Rhiannon Hendricks
Jewish weddings are a cause for celebration, and the festivities can last for several hours. The ceremony itself is quite short, lasting about 20 minutes, and is followed by a reception, dinner, and dancing. The entire event can last anywhere from 3 to 6 hours, with some weddings structured differently, so there can't be a universal answer. The wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the couple, and they are regarded as royalty. The bride and groom are dressed in white, symbolic of purity, and the groom wears a kittel, a long white frock. The wedding ceremony is solemn, and the bride and groom are expected to shed tears to show the magnitude of the moment. The couple stands under the chuppah, a wedding canopy, and the ketubah, or marriage contract, is read. The groom then steps on and breaks a glass, symbolizing the destruction of the temple, and the ceremony concludes with blessings and songs.
Characteristics and Values of Jewish Orthodox Weddings
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Length of the wedding | Between 3 and 6 hours, or even longer |
| Room rented for | 4-5 hours |
| Time of day | Starts in the midafternoon and ends late at night |
| Segregation | Men and women are seated separately during the ceremony and initial celebrations |
| Dress | Bride and groom wear white, symbolizing purity |
| Food | Bread, appetizers, and a meal are served |
| Dance | Fast and frenetic, with no slow-dancing |
| Music | Songs are sung during the ceremony |
| Prayers | Blessings and prayers are said during the ceremony |
| Glass | Groom breaks a glass |
| Plate | Mother of the couple breaks a plate during the Kabbalat Panim to symbolize the seriousness of the commitment |
| Veil | Bride wears a veil until after the chapah, symbolizing modesty and inner beauty |
| Chuppah | Couple stands under the wedding canopy, draped in a tallit (prayer shawl) |
| Ketubah | Marriage contract is signed and read aloud |
| Kiddushin | Betrothal, the first stage of the two-step marriage process |
| Nisuin | Finalization of the nuptials, the second stage of the marriage process |
| Sheva Brachot | Seven days of celebration following the wedding |
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What You'll Learn
The ceremony
The wedding ceremony is preceded by the Kabbalat Panim, a reception held in honour of the bride and groom, who are likened to royalty on their wedding day. During this time, the bride and groom are seated separately, receiving relatives and friends, with the bride receiving women and the groom receiving men. The bride often sits on a throne-like chair surrounded by flowers, while the groom is surrounded by guests partaking in songs and toasts.
The couple then proceeds to the Chuppah, a canopy under which the marriage contract or Ketubah is read aloud in its original Aramaic or in translation. The Ketubah outlines the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations, and is signed by two witnesses. The Chuppah ceremony is traditionally characterised by an air of solemnity, with the bride and groom shedding tears due to the magnitude of the moment. The groom wears a Kittel, a long white frock, and the bride wears white, symbolising G-d's atonement and purity.
The wedding ceremony continues with the kiddushin, or betrothal, where the groom gives the bride a plain wedding band, with no gemstone settings, and recites a declaration: "Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel." This is followed by the nisu'in, the finalisation of the nuptials, where the couple unites under one roof for the sake of marriage. The rabbi holds a cup of wine and recites blessings, after which the couple sips from the cup.
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The reception
The Jewish wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the couple, where their previous transgressions are erased as they receive a new, complete soul. The wedding ceremony is preceded by a special reception called the Kabbalat Panim, held in honour of the bride and groom, who are considered royalty on their wedding day. The reception is usually held in two separate rooms, one for the bride and one for the groom. The bride and groom receive relatives and friends, with the bride receiving women and the groom receiving men. The bride often sits on a throne-like chair surrounded by flowers, while the groom is surrounded by guests partaking in songs and toasts.
The bride and groom offer blessings to their guests, as it is believed that a couple possesses greater power of prayer than the holiest person alive on their wedding day. Light refreshments are served, and it is customary for the mother of the groom and the bride to break a plate during the Kabbalat Panim to symbolise the seriousness of the commitment of the couple. The groom will also repeat a maamar, and the tenaim are read.
The wedding feast follows the chupah ceremony, where there is dancing, singing, eating, and drinking. This is broken up into two celebrations, with men and women separated for the first part, and then mixing for the second part (although this mixing does not occur at orthodox weddings). The bride and groom are in seclusion for a few minutes during this time, and an appetizer is served to the guests. When the couple returns, the dancing begins. Dancing is a major feature of Jewish weddings, and it is customary for the guests to dance in front of the seated couple and entertain them.
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The meal
At the wedding feast, it is customary for the guests to dance and sing in front of the seated couple to entertain them. There are traditional Ashkenazi dances that are often performed, such as the Krenzl, where the bride's mother is crowned with a wreath of flowers, and the Mizinke, a dance for the parents of the bride or groom when their last child is wed.
After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) is recited, followed by Sheva Brachot, or blessings for the newlyweds. It is customary for friends and family of the couple to host festive meals for the newlyweds for a week following the wedding, also known as Sheva Brachot. These meals are a time to celebrate the couple's new life together and are considered an important part of the wedding celebrations.
In terms of who pays for the meal, it is common for both sides of the family to contribute, with the groom's family often covering the flowers, liquor, orchestra, and photography, while the bride's family pays for the remaining expenses.
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Dancing
The hora is a traditional dance performed at Jewish weddings, where the newlyweds are lifted into the air while their family and friends dance in circles around them. The couple holds one end of a handkerchief or napkin to signify their union, while guests join hands and move in choreographed steps. The hora can be performed at the beginning of the reception or after dinner. It can last for as long as the couple desires, from a quick song to multiple hours with different renditions.
The Mitzvah tantz is a Hasidic custom where the men dance before the bride on the wedding night after the wedding feast. The bride stands perfectly still at one end of the room, holding one end of a long sash or gartel while the person dancing before her holds the other end. This is usually a highly emotional moment, where the dancer prays silently for the couple's success in life.
Other traditional Ashkenazi dances include the Krenzl, where the bride's mother is crowned with a wreath of flowers as her daughters dance around her, and the Mizinke, a dance for the parents of the newlyweds when their last child is wed.
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Blessings and prayers
The bride and groom offer blessings to their guests during the pre-ceremony reception, or Kabbalat Panim. On their wedding day, a Jewish couple is considered to possess a power of prayer even greater than that of the holiest person alive.
The Sheva Brachot, or the seven blessings, are traditionally recited during the wedding ceremony. The blessings are adapted from ancient rabbinic teachings, beginning with a blessing over wine and ending with a communal expression of joy. The blessings are about the creation of the world, the creation of humankind, the unity of loving people, and the joy of marriage. The blessings are traditionally chanted in Hebrew, but may also be read in English. In the Sephardic tradition, the bride and groom are wrapped in a tallit (prayer shawl) before the recitation of the blessings, to recognise the intimacy and significance of the moment.
The seven blessings are usually said by a Hazzan or Rabbi, or divided among honoured guests. Sometimes, the blessings are sung by the wedding guests en masse. The blessings are usually said over a cup of wine, which is passed to the person pronouncing each blessing. When a person pronounces the blessing, they and/or the groom may drink from the cup.
In liberal Jewish communities, both men and women are welcomed and encouraged to recite the Sheva Brachot. Some Orthodox feminists have challenged the halakhah (Jewish law) surrounding this debate, but have not made much headway in changing this tradition. Other Orthodox women have created a new tradition: the Sheva Shevahot, or seven praises. These seven praises are recited before the wedding meal and emphasise the psalms and poems celebrating the accomplishments of biblical women.
The ketubah, or marriage contract, is also read aloud during the wedding ceremony, usually in its original Aramaic, but sometimes in translation.
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Frequently asked questions
An Orthodox Jewish wedding can last anywhere from 3 to 6 hours, with the actual wedding ceremony taking around 20 minutes. The entire event can be broken down into four parts: Kabbalat Panim (the pre-ceremony reception), Chupa (the wedding ceremony), dinner, and dancing.
During the Kabbalat Panim, the bride and groom are separated and receive well-wishes from their friends and family. The bride and groom are treated like royalty, with the bride often seated on a throne-like chair surrounded by flowers, and the groom surrounded by guests making toasts and singing songs.
The Chupa is the wedding ceremony, which usually takes place outside. It is a solemn occasion, with the bride and groom often shedding tears. The ceremony ends with the groom stepping on and breaking a glass.
After the Chupa, there is a wedding feast with singing, eating, and drinking. The meal is often separated by gender, with men and women celebrating in different rooms. After the older guests leave, the men and women may join together for a more lively celebration with dancing.
