Best Man Speech: Liquid Courage Or Calamity?

Being the best man at a wedding is a great honour, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. One of the most important duties of a best man is to give a memorable speech. The best man's speech is an opportunity to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show support for the happy couple. However, it can also be a nerve-wracking experience, especially for those who are not used to public speaking. To deliver a successful best man's speech, it is important to prepare and practice beforehand. While having a drink or two may help calm your nerves, it is generally recommended to avoid drinking too much before the speech to prevent slurring or forgetting what you want to say.

How much is too much?

It's natural to want to calm your nerves before giving a best man's speech, and a drink or two might help. However, anything more than that could lead to disaster. Alcohol, combined with intense nerves and emotions, will only amplify them, and you risk slurring your speech and being unable to remember what you've planned.

Some sources suggest that the best man should avoid drinking altogether before the speech. One source recommends limiting yourself to one drink before the speech and saving the real celebration for afterward. Another suggests that "Dutch courage" may be tempting but may also encourage you to go off-piste and ad-lib, causing you to miss out on important elements or add stories that cause you to overrun.

If you do choose to drink, it's essential to keep it to a minimum and be very careful. You don't want to end up with a cringing audience while telling a story about the groom's previous relationships or saying something you'll later regret.

So, how much is too much? As a general rule, limit yourself to one drink, or at most, two. Remember, you don't want to be sloppy drunk when you give your speech. It's a delicate balance between calming your nerves and maintaining your inhibitions. Postpone your own gratification until after you've delivered a successful speech.

Drinking and public speaking

Public speaking is a nerve-wracking experience for most people, and a best man's speech is no exception. The role of best man is an honour bestowed upon someone very close to the groom, and the speech is an opportunity to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show support for the happy couple.

The short answer is: not much. While it's understandable to want to calm your nerves, alcohol can impair your judgement, memory, and coordination. A drink or two might help take the edge off, but anything more could lead to disaster. It's best to stick to a maximum of one drink before the speech and save the real celebrating for after you've nailed it.

Tips for Managing Nerves:

• Practice: Rehearse your speech multiple times, in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. The more you practice, the more confident you'll become.
• Breathing: Take deep breaths to relax and slow down. Focusing on your breath will help you stay present and calm.
• Visualisation: Visualise yourself as a confident, engaging speaker. See yourself owning the room and delivering a fantastic speech.
• Connect with the Audience: Maintain eye contact, speak clearly, and use hand gestures. This will help you feel more connected to your audience and less focused on your nerves.
• Body Language: Stand up straight, smile, and use hand gestures. This will make you appear and feel more confident.

Speech Structure and Content:

A typical best man's speech follows this structure:

• Introduction and Gratitude: Start by introducing yourself and expressing gratitude to those who made the day possible, including the couple's parents, the groom for choosing you as best man, and the guests for attending.
• Relationship with the Groom: Talk about how you met the groom and share a funny or heartwarming story that showcases their character.
• Couple's Relationship: Share a story about the couple, ideally one that shows how they balance and complement each other. Avoid controversial topics, inside jokes, and anything that might embarrass the couple.
• Compliments and Well-Wishes: Highlight the positive impact the bride has had on the groom and express your support for their marriage.
• Toast: Raise your glass and propose a toast to the couple's happiness and future together.

Final Thoughts:

Remember, the key to a successful best man's speech is preparation. Plan your speech, practice, and keep your alcohol intake in check. Focus on celebrating the couple and making them look good. By following these tips, you'll deliver a speech that's memorable for all the right reasons.

How to calm your nerves without alcohol

While alcohol can be a crutch for calming nerves, it can also harm your performance. So, if you're the best man at a wedding and feeling anxious about your speech, here are some alcohol-free ways to steady those nerves.

First of all, it's important to know that feeling stressed about public speaking is incredibly common. Even the most experienced speakers and performers get anxious, so you're not alone. Ask yourself: what's the worst that could happen? Chances are, the audience isn't going to boo you or walk out. Remember that you're only human, and so is everyone you're speaking to.

One way to calm your nerves is to practice as much as possible. Rehearse your speech multiple times to familiarise yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practising in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery for a polished performance. Remember, the more you practice, the more confident you'll become.

You can also try to get comfortable with the space you'll be speaking in. If possible, spend some time in the room before anyone else gets there. Knowing the layout and quirks of the room will help you plan where you'll stand and move during your speech. It's similar to the psychological effect of a sports team having a home-field advantage.

Staying hydrated is another way to help decrease your stress. Dehydration can make you feel tired and give you a dry mouth, throat, and lips—all unhelpful things when you're trying to speak in front of people.

Taking deep breaths and visualising a simple object at the same time can also help to lower your anxiety. Focus on a coloured shape—a green circle, a yellow square, or a blue triangle, for example. This will take concentration and you'll need to practice to perfect it. Keep your breaths slow and deep, and your anxiety will lower.

Finally, a good warm-up can help to alleviate your concerns. Just like an instrument, your voice needs to be properly tuned before you start speaking. Practice enunciation with tongue-twisters and other exercises to get your tongue, lips, and jaw ready. You can also try some simple exercises to get your body warmed up and used to standing, like standing on one leg and shaking the other, or doing some jumping jacks.

The best man's speech structure

Being the best man at a wedding is an honour that comes with great responsibility. One of your main tasks is to deliver a memorable speech that celebrates the groom, entertains the guests, and shows your support for the happy couple. Here is a guide to help you structure your best man's speech and deliver it with confidence.

Planning and Preparation:

• Start by writing down your thoughts, feelings, memories, and anecdotes about the groom. This free-writing exercise will help you gather your ideas and ensure you don't forget anything important.
• Use a template as a guide. Most people have never written a best man's speech before, so it's normal to feel unsure about where to start. A template will give you an idea of what to include and how to structure your speech.
• Plan ahead and give yourself plenty of time to write your speech, ideally at least a month in advance. The weeks leading up to the wedding can be hectic, so preparing early will relieve some pressure.
• Practice, practice, practice! Rehearse your speech multiple times to familiarise yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practising in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery and boost your confidence.
• Avoid drinking too much alcohol before your speech. While it may calm your nerves, it can also lead to disasters, such as slurring or going off-script. Stick to a maximum of one drink before your speech to stay focused and coherent.

Speech Structure and Content:

• Begin with an introduction and a light-hearted icebreaker. Introduce yourself, share how you know the groom, and include a well-chosen joke or anecdote to warm up the guests and calm your nerves.
• Express gratitude and appreciation. Thank the couple, their parents, and the guests for being a part of this special day. You can also thank your friend for having you as the best man.
• Share stories and anecdotes about the groom. This is a chance to showcase your relationship and entertain the audience. Keep the stories playful and respectful, and consider using props or stunts to enhance your storytelling.
• Focus on the couple's relationship. Talk about how they met and share a story that emphasises their unique connection. If possible, include a moment when you realised their partner was "The One" for the groom.
• Offer words of wisdom and compliments. Share light-hearted yet sincere advice for the newlyweds, or ask married friends and family for their tips on love, compromise, and everyday living. Take a moment to compliment the couple and reflect on their strengths and your wishes for their future.
• Acknowledge the bridal party. Thank the bridesmaids for their role on the day and their contributions leading up to the wedding.
• Conclude with a final toast. Wish the couple a happy and prosperous future, and invite all the guests to raise their glasses in a heartfelt sentiment.

Additional Tips:

• Keep your speech short and sweet. Aim for a duration of 3 to 10 minutes to ensure it is engaging and doesn't lose the attention of the guests.
• Make it personal and authentic. Share stories and experiences that showcase your relationship with the groom and your support for the couple.
• Connect with the audience. Maintain eye contact, speak clearly, use hand gestures, and express your emotions genuinely to engage the guests and make your speech memorable.
• Avoid inappropriate anecdotes, mentions of exes, or profanity. Remember that a wedding is a family event with guests of all ages, so keep your speech tasteful and PG-rated.

How to be funny without alcohol

While alcohol is often thought to be a source of liquid courage, it can also lead to disaster during a best man's speech. So, how can you be funny without it? Here are some tips to help you deliver a humorous and memorable speech while staying sober:

Know Your Audience

Understanding your audience is crucial. The wedding reception room will be filled with people from different generations and backgrounds, such as the family circle, the friends brigade, and the bride's side. Tailor your humour to appeal to a diverse audience by focusing on universal themes like love, relationships, growing up, and maturing. Keep the humour clean and respectful, especially when addressing the family circle. Provide context for inside jokes or anecdotes to include the bride's side, who might be meeting you for the first time.

Share Stories and Anecdotes

People love stories, so share funny, heartwarming, or embarrassing experiences that showcase the groom's unique character and your relationship with him. Contact the groom's parents, friends, and even the bride herself to gather anecdotes and insights. Exaggerate and use creative license while ensuring your stories remain true, as people will recognize the groom's eccentricities. Remember, it's funny because it's true!

Create a Comedy Character

Imagine the groom as a character in a sitcom and build a narrative around him. What type of person would he be? Exaggerate certain traits or habits to create a comedic character. For example, is he a health freak who turns into a kebab-eating monster after one pint? Use anecdotes to build on this character and create a funny and relatable speech.

Include the Bride

Make sure to mention the bride and share a story about how the couple met or how your friend talked about her. Incorporate her in a positive light and showcase how she has influenced or changed your friend for the better. This will add a heartwarming touch to your speech and demonstrate your support for their relationship.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Rehearse your speech multiple times to refine your delivery and build confidence. The more you practice, the more comfortable and natural you will feel during the actual speech. Record yourself or practice in front of a mirror to identify areas for improvement and refine your body language and eye contact. Send the video to friends or family for honest feedback to help you perfect your delivery.

Keep It Short and Sweet

A good best man's speech is typically short and sweet, aiming for around 3-7 minutes. A lengthy speech may cause the audience to lose interest or grow restless, especially if it's time for eating, drinking, and dancing. Keep your speech concise, and consider including a mix of jokes and sweet moments to maintain the audience's attention.

Frequently asked questions