to your siblings' children, the children of your maid of honour or best man, or any young ones you feel close to. It's also common to include nieces and nephews, as a diplomatic way to include family members.
Number: You don't have to choose just one! Feel free to have multiple flower girls and ring bearers, or break gender roles by having a female ring bearer or a male flower girl.
Involvement: If you choose to include children in your wedding, remember that they should be included in the rehearsal and other wedding festivities, such as the bridal shower and reception. This will help them feel comfortable and special.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Age | Between 3 and 8 years old; younger children may be too nervous |
| Gender | Traditionally gendered roles, but girls can be ring bearers and boys can be flower girls |
| Relationship to the couple | Usually the couple's own children, or the children of the maid of honour, best man, siblings, or other close family and friends |
| Number | It's common to have more than one flower girl or ring bearer |
| Responsibilities | Delivering the rings to the altar; flower girls also prep the aisle with flower petals |
| Attire | Flower girls: a dress that mimics the bride's gown; Ring bearers: a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, or suspenders, a bow tie, a hat, or a patterned jacket |
| Payment | The child's parents usually pay for their outfit, but the couple may choose to do so as a generous gesture |
What You'll Learn
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually between the ages of three and eight
If you're choosing a flower girl or ring bearer in this age range, it's a good idea to include them in the rehearsal so they can get comfortable with the surroundings and meet the rest of the wedding party. This is especially important if they are responsible for delivering the rings—you don't want them to get cold feet and decide to run in the opposite direction!
If you're set on having a younger child in these roles, there are some creative ways to make it work. For example, you could have them pulled down the aisle in a wagon or carried by an adult. Alternatively, if you're worried about a toddler tantrum or stage fright, you could give them a flower crown to wear instead of throwing petals, or have them carry a decorative sign rather than the rings.
When choosing a flower girl or ring bearer in this age range, it's also important to consider their parents. Will the parents be able to help manage their child's behaviour and prepare them for the big day? It might be easier if the parents are already in the wedding party, but you should still discuss expectations and responsibilities with them beforehand.
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You can break gender roles and age limitations
When choosing a flower girl and ring bearer, it's important to remember that this is your wedding, and breaking tradition is okay if it suits you and your partner best.
If you have a lot of special children in your life, you can have multiple flower girls and ring bearers. If you're set on just one child per role, think of other ways to include the other special kids you know in your wedding. You could make them junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, give them their own flower wreaths or boutonnieres to wear, or let them help with wedding planning DIY crafts.
Don't be afraid to break gender roles and age limitations! Girls can be ring bearers, and boys can be flower girls. If you don't know anyone with a young son, consider having a female ring bearer. If you also have a flower girl, the two of them will look just as cute walking down the aisle separately or together.
If you're having trouble deciding between two or more ring bearers, consider who has been in a wedding before and who hasn't. For example, if your friend's son has been a ring bearer in several weddings, consider asking another friend's child or relative if they'd like to be involved instead.
If you have your heart set on a child who is too young to carry out the role on their own, you could have them pulled down the aisle in a wagon by an older child or teenager, or even carried by an adult.
It's also not unheard of to have grandparents perform these roles. This can be an excellent option if you've decided to have an adults-only wedding. Grandparents can be flower women and ring bearers, and they will definitely garner the same reaction from your guests as toddlers!
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The child's parents will need to purchase their wedding attire
The flower girl's dress should complement the bride's gown, perhaps in lace, with a flowy skirt or delicate beading. Alternatively, the bride could opt for a dress in a matching colour to the bridesmaids' dresses, or a textured fabric. The ring bearer traditionally wears a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, but if the wedding theme is less formal, he can wear something else, like suspenders, a bow tie, a hat, or a patterned jacket. It's important that the ring bearer's outfit coordinates with the groom or groomsmen's attire.
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The child should be given a trial run at the wedding rehearsal
The wedding rehearsal is an important opportunity for the flower girl and ring bearer to become familiar with the setting and the bridal party. It is a chance for them to practice their roles and build comfort and confidence before the big day.
Including children in the rehearsal is an excellent way to give them a trial run and observe how they manage the experience. This is particularly beneficial for younger children who may be more prone to nervousness, stage fright, or tantrums. By participating in the rehearsal, the children can familiarise themselves with the surroundings, meet any members of the bridal party they don't know, and become more comfortable with the day's proceedings.
The rehearsal is also an opportunity to test out different tasks and props that the children will be using. For example, if the flower girl is scattering petals, blowing bubbles, or carrying a flower crown, the rehearsal allows her to practice these tasks and ensure she feels confident. Similarly, the ring bearer can practice carrying the rings, a sign, or a decorative pillow. If the children are very young, the rehearsal is a good time to assess whether they will need additional support, such as an adult accompanying them or a toy or treat to encourage them.
The wedding rehearsal is a safe space for the flower girl and ring bearer to gain familiarity and confidence. It provides an opportunity to identify any potential challenges and make necessary adjustments to ensure the children feel prepared and comfortable on the wedding day.
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You can give other children special jobs
If you have a lot of children that you want to include in your wedding, you can give them other duties or responsibilities to make them feel special. Here are some ideas:
- Handing out wedding programs
- Ushering or guiding guests to their seats
- Greeting guests
- Handing out bubbles, bird seeds, or bells to guests
- Ensuring guests sign the guest book
- Helping guests find their place cards
- Passing out wedding favours
- Carrying a "Here comes the bride" banner
- Junior bridesmaids or groomsmen
- Doing readings
- Straightening the bride's veil and train
- Holding the bouquet
- Dancing with them at the reception
- Giving them flower wreaths or boutonnieres to wear
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Frequently asked questions
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually between the ages of three and eight. However, younger children can be included if they are accompanied by an adult or an older child.
If you have children, they are the obvious choice. If not, you can ask your siblings' children, the children of your maid of honour or best man, nieces or nephews, or any other children you feel close to. You can also have multiple flower girls and ring bearers, and you can break gender roles—girls can be ring bearers too!
The flower girl should wear a dress that mimics the style of the bride's gown. The ring bearer traditionally wears a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, but you can also dress them in suspenders, a bow tie, a hat, or other accessories to match your wedding theme.
It's important to include the children in the rehearsal so they feel comfortable on the day of the wedding. They should also be invited to the rehearsal dinner and the reception.
