Lyla Dejesus
Hmong weddings are a celebration filled with food, family, and ancient traditions. The wedding is usually a two-day process, with the focus being on uniting the two families. The groom and his best man must make a vow, and the groom must pay his respects and offer a dowry to the bride's parents. The bride's family then prepares a feast, after which the couple will be married. The wedding ceremony is often directed by a marriage negotiator and may last most of the day. The newlyweds then travel back to the groom's home for another party.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Duration | Two days and one night |
| Focus | Uniting the two families |
| Bride's role | No say in what happens during the wedding |
| Groom's role | Must make a vow to the sky and earth, promising to love the bride |
| Groom's family's role | Pay dowry to the bride's family |
| Bride's family's role | Prepare a feast at their home, where the couple is married |
| Customs | Differ based on cultural subdivisions within the global Hmong community |
| Bride price | Negotiated by elders of both families prior to engagement and paid in bars of silver, livestock, or money |
| Wedding ceremony | Directed by the mej koob (marriage negotiator) |
| Wedding location | Bride's home |
| Number of ceremonies | Two (one traditional and one modern) |
| Clothing | Bride and bridesmaid wear green |
| Traditions | Carrying a black umbrella to symbolise the bride's commitment to the marriage |
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What You'll Learn
The wedding is a two-day process
On the first day, the groom arrives with his best man and two negotiators, and his family follows. The groom's family must ask if the bride's family is refraining from having guests. The bride's family will then prepare a feast for the guests, while the men set the table. After the meal, the bride and her bridesmaid, known as the "Green Lady", leave to change into formal wedding clothes, while the men partake in a "drinking celebration". The Green Lady's role is to ensure the bride does not run off with another man, as historically, many girls were forced to marry and would elope with their current or past lovers.
On the second day, the bride's family prepares a second wedding feast at their home, where the couple will be married. The wedding ceremony itself takes place at the bride's home, lasting most of the day, and is directed by the marriage negotiator. The couple then travels back to the groom's home for a large party.
Hmong marriage customs differ slightly based on cultural subdivisions within the global Hmong community, but all require the exchange of a bride price from the groom's family to the bride's family. The bride price is compensation for the bride's family, as they are now short one person to help with chores. The elders of both families negotiate the amount before the engagement.
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The groom must pay a dowry
The Hmong wedding is a two-day process that focuses on uniting the two families. The groom must pay his respects and offer the mother and father of the bride a dowry. This is a tradition that is still practised today at traditional Hmong weddings. The dowry money is counted not once or twice, but three times by members of the family. The amount the groom's side is willing to pay is an expression of appreciation to the bride's parents for loving, caring for, and educating their daughter. Negotiators decide which members of the bride's family will receive money and how much. This can range from a few hundred dollars to several thousand. It is traditional to transfer the money wrapped in cigarettes.
The bride price is compensation for the new family taking the other family's daughter, as the girl's parents are now short one person to help with chores. The elders of both families negotiate the amount prior to the engagement, and it is traditionally paid in bars of silver or livestock. Today, it is also often settled in monetary terms.
In the Hmong tradition, the groom must kidnap the bride symbolically. Before he may do this, the boy must first give a gift to the girl he intends to marry. After waiting a few days, the boy may then kidnap the girl. If the boy never gave the girl a gift, she is allowed to refuse and return home with any family member who comes to save her.
The Hmong people live primarily in southern China and Southeast Asia, including Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, and Myanmar. There are well over 300,000 Hmong Americans living in the US. In the 21st century, Hmong people who practice Christianity may follow traditional Hmong weddings, although some rituals are no longer practised.
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The bride's family prepares a feast
The wedding is a two-day process, and the focus is on uniting the two families. The bride's family plays a crucial role in the wedding, and they are responsible for preparing a feast on the second day. This feast is a significant part of the wedding celebration and is held at the bride's family home, where the couple will be married.
The bride's family will prepare a lavish spread of food for the guests, with the women taking the lead in cooking and preparing the feast, while the men set the table. The feast is an opportunity for the bride's family to showcase their hospitality and generosity. The meal is typically a traditional Hmong spread, with an abundance of food to ensure that the guests are well-fed and satisfied.
The feast also serves as a negotiation platform, with representatives from both families discussing the dowry and other wedding arrangements. The dowry is an important aspect of the Hmong wedding tradition, as it is an expression of appreciation from the groom's family to the bride's parents for raising their daughter. The dowry is usually paid in monetary terms, but it can also be in the form of bars of silver or livestock.
In addition to the feast, the bride's family also has other responsibilities and rituals to uphold. For instance, the bride's family traditionally packs a basket of food for the couple's journey from the bride's house to the groom's house. This basket includes cooked chicken, rice, and beverages, salt, oil, and other items to ensure the couple has a nourishing meal during their travels.
The bride's family is also expected to provide the bride with farewell presents and three sets of new clothes after the wedding. These gifts are a way for the family to show their love and support for the bride as she begins her new life with her husband and his family.
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The couple may have two ceremonies
The first ceremony is a traditional Hmong wedding, which does not involve certificates or clergy to solemnize the marriage. The groom's father asks the spirit ancestors for a blessing, welcoming the bride into their family. A large feast is held at the groom's family home, followed by another feast and a long 'negotiation' at the bride's home. The wedding ceremony itself takes place at the bride's home, lasting most of the day and is directed by the mej koob (marriage negotiator).
The second ceremony is a modern, Westernized wedding, often chosen by Hmong Americans to ensure their unions are legally recognized. This ceremony may include elements such as a wedding officiant and a marriage license. It is a mix of new and old customs, with the couple incorporating traditional Hmong rituals and values into a modern setting.
The Hmong wedding is a complex and lengthy process that involves the participation of both families. The dowry, or bride price, is an important aspect of the wedding, and the negotiations surrounding it can take a significant amount of time. The bride's family will also prepare a feast and the couple will be married at their home. The wedding is a celebration of the union of two families, and the bride and groom are expected to follow certain traditions and rituals throughout the process.
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The bride carries a black umbrella
The Hmong wedding is a beautiful celebration filled with food, family, and ancient traditions. The focus of the wedding is on uniting the two families, and every wedding is unique, depending on the bride's situation. The bride's family hosts the wedding ceremony, which is directed by a marriage negotiator or mej koob. The wedding is usually a two-day process, with the couple returning to the bride's family home on the first night to prepare for the next day.
On the second day, the bride's family prepares a wedding feast, where the couple is married. The bride is inducted into the groom's family on the third morning of their union. The wedding ceremony is followed by another celebration at the groom's house. The bride price or dowry, which is an expression of appreciation to the bride's family, is settled by negotiation between the elders of both families before the engagement. It is traditionally paid in bars of silver or livestock but is now often settled in monetary terms.
The Hmong wedding is a mix of old and new customs. While traditional marriages do not involve certificates or clergy, most Hmong Americans opt for modern-leaning ceremonies with a wedding officiant and marriage license to ensure legal recognition. Some couples even have two ceremonies, one traditional and one modern.
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Frequently asked questions
A Hmong wedding is typically a two-day process. However, traditional Hmong weddings are complicated events that can take several days to complete.
The wedding involves a lot of back and forth between the groom's home and the bride's home. The groom's family must ask the bride's family if they are refraining from having guests. The groom and his best man must make a vow to the sky and the earth. The groom must also pay his respects and offer the bride's parents a dowry.
A Hmong wedding is about uniting the two families. The focus is not on the bride and groom but on bringing the families together.
