Asking Bridesmaids To Pay For Their Dresses: Tips And Tricks

Asking your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses can be a tricky conversation to navigate. While there are no steadfast rules, bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their own dresses and accessories. This can be a financial burden, especially when coupled with other costs such as hair, makeup, and transportation. As a bride, it's important to be mindful of these expenses and communicate any financial expectations upfront. Being transparent about costs and giving your bridesmaids a say in the dress choice can help ensure everyone is comfortable and happy with the arrangement.

Ask them directly

If you want to ask your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses directly, it's important to be upfront and honest about it. Here are some tips to help you navigate this potentially sensitive topic:

• Be Transparent: It's essential to be transparent and direct when discussing financial expectations with your bridesmaids. Let them know that you expect them to cover the cost of their dresses early in the planning process. This gives them enough time to budget and plan accordingly. You can say something like, "I want to be transparent about financial expectations. I would appreciate it if you could cover the cost of your dress for the wedding."
• Provide Clear Information: Give your bridesmaids clear information about the dress requirements, including the style, colour, and any specific details they need to know. This will help them understand the potential cost and make informed decisions. For example, you can say, "I'm envisioning floor-length lilac-coloured silk gowns for the bridesmaids. I understand that this may be a financial commitment, and I want to make sure we're on the same page."
• Offer Alternatives: If you know that some of your bridesmaids may have financial constraints, consider offering alternatives or less expensive options. You can suggest renting a dress, choosing a more affordable designer, or even picking a different colour that fits their budget. By showing that you're willing to work with them, you'll make the conversation more collaborative and less demanding. For instance, you can say, "I understand that the dress I have in mind may be out of budget for some. Are there any alternative options you'd suggest that fit within your budget?"
• Be Understanding: Recognise that being a bridesmaid comes with other expenses, such as travel, accommodations, and pre-wedding events. Express your understanding of the overall financial commitment and be open to suggestions or adjustments. For example, you can say, "I know that being a bridesmaid involves various expenses, and I want to make sure we're all comfortable. Are there any adjustments we can make to ease the financial burden?"
• Private Conversations: If possible, have private conversations with each bridesmaid to discuss the matter. This allows you to understand their individual financial situations and show that you respect their privacy. It also gives them a safe space to express any concerns or limitations they may have. You can initiate the conversation by saying, "I wanted to have a private chat about the bridesmaid dress. I want to ensure that we're on the same page financially, and I'm happy to explore options that work for you."

Remember, it's important to approach these conversations with empathy and flexibility. Each of your bridesmaids may have different financial circumstances, and being understanding of their limitations will help foster a positive and supportive dynamic within your bridal party.

Use a friend as a messenger

Asking a friend or two to take up the task of informing the bridesmaids about the dress payment is a great way to approach the situation. Here are some tips on how to go about it:

Choose the Right Messenger

Select a bridesmaid or two who you believe will be good at communicating your message. They should be able to explain your situation and reasoning clearly and tactfully. It is also important that they are good listeners who can understand the bridesmaids' perspectives and concerns.

Prepare the Messenger

Meet with your chosen messenger(s) and explain the situation to them. Be transparent about your financial constraints and why you need their help in conveying this message to the other bridesmaids. Provide them with all the necessary information, such as the cost of the dresses, the payment deadline, and any other expectations you may have.

Decide on the Approach

There are two main ways your friend(s) can approach this task. They can either speak to each bridesmaid privately or have a group discussion with everyone. Private conversations allow for more personalized discussions and may make it easier for bridesmaids to express their concerns. On the other hand, a group discussion can foster a sense of unity and ensure everyone receives the same information. Consider the dynamics of your group and choose the approach that will work best for you.

Emphasize the Honesty Policy

Encourage your messenger(s) to emphasize the importance of honest communication. Let them know that it is perfectly fine for bridesmaids to express their concerns or financial constraints. This openness will help you address any issues early on and find solutions together.

Offer Alternative Solutions

If possible, provide alternative options for the bridesmaids. For example, you could suggest less expensive dresses or offer to subsidize a portion of the cost. You could also explore rental or second-hand dress options. By showing that you are willing to work with them, you will likely receive more understanding and support from your bridesmaids.

Maintain Open Communication

After the initial discussion, make sure to maintain open lines of communication. Your messenger(s) should be available to address any follow-up questions or concerns. They can also act as a liaison between you and the bridesmaids, ensuring that everyone is on the same page.

Offer to subsidise the cost

If you're looking for ways to ask your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses while offering to subsidise the cost, here are some tips to help you navigate this potentially tricky situation:

• Be Transparent About Your Budget: It's important to be open and honest about your financial situation. Explain to your bridesmaids that you're on a budget and kindly request their understanding and support. Let them know that you'll be happy to contribute a certain amount towards their dresses and that you're aware this adds to the costs they're already incurring for your big day.
• Consult with Your Bridesmaids: Before making any decisions, consult with your bridesmaids individually and ask about their financial situation and comfort level with the expenses. Respect their privacy and be sensitive to their budget constraints. This will help you gauge how much they can contribute and where you can step in to help.
• Offer to Cover a Portion: Let your bridesmaids know that you're willing to cover a portion of the cost of their dresses. You can offer a specific amount or a percentage of the total cost. This gesture shows that you're mindful of their expenses and are willing to share the financial burden.
• Provide Price Ranges: Instead of choosing a single dress, consider providing your bridesmaids with price ranges to work within. For example, you could suggest options ranging from $100 to $200, $200 to $350, or $350 and above. This gives them flexibility and allows them to choose an option that aligns with their budget, with you covering the difference if needed.
• Cover Alteration Costs: Alterations can add up quickly, especially if the dresses require significant changes. Offer to take care of the alteration costs for your bridesmaids. This not only helps with the expenses but also ensures that the dresses fit them perfectly.
• Gift Them Accessories: Another way to subsidise the cost is by gifting your bridesmaids with accessories that they can wear on your wedding day. This could include jewellery, shoes, or a clutch. Not only does this reduce their overall expenses, but it also ensures a coordinated look that complements their dresses.
• Hair and Makeup Services: If you're requiring your bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup professionally done, consider covering this cost for them. Hair and makeup services can be quite expensive, so offering to take care of this expense will be a welcome gesture. If you can't afford to cover the full cost, you could also offer to subsidise a portion of it.
• Private Conversation: When discussing financial matters, it's best to have private conversations with each bridesmaid. This can be done through individual meetings, phone calls, or text messages. Respecting their privacy will make them feel more comfortable discussing their budget and any concerns they may have.
• Choose Affordable Options: When selecting dresses, be mindful of your bridesmaids' budgets and try to find affordable options. You can look for pre-owned dresses on sites like eBay or Poshmark, or choose rental options from sites like Rent the Runway. This helps reduce the overall cost for your bridesmaids, especially if they're already incurring other expenses for your wedding.
• Mismatched Dresses: Opting for a mismatched bridesmaid look can provide more flexibility with the budget. By choosing a specific colour or colour palette and allowing your bridesmaids to pick their own dresses within that guideline, you give them the freedom to select options that fit their budget. This also ensures that they feel comfortable and confident in what they're wearing.

Give them a list of what you can contribute

When asking bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, it is a good idea to give them a list of what you can contribute. This can help to show them how much effort you have put in to ensure that they attend the wedding, and it will encourage them to do something for you in return.

For example, you could offer to cover the cost of certain wedding day essentials, such as hair styling, makeup, and jewellery. You could also offer to provide a meal for them on the day of the wedding, or to cover the cost of their accommodation. If you are unable to contribute financially, you could offer to save them time and effort by taking on some of the planning duties or day-of tasks.

You could also consider treating your bridesmaids to manicures, pedicures, or hair styling appointments in the lead-up to the wedding. This can be a nice way to thank them for their support and ensure they feel pampered and appreciated.

It is important to remember that the cost of being a bridesmaid can be significant, so it is essential to be transparent about any financial expectations from the outset. This will help to alleviate any financial stressors and ensure that your bridesmaids are comfortable with the expenses they are expected to cover.

Discuss the costs of other weddings

The cost of a wedding can vary depending on several factors, including the location, the number of guests, and the type of celebration desired. Here is a breakdown of the costs associated with weddings, which can help you discuss and plan for these expenses:

Reception Venue, Catering, and Rentals (45%)

The venue, catering, and event rentals are essential and typically consume the largest portion of the budget. This includes the reception venue, catering for dinner and cocktail hour, bartending services, tables, chairs, linens, stemware, and other rental items.

Wedding Planner/Coordinator (5-15%)

While not mandatory, hiring a wedding planner or coordinator can be beneficial and is often required by venues. They can help you stay within your budget and leverage their industry connections to get better deals.

Photography and/or Videography (12%)

Capturing high-quality photos and videos of your special day is crucial, so allocate a significant portion of your budget to this. It typically covers a photographer, a second shooter, travel costs, and an engagement photoshoot.

Reception Music/Entertainment (10%)

This includes live bands, DJs, cocktail hour musicians, photobooths, and other fun experiences like poets or caricature artists to entertain your guests.

Stationery (3-5%)

This covers all your wedding stationery needs, from save-the-dates and invitations to escort cards and thank-you notes.

Flowers and Decor (10%)

Flowers and decor are another area where costs can quickly add up. This includes personal bouquets, ceremony decorations, reception centerpieces, lighting, guest books, and other decorative details.

Wedding Attire and Beauty (9%)

This portion covers the wedding attire and beauty services for both partners, including attire, alterations, accessories, day-of hair and makeup, and beauty treatments.

Favors and Gifts (1-2%)

Wedding favors are a thoughtful way to thank your guests, and it's customary to give gifts to your wedding party members.

Cake and Desserts (2-3%)

In addition to your wedding cake, you may want to offer a dessert bar or alternative sweet treats, which will incur additional costs.

Transportation (3-6%)

Transportation services ensure the safe and timely arrival of the wedding party and guests to the ceremony and reception locations. This may include a getaway car for the newlyweds, transportation for the wedding party and guests, and parking or valet services.

Tips (5-15%)

It's customary to tip your vendors, so build a buffer into your budget for gratuities.

Rehearsal Dinner and Other Wedding Events (8%)

If you plan to host a welcome party, rehearsal dinner, or post-wedding brunch, include these expenses in your budget.

Honeymoon (5%)

If you're planning a honeymoon immediately after the wedding, allocate a portion of your budget to cover those expenses.

Hidden Costs and Extras (5-15%)

It's a good idea to have a contingency fund for unexpected expenses, such as an emergency rain tent or additional floral arrangements.

Other Considerations

• Guest Count: The number of guests invited significantly impacts the overall cost. A smaller guest list can help reduce variable costs like catering and rentals.
• Location: The cost of a wedding varies by region and city. Big cities like New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago tend to be more expensive than smaller towns or less populated areas.
• Season and Day of the Week: Weddings during peak season (May-October) and on weekends tend to be pricier due to higher demand.
• Style and Formality: More formal and upscale weddings generally cost more than casual celebrations.
• Number of Vendors: The average couple hires around 14 vendors, and the cost varies based on their rates and services.

These considerations and cost breakdowns can help you discuss and plan for the financial aspects of a wedding, ensuring a memorable celebration that fits within your budget.

Frequently asked questions