Guide To Addressing Wedding Invites: Parents' Edition

When addressing wedding invitations to your parents, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to use their full, formal names, including any relevant honorifics or titles. For example, you would address your mother as Mrs. or Ms. followed by her full name. The same applies to your father and stepfather.

Another thing to consider is whether you are using single or double envelopes. Double envelopes are more traditional and formal, with the outer envelope being more formal and the inner envelope being more casual. If using double envelopes, you can list your parents' full names on the outer envelope and just their first names on the inner envelope.

On the outer envelope: Mrs. Michelle Smith or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

On the inner envelope: Michelle or John and Michelle

Outer envelope: Formality and titles

When addressing the outer envelope of a wedding invitation, it is customary to use a formal tone. This means writing out the recipient's full name, including their personal title. For example, for a married couple with the same last name, you would address the outer envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If the couple is same-sex, either name can go first. For a heterosexual couple where the wife has kept her maiden name, the outer envelope would be addressed to "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez".

If you are inviting a family with young children, the outer envelope is reserved for the parents' names only. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson". If the family includes children over the age of 18, they should receive separate invitations.

When addressing unmarried couples living at the same address, both people's names are included on one line, with the person you are closest to listed first. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee".

It is also important to use the correct titles for guests with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel. For instance, if you are inviting a doctor who is married, you would address the outer envelope to "Doctor Tami Takata and Mr. Christopher Jones". If both spouses are doctors, you can address the envelope to "The Doctors Smith".

While it is traditional to use titles and full names on the outer envelope, some couples may choose to forgo personal titles and use only first and last names, especially if they feel that certain titles may be restrictive or exclusive for their guest list. Ultimately, the outer envelope should reflect the level of formality of your wedding and can be adapted to suit your personal style.

Inner envelope: Informal and first names

When addressing your wedding invitations, it's important to strike a balance between formality and personalisation. Here are some tips for addressing your parents on the inner envelope in an informal yet respectful manner:

Using Informal and First Names

The inner envelope is more informal and where you can be more creative and informal in your addressing. If you want to use first names only, go for it! For example, if you're addressing your parents, you could write:

"Mum and Dad"

Or

"Mum and Stepdad"

This approach is best suited for casual weddings, such as a backyard barbecue or a picnic in the park. However, if your wedding is more formal, you might want to include titles and last names, even on the inner envelope.

Including Titles and Last Names

If you prefer to include titles and last names on the inner envelope, you have a few options. You can use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by their last names, or you can use their first names with titles and last names. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith"

Or

"Dad and Mum Smith"

Remember, the inner envelope is more flexible, so you can choose the style that feels most comfortable to you. If you're unsure, it's always safe to go with a more formal approach.

Addressing Stepparents

When addressing stepparents, you have a few options. You can include their name along with your biological parent, using either first names or a combination of titles, first names, and last names. For example:

"Mum and Stepdad"

Or

"Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones"

If you have a close relationship with your stepparent and want to honour that, you can even list them first, followed by your biological parent's name.

Additional Considerations

When addressing your parents on the inner envelope, keep in mind that this is an opportunity to be more informal and personalised. You can use nicknames or terms of endearment if that feels appropriate for your relationship. Just remember to ensure that the addressing is clear and that your guests will understand who is being invited.

Married couples: Same-name conventions

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few conventions to follow. Firstly, for heterosexual couples, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]". For same-sex couples, either name can come first. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" or "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" for a heterosexual couple, and "Mr. and Mrs. Samantha Warren" or "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" for a same-sex couple.

However, many modern women may not appreciate having their names left out or lumped in with their husbands. In this case, you can address the invitation as "Mr. [Husband's Name] and Mrs. [Wife's Name]". For example, "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

If you are using inner envelopes, you can also choose to address the couple using their first names only, for example, "Thomas and Michelle".

It is important to note that the traditional format of "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]" is falling out of favour due to its roots in the idea that a woman's identity is defined by her husband and marital status. The use of "Mrs." also implies that a woman has taken her husband's last name, which may not always be the case.

When addressing married couples with the same last name, it is also customary to write their names on the same line. Other than that, there aren't many binding rules, and you can choose to forgo titles and list their names separately. For example, "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith". If one person has taken the other person's name, you can address the invitation to reflect that, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith".

If the couple has different last names, the woman's name is usually written first, followed by the man's name. For example, "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez". If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, you can list them separately.

For married couples with one person having a hyphenated last name, the invitation can be addressed as "Mr. [Name] and Mr. [Name]- [Hyphenated Name]". For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".

Unmarried couples: Alphabetical order

If you are addressing a wedding invitation to your unmarried parents, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use their full, formal names and avoid any abbreviations or nicknames. You have two options for how to list their names. You can either put their names on separate lines, in alphabetical order by last name:

Mr. [Father's First Name] [Father's Last Name]

Ms. [Mother's First Name] [Mother's Last Name]

Or, you can list their names on the same line, in alphabetical order:

Ms. [Mother's First Name] [Mother's Last Name] and Mr. [Father's First Name] [Father's Last Name]

For the inner envelope, you can be less formal and use their first names, or a combination of their titles and last names:

Ms. [Mother's First Name] and Mr. [Father's First Name]

Or

Ms. [Mother's Last Name] and Mr. [Father's Last Name]

If your parents have different last names, the general rule is to list the person you feel closest to first. If you feel equally close to both, then alphabetical order is the way to go.

Widowed women: Ask for name preferences

When addressing a wedding invitation to a widowed woman, it is generally considered appropriate to address her as "Mrs." followed by her married last name, if she chose to take it. However, there are a few exceptions to this rule:

• If the widow has legally reverted to her maiden last name, it is better to use "Ms."
• If a significant amount of time has passed since the death of her spouse, "Ms." may be more appropriate.
• If the widow is remarried or currently in a relationship, it is recommended to use "Ms." or check with her directly to confirm her preference.

In terms of formatting, for a more casual invitation, you can address her as "Mrs." followed by her first name and married last name (e.g., Mrs. Kathleen Jones). For a more formal invitation, the traditional format is "Mrs." followed by her deceased husband's first name and their married last name (e.g., Mrs. John Jones). However, if you feel uncomfortable defining the widow by her former husband's name, you can simply use her full name, especially if she was in a non-heterosexual marriage.

It is always a good idea to check with the widow directly if you are unsure about her name preferences, as this will ensure that she feels comfortable and respected.

Frequently asked questions