Bridesmaids' Guide: A Wedding With Four Maidens

Planning a wedding can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to deciding on the number of bridesmaids to include in your bridal party. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, the average number of bridesmaids for North American brides typically falls between three and five. However, it is not uncommon for brides to have as few as one or as many as twelve bridesmaids by their side on their special day. Ultimately, the decision rests on factors such as the size of the wedding, the venue, the couple's budget, and the dynamics of the bride's social circle.

Having four bridesmaids can strike a balance between having a small, intimate bridal party and including a few of your closest friends or family members. This number allows you to involve multiple special people in your wedding without the potential challenges that come with managing a large group. With four bridesmaids, you can still enjoy the benefits of extra support, diverse ideas, and a lively pre-wedding celebration, while minimizing the chances of dress drama, clashing personalities, or overwhelming costs.

So, if you're considering a bridal party of four, remember that it's your day, and you can choose to include whoever you want by your side as you walk down the aisle!

Choosing the bridesmaids

• Consult your budget: Each bridesmaid brings additional costs, from dresses and accessories to food, gifts, and transportation. It's important to consider these expenses before asking anyone to be a bridesmaid.
• Examine your venue: The size and layout of the ceremony room can give a clue as to how many bridesmaids to choose. Consider whether there will be enough space for them to stand with you, and how many bridesmaids will look best in photos.
• Consider formality: The formality of the wedding can impact the number of bridesmaids. Very formal weddings typically have between 6 and 10 bridesmaids, while casual weddings often have just one or two.
• Think about friendship dynamics: Consider your relationships with potential bridesmaids. Most brides choose their sisters and closest friends. If you have multiple close friends or siblings, you may want to ask them all to avoid hurt feelings.
• Be mindful of budget constraints: Discuss financial expectations with potential bridesmaids. Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, so be sensitive to their financial situation and consider alternative ways for them to be involved if needed.
• Emphasize reliability: Choose bridesmaids who are reliable and responsive. You'll need to count on them for deadlines and on the wedding day itself.
• Consider personalities: Think about how your potential bridesmaids will get along with each other and the rest of the wedding party. Aim for a group that is friendly and can transition easily between groups.
• Start thinking early: Give yourself a few months to meditate on your choice. It's a decision that will impact all your pre-wedding events and your personal relationships.
• List out all meaningful people: Make a list of meaningful friends and family members who could be bridesmaids. Include people from different areas of your life, such as childhood friends, college friends, and adult friends.
• Select your maid of honor first: Choosing your maid of honor first will make it easier to fill in the rest of your bridal party. If you're struggling between two people, you can choose both.
• Look at your relationship with each individual: Consider the dependability, longevity, and supportiveness of each potential bridesmaid. Choose people you can depend on today, tomorrow, and for years to come.

Remember, the number of bridesmaids doesn't matter as long as those standing beside you are the right people.

Bridesmaids' duties

Being a bridesmaid comes with a long list of responsibilities. Here is a breakdown of the duties bridesmaids are expected to perform in the months and weeks leading up to the wedding, as well as on the big day itself.

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Shop for bridesmaid attire and pay for it.
• Plan and pay for the bridal shower.
• Plan and pay for the bachelorette party.
• Attend all pre-wedding events, such as engagement parties, couples' showers, and wedding DIY sessions.
• Book travel and hotel reservations.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• Provide emotional support to the bride.
• Help with wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, alphabetizing escort cards, and easy DIY projects.
• Buy a wedding present.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Get ready with the bride: keep her smiling, calm, and collected; answer any incoming calls or texts; ensure she eats and stays hydrated; and help her with her dress, shoes, jewellery, and veil.
• Assist the Maid of Honour with any tasks she needs help with.
• Provide getting-ready snacks and drinks for the bridal party and other key people like the photographer and beauty stylists.
• Be the "bride tribe": act as a point of contact for guests and vendors; ensure all wedding party members have their flowers; and help guests navigate the venue.
• Participate in the ceremony: be in place at the venue on time and ready for your cues; keep chatter to a minimum; and fulfil any roles assigned to you.
• Be model guests: mingle with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, participate in guest activities like signing the guest book, listen to and applaud speeches, and dance.
• Maintain a stress-free send-off: help the Maid of Honour, coordinator, or couple's parents assemble items to be transported out of the reception venue, such as decor, wedding cards and gifts, and the bride's bouquet.

Bridesmaids' attire

Firstly, it is important to consult with your bridesmaids on their dress preferences, as they will be expected to pay for their own outfits. Discussing various options and how they will complement your wedding dress and the overall colour theme is a good place to start. It is also important to be mindful of the costs and choose something that everyone can afford.

If you have a strong vision for what you want your bridesmaids to wear, you can communicate this to them. However, if you are open to ideas, your bridesmaids can help you decide on their attire, hair, and makeup. It is also worth noting that bridesmaids are not required to wear matching outfits, and each bridesmaid can select her own outfit as long as it coordinates with the overall theme.

The type of wedding you are having can also influence the attire. For example, for a rustic wedding, midi dresses in pink or cream-coloured lace could be a good choice. On the other hand, floor-length velvet dresses or dresses with sleeves are perfect for a winter wedding. If you are having a more traditional wedding, solid-colour dresses in various lengths and styles, from sleek and modern to flowing and feminine, can be a beautiful option.

Lastly, don't forget to choose accessories to complete the look, such as cute shoes, earrings, or a pretty necklace, which can also be a thoughtful bridesmaid gift!

Pre-wedding events

Engagement Party

An engagement party is often one of the first pre-wedding events held in the couple's honour. It is a way to celebrate the couple's engagement and formally announce their impending marriage. Usually hosted by one of the families, it can also be hosted by other relatives or friends. It typically takes place about three months after the engagement, with invitations sent out at least a month in advance. The event can be held at the host's home, a restaurant, bar, lounge, or even a unique venue like a historic home or park.

Bridal Shower

Traditionally, a bridal shower is an all-female celebration to honour the bride with games, meals, and gifts. However, nowadays, couples may opt for a co-ed celebration, where both spouses-to-be are feted by guests of all genders. The bridal shower is usually hosted by members of the wedding party, including the bridesmaids, or by parents or other friends and relatives. It often takes place a few weeks to three months before the wedding, during the day over brunch or lunch, and can be held at the host's home or a smaller venue.

Bachelorette Party

The bachelorette party is a well-known pre-wedding event where the bride celebrates with her bridesmaids and female friends. It can be a relaxing staycation, a destination trip, or a weekend visit to a favourite city. The event is typically held a few weeks or months before the wedding and may be organised by the bridesmaids, led by the maid of honour. It is an opportunity for the bride to bond with her friends and take a break from wedding planning.

Bridesmaids Luncheon

The bridesmaids luncheon, also known as the bridal brunch, is a more intimate gathering hosted by the bride a few days before the wedding. It is a chance for the bride to thank the bridesmaids, mothers, in-laws, and other female relatives for their support during the wedding planning process. The event is often held at a restaurant in the same city or town as the wedding venue, providing a relaxing setting for the women to connect and exchange gifts before the wedding day.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a gathering for the wedding party and families to get acquainted. It can be an intimate celebration or a larger event for the entire guest list. Usually held the evening before the wedding, after the wedding rehearsal, it is an opportunity for loved ones to mix and mingle in a more laid-back setting. Speeches may be given in the couple's honour, and it is also a chance for the wedding party to relax and enjoy a meal before the big day.

Welcome Party

The welcome party is the final event before the wedding, serving as an opportunity for out-of-town guests to meet and socialise. It is open to all wedding guests but is not mandatory. The event can be as simple or extravagant as desired and is usually held after the rehearsal dinner.

Wedding day duties

Bridesmaids have a long list of responsibilities and duties to fulfil on the wedding day. Here is a detailed breakdown of the duties of the bridesmaids, specifically on the wedding day:

Get Ready with the Bride

Bridesmaids should be at the designated location on time, with all their gear, including attire, shoes, jewellery, makeup, and undergarments. They should ensure the bride is smiling, calm, and collected, answer any incoming calls or texts, and ensure she stays hydrated and has eaten something. They should also keep hair and makeup appointments on track and help the bride get dressed, including with her shoes, jewellery, and veil.

Assist the Maid of Honour

Bridesmaids should help the Maid of Honour with any tasks she needs assistance with, such as making a last-minute trip to the pharmacy, coordinating with the photographer or wedding planner, or providing an emergency kit.

Provide Getting-Ready Snacks

If no other arrangements have been made, bridesmaids should provide snacks and drinks for the bride, her mother, the photographer, and stylists.

Be the "Bride Tribe"

Bridesmaids should act as the bride's support crew and be a point of contact for guests and vendors. They should ensure all members of the wedding party have their flowers and assist with pinning on boutonnieres. They should also help guests navigate the venue, including by directing them to parking areas, bathrooms, exits, and the bar or refreshments.

Participate in the Ceremony

Bridesmaids should be in place at the ceremony venue on time and ready for their cues to walk down the aisle. They should keep noise to a minimum and be respectful of the officiant or planner. They should also be ready for photographs with the couple, usually taken right after the ceremony.

Be Model Guests

Bridesmaids should mingle with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks, sit at their dinner table, sign the guest book, visit the photo booth, listen to and applaud speeches, and dance.

Maintain a Stress-Free Send-Off

Bridesmaids should help the Maid of Honour, coordinator, or couple's parents with packing and transporting items out of the venue, including clothing, decor, the wedding cake, and gifts. They should also ensure guests find their cars or shuttle buses and hand out tip envelopes to vendors.

Frequently asked questions