The Art Of Name Writing For Newlyweds

There are many ways to address a newly married couple, and the correct way depends on the couple's preferences and the context in which it is being used. For example, when addressing a card or invitation to a married couple, it is generally considered proper etiquette to include both members of the couple's names, rather than addressing it to just one person.

For heterosexual couples, traditional etiquette suggests using Mr. and Mrs. followed by the husband's first and last name (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. John Smith). However, this practice has become less common in modern times, as some view it as erasing the wife's identity. An alternative format is to include both the husband and wife's first and last names (e.g., Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith). If the wife has kept her maiden name or hyphenated her surname, her name can be listed first (e.g., Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Jones or Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith-Jones).

For same-sex couples, the format may vary depending on whether they have the same or different last names. If they have the same last name, the plural form of the title can be used (e.g., The Messrs. Dan and John Smith or The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams). If they have different last names, their names can be listed separately with appropriate titles (e.g., Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith or Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams).

Additionally, some couples may choose to blend their surnames, either by double-barrelling or creating a new name altogether. In this case, a deed poll or marriage certificate may be required to officially change their names.

When addressing a card or invitation, it is always a good idea to consider the couple's preferences and what feels most comfortable to them. If in doubt, it is perfectly acceptable to ask the couple how they would like to be addressed.

Using both first names

When addressing a married couple using both of their first names, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to note that the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]". However, this format has become increasingly unpopular, as it erases the wife's identity by excluding her first name.

One option is to include both the husband's and wife's first names, followed by their shared last name. For example, "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe". This format is more modern and inclusive than the traditional format, as it acknowledges the wife's first name.

Dropping Honorifics

Another option is to drop the honorifics ("Mr." and "Mrs.") altogether and simply use the couple's first and last names, such as "John and Jane Doe". This approach is considered safe and avoids potential offences, as it does not assume anyone's title or marital status.

Wife's Name First

When using both first names, it is considered proper etiquette to place the wife's name before the husband's. For example, "Jane and John Doe". This format is consistent with the idea that the woman is always first in social importance, followed by males and then children.

Addressing Doctors

When addressing a married couple where one or both spouses are doctors, there are a few options. If only the husband is a doctor, the format can be "Dr. and Mrs. John Doe". If only the wife is a doctor, the options include "Mr. and Dr. John Doe" or "Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe". When both spouses are doctors, the options are "Dr. and Mrs. John Doe", "The Doctors Doe", or "Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe".

Same-Sex Couples

When addressing same-sex couples, the same principles can be applied. For example, for a married couple with the same last name, the format can be "Mr. John and Mr. James Doe" or "Mr. James and Mr. John Doe". If one partner has a different last name, their full name can be used, such as "Mr. John Doe and Mr. James Smith".

Informal Address

In informal settings, it is common to drop the honorifics and use only the first names of the couple, such as "Jane and John". This approach is often used by friends or family members who are close to the couple.

Addressing Invitations

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples, it is important to consider their names and preferences. If the wife has taken the husband's last name, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. James Smith". If the wife has kept her maiden name or hyphenated her name, the format can be "Mr. James Smith and Mrs. Jane Jones" or "Mr. James Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith-Jones", respectively.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the most important consideration is to address the couple in a way that respects their identities and preferences. Traditions and etiquette may provide guidance, but personalizing the address to match the couple's dynamic and relationship is key.

Using titles and surnames

When it comes to using titles and surnames, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, it is important to note that the traditions and customs surrounding name changes after marriage vary across different cultures and countries. In some places, such as the United Kingdom, Australia, and the United States, it is common for a woman to take her husband's surname after marriage. However, this tradition is not universally followed, and there are several alternative approaches that couples can choose from.

One option is for the couple to create a new shared surname by combining their existing names. This can be done through double-barrelling, where both surnames are included, either with or without a hyphen. For example, if the couple's names are Sally Smith and Greg Hammer, they could become Sally and Greg Hammersmith or Sally and Greg Smithhammer. Most states require a court order for this type of name change. Another option is to create an entirely new surname that is not related to either spouse's current name, which also typically requires legal approval.

In some cases, one spouse may choose to take the other spouse's surname without any modifications. This option is more common for women, but men can also legally change their last names upon marriage in many jurisdictions. However, men may encounter more difficulties in doing so due to traditional gender norms.

Additionally, some couples may decide to retain their original surnames after marriage. This decision could be made for professional reasons or to avoid the hassle of paperwork and legal procedures. In some cultures, such as in Korea, it is traditional for women to keep their maiden names after marriage.

When addressing married couples, there are a few different formats that can be used. One option is to use both spouses' first and last names, such as "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe." Alternatively, if the wife has taken the husband's surname, they can be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." However, some people may find this format outdated or offensive, as it erases the wife's identity. In such cases, it is advisable to drop the honorifics and simply use the couple's names, such as "Jane and John Doe."

Name blending

There are two types of name blending: double-barrelling and name meshing. Double-barrelling involves combining both surnames, with or without a hyphen, such as "Duckerin-Read" or "Read-Duckerin". This option is generally simpler and does not require a deed poll. However, it can result in lengthy names, especially if passed down through generations.

Name meshing, on the other hand, involves creating a completely new name by blending elements of the original surnames. For example, the surnames "Read" and "Duckerin" could become "Rein". This option requires a deed poll, a legal document that allows a person to change their name. While name meshing can result in shorter and more unique surnames, it also involves more administrative steps to make the change official.

When deciding whether to blend your name and which method to choose, it is important to consider your reasons and the potential reactions of your family. Name blending can be a way to start a new chapter together, free from the baggage of historical surname conventions. However, it may cause friction with family members, especially those who are more traditional. It is recommended that couples present a united front when discussing their decision with parents and explain their reasons calmly.

Additionally, there are practical considerations to keep in mind, such as the time and effort required to change official documents, as well as any travel plans that may be affected by the name change.

Writing a cheque to newlyweds

Use Both Premarried Names

It is best to use the couple's premarried names on the cheque. This is because, even if they plan to change their names after the wedding, they may want to cash the cheque before the name change or during the transition period. Using their premarried names ensures that either member of the couple can deposit the cheque without issues.

Stick to Using "Or"

Using the word "or" between the couple's names will ensure that either person can deposit the cheque into their individual accounts. For example, write "Kim Jones or Jackie Garcia" instead of "Kim Jones and Jackie Garcia". The latter may require them both to be present at the bank or for the account to be in both their names.

Avoid Assumptions About Name Changes

Always double-check the names on the cheque and avoid making assumptions about name changes. Do not assume that a heterosexual couple has gone the traditional route of the bride taking the husband's last name. Also, avoid assuming that a couple who hyphenated their last names did so in alphabetical order. If you are unsure, ask someone close to the couple to clarify their official names.

Ensure You Have Sufficient Funds

Make sure you have the appropriate funds in your account before writing the cheque. You don't want the cheque to bounce when the couple deposits it, which may be a few weeks after the wedding.

Put the Cheque in a Wedding Card

Consider putting the cheque in a wedding card. Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, suggests that including a card with your congratulations and well wishes makes a thoughtful gesture.

Send the Cheque by Mail or Give it to a Designated Person

Sending the cheque by mail is the safest way to ensure it reaches the couple. If you are concerned about the cheque getting lost, you can follow up with the couple after a few weeks to confirm its receipt. Alternatively, if you want to bring the cheque to the wedding, give it to a close family member or a wedding party member, or the wedding planner, instead of giving it directly to the couple, who may misplace it during the busy event.

Addressing same-sex couples

When it comes to addressing same-sex couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to respect the couple's preferences and avoid assumptions about their names or titles. Here are some guidelines to follow:

If the same-sex couple is not married, it is appropriate to address each person individually with their chosen title and last name. Write each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. The order of the names is generally flexible and can be arranged alphabetically if needed.

In some cases, unmarried same-sex couples may still consider themselves a permanent pair. In this situation, you can write their names on the same line, separated by "and". For example, "Jane Smith and John Doe".

When addressing a married same-sex couple, there are a few options to consider. If both partners have kept their last names, you can write their names on the same line, separated by "and", with their respective titles. For example, "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Again, ordering the names alphabetically is an option.

Another way to address married same-sex couples is by using the plural form of the title. For example, "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams". This approach is especially suitable when the couple has the same last name.

If the married same-sex couple has chosen to combine their surnames, you can use their new shared name. For example, "Mr. and Mr. Smith-Jones" or "Mrs. and Mrs. Johnson".

It's worth noting that some same-sex couples may face legal challenges or resistance from their families when trying to change or combine their surnames. It's important to be respectful and supportive of their chosen names and titles.

When in doubt, the best approach is to ask the couple directly about their preferred form of address. They will likely appreciate your consideration, and you can avoid any potential misunderstandings or mistakes.

Frequently asked questions