Honoring Deceased Loved Ones In Wedding Invitations

Planning a wedding is an exciting time, but it can also be a difficult and emotional experience, especially if you're dealing with the loss of a loved one. It can be tricky to navigate how to honour and include a deceased friend or family member in your big day, but there are many thoughtful ways to do so. From simple gestures like displaying photographs or lighting a candle, to more unique ideas like incorporating their favourite food or drink into your wedding, there are plenty of options to choose from. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to acknowledge a deceased person on a wedding invitation, and you should do whatever feels most comfortable and appropriate for you.

How to address a deceased person on a wedding invitation

When it comes to addressing a deceased person on a wedding invitation, there are a few options to consider. Here are some guidelines and suggestions to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

Timing and Delivery

It is recommended to wait for the funeral to pass before sending out wedding invitations. Sending your friend's mother's invitation a little later, along with a kind letter or personal visit, is a thoughtful way to express your condolences and let her know she's still in your thoughts. This approach also allows you to gauge her readiness to attend your wedding and gives her the option to decide later.

Addressing the Envelope

The traditional way to address a widow is "Mrs. John Doe," using her deceased husband's full name with the "Mrs." prefix. However, modern customs favour using the widow's first name and omitting her late husband's name, such as "Mrs. Jane Doe." If you are unsure, it is best to ask your friend which form of address she prefers.

Inviting the Widow

It is generally considered inappropriate to specifically include the name of a deceased person on the wedding invitation. Instead, address the invitation to the widow herself, using the appropriate form of address mentioned above. Recognise that the widow is aware of her spouse's passing, and addressing the invitation in a way that acknowledges her current situation shows respect and avoids denial.

Including a Personal Note

Including a personal, handwritten note expressing your wishes for their presence and understanding the difficulty of the time can be a thoughtful addition to the invitation. This note can also mention how much you'll miss the deceased's presence, offering a heartfelt tribute.

Honoring the Deceased at the Wedding

While the focus of this query is on addressing the invitations, it's worth noting that there are many ways to honor a deceased loved one at the wedding itself. These can include reserving a seat for them, displaying their photograph, incorporating their favorite flowers or a meaningful quote, playing their favorite song, or even serving their favorite food or drink. These tributes provide a way to include the memory of the deceased in your special day while celebrating their life and impact on yours.

How to honour a deceased loved one at the ceremony

Honouring a deceased loved one at a wedding is a beautiful way to acknowledge their absence and celebrate their memory. Here are some thoughtful ways to honour them during the ceremony:

Reserve a Seat

Honour your loved one by leaving a chair open for them in the front row. You can decorate the chair with a photo of them, a flower, a jacket or hat, or another item that represents them. This is a touching way to symbolise their presence and keep them close to you during the ceremony.

Carry a Memento

Carry a memento of your loved one with you during the ceremony. You can attach a photo of them to your bouquet or wear a locket with their picture inside. Alternatively, you could wear an item that belonged to them, such as a piece of jewellery, a handkerchief, or a pocket square. This allows you to keep them close to your heart and feel their presence throughout the day.

Light a Memorial Candle

In many cultures, lighting a candle is a beautiful symbol of unity and remembrance. You can light a candle at the beginning of the ceremony or have a special moment during the proceedings to light it yourself. This can be a quiet and reflective moment to honour your loved one and symbolise their spirit shining brightly.

Include a Quote or Reading

If your loved one had a favourite poem, quote, or reading, consider incorporating it into your ceremony. You can ask a family member or friend to read it or have your officiant weave it into their script. This can be a meaningful way to share your feelings and honour your loved one's memory.

Play Their Favourite Song

Music can evoke strong emotions and hold special sentimental value. Playing your loved one's favourite song during the ceremony can be a beautiful tribute. It can be a subtle nod to their memory or a dedicated moment where you invite guests to join you in honouring them on the dance floor.

Acknowledge Their Absence

The loss of a loved one can feel like an elephant in the room, and it's okay to address it directly. Many couples choose to have their officiant or celebrant acknowledge the deceased loved one at the beginning of the ceremony. This can be a simple statement expressing that they are in your hearts and thoughts, allowing you to focus on the celebrations ahead while still honouring their memory.

How to honour a deceased loved one at the reception

Honouring a deceased loved one at a wedding reception is a beautiful way to acknowledge their absence and celebrate their life. Here are some thoughtful ways to do this:

Create a Memorial Table

A memorial table is a special place to honour your loved one and can be as large or small as you like. Fill it with framed photos, sentimental objects, candles, floral arrangements, and other mementos. This allows guests to pay their respects and provides a dedicated space for remembrance.

Share a Sentimental Recipe

Honour your loved one by incorporating their favourite recipes or signature dishes into the wedding menu. Whether it's a cherished dessert, a famous family recipe, or a well-loved appetizer, serving these dishes will spark conversations and warm memories among your guests.

Play a Special Song

Music evokes strong emotions, so playing your loved one's favourite song is a beautiful way to honour them. You can play it during the reception as a quiet moment of reflection or as an upbeat dedication that invites guests to the dance floor.

Wear Their Favourite Scent

Scent is strongly linked to memory, so wearing your loved one's signature perfume or cologne can be a subtle yet powerful way to feel their presence throughout the day. It adds a private and intimate touch to your special day.

Incorporate Their Favourite Flowers

Flowers are a meaningful way to pay tribute to your loved one. You can include their favourite blooms in your bouquet, the boutonnieres, or the reception centrepieces. Opt for white roses, which symbolise remembrance and honour, or choose flowers that hold a special meaning for the person being remembered.

Give a Toast or Speech

Raise a glass to your loved one with a heartfelt toast or include a tribute to them in your wedding speech. You can share fond memories, funny anecdotes, or a piece of advice they gave you. This is a way to celebrate their life and their impact on yours.

Create a Commemorative Presentation

Consider putting together a slideshow or video montage that showcases photos and videos of your loved one. You can play this during the reception for all your guests to see, or simply have it playing in the background, evoking warm memories.

Donate to a Charity

Making a donation to a charity or cause that was dear to your loved one's heart is a unique and thoughtful way to honour their memory. It's a way to give back and create a positive impact in their name, leaving a lasting legacy.

Serve a Signature Drink

If your loved one had a favourite drink, incorporate it into your cocktail hour or reception. You can name the drink after them and even include a sign at the bar, inviting guests to "share a drink" with your loved one. It's a fun and memorable way to honour them.

Display Favourite Photos

If you want to make a larger display, consider setting up a table dedicated to your loved one. Display their favourite photos in beautiful frames, along with mementos and other meaningful items. It's a visual reminder that, while they may not be physically present, they are still a cherished part of the day.

Honouring a deceased loved one at a wedding reception can take many forms, from subtle touches to more public tributes. The most important thing is to choose what feels right and comfortable for you and your partner. These ideas can be tailored to your unique situation, allowing you to celebrate and remember your loved one in a way that feels authentic and meaningful.

How to acknowledge a deceased loved one in a wedding speech

It can be tricky to navigate how to honour and include a deceased loved one in your wedding. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and it is a completely personal choice. Here are some ideas on how to acknowledge a deceased person in a wedding speech:

Determine who you want to include

First, you need to figure out who should be specifically mentioned in your wedding speech. Ask yourself: What is the relationship between the deceased and the couple? How long has it been since they passed away? If the deceased is very close to the couple and their death was recent, you should definitely mention them in your speech.

Mention them at the beginning of your speech

The beginning of your wedding speech covers many logistical items, such as introducing yourself, thanking guests, and welcoming attendees. This is a good place to pay tribute to any family members who have passed away. You can do this in an inclusive tribute that covers anyone who has passed away, or a more specific tribute by mentioning one or two important people.

Include a story about them

Stories are what make wedding speeches impactful and engaging. Can you think of an anecdote about your loved one to include? This is a great thing to do, especially if you are giving a parent's speech and it's the bride or groom's other parent that you want to honour. For example, you could share a story about how the bride and her late father bonded over their love of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Know if it's your place to share

Before you include a loved one in your wedding speech, determine if you are an appropriate person to do so. What is your relationship with the couple? What is your relationship with the deceased? For example, if you’re a parent and the deceased is your spouse and the other parent of the couple, you are definitely in a role to speak about this person. However, if you’re a friend of the couple who wasn’t especially close to the deceased, it may be best to not acknowledge this person within your speech.

Work with a professional wedding speech writer

If you're worried about how to include a deceased loved one in your wedding speech, consider working with a professional wedding speech writer. They can help you to be respectful, meaningful, and authentic while still keeping the overall tone of the speech upbeat.

Run your tribute past the couple

When in doubt, run any ideas or phrasing past the couple before the wedding day. This way, you can hear directly from the couple if your tribute will be well-received or if it may be too emotional for them. Then, edit your speech according to their feedback.

Practice reading your speech out loud

Talking about a loved one who has passed away is emotional, and combining that with the already daunting image of reciting a speech in front of a crowd can be very challenging. The key is to practice reading your speech out loud several times. The more you read your speech, the more comfortable you’ll feel.

How to include a deceased loved one in the wedding attire

There are many ways to include a deceased loved one in your wedding attire. Here are some ideas to help you honour their memory:

Wear Sentimental Fabrics

A small swatch of fabric that holds sentimental value can be added to your wedding attire. For example, you could wrap your bridal bouquet in a piece of fabric cut from your mother's wedding dress. Alternatively, you could sew a piece of fabric into your dress or the inside of your jacket.

Incorporate an Heirloom

If you have a cherished heirloom from your loved one, consider incorporating it into your wedding attire. This could be a piece of jewellery, a handkerchief, or even a small photo sewn into your dress or suit. Wearing a family heirloom is also a great way to tick off the "something old" box.

Wear Their Favourite Scent

Scent is a powerful memory evoker, so consider wearing your loved one's signature perfume or cologne on your wedding day. This is a subtle way to feel their presence with you as you walk down the aisle.

Wear a Photo Boutonniere

Place a photo of your loved one in an ornamental locket or small frame and pin it to your lapel, dress neckline, or the inside of your jacket. Another idea is to add the photo as a charm tied to your wedding bouquet.

Add a Hidden Patch

Use a piece of fabric that reminds you of your loved one and add it as a hidden patch to your attire. For example, you could use a piece of fabric cut from a parent's shirt and sew it into your dress or suit.

Including a deceased loved one in your wedding attire is a beautiful way to honour their memory and ensure they are with you on your special day. Choose the options that feel most comfortable and meaningful to you.

Frequently asked questions