The Best Man: Bound To Marry The Bride?

The role of the best man is to be the groom's right-hand man and to support him during the wedding planning process and on the big day. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom and is often tasked with planning the bachelor party, giving a speech at the reception, and holding the wedding rings during the ceremony. In some cultures, the best man is expected to lead processions at the wedding and preliminary events, guide the newlyweds in the ways of marriage, or entertain the guests. While the best man has a significant role in the wedding, there is no tradition or expectation for him to marry the bride if the groom does not show up.

The best man's role in a wedding

Pre-Wedding Responsibilities:

• Assist with outfit details: The best man supports the groom and groomsmen with wedding attire selections and can put together emergency kits for the groomsmen.
• Organise the bachelor party: The best man typically plans and organises the bachelor party, consulting with the groom to align with his wishes.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.
• Provide emotional support: The best man offers non-judgmental support, listening to the groom's concerns and reassuring him throughout the planning process.
• Be present for the rehearsal: The best man ensures the wedding party's schedule moves along flawlessly during the rehearsal and may make a small toast at the rehearsal dinner.

Wedding-Day Responsibilities:

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: The best man helps ensure everyone arrives at the venue on time and stays on track throughout the day.
• Hold the wedding rings: The best man is entrusted with keeping the wedding rings safe and may also hold the groom's personal items.
• Welcome guests: As the best man often knows a large portion of the guests, they can help welcome and greet guests, creating a warm atmosphere before the ceremony.
• Witness the marriage license: The best man and maid of honour typically act as witnesses for the marriage license and sign the document.
• Make a speech: The best man usually gives a well-crafted speech during the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Keep the reception moving: The best man is often the first one on the dance floor after the couple's first dance, mingling and ensuring everyone is having a great time.
• Collect gifts: The best man assists in collecting gifts and ensuring they are safely stored or transported to the couple's desired location.

Post-Wedding Responsibilities:

• Take care of the groom's clothing: The best man may be asked to take care of the groom's clothing after the wedding and ensure any rented items are returned on time.
• Check-in with vendors: The best man ensures all wedding-related expenses are settled before the couple leaves for their honeymoon.
• Coordinate and decorate the getaway car: The best man may help coordinate car transportation for the couple's departure and decorate the getaway vehicle.

The best man's duties

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to-confidante at the wedding. Here is a list of duties that the best man should perform:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Assist with outfit details: Help the groom, groomsmen, and important family members with their wedding attire.
• Organise the bachelor party: Plan and organise the bachelor party, recruit the other groomsmen to help, and consult with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the final item.
• Provide emotional support: Listen to the groom's complaints, confessions, and questions without judgment and reassure him that everything will be okay.
• Be present for the rehearsal: Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner with the couple, their families, and the rest of the wedding party.

Wedding-Day Duties:

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure that everyone gets to the venue on time and help wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony.
• Hold the wedding rings: Be entrusted with holding onto the wedding rings for safekeeping, along with the groom's personal items like his phone, wallet, and vows.
• Witness the marriage license: Be one of the two witnesses as the couple signs their marriage license and have a backup pen in case of any last-minute mishaps.
• Stand beside the groom at the altar: During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and takes his place standing closest to the groom at the altar.
• Greet the wedding guests: Help welcome guests to the wedding ceremony, especially if the best man knows a large portion of the guests in attendance.
• Keep the reception moving: Be the first one on the dance floor after the couple's first dance, mingle at the reception, and ensure everyone is having a great time.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Check-in with vendors: Ensure all wedding-related expenses are handled and that there are no outstanding payments before the couple leaves for their honeymoon.
• Coordinate and decorate the getaway car: Help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception and decorate the getaway car with the rest of the wedding party.
• Return the groomsmen outfits: Help return any rented or hired items, such as suits, shoes, or accessories, especially if the couple is leaving for their honeymoon soon after the wedding.

Being the best man is a role that requires a lot of responsibility and organisation. It is important to be prepared, stay sober, and provide support to the groom throughout the entire process.

The best man's speech

Being chosen as the best man for a wedding is an honour that comes with great responsibility. One of the biggest tasks is giving a memorable speech. It's a chance to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show your support for the happy couple.

How to Start Crafting Your Best Man Speech

Start by writing down all your thoughts, feelings, and memories. This will help you remember specific anecdotes and details about the groom. Using a template as a guide is also a good idea, as it can give you a sense of what to include.

Opening and Closing Lines

The opening and closing lines of your speech will leave a lasting impression, so it's important to make them compelling and memorable. Find an engaging opening that grabs the audience's attention and sets the tone, and end with a meaningful closing that ties back to the theme of your speech and expresses your well-wishes for the couple.

Adding Personal Touches

Share stories, funny anecdotes, or embarrassing experiences that showcase the groom's personality and your relationship with him. Ask mutual friends if there are any stories you may have forgotten. Also, share what the groom means to you and why you were chosen to be the best man. Talk about his positive qualities and how he has impacted your life.

Tips for Delivery

Practising your speech is crucial. Rehearse it multiple times to familiarise yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practising in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery. Remember to breathe and visualise yourself as a confident speaker.

Connect with the Audience

Make eye contact, speak clearly, and use hand gestures. Even the best speech will fall flat if you're looking at the ground and mumbling. Keep your speech focused on the couple, add some personal touches, and make it something everyone remembers.

Addressing the Couple

With all the fun stories, don't forget to talk directly to the couple and wish them a happy future. Then, make the toast, either by saying something clever or simply asking everyone to raise their glasses.

The history of the best man

The role of the best man has evolved over the years, and today, it is considered an honour and a sign of friendship and trust between the groom and the best man. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom, and he is expected to provide emotional support and help the groom get through the wedding.

However, the history of the best man is not as pleasant. The role of the best man originated in Medieval Germany, where women were forced to stay at home and were often forcibly kept by their families. The best man would assist the groom in "capturing" the bride and bringing her to the wedding, sometimes even abducting her from a reluctant family. This practice dates back to the Germanic Goths in the 16th century, when it was customary for men to marry women from within their community. When women from the local area were scarce, eligible bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighbouring community with the help of the best man.

The best man was chosen for his fighting and strength abilities, as he was expected to help the groom fight off anyone that stood in the way of him getting his bride. The best man would remain at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony, armed with weapons to fend off any attackers, including the bride's family. This tradition continued in 16th-century Britain, where the abduction of brides from neighbouring towns was commonplace.

Today, the best man's role is much more civilised, and he is expected to perform various tasks such as planning the bachelor party, holding the rings, acting as a witness to the marriage, and giving a speech at the reception.

The best man in different cultures

The role of the best man differs across cultures. In most modern Anglophone countries, the groom typically selects a close friend or relative to be their best man. During the wedding ceremony, the best man stands next to the groom, slightly behind him. In some western countries, the best man and the maid of honour participate on an equal footing.

In Zambia, the best man is expected to lead processions at the wedding and preliminary events, including pre-wedding dance rehearsals. In Uganda, the best man is expected to guide the newlyweds in the ways of marriage. Therefore, ideally, a best man should be married, preferably to one wife, and be able to give sound and tested advice. In Bhutan, the best man presents himself as a ceremonial guardian to both the bride and groom and then entertains the guests, sometimes for several hours.

In Eastern Orthodox weddings in Greece, the best man is often also the koumbaros, or religious sponsor, who crowns the couple and participates in circling the altar three times. In Ukraine, the best man is responsible for guarding the bride during the wedding festivities. In the past, when he or the groom stepped away, the bride was "kidnapped", and the groom or best man had to pay a ransom for her return.

Frequently asked questions