Groom's Guide To Wedding Planning: How's It Going?

Wedding planning can be a stressful and emotional time for couples, and it's natural to want to help out and check in on your friends. However, it's important to be mindful of what you say and do, as some questions and offers of help can add to the stress. One thing you can ask the groom is how the wedding planning is going, but be aware that this is a big undertaking and there are many aspects to consider. From budgeting and selecting a venue to deciding on food, music, and decor, there are a lot of tasks to complete. While it's good to offer specific ways to help, avoid asking open-ended questions like What can I do? and instead, suggest actions such as researching trolley companies or putting together a list of party favors. Remember, this is likely the couple's first significant project together, so it's essential to encourage and support them as they navigate this exciting but challenging process.

Budgeting and financial contributions

Budgeting and financial planning are crucial aspects of wedding planning, helping to ensure that you start your married life on a solid financial footing. Here are some tips and considerations for budgeting and financial contributions:

Determine the Source and Amount of Funds:

Firstly, identify who will be contributing financially to the wedding. Traditionally, the bride's family has been expected to shoulder the burden of wedding costs, but in modern times, this decision is a personal choice. Some couples opt to fund the wedding themselves, while others may receive contributions from family members or close friends. It's important to have clear communication with those offering financial support to understand if they have any expectations or conditions attached to their contribution.

Create a Realistic Budget:

When creating your wedding budget, consider what you can comfortably afford without starting your married life in debt. Compare your desired spending with your financial capabilities, and allocate a percentage of the budget to each expense. Discuss and decide on a budget together with your partner, taking into account both your daily expenses and any larger costs on the horizon, such as a down payment on a home or medical expenses. Be mindful that wedding costs can quickly add up, so it's essential to establish a realistic budget that aligns with your financial situation.

Breakdown of Expenses:

• Reception venue, catering, and rentals: 40-45%
• Wedding planner/coordinator: 5-15%
• Photography and/or videography: 10-12%
• Reception music/entertainment: 10%
• Stationery (invitations, save-the-dates, etc.): 2%
• Flowers and decor: 10%
• Wedding attire and beauty: 9%
• Wedding cake and desserts: 2%
• Transportation: 2%
• Gifts for the wedding party: 2%
• Honeymoon: 5%

Be Mindful of Hidden Costs:

Remember to account for hidden or unexpected costs, such as tips for vendors, setup and breakdown charges, cake-cutting fees, hair and makeup trials, floral trials, food and drink tastings, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and travel costs to and from your venue. These expenses can quickly add up, so it's important to include them in your budget.

Sensible Spending Tips:

To manage your budget effectively:

• Start saving as soon as you get engaged.
• Use credit cards responsibly, paying off balances promptly to avoid accruing interest.
• Open a separate wedding checking account for better financial oversight.
• Look for wedding deals and discounts, such as off-season prices or all-inclusive packages.

Remember, your wedding budget should reflect your personal financial situation and priorities. Be flexible and tailor your budget to your specific needs and preferences. It's important to stay within your means and not feel pressured to overspend. With careful planning and sensible spending, you can create a memorable wedding day that fits your budget.

Guest list and invitations

Wedding planning is a joint effort and the groom should be involved in the process. One of the groom's main responsibilities is to ensure that their partner feels appreciated for their hard work. This can be achieved by finding excuses to do things together and lending a hand whenever possible.

The guest list is one of the first tasks on the wedding checklist and can be quite challenging. It is important to start by creating a master list that includes everyone you would invite if there were no limitations. Begin with immediate family and close friends, and then work outwards to include colleagues, schoolmates, distant relatives, acquaintances, their partners, and children. Once you have a comprehensive list, you can start trimming it down.

• Separate your top-tier guests (non-negotiables) from the rest. These are the people you couldn't imagine getting married without, and they stay firmly on the list.
• Work out your budget and venue capacity to determine how many guests you can realistically accommodate. This will help you decide how many invites you can allocate to each side of the family and if you need to limit the number of plus-ones.
• Consider your parents' input, especially if they are contributing financially. Be upfront and involve them early in the process to avoid unnecessary friction. You can reserve a portion of the guest list for them to allocate, ensuring it fits within your venue and budget constraints.
• Be fair with family members to avoid hurt feelings. Try to treat members of different families equally, as this approach is easier to understand and less likely to cause discomfort.
• Stagger your invites and send them out in rounds. The first round should go out at least eight to ten weeks in advance. You will likely receive some regrets, freeing up spaces for the people you would have loved to include initially. Send the second round of invites as soon as possible to avoid making them feel like an afterthought.
• Remember how you feel when you aren't invited to a wedding. Most people understand that a wedding is a private event with space and budget limitations. They will likely be understanding if they are not invited, just as you would be.
• Be mindful of family dynamics, especially in Asian weddings. Asian weddings tend to be larger, and it is common to invite distant relatives or friends who were important to your parents. Consider categorising your guest list into three groups: "can't-get-married-without," "would-love-to-have," and "nice-to-have" guests. This strategy ensures your parents are satisfied while effectively managing guest numbers.
• Limit the number of plus-ones to those in long-term relationships or engaged/married couples. You can also offer plus-ones to guests travelling from out of town who might not know anyone else at the wedding.
• Don't feel obliged to invite colleagues or acquaintances you don't regularly socialise with outside of work.
• Stick to your guns and don't invite people out of guilt. Your wedding day is about celebrating with people you truly care about, so only invite those you are close to and want to share the day with.

There are various online tools and templates available to help you manage your guest list and RSVPs, such as WeddingWire and Wedding Planning Assistant. These platforms offer features like guest list managers, seating chart organisers, and RSVP trackers, making the planning process more efficient and organised.

Venue and vendors

Wedding planning can be a massive undertaking, but it's important to remember that it's not just the bride's responsibility. Grooms should also be involved in the planning process and share the load. This includes deciding on the venue and vendors.

When it comes to choosing a wedding venue, there are several important questions to ask to ensure the space meets your needs and expectations.

• Availability and Pricing: Is your desired date available? How far in advance can you reserve the venue? What are the rates for different days and times, and are there different packages available to suit your budget?
• Capacity and Setup: How many people does the space accommodate? Is there a separate area for the ceremony and reception? Is there space for a cocktail hour?
• Location and Transportation: What is the walking/driving distance between the ceremony and reception locations? Is the venue easily accessible for guests, with nearby hotels and public transportation options?
• Aesthetic and Features: Does the venue's style align with your vision? Are there any notable aesthetic features, such as a rooftop, pool, or waterfront? What services does the venue offer, and are there any additional fees for these?
• Outdoor Space: Is there sufficient outdoor space for your desired number of guests? Does the venue have a backup plan, such as a tent or indoor area, in case of inclement weather?
• Timing and Restrictions: How many hours are included in the rental? How early can you and your vendors arrive for setup? Are there any noise or decoration restrictions, and are there rules regarding open flames?
• Accessibility and Amenities: Is the venue ADA-compliant, with accessible entrances, doors, bathrooms, parking, elevators, and inclusive seating? How many restrooms are there, and is there a dance floor?
• Financial Considerations: What is the deposit, cancellation, and refund policy? Are there additional fees, taxes, or service charges? Does the venue require liability insurance, and do they offer flexible payment plans?
• Vendors and Logistics: Can the venue accommodate your choice of entertainment, such as a DJ or live band? Are there any limitations on outside vendors? What time can vendors start setting up, and is there a day-of coordinator included in the venue fee?

In addition to the venue, there are also various vendors to consider for your wedding.

• Catering: Decide whether you want an in-house caterer or an external caterer. If external, ensure the venue has a suitable kitchen. Discuss menu options and dietary restrictions, and whether there is a food and beverage minimum.
• Beverages and Bar: Determine if you can bring your own alcohol or if it needs to be sourced through the venue or a specific vendor. Clarify if there are any corkage or service fees involved.
• Baker: Ask if the venue has an in-house baker or if you can bring in an outside baker. Review their work to ensure it aligns with your vision. Be aware of any cake-cutting fees that may be charged.
• Photographer and Videographer: Choose a photographer and videographer whose style you admire and who can capture the moments that matter to you.
• Entertainment: Select a DJ or live entertainment that fits your vision and budget. Ensure they have the necessary equipment and can create the desired atmosphere.
• Florist: Decide on the floral arrangements and decorations that reflect your style and theme.
• Wedding Planner: If desired, hire a wedding planner to help coordinate the various aspects of your wedding and ensure everything runs smoothly.

Remember, the planning process is a joint effort, and it's important to communicate and make decisions together. By asking the right questions and staying organized, you can create a memorable day that truly reflects who you are as a couple.

Wedding style and attire

Wedding planning is a joint effort and it's important to be involved in the process. As the groom, you can help alleviate any stress your partner might feel and make decisions together about the style and attire of your big day.

Before the Wedding

Decide on the overall style and vibe you want to achieve. Whether you want to get married abroad or in the city, selecting a wedding style that reflects your personality and that of your partner will ensure you're both excited to plan the celebration.

During the Wedding

It's your day, too, so take ownership of your role. Be proud and make decisions together. If you're unsure about certain aspects, communicate and be willing to compromise. It's also important to know your limitations and focus on areas that interest you.

After the Wedding

Send thank-you notes to your vendors and guests, and collect wedding photos and videos from your guests.

Attire

The attire you choose should reflect your personal style and the theme of the wedding. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Classic groom's wedding attire: This style features traditional colours such as grey, black, or blue. The classic fit is tailored to the body but is not tight or form-fitting.
• Modern groom's wedding attire: Modern fits are more straight-legged in the trousers and form-fitting. They usually hit just above the ankle, and are often paired with a "no socks" look.
• Bohemian groom's wedding attire: This style focuses on colour and pattern choices rather than the fit of the suit or tuxedo. Customised colours, unique patterns, and accessories like hats can be used to create a bohemian look.

When selecting your outfit, consider the following:

• Colour: Choose a colour that coordinates with the wedding's colour palette and location. Avoid any colour clashes between the outfit and the venue. Also, consider what colours complement your features and which ones you feel comfortable with.
• Destination: If you're having a beach wedding, opt for lighter, reflective colours like white or tan. For a city wedding, choose a darker shade to stand out against the concrete backdrop.
• Season: For summer and spring weddings, lighter colours like light grey or tan can keep you cool. For fall and winter weddings, darker colours like charcoal or medium grey can add formality.

No matter what style you choose, make sure your outfit is well-fitted and reflects your personality. It's your special day, so enjoy the process and don't be afraid to break traditions!

Groomsmen gifts

There are many options to choose from when it comes to groomsmen gifts, and you can opt for something personalized or unique to each person. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Wallets or money clips
• Watches
• Pocket knives or multi-tools
• Cufflinks
• Tumblers or flasks
• Coolers
• Decanters or whiskey glasses
• Duffle bags or toiletry bags
• Barware or drinking accessories, such as beer koozies
• Golf-related items, such as golf towels or golf coolers
• Personalized cards or letters

When selecting groomsmen gifts, it is important to consider the interests and preferences of your wedding party. You may also want to choose items that are practical and will be used by your groomsmen after the wedding. Additionally, you can include a thoughtful note or card to express your gratitude.

It is also worth mentioning that while gifts are appreciated, some groomsmen may prefer to have their wedding-related expenses covered, such as the cost of their attire or travel accommodations. Ultimately, the decision on what to give as groomsmen gifts is a personal one, and you can choose to be creative and thoughtful in your own way.

Frequently asked questions