Renaissance Betrothals: The Long Wait Before Weddings

how long between wedding and betrothal renaissance

The Renaissance saw a great deal of thought, discussion, and writing about marriage. Marriage customs during this period varied across time, place, and culture, and even within the same society, customs could differ. For instance, in Renaissance Italy, weddings were lavish affairs that could go on for several days, with parades, processions, spectacles, performances, games, and meals. In Renaissance England, the average age of marriage was around 25 or 26 for men and 23 or 24 for women, though girls could marry as young as 12 and boys at 14. The time between betrothal and wedding also varied, from several hours to several years, and could be terminated by mutual consent or for reasons such as infidelity or drunkenness. Betrothal rings were common in Jewish and Christian traditions, and in Renaissance Italy, rings were often in the ancient form of two clasped hands, known as the fede, or faith, motif.

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Renaissance weddings were also mergers, and lavish festivities diffused tensions between families

Renaissance weddings, especially for the middle and upper classes, were more about family mergers than romantic love. Marriages were potentially explosive moments, and the lavish festivities that accompanied them may have helped to diffuse tensions between families. Dowry arrangements, for example, were a common source of conflict. In Renaissance Florence, a statute was enacted to prohibit onlookers from throwing stones or garbage at a wedding procession.

Dowries, which consisted of goods such as clothing and jewelry, as well as money or property, were among the greatest financial obligations faced by families with daughters. Parents hoping to elevate their status paid large sums to place their daughters in advantageous unions. Even marriages between social equals required substantial investment. In Florence, a special public fund supported by an annual tax provided dowries for orphaned girls, and wealthy individuals also gave dowries to poor girls as acts of pious charity. Grooms, too, were expected to provide gifts; among the wealthy, these often included gems and luxurious clothes for the bride to wear during the wedding festivities.

The process of arranging a marriage in Renaissance Italy involved several stages. First came the impalmamento, or the joining of hands and betrothal, where the couple was introduced to each other by their families and a matchmaker. Next was the sponsalia, during which the family leaders (usually the fathers) negotiated the terms of the dowry and other economic advantages. The third stage was the matrimonium, or the actual marriage ceremony, which was formally carried out and registered before the local authorities. Finally, the nozze was the procession of the bride to the groom's home before the entire community and the consummation of the marriage.

The Renaissance wedding procession was the most public part of the marriage, and it provided an opportunity for the entire community to share in the celebration and thus ratify the marriage. The procession became more elaborate during the Renaissance, sometimes featuring floats and elaborate scenery. The ritual actions of the father handing the daughter to the husband, expressed in the Latin phrase tradere filiam suam (to hand over his daughter), and of the husband taking the woman into his house, uxorem ducere (to lead a woman), were the essence of the ceremony. Like the many gifts exchanged before and after the ceremony, the bride herself was an object handed from one owner to another.

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Dowry arrangements and other issues were common causes of tension between families

During the Renaissance, marriage was not just a personal matter. It was a crucial factor in the network of alliances that underpinned a family's prosperity and prospects. In aristocratic families, marriages were a currency of dynastic and diplomatic exchange, and merchant families in republican cities also treated marriages as such.

In Renaissance Italy, the dowry was a nearly universal phenomenon. It consisted of a significant amount of wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom's, considered the bride's share of her father's patrimony. The groom's family was expected to use the dowry for the bride's maintenance and, ultimately, the welfare of her children. Dowry inflation was characteristic of the Renaissance era, especially in Venice, where the average patrician dowry rose from 873 ducats in 1361–1390 to 1,732 ducats in 1505–1507.

The size of the dowry and its payment schedule were typically determined during a gathering of male relatives from both families. The bride herself was usually not involved until the ring ceremony, which took place at her home. The ring ceremony was when the bride received a ring from her future husband in front of their relatives.

The large dowries and the negotiations around them could cause tension between families. To defuse this dissatisfaction, families held elaborate and very public festivities, which also helped address any lingering issues from other parties who felt unfairly treated during the marriage negotiations. These festivities included processions, spectacles, performances, games, and meals.

In addition to dowry arrangements, other issues that could cause tension between families included the age of the bride and groom. In Renaissance Italy, brides were typically much younger than grooms. Women as young as 14 were often married to men in their 30s, partly to ensure the bride's virginity. This age disparity had several consequences, including a high number of widows, as older men were more likely to pass away. Widows returned to their natal families, who had to arrange a second dowry to attract another marriage proposal.

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Girls could marry at 12, boys at 14, but non-nobles wedded later, at 25 or 26

During the Renaissance, the age of consent for marriage was 12 years for girls and 14 years for boys. However, the average age of marriage for non-nobles was much older, with men marrying around 25 or 26 and women at 23 or 24. This was largely because non-noble men needed to finish apprenticeships and gather enough money to support a family before they could wed.

The Renaissance spanned a period of over 120 years, and views on marriage changed during this time. Customs also differed between the early Tudor period and Queen Elizabeth's reign. Generally, girls could marry at 12 and boys at 14, but these ages were flexible depending on the region and era. For instance, in 1619, the average age of marriage was 23 for women and 26 for men. In the late 16th century, the mean marriage age for women in and around Stratford-on-Avon was as low as 21.

Betrothals were common in the Renaissance, especially in noble houses. A betrothal could be terminated by mutual consent, or if one party could prove that the other was guilty of heresy, infidelity, drunkenness, or wickedness. In Jewish weddings during Talmudic times (c. 1st century BC – 6th century AD), the betrothal (erusin) and wedding ceremonies were held separately, up to a year apart. In most cultures, betrothed couples were expected to spend a lot of time together, getting to know each other. In Renaissance England, a proper wedding was based on three things: consent, the exchange of tokens (such as rings), and consummation.

Rings played a significant role in Renaissance marriages. They often took the form of two clasped hands, known as the fede or "faith" motif. Rings were exchanged during the anellamento or "ring day", marking the transition from betrothal to marriage. In Jewish culture, the groom would give the bride a ring during the betrothal ceremony, and this was considered as binding as the wedding ceremony.

While girls could legally marry at 12 and boys at 14, these ages were not always followed in practice. Thomas More, for instance, recommended that girls not be married before 18 and boys not before 22. In reality, the average age of marriage for non-nobles was closer to the late twenties, similar to what it is today.

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During the Renaissance, betrothals were a more formal version of an engagement, serving as a "barrier against ill-omened haste". They were common throughout Christendom since the early Church, with many different rites of betrothal encouraged or tolerated by Rome. Betrothals could be terminated by mutual consent, or for various other reasons.

Betrothals could be ended if both parties agreed, for instance, if they could not stand each other or if their parents did not get along. However, if only one party wanted to end the betrothal, there were limited grounds on which they could do so without the other's permission. These included cases where the other party was guilty of heresy, infidelity, drunkenness, or wickedness, or if a long separation had occurred.

In some common law countries, including England and Wales and many US states, a spurned partner could sue the other for breach of promise, which was known as "heart-balm". This was particularly important when virginity at marriage was valued, and a broken engagement could damage one's reputation. However, as attitudes towards premarital sex softened and the emphasis shifted towards allowing people to leave loveless relationships, this tort became obsolete in most jurisdictions.

In Jewish weddings during Talmudic times, the betrothal (erusin) and wedding were usually held up to a year apart, with the bride living with her parents until the actual wedding ceremony (nissuin). Breaking a betrothal in Judaism requires a formal divorce, and violation of betrothal is considered adultery. In Christian traditions, there is no official, standardized Rite of Betrothal in the Roman Catholic Church, and it is not found in the Rituale Romanum. However, several rites have been in circulation, with Father Weller's being the most common.

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Rings were a significant part of Renaissance weddings and betrothals

Rings were often made of gold or silver and adorned with precious stones such as diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Goldsmiths during the Renaissance transformed the simple designs of Medieval rings into intricate works of art, featuring ornate cartouches, scrolls, decorative motifs, classical elements, and elaborate bright enamels. The symbol of clasped hands, known as the "fede" or faith motif, was also popular in Renaissance ring design. This motif may have represented the moment when representatives of the couple shook hands to conclude a contractual agreement. The exchange of rings was considered proof of marriage, as seen in the case of the widow Lusanna, who argued that her boyfriend, Giovanni, had married her by giving her a ring.

In addition to wedding rings, betrothal or engagement rings were also exchanged during the Renaissance period. These rings were often separate from the wedding ring and were given as a token of commitment and love. In Jewish betrothal customs, the groom would give the bride a ring or another object of at least nominal value. This ring often took the form of a gold filigree ring with brightly coloured enamel, featuring a roof-like shape symbolising the shelter that marriage and family were intended to provide.

Rings were also given as "love gifts" during courtship, along with ceramic plates featuring images of beautiful women. These rings and plates played an important role in cementing the union between the couple and were likely commissioned by male suitors for their intended brides. The giving of rings during courtship and betrothal in the Renaissance demonstrates the significance of rings in the culture and customs of the time.

Frequently asked questions

A betrothal is a mutual promise of future marriage, or a contract by which a man and a woman engage themselves to marry.

The length of time between betrothal and wedding during the Renaissance varied. In Jewish weddings during Talmudic times (c. 1st century BC – 6th century AD), the two ceremonies of betrothal and wedding usually took place up to a year apart. In the case of child marriage, betrothal might last from infancy until the age of marriage. For adults, the betrothal period could last anywhere from several hours to several years.

Girls could get married at the age of 12, and boys at 14, though this was usually only the case for noble arranged marriages, which were also strategic alliances. For non-noble families, the average age of marriage was similar to what it is now, around 25 or 26 for men, and 23 or 24 for women.

Renaissance weddings were lavish and elaborate, with festivities that could go on for several days. Wedding celebrations involved a succession of parades, processions, spectacles, performances, games, and meals.

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