Adults-Only Weddings: Wording Your Invitation Perfectly

Planning a wedding is stressful, and deciding whether to invite children is one of the toughest guest list questions. If you've decided to have an adults-only wedding, the best thing you can do is be clear and consistent about the parameters. This starts with how you address your save-the-dates and invitations. Only the guests invited should be named on the invitation. If you are inviting parents, be sure to use only their names on the envelope. You can also include a note on the reception card or map, such as Leave the kiddos at home. We can't wait to celebrate with you! or Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony.

Address envelopes to individual guests, not families

When it comes to hosting an adults-only wedding, one of the most important things to consider is how you address your invitations. This is crucial in ensuring that your guests understand who is invited and who isn't. Here are some tips and guidelines for addressing your wedding invitations to individual guests, rather than entire families:

Be Specific with Guest Names

It is recommended to list the names of each invited guest clearly on the envelope. This avoids any confusion and helps set the right expectations for your guests. For example, if you are inviting a married couple with children, address the outer envelope to the parents only, and list each child by name on the inner envelope. This makes it clear that only the parents and the named children are invited.

Use Name Bands

Name bands are paper wraps that are digitally printed with your guest names. They are a great way to add colour to your invitations and provide ample space to list the names of each invited guest, helping you to avoid any 'plus ones' or unexpected children.

Address Guests Individually

When it comes to addressing envelopes, it is important to give each guest or couple their own line. This is true even if they live at the same address but are from different families (e.g. roommates). Similarly, people in the same family but at different addresses (e.g. children away at college) should also receive separate invitations.

Get Titles Right

Using the correct titles for your guests is important. For those under 18, no title is mandated. For girls under 18, you may use "Miss" if you wish to be more formal. The gender-neutral title "Mx." can be used for all people over 18, especially if you are unsure of their pronouns. "Mr." is typically used for anyone over 18 who does not have a professional title.

For married women, the traditional title is "Mrs.", but some may prefer "Ms." if they are separated, married but using their maiden name, or if you are unsure of their marital status. For unmarried women over 18, "Ms." is appropriate.

Consider Professional Titles

If your guest has a professional title, it is generally advisable to use it. Doctors of any kind can be addressed as "Doctor". Elected government officials can be addressed as "The Honorable". Military personnel can be addressed with their full rank and name, without the need to include their branch unless it is a formal government or military correspondence.

Format Titles and Names for Couples

When addressing couples, list each person by their title and full name. You can put them in any order you prefer - by who you are closest to, alphabetically, or by rank. For married couples with the same last name, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First Name] [Last Name]". However, many modern women may prefer to have their name included as well, which would look like "Mr. [Husband's First Name] [Last Name] and Mrs. [Wife's First Name] [Last Name]".

For unmarried couples living at the same address, address them on one line, listing the person you are closest to first: "Mr. [First Name] [Last Name] and Ms. [First Name] [Last Name]".

Be Clear About Children

If you are inviting a family with children, be very specific on the invitation to avoid any confusion. List each family member's name, especially if children are included. Traditionally, the parents' names are listed first, followed by the children's names, from oldest to youngest, without last names.

Provide Additional Information

If you are having an adults-only wedding, it is a good idea to include additional information to make this clear to your guests. You can add a note on the reception card or map, such as "Leave the kiddos at home. We adore your children, but our venue doesn't have room for them. Please make it a date night!"

Spread the Word

It is a good idea to ask your bridal party, family, and close friends to help spread the word about your adults-only wedding. This way, they can answer any questions from other guests and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Remember, it is your wedding, so feel free to adapt these guidelines to fit your preferences and the style of your event. The most important thing is to be respectful of your guests' identities and relationships.

Include adults only on the wedding invitations

There are many ways to indicate that your wedding will be adults-only, from the way you address the invitations to the wording used. Here are some tips and suggestions for making your intention clear:

Addressing the Invitations

The way you address the invitations can be a subtle way to indicate that only adults are invited. A general rule to follow is that only the guests invited are named on the invitation. If you are inviting parents with children, address the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs." or the parents' names, not "The [Last Name] Family." Using inner and outer envelopes can also help clarify who is invited. For example:

Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan

Inner Envelope: Mike and Annie

Wording on the Invitations

While some sources suggest explicitly stating "adults-only" or "no children", others recommend against it. Instead, you can use certain phrases to suggest a child-free event. Here are some examples of wording you can use on the invitation, response card, or reception card:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception."
• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them due to budget/space constraints."
• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception."
• "We love your kids, but we thought you might like a night off! Adults only, please."

Additional Ways to Communicate

To further emphasize that your wedding is adults-only, you can include a note on the RSVP cards, indicating the number of guests included in the invitation. You can also add a custom card to your wedding invitation suite or include a details card with information about the adults-only nature of the event.

Online Communication

Most couples have wedding websites that provide additional information for guests. You can include an FAQ page and state, "Can we bring kids? While we love all the children in our lives, we've decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event." You can also suggest a local babysitting agency or provide contact information for recommended sitters in the area.

Spreading the Word

You can also rely on your bridal party, family, and close friends to help spread the word about your adults-only wedding. They can answer any questions from other guests and reinforce your decision.

Add a count on the RSVP cards

When planning a wedding, one of the most stressful parts is the guest list. If you want to have an adults-only wedding, there are a few ways to communicate this to your guests. One way is to add a count on the RSVP cards. Here are some tips and suggestions for doing this:

Be Clear and Consistent:

It is important to be clear and consistent about your adults-only policy. Decide on the criteria for who qualifies as an "adult." For example, will only those over 21 be allowed, or can those over 18 attend as well? Stick to your decision and communicate it clearly to your guests.

Addressing the Invitations:

When addressing the invitations, only include the names of the invited guests on the envelope. For example, use "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez" instead of "The Chavez Family." This will help to indicate that only the parents are invited and not their children.

Wording on the RSVP Cards:

On the RSVP cards, you can add a line such as "___ of ___ guests attending" and fill in the second blank with the number of invited guests. This will help to avoid any confusion and prevent guests from adding extra people to their RSVP. Here are some examples:

• "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor."
• "___ of ___ guests will attend."
• "We have reserved ___ spots for you."

Online RSVPs:

If you are using online RSVPs, you can still include the number of invited guests in the response options. For example, your website might say, "Kindly respond by [date] and indicate how many of the invited guests will be attending."

Be Prepared for Follow-up Conversations:

Even with clear communication, you may still receive RSVPs for the entire family or additional guests. In this case, be prepared to have a polite conversation with the guests to clarify that the invitation is only for the adults. You can cite space limitations, budget constraints, or the adult-centric nature of the event as reasons for your decision.

Remember, while some guests may find it rude or tacky to exclude children, most guests will appreciate the clarity and be able to make the necessary arrangements. By adding a count on the RSVP cards, you can effectively communicate your adults-only policy and ensure that your wedding planning goes smoothly.

Say it on your wedding website

Most couples have wedding websites with a comprehensive list of details for their big day. If you want an adults-only wedding, it's a good idea to include an FAQ page with a question like "Can we bring kids?" and a clear, polite answer. Here are some examples:

> While we love all of the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event.

> Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair.

> The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception.

> Due to limited venue space, adults only please.

> We respectfully request no children under 18 at the reception.

> To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception.

> We hope you will understand our decision to make the wedding children-free, and take the opportunity to let your hair down and celebrate.

> Children of immediate family only please.

> Regrettably, our chosen venue is unable to accommodate children. Professional babysitting will be provided at the hotel.

If you're worried about offending your guests, you can soften the wording by providing more detail and explaining your preferences. For an out-of-town wedding, include information about babysitting to help your guests make arrangements.

> Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them at the venue due to restricted numbers.

> Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend.

> To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, we politely request no children.

> To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen to make our special day adults only. We thank you for your understanding.

> We wish we could include all children, but are unfortunately only able to invite immediate family.

> Due to necessity rather than choice, it is children of immediate family only. We hope you understand and enjoy your night off!

> Unfortunately, due to space limitations, we are having an adults-only reception. The only children attending are those who are part of our wedding party.

You can also offer to help with childcare arrangements:

> If anyone needs help with making arrangements for childcare, please let us know and we will do our best to assist.

> If you need assistance finding childcare in [city], please get in touch with us and we would be happy to give you contact information for recommended sitters in the area.

Be ready to have a difficult conversation

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is one of the most difficult guest list questions. If you opt to exclude children from your wedding, you must be prepared to have a difficult conversation with your guests. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging situation:

Be Clear and Consistent:

From the very beginning, ensure that your wedding invitations are clear and consistent about the adults-only parameters. Only include the names of invited guests on the envelopes, and consider using "name bands" to list the names of each invited guest. This will help avoid any confusion or misunderstanding.

Don't Make Exceptions:

Stick to your decision and avoid making exceptions for certain children. Draw a clear line, such as only allowing infants or children in the wedding party. Communicate this clearly to your guests to manage expectations and avoid upsetting other parents.

Provide Childcare Options:

If you want to accommodate your guests with children, consider providing childcare options. You can book a childcare provider and set aside a room for children, especially if the reception is at a hotel. This will show that you are considerate of your guests' needs and may encourage more of your loved ones to attend.

Be Transparent on Your Wedding Website:

Most couples have wedding websites that provide details about their upcoming wedding. Include an FAQ page and explicitly state whether children are allowed. If not, provide a clear explanation and, if possible, recommend a local babysitting agency or childcare options.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations:

Despite your best efforts, you may still receive RSVPs for the entire family. In this case, be prompt in contacting the guests and politely clarifying that the invitation is only for the parents. You can cite various reasons, such as budget constraints, venue limitations, or the adult-centric nature of the activities and venue. Be understanding if some guests decide not to attend due to their inability to make alternative arrangements.

Use Appropriate Wording:

When communicating your adults-only request, choose your words carefully. Here are some examples of wording you can use on your invitations or response cards:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."
• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "While we love all of the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event."

Remember, it's important to be respectful and compassionate towards your guests, as some may find it challenging to leave their children behind. By being clear, consistent, and understanding, you can effectively communicate your adults-only wedding plans and ensure a smooth conversation with your guests.

Frequently asked questions