Making Friends As Newlyweds: Where To Begin?

Marriage is a life-changing event that transforms relationships with friends and family, and it can be challenging for newlyweds to navigate these new dynamics and build new connections. Making friends as a married couple involves putting yourself out there, initiating conversations, and being open to new experiences and people. It's important to make time for socialising and to seek out couples with shared interests and values. This can be done through joining communities, attending events, or even just by being friendly and approachable. While it may feel awkward at first, putting yourself out there and being genuine increases the chances of finding like-minded couples to connect with and form lasting friendships.

Socialising: Make time to go out and meet new people

Socialising is an important part of life as a newlywed. It can be a great way to enhance your social life as a couple and meet new people. Here are some tips to help you make time to socialise and expand your social circle:

Make Time to Socialise

Don't feel burdened by obligations and responsibilities. Spare a few hours to put yourself out there and try to meet new people. Do it together with your spouse so that they can also socialise and connect with others. Remember, it's okay to make time for yourself and your social life, even after marriage.

Be Open to Different Types of People

Don't limit yourself to a certain type of person or put people in boxes. Be open to connecting with individuals from different walks of life, regardless of their age, parental status, or interests. You might be surprised to find common ground and develop meaningful friendships with people you wouldn't have otherwise considered.

Join Communities and Participate in Activities

Join communities or groups that align with your interests. This could be a book club, a sports team, a community service group, or even a group of parents with children of a similar age. Participating in activities that you enjoy will increase your chances of meeting like-minded people and provide a natural context for socialising.

Be Proactive and Bold

Initiating friendships can be uncomfortable, but it's important to be proactive and bold. Most people are also looking for friends but may be nervous to make the first move. So, don't be afraid to invite people into your life and suggest getting together. Ask for contact information, suggest a double date, and be the first to reach out.

Be Genuine and Ask Questions

When you do meet new people, be genuine and let your personality shine through. Ask lots of questions to show your interest in getting to know them. Avoid putting on a facade or trying to be someone you think they will like. Making friends who appreciate the real you is essential for building authentic connections.

Decide on the Type of Friends You Want

Before you begin your friend search, have a conversation with your spouse about the type of couple you are looking for. Consider factors such as shared interests, faith, moral compass, hobbies, and healthy relationships. This will help you choose friends who will enrich your lives and support your marriage.

Shared interests: Join communities and connect with people who have the same interests and are in the same phase of life

Making friends as a newlywed couple can be challenging, but one effective way to meet people is by joining communities and connecting with others who share your interests and life phase. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Identify your interests and passions

The first step is to identify what you and your spouse are passionate about. Do you love hiking, cooking, photography, or dancing? Knowing what interests you share will help you find communities and groups that align with your passions.

Find communities and groups

Once you've identified your shared interests, look for communities, clubs, or groups that cater to those interests. You can search for these groups online, on social media, or through websites and apps like Meetup, Vingle, or Patook. These platforms often have features that allow you to search for groups or events based on your location and interests.

Be open to new experiences

When joining these communities, be open to new experiences and step out of your comfort zone. For example, if you join a photography group, be willing to try different types of photography, like nature or street photography, and attend workshops or events organised by the group. This will increase your chances of connecting with others.

Initiate conversations and be friendly

When attending events or meetings, don't be afraid to initiate conversations with others. Introduce yourself and your spouse, and be friendly and approachable. Ask open-ended questions about their experiences and interests. Remember that everyone is there because they share a common interest, so use that as a starting point for your conversations.

Be consistent and attend regularly

Building friendships takes time, so it's important to be consistent and attend community events or meetings regularly. This will allow you to get to know people better and for them to get to know you. It also shows that you're committed to the group and creates more opportunities for socialising and connection.

Invite people to hang out outside the group

As you spend more time with the group and get to know individuals better, consider inviting people to hang out outside of the community events. This could be something as simple as grabbing a coffee after a meeting or inviting them to your home for a small get-together. This will allow you to deepen your connections and create more opportunities for socialising beyond the group setting.

Remember that making friends takes time, so don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen instantly. Enjoy the process of discovering new communities and connecting with people who share your interests and life phase.

Parenting: If you have children, set up play-dates and get to know the parents

Newlyweds with children can make friends by setting up playdates for their kids. This is a great way to meet other parents and for children to socialise and make friends.

To set up playdates, you can ask your child's teachers who they play with and approach those parents. You can also try to meet other parents in your neighbourhood, at parks, shops, public pools, or playgrounds. Joining local parenting groups on Facebook or trying the Peanut App are also great ways to connect with other parents.

When scheduling playdates, it's important to be mindful of your own needs and schedule playdates at times that fit effortlessly into your routine. It's also helpful to set an endpoint for the playdate, usually around an hour, to reduce pressure and allow for a natural flow. Hosting playdates at a neutral location, like a park or playground, can also make the experience less stressful.

Remember that not every family you meet will be the perfect fit, and that's okay. The goal is to get out there, socialise your child, and have adult conversations with other parents. By taking the initiative to set up playdates, you'll be able to make new friends and create lasting connections.

Boundaries: Set boundaries with your parents and in-laws, especially regarding finances and physical and emotional aspects of your marriage

Making friends as a newly married couple can be challenging, but there are several ways to enhance your social life as a married couple. For instance, you can make time to socialise and meet new people with the same interests and lifestyles.

However, one of the most important aspects of making friends as a newlywed couple is setting boundaries with your parents and in-laws. This can be crucial in maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring mutual respect and understanding among family members. Here are some tips to help you set boundaries, especially regarding finances and physical and emotional aspects:

Finances

It is important to establish financial independence and avoid constant financial support from parents and in-laws. Be clear about your financial situation and decline any unwanted financial gifts or assistance that may come with strings attached. Communicate that while you appreciate their concern and support, you want to make your own financial decisions as a married couple.

Physical Aspects

Setting physical boundaries ensures that individuals feel respected and not intruded upon. For example, you can set limits on physical touch and affection to respect individual comfort levels. If your parents or in-laws frequently drop by unannounced, set a boundary by requesting that they call and schedule visits in advance. This ensures everyone's availability and avoids overwhelming commitments.

Emotional Aspects

Emotional boundaries are crucial for preserving your mental well-being. Request privacy in your personal life and decisions with your spouse, and communicate your emotional needs without fear of judgment. Avoid involving your parents or in-laws in sensitive topics, such as finances or parenting, unless you explicitly seek their advice.

Communication is Key

Open and compassionate communication is essential when setting boundaries. Discuss your concerns with your spouse first, ensuring you are on the same page and can present a united front when approaching your parents or in-laws. Be clear and specific about your needs and expectations, using "I" statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel overwhelmed when we have frequent unannounced visits. Could you please call before dropping by?"

Remember, setting boundaries is not about creating barriers but about fostering self-respect and ensuring mutually respectful interactions. It is normal for parents and in-laws to struggle with adjusting to their new roles, so demonstrate appreciation for their concern and validate their feelings while firmly asserting your boundaries.

Friendships: Be bold and initiate contact with other couples

Making friends as a newlywed couple can be challenging, but it's certainly possible with a bit of boldness and initiative. Here are some tips to help you initiate contact and form meaningful connections with other couples:

Be Social and Outgoing:

Don't shy away from socialising and putting yourself out there. Make time to attend social events and gatherings where you can meet new people. Be open and friendly, and don't be afraid to initiate conversations. Introduce yourselves to other couples and suggest exchanging contact information to plan future get-togethers.

Find Common Interests and Similarities:

It's easier to connect with couples who share similar interests, hobbies, or life stages. Join community groups, clubs, or attend events that align with your passions. For instance, if you're parents, setting up playdates with other families can be a great way to connect with other couples. Look for couples with whom you share values, morals, and life perspectives to create deeper and more meaningful friendships.

Be Open-Minded:

Don't be quick to judge or stereotype potential friends. Be open-minded and give everyone a chance. The couple next door might become your close friends, even if they seem different from you at first glance. Embrace diversity and be willing to step out of your comfort zone. You might be surprised at the wonderful connections you can make.

Set Clear Boundaries:

While it's important to socialise and connect, setting healthy boundaries is also crucial. Discuss and decide on the type of people you want to bring into your lives. Choose friends who will positively influence you and respect your marriage. It's okay to have different levels of friendships, but ensure that your closest friends are those who align with your values and support your relationship.

Initiate Activities Together:

A great way to strengthen bonds with other couples is by creating shared experiences. Invite potential couple friends to join you for activities like mini-golf, bowling, hiking, or a bonfire night. These activities provide natural conversation topics and help you make lasting memories together. They also give you a chance to get to know each other beyond surface-level small talk.

Be Genuine and Ask Questions:

When spending time with new couples, be yourself and let your genuine personality shine through. Don't feel the need to put on a facade or pretend to be someone you're not. Ask them questions about their lives, interests, and experiences. Show a genuine interest in getting to know them, and they will likely reciprocate.

Stay Persistent:

Making new friends as a couple may not always be easy, and it might take a few tries to find couples with whom you truly connect. Don't give up if your first attempts don't lead to lasting friendships. Keep initiating conversations, suggesting gatherings, and putting yourself out there. Remember, many other couples are also seeking new friends, so your efforts will likely be welcomed and appreciated.

By following these tips and being bold in your initiatives, you'll be well on your way to expanding your social circle and forming meaningful connections with other couples.

Frequently asked questions