Addressing A Wedding Invitation To A Separated Woman: Etiquette Guide

Addressing wedding invitations can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to separated or divorced women. The key thing to remember is that you should always use the person's preferred title. If you're unsure, it's best to avoid a title altogether. For a divorced or separated woman, Ms. is usually the safest option. If she has returned to her maiden name, Ms. is definitely the correct choice. When using Ms., avoid using the husband's first name.

'Ms.' or 'Mrs.'

When addressing a wedding invitation to a separated woman, it's important to use the correct title and name format. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Ms. or Mrs.?

• "Ms." is typically used for single women over 18 or married women who use their maiden name. It is also generally considered the safest option when addressing divorced or separated women, especially if they have reverted to their maiden name.
• "Mrs." is usually reserved for married women who use their husband's last name. However, it is also appropriate for widowed women, who are traditionally addressed as "Mrs." followed by their late husband's first and last names.

Formatting the Name:

• When addressing a separated or divorced woman who uses her married name, the correct format is "Mrs." followed by her husband's first name (e.g., "Mrs. John Smith"). Using her first name is also acceptable and may be preferred in certain situations (e.g., "Mrs. Anna Smith").
• If the woman has reverted to her maiden name, the format is "Ms." followed by her full maiden name (e.g., "Ms. Anna Jones").

Inner Envelope Etiquette:

• The inner envelope is more informal, so you have some flexibility. You can use titles and last names or opt for a more casual approach with first names only.
• If the separated woman is bringing a guest, the outer envelope should include her name, while the inner envelope can indicate the guest (e.g., "Ms. Anna Smith" on the outer envelope and "Ms. Smith and Guest" on the inner envelope).

Other Considerations:

• When in doubt, "Ms." is generally a safe and respectful choice, as it does not identify a woman by her marital status.
• Always use the woman's preferred title if you are aware of it.
• For a more modern approach, you may choose to forgo titles altogether and use only first and last names on the invitation.

Maiden name or married name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a woman who has separated from her husband, it is important to consider her preference and use her chosen title and name. Here are some guidelines on using her maiden name or married name:

• Maiden Name: If a woman has chosen to keep her maiden name after separating from her husband, it is appropriate to use "Ms." as her title, followed by her first name and maiden name. This is true regardless of whether she is divorced or widowed. This format can be used for both outer and inner envelopes. For example: "Ms. Stephanie Chen" or "Ms. Mary Smith".
• Married Name: If a separated woman prefers to be addressed by her married name, you can use "Mrs." or "Ms." followed by her first name and married last name. This is also applicable if she has chosen to hyphenate her maiden and married names. For example: "Mrs. Valerie Freeman" or "Ms. Valerie Warrington-Freeman".
• Formality: When addressing a formal wedding invitation, it is customary to include both the husband and wife's names, even if they are separated. In this case, you would use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by their full names. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". However, modern etiquette suggests that the woman's name should not be left out or lumped in with her husband's name, and it is more respectful to list their names separately.
• Inner Envelope: The inner envelope is typically more casual and can include first names. For a separated couple, you might address it to "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren" or simply use their first names: "Thomas and Michelle".
• Same-Sex Couples: For same-sex couples, either name can go first, and you can use "Mr." or "Mrs." based on their preference. Alphabetical order or what sounds better can be used as a guideline.
• Unmarried Couples: If the woman is unmarried or living with her partner, her name is typically listed first, followed by "Ms." or "Miss". Their names are written on separate lines without the conjoining "and", as this signifies marriage. For example: "Ms. Valerie Warrington, Mr. Brian Freeman".
• Children: When inviting children under 18, use "Miss" for girls and no title for boys under 18. Children's names are usually listed underneath their parents' names, omitting their last names.

Remember, the most important consideration is to respect the woman's choice and use the name and title that makes her feel most comfortable. If you are unsure, it is best to ask her directly.

Inner and outer envelopes

The inner and outer envelopes serve different purposes. The outer envelope is the formal envelope with the recipients' addresses, full names, titles, and sometimes even middle names listed. The inner envelope is smaller and has traditionally been marked only by the titles and last names of the guests.

Inner Envelope

The inner envelope is more casual and can include titles such as Mr. and Miss, or they can be addressed with first names only. If you don't know the preferred pronouns of your guests, it is recommended to print your inner envelopes without titles like Mr. or Miss.

The inner envelope is also used to specify who is invited to the wedding. For example, if you are inviting a single person with a plus-one, the outer envelope would be addressed to "Mr. Styles", and the inner envelope would be addressed to "Mr. Styles and Guest". Including or omitting "and guest" makes it clear if the invitee is allowed to bring a partner, a date, or a friend.

Outer Envelope

The outer envelope is the mailing envelope that gets labelled with the guest address. It is the envelope that the post office sees.

Examples

Married Couple (same last name):

• Outer envelope (formal): Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren
• Inner envelope (formal): Mr. and Mrs. Warren or Thomas and Michelle
• Outer envelope (contemporary): Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren
• Inner envelope (contemporary): Thomas and Michelle

Married Couple (different last names):

• Outer envelope (formal): Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez
• Inner envelope (formal): Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez or Maria and David
• Outer envelope (contemporary): Maria Stevens and David Estevez
• Inner envelope (contemporary): Maria and David

Single Woman:

• Outer envelope (formal): Ms. Stephanie Chen or Miss Stephanie Chen (if she is younger than 18)
• Inner envelope (formal): Ms. Chen or Miss Chen or Stephanie
• Outer envelope (contemporary): Stephanie Chen
• Inner envelope (contemporary): Stephanie

Single Man:

• Outer envelope (formal): Mr. James Montgomery
• Inner envelope (formal): Mr. Montgomery or James
• Outer envelope (contemporary): James Montgomery
• Inner envelope (contemporary): James

Unmarried Couple (at the same address):

• Outer envelope (formal): Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee
• Inner envelope (formal): Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee or Stanley and Amanda
• Outer envelope (contemporary): Stanley Kim and Amanda Rhee
• Inner envelope (contemporary): Stanley and Amanda

Children's names

When addressing wedding invitations to families with children, the outer envelope should include the family name, or the parents' names, while the inner envelope should list the children's names from oldest to youngest. If the children are under 18, they are listed without their surnames, and the girls are addressed with "Miss". If the children are over 18 and live with their parents, they should receive a separate invitation.

Outer envelope: "The Thompson Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson" or "Mr. Alan Thompson and Mrs. Emily Thompson"

Inner envelope: "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

If the family has children under 18 and you are using a single outer envelope, the format would be:

"Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson, Roger, Chance, Christopher, Jenny, and Samantha"

If the family has children over 18 and you are using a single outer envelope, each person over 18 should be listed on a separate line:

"Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson

Alan

Emily

Roger

Chance

Miss Jennifer

Miss Lily"

Titles and abbreviations

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to follow certain rules regarding titles and abbreviations to ensure formality and respect. Here are some guidelines to follow:

• Always use the complete, formal name of your guest. For example, address your "Uncle Steve" as "Mr. Steven Lewis Nelson".
• Use the guest's full middle name if you know it. If you don't know it, omit it.
• Never use initials or abbreviations for names, streets, avenues, states, etc. Write out "Alabama" instead of "AL", and "Street" instead of "St".
• For a married couple with the same last name, use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first. Address the outer envelope as "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" and the inner envelope as "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle".
• If the woman has kept her maiden name, the female's name comes first. Address the outer envelope as "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez" and the inner envelope as "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David".
• For unmarried couples living in the same household, list the person you are closest to first, followed by their partner on a separate line. Use "Mr." for men and "Ms." or "Miss" for women.
• For a single female, use "Ms." if she is over 18 and "Miss" if she is younger. For a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18; otherwise, no title is necessary.
• When addressing a married couple where one person is a doctor, spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate to "Dr." on the inner envelope. For a married couple where both are doctors, use "The Doctors" on the outer envelope and abbreviate to "Drs." on the inner envelope.
• For military personnel, judges, reverends, etc., apply the same rules as for doctors. Ensure you know the correct titles and ranks.

Frequently asked questions