George Boyle
When it comes to RSVPing to a wedding, it's important to follow the instructions provided by the couple. While traditional response cards are still common, many couples now opt for online RSVPs, which can be a more affordable option. If you're responding to an invitation, it's best to do so as soon as possible and by the deadline listed. It's also important to respect the couple's wishes, such as not asking for a plus one if it hasn't been offered. As a host, you can make the RSVP process easier for your guests by providing postage stamps, including a QR code, or offering multiple response options, such as email or phone, in addition to a website.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| RSVP method | Online, response card, phone call, email, text message |
| RSVP deadline | 2-3 weeks before the wedding |
| RSVP date | 6-8 weeks before the wedding |
| RSVP card | Include proper titles, names, attendance, meal choices, dietary requirements, number of attendees, song requests |
| Non-response | Not impolite, but may lead to no seat or meal at the wedding |
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What You'll Learn
RSVPing online vs. using a traditional response card
There are several options for couples to consider when it comes to RSVPs for their wedding. Traditionally, guests would RSVP using a response card, which is tucked into the envelope with the wedding invitation. Guests fill out their names, whether they will attend, and any meal choices, before dropping the pre-stamped and pre-addressed card back in the mail. This method can be time-consuming and costly, with couples potentially having to pay for extra postage. There is also the risk of RSVPs getting lost in the mail.
Online RSVPs offer a cost-effective and convenient alternative. Couples can include a QR code on their invitations, which guests can scan to be directed to the wedding website to RSVP. Alternatively, the website link can be included on the invitation, or the couple can opt for digital invitations with the RSVP feature included. This method allows guests to quickly and easily respond and gives couples more time to chase up non-responders. It also makes it simple to keep track of responses and can be easily updated if plans change.
However, some guests, particularly older relatives, may not be tech-savvy, so it is worth considering including a phone number for them to call and RSVP. Couples may also want to provide a paper option for guests who prefer a traditional response method or are not comfortable using a wedding website. This could be in the form of a separate response card or by including RSVP information on the invitation itself.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to use online or traditional RSVPs is a personal one and couples may choose to offer both options to accommodate their guests' preferences and ensure they receive responses from as many guests as possible.
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How to word an RSVP
The primary purpose of an RSVP card is to find out who is coming to your wedding. Guests traditionally fill out response cards with their names, whether they can attend, and meal choices, and then drop them in the mail. However, couples now have the option to use an online RSVP service. Here are some tips for how to word your RSVP:
- Start with a friendly nudge, asking guests to respond promptly. Something like "Please respond..." or "Kindly reply..." sets the tone without sounding too formal.
- Follow this up with a clear deadline for the response, such as "RSVP by [date]."
- Make your RSVP memorable. People will likely respond if the process is fun. Include creative checkbox answers or ask them their favourite song for the dancefloor playlist.
- Be clear about your requirements. If you need to confirm numbers by a hard deadline, be explicit. Mention politely that you are unable to cater for late responses.
- If you want to avoid people adding extra guests, carefully and correctly address your wedding invitations to make things as clear as possible. You can also utilise your wedding website to communicate something like an adults-only wedding.
- If you are requesting online RSVPs, include a separate card with the instructions to RSVP by a certain date at a particular website.
- If you are asking guests to post back a physical RSVP, include a postage stamp so they can easily post it back to you.
- If you are concerned about older relatives who may not be tech-savvy, include a phone number so they can call you with their response.
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When to send out invites and set RSVP deadlines
When it comes to sending out invites, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, if your wedding is at a destination, you should send out invites earlier—around 10 to 12 weeks before the wedding. This gives guests more time to make travel arrangements. For destination weddings, it's recommended to send invites at least 2 to 4 months in advance.
For non-destination weddings, sending invites 6 to 10 weeks in advance is considered appropriate. This gives guests enough time to decide and plan their travel without being too early. Sending invites too far in advance may result in guests forgetting or ignoring the invite.
In terms of RSVP deadlines, it's recommended to set a deadline of around 3 to 4 weeks before the wedding. This gives you enough time to finalise the guest list, create a seating chart, and make any necessary arrangements with caterers and venues, who often require a final headcount around one to two weeks before the wedding.
If you're having a destination wedding, you may want to set the RSVP deadline a little earlier, around 2 months before the wedding. This gives you a buffer to account for all guests and plan pre- and post-wedding events.
It's important to clearly state the RSVP deadline on your invitations and wedding website. You can also send a friendly reminder about a week before the deadline to ensure a timely response from your guests.
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How to decline an invitation
It is important to remember that the couple has invited you because you are someone special to them. However, there are many valid reasons for declining a wedding invitation, and you should not feel obligated to attend if it will strain your finances or cause you stress.
If you know you cannot attend, it is best to respond as soon as possible to allow the couple to plan accordingly and invite other guests. You can respond by checking the "decline" box on the RSVP card and including a short note expressing gratitude and well-wishes. You do not need to provide a long, detailed explanation for why you cannot attend, but you may want to include a brief reason, such as prior commitments or travel difficulties. You could say something like: "Thank you for the invitation. I really appreciate it, and it means a great deal. Unfortunately, due to family/work/financial commitments, I won't be able to make it."
If you are close to the couple, you may want to call or email them in addition to declining by invitation. You can express your disappointment and let them know that you care and wish them happiness. You could also consider celebrating with them at another time or sending a gift to show your support.
It is perfectly acceptable to decline a wedding invitation, and you should not feel pressured to attend if you are unable or uncomfortable doing so. Be considerate and decisive in your response, and remember to respond by the deadline indicated on the invitation.
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Making your RSVP memorable
People are more likely to respond to your RSVP if the process is enjoyable. Here are some ideas to make your wedding RSVP memorable:
- Creative checkbox answers: Instead of a simple "yes" or "no" option, get creative with your checkbox answers. For example, you could have options like "Can't wait to celebrate!", "So sad to miss out" or "I'll be there in spirit!".
- Ask about their favourite song: Request guests to submit their favourite song for the dance floor playlist. This will not only make the RSVP process more fun but also help create a wedding soundtrack that your guests will love.
- Include a special request line: Ask guests to share a favourite memory of the couple or offer relationship advice. This will make responding to the RSVP more enjoyable and give you some heartwarming messages to read.
- Personalise with a note: Encourage guests to include a brief handwritten note expressing their excitement or well wishes. This adds a thoughtful touch and makes their response more meaningful.
- Offer multiple RSVP options: Give your guests the option to respond online, by phone, or via a traditional response card. This ensures that everyone can choose the method they are most comfortable with, creating a memorable experience for all.
- Use matching designs: Coordinate your RSVP cards with your wedding website and other paper goods. This creates a cohesive and stylish impression, making the entire wedding communication process memorable.
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Frequently asked questions
The couple will usually specify their preferred RSVP method in the invitation. This could be via a separate response card, by email, phone, or an online RSVP service.
Aside from confirming your attendance, you may be asked to provide your name, dietary requirements, meal choices, and song requests. It is also proper etiquette to write a gracious note when responding.
Make it easy for your guests to respond by providing a postage stamp or including a QR code that links to your wedding website. You can also give them an RSVP deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding and allow yourself 1-2 weeks to follow up with those who haven't responded.
Respond as soon as possible, or at least by the RSVP deadline. It is considered impolite to respond late or show up without notifying the hosts. If you are unable to attend, it is important to formally decline the invitation.
