Mastering Bedroom Skills: Be The Best Man In Bed

Being the best man in bed is a subjective matter, but there are some general tips that can help enhance your performance. Firstly, it's important to communicate openly with your partner about your desires, fantasies, and turn-ons. Taking the initiative and being confident in your approach can be attractive, and it's also helpful to wear something that makes you feel sexy. During sex, focus on your partner's pleasure and be responsive to their verbal and non-verbal cues. Don't be afraid to experiment with different techniques, positions, and even sex toys to find what works best for both of you. Lastly, remember that everyone has insecurities, but try not to let them hold you back—stay present and focused on the experience.

Lose your insecurities

It's normal to feel insecure about sex, especially when you're getting intimate with someone for the first time. However, if left unaddressed, sexual insecurities can dampen your sex drive and make the experience less enjoyable for both you and your partner. They can also lead to low self-esteem, decreased confidence, and sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Here are some tips to help you lose your insecurities and become more confident in the bedroom:

Understand the Root of Your Insecurities

The first step to overcoming sexual insecurities is to identify what makes you feel insecure. Are they societal expectations, past experiences, or personal beliefs? Understanding the source of your insecurity can be enlightening and empowering. Recognizing and acknowledging your feelings is a sign of strength.

Communicate Openly with Your Partner

Communication is key when dealing with sexual insecurities. Discussing your fears and desires with your partner can help mitigate anxieties and build a stronger, more empathetic connection. Be honest about what you need to feel safe and valued during intimate moments. A strong emotional connection can enhance your sexual relationship and make physical intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable.

Educate Yourself

Knowledge is power. Educate yourself about sexual health, different sexual orientations, and the spectrum of sexual desires. The more you know, the less intimidating and more normal your feelings and questions will seem. Understanding your partner's body, what gives them pleasure, and how to manipulate it can also help you become more confident in the bedroom.

Practice Self-Love and Acceptance

Cultivating a positive body image and self-esteem is crucial to overcoming sexual insecurities. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and practice self-love through affirmations and self-care. Remember, confidence starts from within. Your body is attractive and sexy just as it is, as long as you're comfortable in it.

Focus on the Positive

When you find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thinking, challenge these thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Ask yourself if your negative thoughts are accurate or based on unfounded fears. Shifting your mindset can help you feel more secure and confident.

Seek Professional Support

If you're struggling to overcome your sexual insecurities on your own, consider seeking help from a therapist or sexologist. Professionals can offer strategies and insights tailored to your specific concerns and provide a supportive environment to work through your insecurities.

Be curious about your partner's pleasure

Being curious about your partner's pleasure is a key part of being a good lover. Everyone is different, with a unique set of sexual preferences and acts that bring them pleasure. Therefore, it's important to ask your partner questions about what they like and what turns them on.

Asking your partner about their most erotic moments and their favourite porn can help you learn about their pleasure. You could even suggest watching it with them and observing how they masturbate.

It's also beneficial to focus on your own pleasure. For most people, one of the biggest turn-ons is their partner feeling pleasure. This energy builds and results in a great orgasm for everyone.

Communication is key. Be sure to keep the line of communication open and ensure that both of you are feeling great during sex. Listen and react to any direct verbal communication from your partner.

Additionally, plenty of non-verbal communication happens during sex. Listen to your partner's moans and watch and feel how their body reacts to certain types of touches. This will help you better understand what they like or don't like.

Being curious about your partner's pleasure and taking the time to learn what they enjoy will help you become a better lover and enhance your sexual experiences together.

Focus on your own pleasure

While it's important to be attentive to your partner's pleasure, it's equally important to focus on your own pleasure. Here are some tips to help you do just that:

Be vocal about your desires

Let your partner know what you want and ask for it. Whether it's a certain position, speed, or type of touch, don't be afraid to speak up. Your partner will appreciate the clear communication, and it will lead to a more enjoyable experience for both of you.

Wear something that makes you feel sexy

Choose an outfit that makes you feel confident and desirable. It could be a sexy lingerie set or something as simple as a well-fitting shirt. When you feel good about yourself, it will show in your attitude and body language, making you even more attractive to your partner.

Engage in foreplay

Don't rush into the main event. Take your time to explore each other's bodies and build anticipation. Kiss, touch, and caress your partner all over, focusing on their pleasure. This will not only heighten their excitement but also your own.

Try something new

Introduce new elements to your sexual routine to keep things exciting. This could be trying out a new position, incorporating sex toys, or even just changing the location of your intimate encounters. By adding a bit of novelty, you'll not only please your partner but also keep yourself engaged and interested.

Focus on the sensory experience

Enhance your pleasure by paying attention to all your senses. Light some scented candles, put on some music that gets you in the mood, and use soft fabrics or textures to stimulate your touch. You can even incorporate different sensations during oral pleasure, such as ice cubes or whipped cream, to heighten the sensory experience for both you and your partner.

Build excitement and anticipation

Being good in bed is about more than just the physical act of sex. It's about creating a thrilling experience for your partner that starts well before you get to the bedroom. Here are some ways to build excitement and anticipation:

• Make suggestive touches throughout the day. A touch on the arm, a stroke of the hair, or a subtle caress can go a long way in building anticipation for what's to come.
• Leave sexy notes or letters around the house. A naughty note on the bathroom mirror or a steamy letter on the bedside table can keep your partner thinking about you all day.
• Send sexts throughout the day. Sexting is a great way to build excitement and let your partner know what's on your mind. Just make sure both parties are comfortable with the level of explicitness.
• Plan a romantic date or evening. Setting the mood with a romantic dinner, soft music, and low lighting can help get you and your partner in the right frame of mind.
• Try role-playing. Acting out fantasies or adopting a dominant/submissive dynamic can add an element of excitement and create a sense of anticipation.
• Be adventurous. Try something new in the bedroom, like incorporating toys or exploring different kinks. This can help keep things exciting and unpredictable.
• Take your time. Instead of rushing through foreplay, savour every touch and kiss. Build up the anticipation slowly and let the excitement simmer.

By incorporating these tips, you can create a thrilling experience for your partner that will leave them wanting more. Remember, the build-up is just as important as the main event!

Understand your and your partner's erotic blueprint

Understanding your and your partner's erotic blueprint can be a great way to enhance your sex life and increase self-awareness, compassion, and communication. The concept of erotic blueprints was developed by somatic sexologist Jaiya, based on her two decades of study and clinical research into sexuality, arousal, and pleasure. There are five erotic blueprints: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter. Typically, one or two of these emerge as your primary blueprints, but it's not uncommon to have a little bit of each type.

The Energetic Blueprint

People with this blueprint are aroused by space, anticipation, and teasing. They are often hypersensitive, so less touch is more. They tend to prefer light, hovering touches, eye contact, and using their breath. Energetics may experience altered states and have nongenital full-body orgasms, or orgasms without being touched. They may also be more intuitive, and their sexual connections are usually deeply emotional or spiritual experiences. Energetics may require a sense of safety to maintain arousal and can be prone to overwhelm, anxiety, and shutting down when overstimulated.

The Sensual Blueprint

The sensual blueprint is all about the vibes. They are turned on by exploring and entertaining their senses during sexual and erotic intimacy: taste, smell, touch, sight, and sound. Setting the mood is important to them, and they may enjoy creating a romantic atmosphere with candles, music, or other sensory delights. They like to savor the experience and take in the atmosphere, and may enjoy various types of play that enhance, tease, or deprive the senses. The downside is that they can get stuck in their heads and may need everything to be perfect.

The Sexual Blueprint

The sexual blueprint is focused on the ins and outs of sex, pursuing orgasm and pleasure through genital stimulation and penetrative sex. Sex for this type is usually orgasm-driven, fun, and relaxing. They are often aroused easily and quickly and like to have sex frequently. They are often visually aroused by bodies and sex and may not experience much shame around their sexuality. The drawback is that they may get too goal-oriented, focusing on orgasm as the main goal, and have a narrow view of what is sexual.

The Kinky Blueprint

The kinky blueprint is titillated by the taboo. They are excited by situations or activities that are considered outside of social norms, such as power dynamics, stepping out of their comfort zone, or role-playing. They tend to embrace fantasy and creativity in their sex lives. The shadow side of this type is shame. They may feel guilty for having certain desires and can experience barriers to communicating their desires to their partners, especially if they have experienced negative reactions in the past.

The Shapeshifter Blueprint

Shapeshifters get off on all of the above. They crave variety and are the explorers of the blueprints when it comes to sexuality and kink. They need a partner who is equally versatile and open to a broad range of pleasure. The shapeshifter blueprint can get stuck people-pleasing and struggle to own all of their desires. They may also feel like they are too much" for their sexual partners, which can lead to inhibited orgasm and pleasure.

Understanding your and your partner's erotic blueprint can help you communicate your needs and desires more effectively. It can also provide a framework for navigating any challenges or roadblocks you may encounter in the bedroom. Just like with love languages, it's important to be interested in learning your partner's blueprint and how they experience pleasure, as well as communicating your own.

Frequently asked questions